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Agony Uncle/Aunty Smiles problem page.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well as a man of the world, I’ve decided to help anyone out with advice on any type of problem!
Girl freind left you for a girl?
Boyfriend left you for a girl?
Fuck buddy fucking someone else?
Feeling angry? Feeling down? Don’t want to ask some fucking clown?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm having a bit of trouble with a shaky cabinet. I've tried bunging a folded 500 page document under one of the legs but it keeps falling apart . Advice please?
T May , that there London  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm having a bit of trouble with a shaky cabinet. I've tried bunging a folded 500 page document under one of the legs but it keeps falling apart . Advice please?
T May , that there London "
Bin the fucker and buy a new one. Your local council will do kerb side collections of such shite old furniture free.
All the better if it’s upstairs, just good it out the window.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm having a bit of trouble with a shaky cabinet. I've tried bunging a folded 500 page document under one of the legs but it keeps falling apart . Advice please?
T May , that there London "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm having a bit of trouble with a shaky cabinet. I've tried bunging a folded 500 page document under one of the legs but it keeps falling apart . Advice please?
T May , that there London
"
And shred the cunt you dosey cow |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I don't like to say really,but I have this discharge do you think it may be an sti and will eating chocolate clear it?"
Eat all the chocolate you want, if it burns and you feel like your pissing a razor blade, you need antibiotics and a good excuse for the strife |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I don't like to say really,but I have this discharge do you think it may be an sti and will eating chocolate clear it?
Eat all the chocolate you want, if it burns and you feel like your pissing a razor blade, you need antibiotics and a good excuse for the husband "
Or just blame him, shag him mental, the next day go livid with him |
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Dear Agony Uncle,
I fell down the stairs at home earlier and sustained a rather grisly looking compound fracture; My Fibula is now protruding through my flesh and due to the resulting, excessive blood lose, I am now intermittently fading in and out of consciousness. I tried ringing Asda’s bakery for assistance earlier but they hung up.
What should I do? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Agony Uncle,
I fell down the stairs at home earlier and sustained a rather grisly looking compound fracture; My Fibula is now protruding through my flesh and due to the resulting, excessive blood lose, I am now intermittently fading in and out of consciousness. I tried ringing Asda’s bakery for assistance earlier but they hung up.
What should I do? "
Man up and walk to Co-op the Christmas offers are starting |
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"Dear Agony Uncle,
I fell down the stairs at home earlier and sustained a rather grisly looking compound fracture; My Fibula is now protruding through my flesh and due to the resulting, excessive blood lose, I am now intermittently fading in and out of consciousness. I tried ringing Asda’s bakery for assistance earlier but they hung up.
What should I do?
Man up and walk to Co-op the Christmas offers are starting "
Thank you uncle
This is sage advice indeed; I bet they’re doing those Christmas motif plasters at the moment so I might purchase a pack along with a DIY sewing kit and some vodka  |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
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This is a real problem ..... I totally adore a Greggs mince pie. Amazing pastry, just the right amount of filling, a dusting of icing sugar on the top. Heaven! The problem is my colleague keeps buying ones with crunchy sugar on.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful but how do I get her to buy the best mince pies from Greggs?
I’m trusting you to give me sound advice |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
Dear Uncle I need your advice. My girlfriend has accidently put her false teeth in upside down and chewed her own head off. I'm worried this will have a dramatic affect on our sex life as eye contact is going to be difficult from now on. What do you suggest I do?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Agony Uncle,
I fell down the stairs at home earlier and sustained a rather grisly looking compound fracture; My Fibula is now protruding through my flesh and due to the resulting, excessive blood lose, I am now intermittently fading in and out of consciousness. I tried ringing Asda’s bakery for assistance earlier but they hung up.
What should I do?
Man up and walk to Co-op the Christmas offers are starting
Thank you uncle
This is sage advice indeed; I bet they’re doing those Christmas motif plasters at the moment so I might purchase a pack along with a DIY sewing kit and some vodka "
For the leg? I guess so if your a whimp |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is a real problem ..... I totally adore a Greggs mince pie. Amazing pastry, just the right amount of filling, a dusting of icing sugar on the top. Heaven! The problem is my colleague keeps buying ones with crunchy sugar on.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful but how do I get her to buy the best mince pies from Greggs?
I’m trusting you to give me sound advice "
Punch her in the windpipe, tell her the right ones. She can’t swallow now so you can have hers too |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Dear Agony Uncle,
I fell down the stairs at home earlier and sustained a rather grisly looking compound fracture; My Fibula is now protruding through my flesh and due to the resulting, excessive blood lose, I am now intermittently fading in and out of consciousness. I tried ringing Asda’s bakery for assistance earlier but they hung up.
What should I do? "
omg have you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Uncle I need your advice. My girlfriend has accidently put her false teeth in upside down and chewed her own head off. I'm worried this will have a dramatic affect on our sex life as eye contact is going to be difficult from now on. What do you suggest I do?
"
Take the falseies out before putting the head on your cock. If the corpse goes stiff, don’t worry it will soon go soft again.
You might need some air fresheners. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Uncle. The other week i was in B&Q looking at garden timber when some chap came up dressed in orange and black and asked if i wanted decking ? Luckily i got the first punch in and broke his nose.
Now the police are saying i assaulted the chap ! Surely they can see it was self defence. Any advice on this legal matter ? |
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"Dear Agony Uncle,
I fell down the stairs at home earlier and sustained a rather grisly looking compound fracture; My Fibula is now protruding through my flesh and due to the resulting, excessive blood lose, I am now intermittently fading in and out of consciousness. I tried ringing Asda’s bakery for assistance earlier but they hung up.
What should I do? omg have you?"
I have miraculously recovered now  (thanks to the magical healing rays of my Halogen Heater) |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Dear Agony Uncle,
I fell down the stairs at home earlier and sustained a rather grisly looking compound fracture; My Fibula is now protruding through my flesh and due to the resulting, excessive blood lose, I am now intermittently fading in and out of consciousness. I tried ringing Asda’s bakery for assistance earlier but they hung up.
What should I do? omg have you?
I have miraculously recovered now (thanks to the magical healing rays of my Halogen Heater) "
Thank god for that x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Uncle. The other week i was in B&Q looking at garden timber when some chap came up dressed in orange and black and asked if i wanted decking ? Luckily i got the first punch in and broke his nose.
Now the police are saying i assaulted the chap ! Surely they can see it was self defence. Any advice on this legal matter ?"
Make sure the local magistrates know you was in POW Div.
even if you weren’t a Stafford your fine.
Ich Dien
Orange fucker asked for it anyway  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear Uncle. The other week i was in B&Q looking at garden timber when some chap came up dressed in orange and black and asked if i wanted decking ? Luckily i got the first punch in and broke his nose.
Now the police are saying i assaulted the chap ! Surely they can see it was self defence. Any advice on this legal matter ?
Make sure the local magistrates know you was in POW Div.
even if you weren’t a Stafford your fine.
Ich Dien
Orange fucker asked for it anyway "
Cheers will do. Wasnt a Stafford although when i was a crow my instructor and plt sgt were in the Staffords. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I'm in the bath my balls are floating,but also they move around on their own!!! Are my balls possessed?
But get a priest to handle them "
Already done,I was an alter boy.....really I was |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I'm in the bath my balls are floating,but also they move around on their own!!! Are my balls possessed?
But get a priest to handle them
Already done,I was an alter boy.....really I was"
No him handle yours, not him ram his dick down ya neck |
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Dear Uncle, Just a quick one: So I’ve just embarked on my first ever sky dive.
It’s really lovely up here and I’ve honestly never felt so free.
However, I’m feeling like I may be a little underdressed; Are those fashion rucksacks that all the other jumpers are wearing, essential gear?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear Uncle, Just a quick one: So I’ve just embarked on my first ever sky dive.
It’s really lovely up here and I’ve honestly never felt so free.
However, I’m feeling like I may be a little underdressed; Are those fashion rucksacks that all the other jumpers are wearing, essential gear?
Nah just jump, but please record it on your phone
"
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