FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Cordless chainsaw.
Cordless chainsaw.
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Seeing as I’m a wood burner wanker and it’s starting to get chilly, I’m looking for a Cordless Chainsaw so I can nip into the council owned woodland across the road and bag myself some fallen branches. I’ll be needing to hack them into 16inch lengths before using my power splitting wedges to create some logs to burn on my romantic me-times.
Any of you girls in the North West got an electric cordless chainsaw with a bar length of minimum 40cm (sorry for mixing metric and imperial in the same post) that I can use for a few hours in return for some mediocre sex? You’ll have to come to mine, obvs. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Seeing as I’m a wood burner wanker and it’s starting to get chilly, I’m looking for a Cordless Chainsaw so I can nip into the council owned woodland across the road and bag myself some fallen branches. I’ll be needing to hack them into 16inch lengths before using my power splitting wedges to create some logs to burn on my romantic me-times.
Any of you girls in the North West got an electric cordless chainsaw with a bar length of minimum 40cm (sorry for mixing metric and imperial in the same post) that I can use for a few hours in return for some mediocre sex? You’ll have to come to mine, obvs."
got my own chainsaw and log burner..im in the east though sorry, get your own power tools   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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16" lengths, you've got a large log burner! But if you mean cutting up wood for burning this winter it'll be too green, you need to season it well, sometimes a couple of years if it natural drying.
I've got a multi-fuel Aga and two log burners, actually if you don't mind the work pallets are brilliant for log burners, just one palket can run my little burner for two nights churning out lots of heat.
 |
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7kW doc. Dunno if that’s big or not.
I have loads of pallets, but I prefer the au naturel look (in my logs).
I’m after the branches that fell earlier in the year. It’s this time of year that makes you start thinking about it.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"16" lengths, you've got a large log burner! But if you mean cutting up wood for burning this winter it'll be too green, you need to season it well, sometimes a couple of years if it natural drying.
I've got a multi-fuel Aga and two log burners, actually if you don't mind the work pallets are brilliant for log burners, just one palket can run my little burner for two nights churning out lots of heat.
"
He’s just a typical man and got his measurements mixed up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fabulous and bearded has one, but you will have to trade him a leaf blower in return
Er...? But who is having the mediocre sex?
You’ll have to do it on his behalf"
Damn, I always get the short straw!! |
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"16" lengths, you've got a large log burner! But if you mean cutting up wood for burning this winter it'll be too green, you need to season it well, sometimes a couple of years if it natural drying.
I've got a multi-fuel Aga and two log burners, actually if you don't mind the work pallets are brilliant for log burners, just one palket can run my little burner for two nights churning out lots of heat.
He’s just a typical man and got his measurements mixed up. "
No. It’s definetly 16”. Twice the length of my finger and 4 times the length of my cock.
I’ve never needed a ruler to work that shit out
Anyroad.. back to the chainsaw please |
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"Fabulous and bearded has one, but you will have to trade him a leaf blower in return
Er...? But who is having the mediocre sex?
You’ll have to do it on his behalf
Damn, I always get the short straw!!"
Fight her for it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"7kW doc. Dunno if that’s big or not.
I have loads of pallets, but I prefer the au naturel look (in my logs).
I’m after the branches that fell earlier in the year. It’s this time of year that makes you start thinking about it.."
I know what you mean but pallets do churn out heat and the corners give off a good flame when burning. Do you convert the "middle" of the pallets in to kindling?
Log burners need to be thought about in the summer, converted 20 pallets then in to kindling and "logs". |
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I can't remember the link, but there was a guy who posted a thread on here asking for advise on how to cut a tree down with a chainsaw. This went on for months and he was given loads of useful information. It turned out that it was only a 15' conifer 
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I like the corner pieces of a pallet like any man Doc.
The middle bits I don’t use for kindling, I just sort of burn them.
Kindling wise, I like to stay trad. I use sticks made out of rolled up newspaper. Ideally the Daily Express but if not that anything I can pick up on a train seat.
Side note: last week I was handed a questionnaire to fill in about my train journey. ‘Great’ I thought. ‘But, how can I possibly comment?’ I then thought ‘fuck this questionnaire shit, why should I tell them how to run their railway..’ noticed a newspaper on the seat opposite. Metro. 8 October 2018. They don’t have to put up with this in Switzerland
PM for my Swiss railway stories. Or if you have a chainsaw I can borrow. Or if you’re a girl looking for mediocre sex, no chainsaw. |
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"I can't remember the link, but there was a guy who posted a thread on here asking for advise on how to cut a tree down with a chainsaw. This went on for months and he was given loads of useful information. It turned out that it was only a 15' conifer
"
*advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like the corner pieces of a pallet like any man Doc.
The middle bits I don’t use for kindling, I just sort of burn them.
Kindling wise, I like to stay trad. I use sticks made out of rolled up newspaper. Ideally the Daily Express but if not that anything I can pick up on a train seat.
Side note: last week I was handed a questionnaire to fill in about my train journey. ‘Great’ I thought. ‘But, how can I possibly comment?’ I then thought ‘fuck this questionnaire shit, why should I tell them how to run their railway..’ noticed a newspaper on the seat opposite. Metro. 8 October 2018. They don’t have to put up with this in Switzerland
PM for my Swiss railway stories. Or if you have a chainsaw I can borrow. Or if you’re a girl looking for mediocre sex, no chainsaw."
I only have a cordless drill and a hammer. Mediocre sex it is... |
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"I can't remember the link, but there was a guy who posted a thread on here asking for advise on how to cut a tree down with a chainsaw. This went on for months and he was given loads of useful information. It turned out that it was only a 15' conifer
"
Great 15’ conifer story too Ace.
So.. one late summer back in the day my Mum’s mate has driven into one of the gateposts at chez Wiggins. Leaving it bent over. Wiggins senior has thought of chaining it to the cars and dragging it straight but my mum’s dad has better ideas. ‘What you want to do with this mike, is heat it right up with the Blow lamp at the base before you drag it straight..’
Side note: the gatepost is about 4’ Away from the 15’ conifer.
My mum comes out the door with a ‘DAD!!! What the Hell are you doing...?’
At which point old grandad turns round with the blow lamp in his hand. That conifer lasted about 40 seconds WWWHHHUUUUMMMPF |
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"I like the corner pieces of a pallet like any man Doc.
The middle bits I don’t use for kindling, I just sort of burn them.
Kindling wise, I like to stay trad. I use sticks made out of rolled up newspaper. Ideally the Daily Express but if not that anything I can pick up on a train seat.
Side note: last week I was handed a questionnaire to fill in about my train journey. ‘Great’ I thought. ‘But, how can I possibly comment?’ I then thought ‘fuck this questionnaire shit, why should I tell them how to run their railway..’ noticed a newspaper on the seat opposite. Metro. 8 October 2018. They don’t have to put up with this in Switzerland
PM for my Swiss railway stories. Or if you have a chainsaw I can borrow. Or if you’re a girl looking for mediocre sex, no chainsaw.
I only have a cordless drill and a hammer. Mediocre sex it is..."
Legend has it your cordless drill is on its last legs. And is somewhat ‘contaminated’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only you were in the ( whichever part of Fab they have put me in).
If only
I bet you're devastated.
2 hours on the train. Worth it I suppose "
You need that line on copy and paste |
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"Seeing as I’m a wood burner wanker and it’s starting to get chilly, I’m looking for a Cordless Chainsaw so I can nip into the council owned woodland across the road and bag myself some fallen branches. I’ll be needing to hack them into 16inch lengths before using my power splitting wedges to create some logs to burn on my romantic me-times.
Any of you girls in the North West got an electric cordless chainsaw with a bar length of minimum 40cm (sorry for mixing metric and imperial in the same post) that I can use for a few hours in return for some mediocre sex? You’ll have to come to mine, obvs."
I'd be too worried you'd climb a tree and saw off the limb you are sitting on, sorry.
Only my uncle survived that one....most are not so fortunate. I'd hate to be responsible for your early demise. |
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"16" lengths, you've got a large log burner! But if you mean cutting up wood for burning this winter it'll be too green, you need to season it well, sometimes a couple of years if it natural drying.
I've got a multi-fuel Aga and two log burners, actually if you don't mind the work pallets are brilliant for log burners, just one palket can run my little burner for two nights churning out lots of heat.
He’s just a typical man and got his measurements mixed up. "
Well at least he didn't use the sky remote as his unit of measurement. |
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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago
kilmarnockish |
Mike or Bradley not sure if you’ve used the log splitter to do your personality as well, but , having dealt with a fair share of wood over the years. You need to look at the width of the limb itself.
Now , walking about your local council woodland with a big chopper in hand, may cause alarm. |
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
Beware of the potentially very irrate contryside rangers they tend to be a tad miffed at people messing up their management plans. I once saw one who get so annoyed he nearly set the rest of the site alight when someone (badly) felled the rare wild service tree on his site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a woodsman i d say you ll still need to dry any wood you pick up as it will be ground wet throughout and if its under a foot diameter i agree... Get a good bowsaw, tgat way you stay warm doing job, arm muscles build for benefit of the ladies and you dont get in shit for having power tools on someone elses ground.. I mean you can get nicked for carrying a penknife outside of your own property... Soo sad... Who knows whilst stroking with your new big handtool a lovely lady may cum along that needs a lil something to make her feel hot  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"16" lengths, you've got a large log burner! But if you mean cutting up wood for burning this winter it'll be too green, you need to season it well, sometimes a couple of years if it natural drying.
I've got a multi-fuel Aga and two log burners, actually if you don't mind the work pallets are brilliant for log burners, just one palket can run my little burner for two nights churning out lots of heat.
He’s just a typical man and got his measurements mixed up.
No. It’s definetly 16”. Twice the length of my finger and 4 times the length of my cock.
I’ve never needed a ruler to work that shit out
Anyroad.. back to the chainsaw please "
A 16" chainsaw does not only cut 16" lengths. I once cut 4 ft with one! |
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"16" lengths, you've got a large log burner! But if you mean cutting up wood for burning this winter it'll be too green, you need to season it well, sometimes a couple of years if it natural drying.
I've got a multi-fuel Aga and two log burners, actually if you don't mind the work pallets are brilliant for log burners, just one palket can run my little burner for two nights churning out lots of heat.
He’s just a typical man and got his measurements mixed up.
No. It’s definetly 16”. Twice the length of my finger and 4 times the length of my cock.
I’ve never needed a ruler to work that shit out
Anyroad.. back to the chainsaw please
A 16" chainsaw does not only cut 16" lengths. I once cut 4 ft with one!"
It’s the log burner which is 16” any bigger and I couldn’t get the door closed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"16" lengths, you've got a large log burner! But if you mean cutting up wood for burning this winter it'll be too green, you need to season it well, sometimes a couple of years if it natural drying.
I've got a multi-fuel Aga and two log burners, actually if you don't mind the work pallets are brilliant for log burners, just one palket can run my little burner for two nights churning out lots of heat.
"
Standing deadwood's an option, pallets are great too and we have a local store that sells bagged softwood offcuts dirt cheap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I think your a lazy horror movie slasher.
Come here victim and bring the chainsaw "
If it's cordless at least you'll be able to hear the screams better. |
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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago
Bristol East |
"If you send me £130, I'll pop to Lidl and buy their cordless chainsaw for you. Promise.
Wow, that's cheap.
Sure they were cheaper than that!"
Cable ones are about £40. I bought one for my hedge. Cordless was too much, I thought, for all the hedge that I have.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Petrol all the way for me, luckily i get all my logs free via work, wood store chocca for winter and about half a ton seasoning up the allotment for next year  "
As a woman, I find the petrol one's too heavy to handle, gave mine away when I divorced. |
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"Petrol all the way for me, luckily i get all my logs free via work, wood store chocca for winter and about half a ton seasoning up the allotment for next year
As a woman, I find the petrol one's too heavy to handle, gave mine away when I divorced."
I get that, but the weight helps when letting tool do the work.
That and keeping the chain sharp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you send me £130, I'll pop to Lidl and buy their cordless chainsaw for you. Promise.
Wow, that's cheap.
Sure they were cheaper than that!
Cable ones are about £40. I bought one for my hedge. Cordless was too much, I thought, for all the hedge that I have.
"
I sometimes cut up fallen branches into sizes I can get into my car, take them home and use the more powerful electric to cut up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, no, no - you need a manly petrol chainsaw.
That way you can simultaneously cut through any log whilst visualising yourself battling hordes of the infected during a zombie apocalypse "
Boom stick needed too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A chainsaw has to be petrol
A chainsaw has to be the safest version for the person and the task "
true and they have to learn properly how to use it and always have the correct protective equipment |
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"A chainsaw has to be petrol
A chainsaw has to be the safest version for the person and the task true and they have to learn properly how to use it and always have the correct protective equipment "
Same here Taff. I’m planning to put 2 poundshop (and girls, that’s 12 for £1) condoms on invade of slippage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A chainsaw has to be petrol
A chainsaw has to be the safest version for the person and the task true and they have to learn properly how to use it and always have the correct protective equipment "
1. Battery chainsaw. Light and manoeverable. Limited power. Accessible to many areas.
2. Electric chainsaw. More power. Not too heavy. Limited area usage.
3. Petrol chainsaw. Can't feckin pull the cord hard enough to start it. Can't hold it for more than a few minutes. Too heavy. Not an option |
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"A chainsaw has to be petrol
A chainsaw has to be the safest version for the person and the task true and they have to learn properly how to use it and always have the correct protective equipment
1. Battery chainsaw. Light and manoeverable. Limited power. Accessible to many areas.
2. Electric chainsaw. More power. Not too heavy. Limited area usage.
3. Petrol chainsaw. Can't feckin pull the cord hard enough to start it. Can't hold it for more than a few minutes. Too heavy. Not an option "
All you need is a Freddy Kruger mask, then you're ready to go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A chainsaw has to be petrol
A chainsaw has to be the safest version for the person and the task true and they have to learn properly how to use it and always have the correct protective equipment
1. Battery chainsaw. Light and manoeverable. Limited power. Accessible to many areas.
2. Electric chainsaw. More power. Not too heavy. Limited area usage.
3. Petrol chainsaw. Can't feckin pull the cord hard enough to start it. Can't hold it for more than a few minutes. Too heavy. Not an option
All you need is a Freddy Kruger mask, then you're ready to go "
Does he use petrol though |
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"A chainsaw has to be petrol
A chainsaw has to be the safest version for the person and the task true and they have to learn properly how to use it and always have the correct protective equipment
1. Battery chainsaw. Light and manoeverable. Limited power. Accessible to many areas.
2. Electric chainsaw. More power. Not too heavy. Limited area usage.
3. Petrol chainsaw. Can't feckin pull the cord hard enough to start it. Can't hold it for more than a few minutes. Too heavy. Not an option
All you need is a Freddy Kruger mask, then you're ready to go
Does he use petrol though "
Oh yeah, but as he's a tough kinda dude, he tops up with 5*. Remember that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I might be a bit girly but aren't most Chain saws cordless? All the ones I've ever seen have been (that's probably only 2 so maybe jog a representative sample ) "
Nah. Some have a chargeable battery, and free of cords. Some are electric that you plug in like your hoover. Some are petrol powered and are in effect 'cordless' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to clear this up. I’m looking for ‘cordless’, rechargeable battery powered.
Mediocre sex in return. You come to me
Drive to you ? No deal
Is the wood at your house?"
Nope, but the car petrol and delivery time was not included. If I wanted to borrow something, I would put myself out to collect and return. |
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"Just to clear this up. I’m looking for ‘cordless’, rechargeable battery powered.
Mediocre sex in return. You come to me
I only do mediocre with people that I don't really like."
If that’s a invitation Richard I’ll be wearing slightly more than 2 poundshop condoms |
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"Just to clear this up. I’m looking for ‘cordless’, rechargeable battery powered.
Mediocre sex in return. You come to me
Drive to you ? No deal
Is the wood at your house?
Nope, but the car petrol and delivery time was not included. If I wanted to borrow something, I would put myself out to collect and return."
The sex!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to clear this up. I’m looking for ‘cordless’, rechargeable battery powered.
Mediocre sex in return. You come to me
Drive to you ? No deal
Is the wood at your house?
Nope, but the car petrol and delivery time was not included. If I wanted to borrow something, I would put myself out to collect and return.
The sex!!"
I can accommodate |
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"Just to clear this up. I’m looking for ‘cordless’, rechargeable battery powered.
Mediocre sex in return. You come to me
I only do mediocre with people that I don't really like.
If that’s a invitation Richard I’ll be wearing slightly more than 2 poundshop condoms"
Oh yeah, I can up ma game as well ya know  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just out of interest OP, have you asked the local authority / owners of the land for permission to remove these branches?
You might want to check with them. You can't just go helping yourself you know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have got a cordless chainsaw, but it ain't working on electrickery, good old 2 stroke.
Weirdly enough I did take it on a meet from here, tree blew down over neighbours garden so in I went chainsaw in hand, took most of the tree home in my van
But you can't borrow it cos I don't want the mediocre sex on offer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of interest OP, have you asked the local authority / owners of the land for permission to remove these branches?
You might want to check with them. You can't just go helping yourself you know"
You can if they are not looking |
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"Just out of interest OP, have you asked the local authority / owners of the land for permission to remove these branches?
You might want to check with them. You can't just go helping yourself you know
You can if they are not looking "
I think that's only conifers though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of interest OP, have you asked the local authority / owners of the land for permission to remove these branches?
You might want to check with them. You can't just go helping yourself you know
You can if they are not looking
I think that's only conifers though "
I think the OP's timing is suspicious, expect he will have a pickup full of Norwegian Spruce, with a xmas trees sign painted on cardboard in a carpark soon... |
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Luckily he only lived a few doors down and I got mine out and rescued him to save further embarrassment 
