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Red Dwarf Quotes
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By *oman wanted OP Couple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Liverpool/Manchester |
I think we’re losing sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? I think it comes down to a choice between ‘The League Against Salivating Monsters’ or my own personal preference, which is ‘The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society’. One drawback with that: the abbreviation is c.l.i.t.o.r.i.s.” – Rimmer |
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By *oman wanted OP Couple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Liverpool/Manchester |
Rimmer: I used to be with the Samaritans.
Lister: I know. For one morning.
Rimmer: Well I couldn’t take any more.
Lister: I don’t blame you. You spoke to five people and they all committed suicide. I wouldn’t mind but one was a wrong number. He only phoned up for the cricket scores.
Rimmer: It’s hardly my fault everyone chose that particular day to throw themselves off buildings. It made the papers, you know |
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"Rimmer: I used to be with the Samaritans.
Lister: I know. For one morning.
Rimmer: Well I couldn’t take any more.
Lister: I don’t blame you. You spoke to five people and they all committed suicide. I wouldn’t mind but one was a wrong number. He only phoned up for the cricket scores.
Rimmer: It’s hardly my fault everyone chose that particular day to throw themselves off buildings. It made the papers, you know"
Lemming Sunday, they called it |
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By *oman wanted OP Couple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Liverpool/Manchester |
Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle! Many wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil. Repeat: this is not a daffodil – Holly |
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By *ax1971Man
over a year ago
St helens |
“I tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle." Lister, Demons and Angels
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Well, the thing about a black hole, its main distinguishing feature, is it's black. And the thing about space, the colour of space, your basic space colour, is black. So how are you supposed to see them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle! Many wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil. Repeat: this is not a daffodil.” – Holly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rimmer, in response to the aforementioned "terrifying organism" on board the ship...
"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign."
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Toaster: Howdy doodly do. How's it going? I'm Talkie, Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?
Lister: Look, I don't want any toast, and he doesn't want any toast. In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. No toast.
Toaster: How 'bout a muffin?
Lister: Or muffins. Or muffins. We don't like muffins around here. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and definitely no smegging flapjacks.
Toaster: Ahh, so you're a waffle man! |
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Before I post I may not spell her name correctly.
My name is Doctor Hildagard Langstrum and I am quite quite made.I have question for you, what is dead dead dead and dead all over.
Fave programme of all time lol.
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Lister to Rimmer: "Your nickname was never Ace. Maybe Ace Hole!"
How come I have only spotted this thread? I went to the convention in 2013 and got my pic taken wearing an Ace Rimmer shirt standing next to Chris Barrie. He signed it aswell.  |
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By *ax1971Man
over a year ago
St helens |
"Lister to Rimmer: "Your nickname was never Ace. Maybe Ace Hole!"
How come I have only spotted this thread? I went to the convention in 2013 and got my pic taken wearing an Ace Rimmer shirt standing next to Chris Barrie. He signed it aswell. "
... lol.... your such a smmeeggggg heaaaaddddddd....xx |
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By *oman wanted OP Couple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Liverpool/Manchester |
Rimmer [on owing 8500 in tax]: What? This is wrong! This is dead wrong!
Lister: It doesn't matter now. Not gonna catch you now, are they?
Rimmer: Just because we're three million years into deep space and the human species is extinct? That means nothing to these people. They'll find us.
Rimmer and Lister |
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Rimmer .... if there's one thing I can't stand it's crazy people.
Lister....ok we've past the test now Rimmer, you can let us out.
Rimmer....I can't let you out.
Lister...why not?
Rimmer. ...because the king of the potatoe people won't let me. I begged him. I went down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here. Keep you here for 10 years.
Cat.....Can we see him?
Rimmer....see who?
Cat.....The king.
Rimmer....do you have a magic carpet?
Lister....yeah, a little 3 seater.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Cat: [bursting in on Rimmer and Lister's heart-to-heart talk about their dead fathers] Hey, there you are! Hey, man, I'm so hungry I just have to eat!
Lister: Shh! Rimmer's dad's died.
The Cat: Well, I'd prefer chicken. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Higher Cat:
We find clothes to be a distraction from the pursuit of spiritual and intellectual fulfillment.
Cat:
Really? I find spiritual and intellectual fulfillment to be a distraction from the pursuit of clothes.
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Holly: They're from Earth.
Lister: That's 3 million years away.
Holly: They're from the Norweb Federation.
Lister: What's that?
Holly: The North Western Electricity Board. They want you, Dave.
Lister: Me? Why? What for?
Holly: For your crimes against humanity.
Lister: You what?
Holly: It seems when you left Earth, 3 million years ago, you left two half-eaten German sausages on a plate in your kitchen. Do you know what happens to sausages left unattended for 3 million years?
Lister: Yeah, they go mouldy.
Holly: Your sausages, Dave, now cover seven-eights of the Earth's surface. Also, you left £17.50 in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest, you now own 98% of all the world's wealth. And because you've hoarded it for 3 million years, nobody's got any money except for you and Norweb.
Lister: Why Norweb?
Holly: You left a light on in the bathroom. I've got a final demand here for £180 billion.
Lister: £180 billion? You're kidding?
Holly: April fool. |
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