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Crappiest joke thread.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've not seen one for a few days, so I figure it's time for another.

I'll start off.....

My ex girlfriend says she has a stalker.

I don't believe her , I've been sat outside her house between 1am and 3am every morning for the last two weeks and I havent seen anyone.

I was once told that name dropping really isn't clever or Impressive.

Michael Caine told me that....

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By *icassolifelikeMan over a year ago

Luton

What do you call a bloke with no shins?

Tony

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How does moses make his tea?

Hebrews it

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By *tirluvMan over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

What do you call a guy floating in a pool...

Bob

What is thin and sticky...

A stick

What do you call a blind deer...

No idea

What do you call a blind deer without legs...

still no idea

I could go on...

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

What cheese is best if you want to disguise a small horse?

Mascarpone!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a man behind a bush? Rustle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I spilled spot remover on my dog... now I cant find him.

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

Did you hear about the architect who had his house maid backwards so he could watch TV?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A jew walks into a bar... and buys it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This has lived up to its billing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I plan to live forever...so far so good.

Doctor I cant pronounce F's or T's.

Well you cant say fairer than that.

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 70.....she gets a frog in her throat at 69

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By *appyhumper123Man over a year ago

hull

Where's the best place to meet new people

The maternity ward

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a bloke with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why does Santa have a big sack?

He only cums once a year

Why don't skeletons play music?

They have no organs

Best bouncer for a brothel,

Hodor

Why do i ask so many questions?

Because im stupid..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The woman who fell off the cruise ship last week has been named. She’s Eileen Dover.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you grow potatoes, there will be unrest in Ireland

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By *electableDalliancesCouple over a year ago

leeds

Two fish in a tank

One turns to the other and says I'll drive ,you man the gun.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call an ass, a dry pussy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What do you call a guy floating in a pool...

Bob

What is thin and sticky...

A stick

What do you call a blind deer...

No idea

What do you call a blind deer without legs...

still no idea

I could go on..."

Where would you find a blind deer with no legs?

Exactly where you left him.

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By *omtom7Man over a year ago

Tralee

Man rings his boss

I wont be in today im sick

Boss: how sick

Im in bed with me sister

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's brown and hard?

Tough shit!

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By *izzy RascallMan over a year ago

Cardiff

What do you call a man with leaves on his head? Russell

What do you call the same man 10 years later? Pete

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By *rlo67Man over a year ago

Dumfries

How do you know your sister’s on her period?

Daddy’s cock tastes of blood

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Go into the bakers and asked him why most of his cakes are 50p but those there are £1

Ah, he says, they're Medeira cakes

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By *naquest321Man over a year ago

Carlisle

To me, to me, to me. Barry?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?

Eileen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse.

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

I don't like the new 1 pound coin.

Then again, I don't like any change

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?

Eileen

What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg longer than the other?

Irene

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Must be a right bitch working in the job centre, knowing when you get laid off or sacked you need to go back into work the next day!

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

Man walks into a bar.... Ouch and iron bar

Did you hear about the Italian chef?

He pasta away!

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By *ast_And_CuriousMan over a year ago

Sevenoaks

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse."

That was in a rude Rainbow video I saw recently. Was told by Zippy.

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By *ast_And_CuriousMan over a year ago

Sevenoaks

What do you call a man with a number plate on his head?

Reg.

What does his mum call him?

R Reg.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a flea?

Pork scratchings.

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