FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Looks or personality
Looks or personality
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just curious to know what is the primary attraction. Do you base your attraction on looks first then personality or it’s the other way round?
I find myself in the fucked up position of being ever more attracted to personality than looks. Obviously I couldn’t go with everyone who I get on with personality wise but I couldn’t give a shit if you’re drop dead gorgeous but got no personality. And the more quirky, the more intoxicating that shit is for me.
How many more feel like this? |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
Physical attraction usually comes first but if we don't click personality wise they lose their appeal quite quickly.
And a great personality can make someone seem more attractive to me as well, in some cases. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I need both. There are people that entice me that may not be my type generally but are still good looking. And there are gorgeous people that as soon as they open their mouths I get instantly turned off. |
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By *ilth500Man
over a year ago
Merseyside |
"Physical attraction usually comes first but if we don't click personality wise they lose their appeal quite quickly.
And a great personality can make someone seem more attractive to me as well, in some cases. "
This!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do you feel it’s a ‘fucked up position’ to be more attracted to personality?
For me, on here, the initial attraction is physical. That’s the entry criteria. But if they have an unpleasant personality looks mean absolutely jack to be honest.
So a pleasant averagely attractive lass is far more desirable to me than a stunning bitch!
Off Fab (ie in a relationship scenario) the mix of qualities is a lot more complex and personality is hugely important if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone (rather than a quick knee-trembler!) but again, you have to fancy them physically too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Physical attraction usually comes first but if we don't click personality wise they lose their appeal quite quickly.
And a great personality can make someone seem more attractive to me as well, in some cases. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here? It's initially physical. If you don't pass that test I'm not taking time to find out if I like your personality. After all. I'm not looking to date and have meaningful relationships. I want sex that's going to stimulate. |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
I have a great personally just saying.....
For me physically attractive first then the personally kicks in  one without the other doesnt work for me thats my fab head.
Real life thats a different matter. |
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"On here? It's initially physical. If you don't pass that test I'm not taking time to find out if I like your personality. After all. I'm not looking to date and have meaningful relationships. I want sex that's going to stimulate. "
Do you get to know people before you shag them though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If there's no personality no attraction in the mind then what's the point of looks alone.
An oil painting can be achingly beautiful but if it doesn't have more to say than I'm pretty I can easily walk away.
The mind is our biggest sex organ. If my mind isn't connected to the other then what's to point of anything more... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do have the be attracted to a person physically, but I would turn someone down no matter who much I physically fancied then, if their personality wasn't right for me.
A sense of humour is a must too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There does have to be that level of physical attraction first but if the personality isn’t there then nothing further will come from it.
I’ve often found myself in the position where a persons personality draws me in more and more, even if the initial attraction wasn’t there.
I simply couldn’t connect with someone sexually if the personality connection wasn’t there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Physical attraction is first but if they have a personality of a wet towel then it's a no no. Has to be a mixture of the two. Don't have to be miss world. But then again physical attraction would differ from person to person, what I find attractive, other men may not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Got to have both.
Can’t do without either.
Love a great personality, but if I don’t find a man attractive, then it’s the friend-zone!
Similarly if you’re very sexy looking but have all the personality of a plant.. or are a crap person...I kinda think that translates in the bedroom. So, probably wouldn’t enjoy my time with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On here? It's initially physical. If you don't pass that test I'm not taking time to find out if I like your personality. After all. I'm not looking to date and have meaningful relationships. I want sex that's going to stimulate.
Do you get to know people before you shag them though? "
Oh god yeah...I spend months getting to know those I shag. But only if I think they look fit as fuck and get my juices flowing in that way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On here? It's initially physical. If you don't pass that test I'm not taking time to find out if I like your personality. After all. I'm not looking to date and have meaningful relationships. I want sex that's going to stimulate.
Do you get to know people before you shag them though?
Oh god yeah...I spend months getting to know those I shag. But only if I think they look fit as fuck and get my juices flowing in that way "
Failing that I have a ball gag so personality I'm prepared to compromise on for a real hottie  |
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For me there has to be physical attraction. Otherwise you're just a friend if you only have a great personality. Call me shallow or whatever, it's just the way it is.
Women tend to value certain personality traits more than physical appearance. As long as the guy is presentable and hygienic of course. Things such as confidence and sense of humour can be VERY attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personality so mahoosively overshadows looks for me that it's a bit pointless asking which comes first because it very quickly takes over completely. That's not to say I have no criteria looks wise. It simply means that it doesn't matter how utterly stunning you are... if your personality isn't attractive it's game over. I'm genuinely not interested. |
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"Personality and humour first
Looks usually grow on me the more drink i have.
I'll just get you a second bottle of wine 
 my kind of man"
You're easily pleased, and there was me gonna splash out on a can of Tizer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personality and humour first
Looks usually grow on me the more drink i have.
I'll just get you a second bottle of wine
my kind of man
You're easily pleased, and there was me gonna splash out on a can of Tizer "
Now you tell me!!  |
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By *eyooooMan
over a year ago
London |
"Personality and humour first
Looks usually grow on me the more drink i have.
I'll just get you a second bottle of wine
my kind of man
You're easily pleased, and there was me gonna splash out on a can of Tizer
Now you tell me!! "
depends what ur after |
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"Personality and humour first
Looks usually grow on me the more drink i have.
I'll just get you a second bottle of wine
my kind of man
You're easily pleased, and there was me gonna splash out on a can of Tizer
Now you tell me!! "
I've got straws as well ya know |
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Thank fuck for my schoolboy good looks
OP- as a single guy mainly looking for women I can see why you ask the question.
Despite the fact that most forum users will say that a ‘connection/someone they click with’ is the most important, this does not bear truth in reality. This really highlights one of the differences between what sets people apart on fab from those in the real world.
I say this because the over whelming majority of profiles and meet requests ask for pictures to be attached to the messages or state that no consideration will be given to those without put them on the profile. This considered, it would appear that indicate that looks play a far bigger part in selection than personality.
Once physical attraction (looks) has been confirmed it is still easy to put yourself out of the running by not by not being able to demonstrate the humour, intelligence and compassion they claim is more important.
Maybe some of the women of the forum disagree, but in general they are less likely to make judgements on looks than those in the general fab population.
To summarise, good looks beats good personality beats bad looks beats bad personality. |
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Best shags I've had on here have been with people with excellent personalities. Found when personalities click, so does the sex.
Shagged a few 'hotties' who lack spark and found them kinda boring in the bedroom.
I'll stick to personality |
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On here, looks will be the initial attraction - the thing that catches my eye. But if that's all someone brings to the table it gets boring very fast so there needs to be a bit of banter and some intelligence there.
I like my men to look beefy but bring their conversational skills  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've greedy, I need to have both.
I want someone I like the look of but also who I can talk to and laugh with during a meet as I prefer lengthier meets then just a fuck and go scenario |
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I play with guys who look okay and rarely get to know them.
Not sure how long you would need to get to know someone sufficiently in the lifestyle to be able to say what sort of person they really are?
I imagine I have played with some total arseholes, some saints and everything in between but still been able to enjoy them all.
I would never want to go back to the days of social meets to decide... far too much hassle.
Does fucking needs to be complicated?
Sx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bank balance and generosity.
Nobody said that was on offer. That trumps looks and personality any day.
I'm a skint ugly fucker, faf? "
Go on then, you smooth talker |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just curious to know what is the primary attraction. Do you base your attraction on looks first then personality or it’s the other way round?
I find myself in the fucked up position of being ever more attracted to personality than looks. Obviously I couldn’t go with everyone who I get on with personality wise but I couldn’t give a shit if you’re drop dead gorgeous but got no personality. And the more quirky, the more intoxicating that shit is for me.
How many more feel like this?"
trouble with personality difficult to detect in cyber world it's only when you meet you can gauge it, some are very good with the written word plus a pic that gives the look that maybe appeals also doesn't always tell the story so in this world it's all about the meet |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'll always go with looks first - it might not be 'conventionally' attractive but yes, there has to be some element of the physicality that gets me wet. It's closely followed by personality - I dry up quite quickly when my perception of their personality is less than favourable. So both for me really. |
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On here?
Yes there has to be an initial physical attraction.
But it takes much more than that to keep my attention.
Witt, intelligence, & a sense of humour far outweigh any physical appearance.
Finding someone with both.. Happy days!
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The first bite is with the eye (im a sucker for a cracking smile).
The second bite and most crucial bite is with the mind. The more I mentally conect with someone, the more my atrraction grows.
The finally icing on the cake is the enjoyment of devouering and experiancing the whole meal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just curious to know what is the primary attraction. Do you base your attraction on looks first then personality or it’s the other way round?
I find myself in the fucked up position of being ever more attracted to personality than looks. Obviously I couldn’t go with everyone who I get on with personality wise but I couldn’t give a shit if you’re drop dead gorgeous but got no personality. And the more quirky, the more intoxicating that shit is for me.
How many more feel like this?"
Looks fade
Persona stays |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
It’s a combination of looks and personality.
On fab often it’s looks that sparks the initial attraction if going through search, but sometimes in the forums I am drawn to someone by the way that their personality comes across. It’s only then that I look at their profile. It’s great when someone that you find engaging in the forums then turns out to be my type too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just curious to know what is the primary attraction. Do you base your attraction on looks first then personality or it’s the other way round?
I find myself in the fucked up position of being ever more attracted to personality than looks. Obviously I couldn’t go with everyone who I get on with personality wise but I couldn’t give a shit if you’re drop dead gorgeous but got no personality. And the more quirky, the more intoxicating that shit is for me.
How many more feel like this?"
Intelligence for me is sexy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s a combination of looks and personality.
On fab often it’s looks that sparks the initial attraction if going through search, but sometimes in the forums I am drawn to someone by the way that their personality comes across. It’s only then that I look at their profile. It’s great when someone that you find engaging in the forums then turns out to be my type too. "
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"I'll always go with looks first - it might not be 'conventionally' attractive but yes, there has to be some element of the physicality that gets me wet. It's closely followed by personality - I dry up quite quickly when my perception of their personality is less than favourable. So both for me really."
I think Meli sums it up nicely for me also |
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I’m definitely drawn, as everyone else is by looks initially but an equally impressive profile will keep me intrigued and lead me to message them, if they’ve got amazing pics but nothing of substance about their written profile then I’ll pass them by.
I’ve even ended conversations on here after a couple of messages by stating they’re not what I’m looking for as it’s all closed question replies....mind numbing 
But that’s the issue I have personally on here and I know I’m not alone! The lines do become blurred between real world dating and casual meets! At what point do we accept and realise in reality it’s the latter we’re here for yet it seems a majority still vet others as we would in the real world!! Go figure |
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"I’m definitely drawn, as everyone else is by looks initially but an equally impressive profile will keep me intrigued and lead me to message them, if they’ve got amazing pics but nothing of substance about their written profile then I’ll pass them by.
I’ve even ended conversations on here after a couple of messages by stating they’re not what I’m looking for as it’s all closed question replies....mind numbing
But that’s the issue I have personally on here and I know I’m not alone! The lines do become blurred between real world dating and casual meets! At what point do we accept and realise in reality it’s the latter we’re here for yet it seems a majority still vet others as we would in the real world!! Go figure "
This is what I don't get, in here, it isn't dating, swinging is about sex with strangers, unless they are truly unpleasant or rude, what does it matter if they're a, bit boring, can't hold a conversation, etc. I don't want them to, I want to enjoy their bodies that attracted me, then go back to having a great evening with my wife. If they have got good personalities then we'll also have a chat after and maybe meet again, but it just doesn't matter.
Now on a dating site, yes I can see everything is reversed. There just seems to be so many people that think and use this as an alternative dating site, that just isn't swinging. Surely there are better sites?
And yes a genuine question as I've never used one so maybe not.
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"I’m definitely drawn, as everyone else is by looks initially but an equally impressive profile will keep me intrigued and lead me to message them, if they’ve got amazing pics but nothing of substance about their written profile then I’ll pass them by.
I’ve even ended conversations on here after a couple of messages by stating they’re not what I’m looking for as it’s all closed question replies....mind numbing
But that’s the issue I have personally on here and I know I’m not alone! The lines do become blurred between real world dating and casual meets! At what point do we accept and realise in reality it’s the latter we’re here for yet it seems a majority still vet others as we would in the real world!! Go figure
This is what I don't get, in here, it isn't dating, swinging is about sex with strangers, unless they are truly unpleasant or rude, what does it matter if they're a, bit boring, can't hold a conversation, etc. I don't want them to, I want to enjoy their bodies that attracted me, then go back to having a great evening with my wife. If they have got good personalities then we'll also have a chat after and maybe meet again, but it just doesn't matter.
Now on a dating site, yes I can see everything is reversed. There just seems to be so many people that think and use this as an alternative dating site, that just isn't swinging. Surely there are better sites?
And yes a genuine question as I've never used one so maybe not.
"
Couldn’t agree more, this is supposed to be casual NS fun with likeminded people yet we predominantly fall down and judge as if we’re on the outside world!? In terms of conversations it has to be two way for me though I’m not asking for the answers as to why the earth is round ffs, just a modicum of flirtatious banter to get the juices flowing....or a pre-cursor too |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
Physical attraction is what normally comes first, then the chat. If there is no personality to match up it’s dead in the water.
Often I’ll chat with people without knowing what they look like and find that out later. It will be someone I wouldn’t initially find physically attractive but their personality has over won me so I’d say that personality really is the main factor.
Lex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But that’s the issue I have personally on here and I know I’m not alone! The lines do become blurred between real world dating and casual meets! At what point do we accept and realise in reality it’s the latter we’re here for yet it seems a majority still vet others as we would in the real world!! Go figure
This is what I don't get, in here, it isn't dating, swinging is about sex with strangers, unless they are truly unpleasant or rude, what does it matter if they're a, bit boring, can't hold a conversation, etc. I don't want them to, I want to enjoy their bodies that attracted me, then go back to having a great evening with my wife. If they have got good personalities then we'll also have a chat after and maybe meet again, but it just doesn't matter.
Now on a dating site, yes I can see everything is reversed. There just seems to be so many people that think and use this as an alternative dating site, that just isn't swinging. Surely there are better sites?
And yes a genuine question as I've never used one so maybe not.
"
I can only comment for myself but for me it's simply an issue of personal standards. I'm just not interested in having sex with someone I'm not attracted to... and the simple fact is that personality is the major factor in attraction to me. Whilst I'm sure couples don't have the same issue, as they have each other, when I have sex with someone I don't like I just feel a bit crappy after, even if they're really good looking.
As a result I prefer the dating format now, as there isn't the expectation to fuck on a first date. This takes the pressure off and allows me to vet people more without it being awkward that I'm not pushing for sex. Clubs are better because there isn't that one on one awkwardness.
As for better places to find dates... I see Fab as a place where single women who have a strong sex drive seek similar guys. I'm one such guy. At least some of these women are genuinely single. So I'm happy to see if they fancy meeting for a date and seeing where things go. I'll agree that this approach is a million miles away from how most people use Fab. But I'm happy using it my own way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here primary attraction is physical appearance. Doesn’t mean you have to be an Adonis, just somebody who floats my boat in the looks department.
You could be the nicest bloke out there but if I don’t fancy you it’s not going any further.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Obviously looks are the first port of call, then personality seals the deal, so to speak. Though being on the forums has made me crush on some over time, based solely on personality, without even seeing their face. So in that sense, it can work both ways for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Physical attraction usually comes first but if we don't click personality wise they lose their appeal quite quickly.
And a great personality can make someone seem more attractive to me as well, in some cases. "
Totally agree |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"On here primary attraction is physical appearance. Doesn’t mean you have to be an Adonis, just somebody who floats my boat in the looks department.
You could be the nicest bloke out there but if I don’t fancy you it’s not going any further.
"
Interesting. I don't think I have a specific type (although I do have a favourite porn type) but there has certainly been people I have been with purely based on their vibe rather than their physical appearance. |
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By *ion78Man
over a year ago
Erith |
I think most ladys will respond to somebody based on looks as until two people speak and meet you would not know if it going to lead anywhere for me personally am more attracted to and profile which the pictures leaves something to want to see more |
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