Shocking new scientific research has found that men and women who have a tendency to moan, carp and bleat are nine times more likely to develop haemorrhoids and four times more likely to have a full on, unravelling fire hose style, rectal prolapse.
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Random Piles Fact: There are many known causes for anal onions including straining too hard whilst on the John and pregnancy (the latter being whether you’re on the John or not)
But.....did you know that sitting down for extended lengths of time can also conjure haemorrhoids from the ether?
......Yes, I see you standing up now.... |
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"They make anal more interesting. "
Ostensibly, tradesman entrance sexual activity (ahem!) can both prove the causation of AND the miraculous cure (albeit temporarily perhaps) for haemorrhoids.
A truer case of Homeopathy there hath surely never been?  |
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"I'm safe then as I only moan in moments of pleasure  "
That’s the best form of moaning and according to my research (which I’m just waiting on the scientific community to validate...) can lead to earth shattering orgasms, augmented intellectual faculties, the spontaneous development of extra sensory perception and big Euro rollover lottery wins......possibly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Random Piles Fact: There are many known causes for anal onions including straining too hard whilst on the John and pregnancy (the latter being whether you’re on the John or not)
But.....did you know that sitting down for extended lengths of time can also conjure haemorrhoids from the ether?
......Yes, I see you standing up now.... "
No sitting on cold stones/walls etc. |
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"Random Piles Fact: There are many known causes for anal onions including straining too hard whilst on the John and pregnancy (the latter being whether you’re on the John or not)
But.....did you know that sitting down for extended lengths of time can also conjure haemorrhoids from the ether?
......Yes, I see you standing up now....
No sitting on cold stones/walls etc. "
Hmmm....I think one of my amazing would be scientific experiments is beckoning me......
Now if you would just seat your lovely derrière next to me; As a true gent, I’ve prepared for you a warm, comfy cushion whereas I will be sitting next to you on a hard, cold marble surface.
.....First of us to pop out a pile wins (or perhaps loses in this case)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Random Piles Fact: There are many known causes for anal onions including straining too hard whilst on the John and pregnancy (the latter being whether you’re on the John or not)
But.....did you know that sitting down for extended lengths of time can also conjure haemorrhoids from the ether?
......Yes, I see you standing up now....
No sitting on cold stones/walls etc.
Hmmm....I think one of my amazing would be scientific experiments is beckoning me......
Now if you would just seat your lovely derrière next to me; As a true gent, I’ve prepared for you a warm, comfy cushion whereas I will be sitting next to you on a hard, cold marble surface.
.....First of us to pop out a pile wins (or perhaps loses in this case) "
who gets to check the winner |
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"Random Piles Fact: There are many known causes for anal onions including straining too hard whilst on the John and pregnancy (the latter being whether you’re on the John or not)
But.....did you know that sitting down for extended lengths of time can also conjure haemorrhoids from the ether?
......Yes, I see you standing up now....
No sitting on cold stones/walls etc.
Hmmm....I think one of my amazing would be scientific experiments is beckoning me......
Now if you would just seat your lovely derrière next to me; As a true gent, I’ve prepared for you a warm, comfy cushion whereas I will be sitting next to you on a hard, cold marble surface.
.....First of us to pop out a pile wins (or perhaps loses in this case)
who gets to check the winner"
Er......a good point and one which I additionally failed to calculate in my initial experimental operandi.
Well....as the subsequent scientific trailblazers that we will surely be after this truly groundbreaking experiment, we may have to inspect one another. It’s quite ok though, I shaved down and round the backside earlier so you can be confident in the knowledge that you won’t require a machete to locate the region of interest as I bend over in front of you..... |
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"There are a lot of prolapsing rectums around
They’re dropping like yo-yo’s - it’s a veritable epidemic.... 
I must admit that they turn me on "
Is it just me or does a prolapse very closely resemble a peeled tomato?
Funnily enough I had one earlier. A peeled tomato I meant... |
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