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i need sum help. wot wood you do ?
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By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
Ok so long story short...
My mum ripped me off £3000 over 15 years ago and left me in the middle of a random street and has never been seen or hard from agen.
Ok now your up to date.
So today i have just had a letter from "my mum"   (WTF) its in her hand riteing so its not fake.
In short.
Hopes I'm well and she wants to (try) to start paying me back by chek. And I'm to call her mobile using my mobile to confirm I'm still at the same address.
#(i think thar are sum hidden agenders hear sumwear)#
Also she's trying #note the word trying#  to sound sorry for the 15+ years of being absount and for not even sending a Christmas or birthday card and dispite not being around i wos allways in her thorts and in her prears... and now she wants / plans ?? to start to put that right this year...
#(even thoe she has nown the land line fone number all thes years and cood have foned up at any time to have a chat)#
So..
If this happened to you wood you call that mobile number ?
And wot on earth do you think has made her have a complete mind change and is now trying to get back in contact ?
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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago
A world all of his own |
It's bloody difficult to know what to think. The nice side of me thinks that maybe she just realised what she's missed out on, wants to reconnect with you and try to mend what's been broken.
Of course the cynical side also says that there may be a hidden agenda.
Tread lightly and go with your heart. I hope it works out for you, you seem like such a genuinely nice guy. |
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"Ok so long story short...
My mum ripped me off £3000 over 15 years ago and left me in the middle of a random street and has never been seen or hard from agen.
Ok now your up to date.
So today i have just had a letter from "my mum" (WTF) its in her hand riteing so its not fake.
In short.
Hopes I'm well and she wants to (try) to start paying me back by chek. And I'm to call her mobile using my mobile to confirm I'm still at the same address.
#(i think thar are sum hidden agenders hear sumwear)#
Also she's trying #note the word trying# to sound sorry for the 15+ years of being absount and for not even sending a Christmas or birthday card and dispite not being around i wos allways in her thorts and in her prears... and now she wants / plans ?? to start to put that right this year...
#(even thoe she has nown the land line fone number all thes years and cood have foned up at any time to have a chat)#
So..
If this happened to you wood you call that mobile number ?
And wot on earth do you think has made her have a complete mind change and is now trying to get back in contact ?
"
Call her mobile from a landline, preferably a pay phone, that's too fishy asking you to call from a mobile IMO. I hope it's her and genuine but could it be someone else using her phone for a scam? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are two issues here- the emotional one, and the financial one.
People do sometimes change and want to make amends but I would be extremely cautious.
If there is a return address you could write back instead.
The mobile thing does sound a bit fishy from the way you describe it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You could always buy a cheap pay as you go phone pop a bit of credit on it and thus make the call without revealing your main number out , would be nice to know why your mother wants to contact you after these years , you’ll always be wondering why . Good luck fella  |
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She is getting old. Maybe came to life regrets period.
Call and check, any phone really as her request sounds funny.
It's always worth to try, when she is gone you gonna know you tried.
Ps, even if you have dyslexia, try spelling checks, it costs nothing but makes it much better to read  |
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"She is getting old. Maybe came to life regrets period.
Call and check, any phone really as her request sounds funny.
It's always worth to try, when she is gone you gonna know you tried.
Ps, even if you have dyslexia, try spelling checks, it costs nothing but makes it much better to read "
Honestly 10/10 for spelling. I can't offer any advice as I have up reading but what I read was genius. Never knew so many words could be spelt in so many wrong ways and still make sense haha |
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Morning Mr See.
I'd say that if it was someone I cared about I'd give them a second chance.
If you've given them chances before and they've fucked you about I would be very very cautious.
The best way to predict someone's future behaviour is to look at their past behaviour.
It is possible she has changed and has seen the error of her ways...but the cynic in me thinks she's here to rip you off again.
Think hard about what you want from this contact See. Did you have a good relationship with her before she disappeared, or has she always been a bit shit?
I know it's hard with her being your mum, but think with your head not your heart.
God luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Life is too short, and you only get one chance to live it. Looks like she wants to make up, or at least make amends. Buy a cheap phone and use that, see what she has to say at least, or later on you may regret not taking the chance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If there is a return address on letter reply by letter and arange a face,to face meet have her look you in the face and apologise if you believe her to be genuine then take it from there the whole call my mobile thing does sound suspicions but its up to you what you do but if you do meet have a friend or someone close go with you to act as a witness and most of all to give you support good luck |
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"Ok so long story short...
My mum ripped me off £3000 over 15 years ago and left me in the middle of a random street and has never been seen or hard from agen.
Ok now your up to date.
So today i have just had a letter from "my mum" (WTF) its in her hand riteing so its not fake.
In short.
Hopes I'm well and she wants to (try) to start paying me back by chek. And I'm to call her mobile using my mobile to confirm I'm still at the same address.
#(i think thar are sum hidden agenders hear sumwear)#
Also she's trying #note the word trying# to sound sorry for the 15+ years of being absount and for not even sending a Christmas or birthday card and dispite not being around i wos allways in her thorts and in her prears... and now she wants / plans ?? to start to put that right this year...
#(even thoe she has nown the land line fone number all thes years and cood have foned up at any time to have a chat)#
So..
If this happened to you wood you call that mobile number ?
And wot on earth do you think has made her have a complete mind change and is now trying to get back in contact ?
"
Not share on fab.. |
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I wasn't expecting to wake up and blunder into a conundrum like this, I must admit.
First things first though, the really crucial question: do you WANT to reconnect with your mum? If you really don't want to, and you're only considering it because you think you SHOULD, it's never going to end well for you whatever transpires. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Difficult to give advice as only you know how you feel on the subject but if it was me I am noisy and would at least reach out and see what she wants, you can always cut off contact again if she does have a hidden agenda. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As others have said be cautious and don't give her your bank details.
Good luck xx"
Very much this. If she really does want to pay you back she'll send cheques.
How dodgy is she OP? Don't think I'd want an enemy knowing where I live. I'm very wary that she wants to come round.
Or get her to send the cheques to a friend's address.
Good luck _eeside. x |
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By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
Thanks everyone.
Lots of Food for thought.
If i do make contact it wood be to get my money back and not mutch els as i don't really well to see her.
Y see sumone that has stabbed you in the back ?
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Seeside I did not speak to Mother for about the same time as you mate.
I got back in touch with her myself and she would never admit to being a terrible terrible mother who abandoned me but we managed to build the semblance of a relationship.
Two years after I started meeting her she developed dementia and Alzheimer’s so I lost her again. I do what I can for her but she no longer knows who I am.
I say go for it. See what she wants and do not give her money (speaking from experience  )
Life’s too short.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks everyone.
Lots of Food for thought.
If i do make contact it wood be to get my money back and not mutch els as i don't really well to see her.
Y see sumone that has stabbed you in the back ?
"
Seeside, if you feel like that then why put yourself through it? Do you really believe she’ll pay you back after all this time?
I don’t know her or the situation but it feels like she’s just using the potential to get the money as a carrot to get you to reply.
Is she likely to just hand over 3k? Or are we talking 15 more years paying it back? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seeside I did not speak to Mother for about the same time as you mate.
I got back in touch with her myself and she would never admit to being a terrible terrible mother who abandoned me but we managed to build the semblance of a relationship.
Two years after I started meeting her she developed dementia and Alzheimer’s so I lost her again. I do what I can for her but she no longer knows who I am.
I say go for it. See what she wants and do not give her money (speaking from experience )
Life’s too short.
"
i agree. I didnt see my dad for 30 years. Before i could he died. Took that choice away from me. Now i will never know him or why he was the way he was. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say just be careful a work mate told me a story about when his lasses aunt kept ringing her up getting little bits of info and signed her up for a credit card in her name problies not what’s she’s intending but be careful anyway |
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By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
"Thanks everyone.
Lots of Food for thought.
If i do make contact it wood be to get my money back and not mutch els as i don't really well to see her.
Y see sumone that has stabbed you in the back ?
Seeside, if you feel like that then why put yourself through it? Do you really believe she’ll pay you back after all this time?
I don’t know her or the situation but it feels like she’s just using the potential to get the money as a carrot to get you to reply.
Is she likely to just hand over 3k? Or are we talking 15 more years paying it back? "
Going by the letter it wood not be in 1 go.
Most likely 100 odd hear and Thar till its pade off.
Problum is I'm split down the middle on this.
1/2 of me wants to make contact.. 1 to get my money back but 2 also to find out y all of a sudden she wants to get back in contact.
But
The other 1/2 of me don't want a thing to do with her for meney resouns. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's still your mum. God knows why she done what she done or why it took her so long to get back in touch but don't deny yourself an explanation or the chance to have her back in your life. You won't know you do unless you find out how you feel when you meet her. I personally find the money irrelevant and would forget about it and wouldn't make that the reason you contact her again. You can talk about that further down the line if you wish. You might meet her and she's not changed or have a hidden agenda....you won't know till you meet her but I honestly think if you don't meet her in years from now you'll really regret it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't, and shouldn't, tell you what to do.
But all I can do is tell you that I had to turn my back on my parents and walk away, many years ago.
It hurt - it still hurts - but there is no way that I could ever come to terms with what they did to my younger life.
I'm glad that I closed that door - my life is my own and I've paid my own way - I've been loved and respected in my own right and I can hold my own head up.
When people betray you - particularly parents - there is no path that leads backwards. Forget the cost, find your own worth and walk away...
Maybe one day, you will find yourself old and stuck on some odd swingers site or something - but that's all part of where life leads - your life, not anybody else's!
I hope that you find your own way through and forward...
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Yeah I don't buy into the whole "whatever happens she's still your mum" thing either. My dad abandoned us kids when we were little, decided he wanted to be part of our lives again about fifteen years later and then realised he couldn't be bothered and disappeared all over again. Nobody ever tells me "he's still your dad, you'll regret it if you don't try and find him" etc etc. They tell me "fuck him, he's proven he's not worth it." I don't see why it should be any different for a mother, particularly after doing something so appalling.
Seriously, don't let cliches or romanticised notions of 'happy families'or some sort of sense of duty pressure you into something you're not comfortable with. You need to decide on how YOU feel about it, not what societal convention dictates you 'should' feel. |
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It depends why she did what she did really.
Think long and hard before you make your decision. Can you foresee a time when you'll regret not being in touch with her?
Is there a return address on the letter? If not, he suspicious, if so and you want to, write back and tell her you're not ready to start communication yet but a cheque monthly would be a start. She clearly knows where you live so you're not giving anything away there and if she sends a cheque she doesn't need to know further details. If she's serious about making amends she'll do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know there's only one person who can make rmthis decision Seeside no matter how much people on this thread will try to help and advise you.
I can't give you any answers but often it's the things we don't do that we later regret, usually after the chance to do them is gone.
People can change for all sorts of reasons, the one thing that never changes is that if a door stays locked closed no one ever goes through it to find out what may be on the other side. Not many open the door unless they feel or believe that there is something worth finding there.
I wish you peace good luck and that you make the decision that's right for you.
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"She is getting old. Maybe came to life regrets period.
Call and check, any phone really as her request sounds funny.
It's always worth to try, when she is gone you gonna know you tried.
Ps, even if you have dyslexia, try spelling checks, it costs nothing but makes it much better to read
Honestly 10/10 for spelling. I can't offer any advice as I have up reading but what I read was genius. Never knew so many words could be spelt in so many wrong ways and still make sense haha"
. Seeside has dyslexia, something all of his very good friends on here are aware of, perhaps before commenting next time, you will give some thought as to whether or not the phrase ‘ If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all’ is appropriate, Mrs blue eyes |
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"Ok so long story short...
My mum ripped me off £3000 over 15 years ago and left me in the middle of a random street and has never been seen or hard from agen.
Ok now your up to date.
So today i have just had a letter from "my mum" (WTF) its in her hand riteing so its not fake.
In short.
Hopes I'm well and she wants to (try) to start paying me back by chek. And I'm to call her mobile using my mobile to confirm I'm still at the same address.
#(i think thar are sum hidden agenders hear sumwear)#
Also she's trying #note the word trying# to sound sorry for the 15+ years of being absount and for not even sending a Christmas or birthday card and dispite not being around i wos allways in her thorts and in her prears... and now she wants / plans ?? to start to put that right this year...
#(even thoe she has nown the land line fone number all thes years and cood have foned up at any time to have a chat)#
So..
If this happened to you wood you call that mobile number ?
And wot on earth do you think has made her have a complete mind change and is now trying to get back in contact ?
Not share on fab.."
. It’s an open forum, _eeside has lots of very, very good friends on here that he knows he can trust for good advice and he’s perfectly entitled to share his worries and thoughts if he feels he needs too, Mrs blue eyes |
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Morning lovely, it’s a tough one, I think you need to give it lots of time and thought but one things for sure, whatever you decide to do, you need to make it about you and your feelings and not about your mums, she needs to earn that respect from you, sonat the moment doing anything for her or to make her feel better should not even come into it, if you need to get in touch for yourself and for answers or for closure or even because you would like to have her back in your life then do that for you, but always, every step, you should only do for you, hope this helps, sending hugs, Mrs blue eyes xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a tough one _eeside. I have similar issues with my birth mother, although no money is involved. I hope what ever you decide, it works out right for you! |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
That's a difficult decision! You seem like a really caring chap, only you can decide what's right for you.
If you decide to make contact do it on your terms. I think a return letter would be the best approach to begin with.
I'm in the 'well she is your mum' camp to be honest. You'll never be able to trust her after what she done but if you meet the woman of your dreams and have a family it might make you feel like she should be a part of your life, however small.
After such a long time....small steps Seeside. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would be in the wary camp I think. Calling a mobile from a mobile wouldnt confirm your address either.
Give it lots of thought first is all I can say especially given your past together. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah I don't buy into the whole "whatever happens she's still your mum" thing either. My dad abandoned us kids when we were little, decided he wanted to be part of our lives again about fifteen years later and then realised he couldn't be bothered and disappeared all over again. Nobody ever tells me "he's still your dad, you'll regret it if you don't try and find him" etc etc. They tell me "fuck him, he's proven he's not worth it." I don't see why it should be any different for a mother, particularly after doing something so appalling.
Seriously, don't let cliches or romanticised notions of 'happy families'or some sort of sense of duty pressure you into something you're not comfortable with. You need to decide on how YOU feel about it, not what societal convention dictates you 'should' feel."
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Did she suffer from mental issues/bad relationships, alcoholism / drug use ?
Don't judge yet.
Firstly, there is only ONE question to consider and that is, Do you want to meet her or not ? If not then don't.
If YES then .....
1. Call her from a landline or someone elses mobile.
2. Be ready with what you have to say BEFORE you call so that you can take the lead. Begin with something like, ' It's been a huge surprise. I'd rather talk face to face. I can meet you at ( name a cafe and day time early ish ) and state that you can only meet for 30 mins on the first meet.
3. Meet her, buy her a coffee and LISTEN. If sob stories come calmly interject and say that all of that can come out in another meet in the future and that you'd rather just keep to how she's been and what she's been doing. ( It's far too soon to begin with recriminations or people being defensive )
Later when you've had a good think , then you decide what you thought of the meet, what was said and how you intend to progress in the future.
Me ? I'd HAVE to meet. I couldn't pass it by but i'd steer the meeting and it would just be for assessing situations and people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks everyone.
Lots of Food for thought.
If i do make contact it wood be to get my money back and not mutch els as i don't really well to see her.
Y see sumone that has stabbed you in the back ?
Seeside, if you feel like that then why put yourself through it? Do you really believe she’ll pay you back after all this time?
I don’t know her or the situation but it feels like she’s just using the potential to get the money as a carrot to get you to reply.
Is she likely to just hand over 3k? Or are we talking 15 more years paying it back?
Going by the letter it wood not be in 1 go.
Most likely 100 odd hear and Thar till its pade off.
Problum is I'm split down the middle on this.
1/2 of me wants to make contact.. 1 to get my money back but 2 also to find out y all of a sudden she wants to get back in contact.
But
The other 1/2 of me don't want a thing to do with her for meney resouns."
In which case, open the door a little.
By that I mean; ensure you can shut her out again with ease. Perhaps don’t tell her where you live and be prepared to change your phone number or use a pay as you go phone just for her.
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't, and shouldn't, tell you what to do.
But all I can do is tell you that I had to turn my back on my parents and walk away, many years ago.
It hurt - it still hurts - but there is no way that I could ever come to terms with what they did to my younger life.
I'm glad that I closed that door - my life is my own and I've paid my own way - I've been loved and respected in my own right and I can hold my own head up.
When people betray you - particularly parents - there is no path that leads backwards. Forget the cost, find your own worth and walk away...
Maybe one day, you will find yourself old and stuck on some odd swingers site or something - but that's all part of where life leads - your life, not anybody else's!
I hope that you find your own way through and forward...
"
This ^^^ my ‘mother’ was seriously ill in hospital & my ‘father’ emailed,sent letters & had the nerve to track me down & turn up unannounced on my doorstep (thankfully I wasn’t in) to try & persuede me to visit her in hospital. I refused to respond. She died 2 years ago & to this day I don’t regret not seeing her. I have not heard from my dad since then. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I've never known my birth Father Seaside - he left 52 years ago, and I honestly don't know why, nor am I interested in knowing why BUT if he got in contact now I know part of me would struggle to come to terms with it even given what I've said. So I can understand your dilemma.
If I were you I'd ask yourself what your actual reason for being in two minds is - is it motivated by the thought of getting your money back? If so, then the answer is simple - don't do it, the money has been gone a long time and whilst we'd all like to get £3k in our hand, the fact it will come back in dribs and drabs by the sound of it, it probably won't make a huge difference - so I'd just write it off and walk away if the money is your only motivation.
If however, you're in two minds because YOU would be open to getting to know your Mum again and seeing if bridges can be rebuilt - then still put the money thing aside, make it secondary to all this - focus on what YOU want and get in touch but be guarded and prepared to walk away if things don't go how YOU want them to.
I can't emphasise enough though that whatever you do it should be because YOU want to do it not because your Mum wants it.
Good luck with it |
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I don't know why your mother abandoned you Seeside.
I don't know why mine abandoned me either.
I do know I've had a good life with a great family.
I do know if she suddenly appeared in my life after 4 decades, I would have no interest in meeting her.
I went through alot when I was younger, took alot of time to get over, work through certain things.
Some wounds never heal, some leave scars stronger than steal.
Good luck in whatever you choose, and know you have friends here to talk too if you need us x
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By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
"Dont really understand the money side of it and why she needs your mobile or to pay you by cheque"
The money side is complicated.
As for the mobile and cheque bit. thats the bit i think has hidden agenders. |
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By *xycpl699Couple
over a year ago
kilmarnock |
"She is getting old. Maybe came to life regrets period.
Call and check, any phone really as her request sounds funny.
It's always worth to try, when she is gone you gonna know you tried.
Ps, even if you have dyslexia, try spelling checks, it costs nothing but makes it much better to read
Honestly 10/10 for spelling. I can't offer any advice as I have up reading but what I read was genius. Never knew so many words could be spelt in so many wrong ways and still make sense haha. Seeside has dyslexia, something all of his very good friends on here are aware of, perhaps before commenting next time, you will give some thought as to whether or not the phrase ‘ If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all’ is appropriate, Mrs blue eyes"
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"Ok so long story short...
My mum ripped me off £3000 over 15 years ago and left me in the middle of a random street and has never been seen or hard from agen.
Ok now your up to date.
So today i have just had a letter from "my mum" (WTF) its in her hand riteing so its not fake.
In short.
Hopes I'm well and she wants to (try) to start paying me back by chek. And I'm to call her mobile using my mobile to confirm I'm still at the same address.
#(i think thar are sum hidden agenders hear sumwear)#
Also she's trying #note the word trying# to sound sorry for the 15+ years of being absount and for not even sending a Christmas or birthday card and dispite not being around i wos allways in her thorts and in her prears... and now she wants / plans ?? to start to put that right this year...
#(even thoe she has nown the land line fone number all thes years and cood have foned up at any time to have a chat)#
So..
If this happened to you wood you call that mobile number ?
And wot on earth do you think has made her have a complete mind change and is now trying to get back in contact ?
"
What do you want to do?
I didn't speak to my mum for years, but I made an effort one last time but she was as hateful nas ever. When she died I was sorry I didn't have the mother I deserved, but felt no sorrow at her passing. When I heard my dad was dying I travelled to Chorley from London to see him. I doubt he even knew I was there. Didn't shed a tear for him either, but I'm glad I saw him one last time.
We are supposed to love our parents/children unconditionally but it's not always the case.
Only you can decide whether you let her in again...good luck. |
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Lots of great advice that we can’t really add to. You need to make your own choice but be careful and if you do meet then don’t have any expectations, best of luck, it’s a tough decision for you to make. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Life is very short, _eeside... Go with you but feeling. If that's to make contact and see what's made her change just be mindful that she could turn away again.
Anyway, shouldn't you be getting ready for your date?! Waiting to hear how it goes xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so long story short...
My mum ripped me off £3000 over 15 years ago and left me in the middle of a random street and has never been seen or hard from agen.
Ok now your up to date.
So today i have just had a letter from "my mum" (WTF) its in her hand riteing so its not fake.
In short.
Hopes I'm well and she wants to (try) to start paying me back by chek. And I'm to call her mobile using my mobile to confirm I'm still at the same address.
#(i think thar are sum hidden agenders hear sumwear)#
Also she's trying #note the word trying# to sound sorry for the 15+ years of being absount and for not even sending a Christmas or birthday card and dispite not being around i wos allways in her thorts and in her prears... and now she wants / plans ?? to start to put that right this year...
#(even thoe she has nown the land line fone number all thes years and cood have foned up at any time to have a chat)#
So..
If this happened to you wood you call that mobile number ?
And wot on earth do you think has made her have a complete mind change and is now trying to get back in contact ?
"
Life’s too short mate, give her the benefit of the doubt but keep her at arms length until she’s proved herself to you. As we get older our mindset changes, maybe she is truly sorry for what she did, maybe she’s ill and wants to make amends while she can. Believe me tho mate, once they’re gone there’s no going back. At least you’ll know you did your best if it doesn’t work out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd google the number to check it's not some premium phone number from another country type of bullshit. Then call from a pay phone just to be safe. And if it was legit, tell her the number to call me back on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok so long story short...
My mum ripped me off £3000 over 15 years ago and left me in the middle of a random street and has never been seen or hard from agen.
Ok now your up to date.
So today i have just had a letter from "my mum" (WTF) its in her hand riteing so its not fake.
In short.
Hopes I'm well and she wants to (try) to start paying me back by chek. And I'm to call her mobile using my mobile to confirm I'm still at the same address.
#(i think thar are sum hidden agenders hear sumwear)#
Also she's trying #note the word trying# to sound sorry for the 15+ years of being absount and for not even sending a Christmas or birthday card and dispite not being around i wos allways in her thorts and in her prears... and now she wants / plans ?? to start to put that right this year...
#(even thoe she has nown the land line fone number all thes years and cood have foned up at any time to have a chat)#
So..
If this happened to you wood you call that mobile number ?
And wot on earth do you think has made her have a complete mind change and is now trying to get back in contact ?
Not share on fab.."
How helpful, what’s the point of such comments? If you have nothing good to say then it’s usually best to say nothing at all |
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