FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Am I undatetable?

Am I undatetable?

By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

I had a first date on Saturday, I will admit it wasn't thunderbolts and lightening for me, but then I have not been in the dating game for over 10+ years so I am a bit reserved, he wanted to meet again on Sunday for a walk and a drink which I obliged to, and he has since admitted to being smitten with me.

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

Now tonight I had a mini breakdown due to the other 'stuff' and because I said this, he expected me to ask him for help and asked if I was easily stressed. I said I was a strong woman and stress rarely gets to me (maybe too strong) he said we are so different, then when I didn't respond to that (as not in the right frame of mind) he sent another message saying 'so that's that I guess'

What the fuck does that mean?

I'm not in the mood to ask him before you all complain, but in general do men really want a woman to lean on them for strength or times of struggle? I'm not one to even ask my dad for help never mind anyone else

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I’d say you were born circa 1974.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

On a more serious note - he doesn’t realise because he doesn’t know you how adverse you are to help and that rejection of help from him he has interpreted as a rejection of him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't give up.

Never surrender.

I have been single over 2 years.

I've been told I intimidate men because I am not clingy,needy and/or high maintenance.

I am independent,don't do bullshit or drama.confident with my body and sexuality.

Tough nut.

Guess it takes a real man to break the nut

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

So after seeing each other twice he kind of expected you to go to him for support because you're stressed?

Sounds a bit heavy if you ask me but maybe he just wants to help. Showing that is quite sweet I guess but I would of done the same as you as it's such early days.

But I'm crap at all this stuff tbh! Sorry, that's no help at all!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you dodged a bullet!

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I’d say you were born circa 1974."

Fook off and give a serious answer!

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Yes it sounds like he wants you to beg him for help. I'd peg him as a bit of a needy drama queen from that comment to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

You know what, text conversations are the easiest things in the world to misunderstand and to cause strife between people because of misunderstandings. I’ve experienced that numerous times.

I would assume nothing at all, his response could mean a million different things. He might actually think you were not interested after he admitted being easily stressed. He may think that he has put you off by admitting that by saying ‘we are so different’.

My advice would be assume nothing and have a phone conversation! 1 minute of real chat can clear up more than hours of misunderstood texts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In short. If he expects you to behave in a way you don't then best call it a day.

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I think maybe he's probably a bit clingy by the sound ,he probably hoped you'd seek help from him.

Well done for sticking to your guns and giving yourself the space and time needed .

If he's like this now ,probably for the best,bit of a tantrum I'd say because you're not responding in the way he wants.

I doubt he's for you,but that doesn't make you undatable at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He expected you to use it as an excuse to spend more time with him, which is his mistake, and when you didn’t he took that as you not wanting to spend more time with him - again his problem. I could be incredibly wrong but from this very small amount of information he sounds like a narcissist which can be problematic at best for relationships.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

Maybe because you told him about the mini meltdown he thought he should offer his help?

Dunno for sure, but the second response was a bit OTT to be honest...x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

You've only just met the bloke yet he's already getting miffed because you have something called a life with complications going on. Then because you won't lean on him - pretty much still a stranger at this point - he gets arsey again.

Believe me, the problem does not lie with you.

Sounds like you'd be better off without him.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

You don't seem at all keen on him and he senses that. Can't see the point of carrying on.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think hes saying so thats that because you didnt respond to his text. Your obviously both looking for different things so best you found out now

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"In short. If he expects you to behave in a way you don't then best call it a day. "

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Sounds really over dramatic or manipulative for someone you have only just met!!?

At that stage I would still be exploring, not demanding.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In short. If he expects you to behave in a way you don't then best call it a day.

Do the thing that causes you less excess stress. Always worked for me.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"In short. If he expects you to behave in a way you don't then best call it a day.

I think I'd be honest and say that you'll be in touch when things have settled down again.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"In short. If he expects you to behave in a way you don't then best call it a day.

I think your right, but do I just accept things and ignore the whatapps message, right now my head is just not in the game and I can't be arsed! I know that is wrong of me, but my situation is not dictated to by myself "
just message him and tell him you dont want to see him again then block him so he cant contact you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

You know what, text conversations are the easiest things in the world to misunderstand and to cause strife between people because of misunderstandings. I’ve experienced that numerous times.

My advice would be assume nothing and have a phone conversation! 1 minute of real chat can clear up more than hours of misunderstood texts "

Very true - better too leave it until you feel like talking then talk, I would text and say that so as not to ignore.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

Yes. It is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just for sending a message like that when I hadn't replied to the first one that would have done my head in, I hate all that crap. Like guys on here sending more messages when I haven't got back to their first one. I'd fuck him off out of it just for that reason alone!!

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

Yes, but not the getting miffed by a lack of immediate acceptance our the help.

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"In short. If he expects you to behave in a way you don't then best call it a day.

Do the thing that causes you less excess stress. Always worked for me. "

I think you're right! I've too much stress going on in life that I have always prided myself on in being able to deal with in the past but it's slowly crumbling and I can't deal with someone else's ego/crap

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can't be "strong" and need regular time outs from life at the same time.

It sounds like he liked you at first but then you gave off an unstable

vibe. That's my honest interpretation of your side of the story.

We all have blindspots.

You aren't undateable clearly but stuff like that can turn people off.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't be dating unless your heads in the right place. Don't think it's fair to have one date with someone and putting all that crap onto them. It should be light hearted and fun in the beginning and if your hearts not in it don't waste his time. I feel sorry for the guy x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

Yes, but not the getting miffed by a lack of immediate acceptance our the help. "

It's always someone's choice to accept or not any offer of help.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think he thinks you’re not interested and are giving him the brush off.

If you like him enough to give it another go then say so but explain you can’t commit to much at the moment re your personal circumstances.

If you don’t think it’s worth another shot then perfect time to call it a day.

Trouble with messaging it can be taken different ways.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In short. If he expects you to behave in a way you don't then best call it a day.

Do the thing that causes you less excess stress. Always worked for me.

Put it on hold if you can otherwise knock it on the head. A decent guy will understand. Hope you get the best outcome x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So after seeing each other twice he kind of expected you to go to him for support because you're stressed?

Sounds a bit heavy if you ask me but maybe he just wants to help. Showing that is quite sweet I guess but I would of done the same as you as it's such early days.

But I'm crap at all this stuff tbh! Sorry, that's no help at all!!"

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

Some men like the idea of a woman, even a strong independent one asking him for help. It shows that he is needed, also there is an element of trust there as well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have had experience of guys saying similar things after a very short period of knowing them I would say he sounds clingy and if he’s like that after meeting twice (unless you felt the exact same) I’d be giving him a swerve! He’s trying to make it all about him.

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By *onedbodMan over a year ago

co Galway

To the curb with that guy would be my advice! If he's acting like that so soon imagine what he'd be like after a few weeks/months!! He should have said "Hey lovely lady listen if you need someone to talk too I'm here for you! But if you need space to deal with other life issues i can wait until your ready to maybe meet again if you'd like"!

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Just to clarify, I did say at the beginning of any conversation, as I have been single for long and my profile (on another site states) I am only looking for a part time relationship as I am being tentative about dipping my toe in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You've met him once, yet disclosed to him something very personal, then expected him to not want to help.

I'd say you're confusing and no, you shouldn't date until you get your stuff sorted.

Or, date but don't disclose too much about your personal life so early on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think most single guys here are looking for dates not me because I've never been on a date since returning to UK

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To the curb with that guy would be my advice! If he's acting like that so soon imagine what he'd be like after a few weeks/months!! He should have said "Hey lovely lady listen if you need someone to talk too I'm here for you! But if you need space to deal with other life issues i can wait until your ready to maybe meet again if you'd like"!

Exactly, his reaction seems like he's possibly a tad pushy and impatient.

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By *irty-GentlemanMan over a year ago

Norbreck-Blackpool

Most men are childish, covered by an apparent easy going persona which is their ace card.. If and when thing's don't go their way, the toys get thrown out of their prams and then the real person comes out...

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By *alking DisasterWoman over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

Yes, but not the getting miffed by a lack of immediate acceptance our the help.

It's always someone's choice to accept or not any offer of help.

She didn't ask for help though. The only thing has should have done was remind her that if she needed any help/support she could contact him. Otherwise he's forcing his help onto her.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think most single guys here are looking for dates not me because I've never been on a date since returning to UK

He's not from here...try reading the OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would advise to keep your cards close to your chest.

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"You've met him once, yet disclosed to him something very personal, then expected him to not want to help.

I'd say you're confusing and no, you shouldn't date until you get your stuff sorted.

Or, date but don't disclose too much about your personal life so early on.

It was building issues that have been ongoing for over a year not personal issues, I have no idea why you keep looking for personal issues of attack under your own perceptions but I have noticed it a lot lately

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

You know what, text conversations are the easiest things in the world to misunderstand and to cause strife between people because of misunderstandings. I’ve experienced that numerous times.

My advice would be assume nothing and have a phone conversation! 1 minute of real chat can clear up more than hours of misunderstood texts "

This

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My guess is that he was probably nice to you in the first place, so you overshared your personal circumstances and he got a bit upset when you didn't call on him for help...

Just phone him and say you don't feel you can meet again whilst its all kicking off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get this totally. He wants you to need him either physically or mentally and because you’ve displayed no emotions on either side he’s decided to play the emotional card to see how you will react.

Walk away now!! Emotional abuse isn’t good.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

Not a real man. A real man wants someone to be genuine, strong at times and needing strength others. Give and take. If you were nearer I'd love to take you for a date. Definitely not undateable.

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By *egasus NobMan over a year ago

Wandsworth

Surely he should understand you are busy but could have been how you said it although he sounds clingy. What is the distance between both of you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd date you. And I'd quickly gauge that your feisty independence is part of your charm to a degree. I'd be patient with you adjusting to a new person in your life, as I'd hope you'd be to me too. And we'd just figure things out as we went along and slowly become a little more entwined with each other.

There. That was easy wasn't it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think men want 3 things from a woman. Feed them...Fuck them and don't give them drama. I don't see you giving him any of those x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

Yes, but not the getting miffed by a lack of immediate acceptance our the help.

It's always someone's choice to accept or not any offer of help.

She didn't ask for help though. The only thing has should have done was remind her that if she needed any help/support she could contact him. Otherwise he's forcing his help onto her."

Isn't that what I said in my first post?

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"I think men want 3 things from a woman. Feed them...Fuck them and don't give them drama. I don't see you giving him any of those x"

That's the three things I look for in a man

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think men want 3 things from a woman. Feed them...Fuck them and don't give them drama. I don't see you giving him any of those x

That's the three things I look for in a man

Mr can't cook for shit but he's good at the other 2 lol x

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Thanks for all responses, time for my bed, but I will look back in the morning x

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By *lbert_shlossedMan over a year ago

Manchester

It's life, pick yourself up and keep on keeping on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

Not a real man. A real man wants someone to be genuine, strong at times and needing strength others. Give and take. If you were nearer I'd love to take you for a date. Definitely not undateable."

Some real men like to care for, comfort and help others.

I know some. It's whether a person wants the help and how they react is the issue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just be straight with him, preferable on the phone.

If he's going too fast, tell him. Or bin him.

Don't want his help? Just say so.

Too much to deal with? Tell him the time's not right.

Are you undatable? Well he was smitten.

And bear in mind you're asking for advice from randoms on a sex message board

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whatever you next communicate, do it by phone call. Texting lends itself to misunderstandings and you don’t know each other well. If you want to, suggest he waits until you’ve sorted yourself out. You can judge by his reaction whether that will actually work.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think most single guys here are looking for dates not me because I've never been on a date since returning to UK

He's not from here...try reading the OP

"
i know i blind loll just banter that all i doing

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By *oxminxCouple over a year ago

NaughtyVille *×* Laois

Obviously as you said you have a lot going on to start with.

So is now really the best of times to be actually going on a date?

My advice would be to sort out what you have going on as it currently appears to require your attention more.

Many guy's are needy early in relationships and that's just the way it is. Maybe that kind of guy is simply not for you.

Best of luck with everything and hope you work through it. Andy

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Relationships, especially at the start ought to be relaxed, happy things. Why would either of you entertain continuing one that after two dates is causing you both anguish?

This doesn't mean you're undateable. It means you and this guy aren't compatible at this point in time.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I think most single guys here are looking for dates not me because I've never been on a date since returning to UK

He's not from here...try reading the OP

i know i blind loll just banter that all i doing"
when did you become blind?

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By *irty-GentlemanMan over a year ago

Norbreck-Blackpool

"Obviously as you said you have a lot going on to start with.

So is now really the best of times to be actually going on a date?

My advice would be to sort out what you have going on as it currently appears to require your attention more.

Many guy's are needy early in relationships and that's just the way it is. Maybe that kind of guy is simply not for you.

Best of luck with everything and hope you work through it. Andy

Well Said x

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By *alking DisasterWoman over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

Yes, but not the getting miffed by a lack of immediate acceptance our the help.

It's always someone's choice to accept or not any offer of help.

She didn't ask for help though. The only thing has should have done was remind her that if she needed any help/support she could contact him. Otherwise he's forcing his help onto her.

Isn't that what I said in my first post?"

That's not how it came across.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Most men are childish, covered by an apparent easy going persona which is their ace card.. If and when thing's don't go their way, the toys get thrown out of their prams and then the real person comes out... "

You could say that most men are the sort of goons that say all OTHER men are bastards (pick me, pick me).

Known in the trade as a bitch move

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

“So that’s that that then i guess”

Drama Queen Male Alert!!

This to me shows a man who is willing to dump you when he doesn’t get his own way or the response he wants.

Bin him. He’s trouble.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It sounds a bit weird and needy to me.

If your head is not in it then maybe start dating when you're trouble free.

Hope everything works out x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes it sounds like he wants you to beg him for help. I'd peg him as a bit of a needy drama queen from that comment to be honest. "

This

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I guess thats that then" to me shows emotional manipulation. Look how he has made you feel.. no one should make you feel this way.. they should accept you for you. He could of offered help if you needed it, let you know you could always talk to him. Not make you feel obligued to ask him after just two dates like he should be that important in your life already :/

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Many guy's are needy early in relationships and that's just the way it is. Maybe that kind of guy is simply not for you."

I agree with others that this guy's response was needy and claustrophobic. I just wanted to respond to this point that I've had women do exactly the same thing to me. So being needy early in a relationship isn't necessarily a guy thing. I think it's done by people who are keen to have a relationship with the other person... maybe because they're really hot for them.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I don't think the guy is needy but he does seem manipulative." Behave how I want you to behave or I'll get upset" is basically what he's saying with his actions. In a healthy relationship (I don't think two dates is a relationship but he obviously does) one person doesn't get annoyed and throw their toys out of the pram because the other has "stuff" going on, that's the opposite of supportive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reading this and I'm a bit lost really.

Dating or not if someone said to me I'm having problems or I'm stressed or something similar I would offer to help too.

Isn't that a normal human reaction to another's troubles whatever they may be?

Yes it is. But it’s the “i guess that’s that then” comment that set my alarm bells ring. Alluding to the fact that the relationship is done.

It’s the classic comment said by someone that indicates that it’s something that say everytime they don’t get their own way. It’s hard to put into words really, but it’s often said to make you panic and think “oh shit! I don’t want to lose them”. To make you step back into line.

And they then go on to do it all the time. It’s a classic manipulation trait.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

So much bullshit in this thread. smh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't give up.

Never surrender.

I have been single over 2 years.

I've been told I intimidate men because I am not clingy,needy and/or high maintenance.

I am independent,don't do bullshit or drama.confident with my body and sexuality.

Tough nut.

Guess it takes a real man to break the nut

Couldnt of said it bettet myself

People spend to long dwelling on might be or wont be.

Everything has its price mostly the oposite of wat we desire.

Your heart carnt tell you its happy if never been sad. So embrace the pain and know that somtimes its the price of finding happiness.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd do you op

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Nothing to do with men or women.

He's not for you. End of.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

"
relationships are based on many things and successful ones partners need each other, support each other, ask each others advice etc sometimes whether you need it or not it's nice to accept the other persons advice

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Some men have an innate drive to try to help, rescue, to find solutions, and 'fix it' when a woman has a problem, when actually, a lot of the time, a woman just wants some empathy - - someone to hear, understand, feel concern, maybe even express sympathy.

Sometimes it's really nice to have someone fix things for you. But sometimes you want to fix them yourself, even though maybe you'd like their moral support or encouragement.

What is a bit off is that the guy got miffed that his help wasn't taken up immediately, and so early in a relationship.

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

He sent a later message saying ‘there are plenty of people that want my help and I would have easily given it to you’

I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp (not willing to confirm in case it starts all over again)

So I’m thinking it’s better to end it there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Faf?

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

The fact you said it wasn't thunderbolts and lightning... that would give me my answer straight away.

The fact you're on a sex site means you're sexual and sex is important to you.

If you don't fancy the pants off someone you're looking to date with a view to getting into a serious relationship, you'll be limiting yourself in that regard and will never be completely satisfied?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"He sent a later message saying ‘there are plenty of people that want my help and I would have easily given it to you’

I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp (not willing to confirm in case it starts all over again)

So I’m thinking it’s better to end it there

"
looks like you where just looking for different things. Best to find out straight away than further down the line

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He sent a later message saying ‘there are plenty of people that want my help and I would have easily given it to you’

I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp (not willing to confirm in case it starts all over again)

So I’m thinking it’s better to end it there

The more I hear of him the less I like. You can do better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd do you op "

Oi get in the queue

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nobody is undateable & tbh it’s his loss if he’s let you go. Keep strong girl

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My gut on this is you're both being over sensitive for different reasons and both most likely misunderstanding each other. Too many assumptions being made by many even on this post.

A woman who never asks for help will be hard to have a proper relationship with. One of the things that I look for is self confidence, but a genuine willingness to ask for help and be allowed to be helped. It's endearing too. This goes for men too.

A relationship is about give and take... mostly give and that involves asking which is something we don't do well in our society.

We all need to feel useful and needed by the other special one. If we've learnt to do it all on our own then we're creating major barriers for lasting relationships.

Maybe he's genuinely interested about you and not whats under your knickers.

If we're always suspicious about other people's motives and live our lives like that we'll not go far with rekationships. We may get burnt once or twice but then again without trying we won't know or find that diamond everyone craves for.

That diamond will look rough until it's been cared for and set in an appropriate place too.

Just my 2p worth.

Listen to your gut and go with it OP.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"My gut on this is you're both being over sensitive for different reasons and both most likely misunderstanding each other. Too many assumptions being made by many even on this post.

A relationship is about give and take... mostly give and that involves asking which is something we don't do well in our society.

We all need to feel useful and needed by the other special one. If we've learnt to do it all on our own then we're creating major barriers for lasting relationships.

Maybe he's genuinely interested about you and not whats under your knickers.

That diamond will look rough until it's been cared for and set in an appropriate place too.

Just my 2p worth.

Listen to your gut and go with it OP."

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"My gut on this is you're both being over sensitive for different reasons and both most likely misunderstanding each other. Too many assumptions being made by many even on this post.

A relationship is about give and take... mostly give and that involves asking which is something we don't do well in our society.

We all need to feel useful and needed by the other special one. If we've learnt to do it all on our own then we're creating major barriers for lasting relationships.

Maybe he's genuinely interested about you and not whats under your knickers.

That diamond will look rough until it's been cared for and set in an appropriate place too.

Just my 2p worth.

Listen to your gut and go with it OP."
perfectly put.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"He sent a later message saying ‘there are plenty of people that want my help and I would have easily given it to you’

I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp (not willing to confirm in case it starts all over again)

So I’m thinking it’s better to end it there

Goodness me. That's so strange seeing as you're hardly at relationship stage!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He sent a later message saying ‘there are plenty of people that want my help and I would have easily given it to you’

I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp (not willing to confirm in case it starts all over again)

So I’m thinking it’s better to end it there

Goodness me. That's so strange seeing as you're hardly at relationship stage!!!

Ano. Just met and there's already been telling him she's stressed...patched texts...a thread and a break up. And she doesn't even really like him. God help the next poor bastard who gets into an actual relationship pmsl x

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"He sent a later message saying ‘there are plenty of people that want my help and I would have easily given it to you’

I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp (not willing to confirm in case it starts all over again)

So I’m thinking it’s better to end it there

Goodness me. That's so strange seeing as you're hardly at relationship stage!!!

What a wonderful way to summarise the situation when you know the bare minimum, you must be feeling so clever

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He sent a later message saying ‘there are plenty of people that want my help and I would have easily given it to you’

I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp (not willing to confirm in case it starts all over again)

So I’m thinking it’s better to end it there

Goodness me. That's so strange seeing as you're hardly at relationship stage!!!

What a wonderful way to summarise the situation when you know the bare minimum, you must be feeling so clever

No just found the amount of drama that's been caused from 2 dates fuckin hilarious lol x

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By *bonynivoryCouple over a year ago

market harborough

I'm more of the mind that he did offer to help, but then thought better of it, 2 dates in on a swinging site and I don't want other people's issues or complications. So he's got an excuse to get out.

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable.

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By *oxy_minx OP Woman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I'm going to leave this thread as it is, as soo many assumptions are being made! The date had absolutely nothing to do with swinging and the situation was mentioned before the date as it has been an ongoing litigation case for over the past year.

So I will leave you to carry on making up your own little stories

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'm going to leave this thread as it is, as soo many assumptions are being made! The date had absolutely nothing to do with swinging and the situation was mentioned before the date as it has been an ongoing litigation case for over the past year.

So I will leave you to carry on making up your own little stories

"
what instigater said was a perfect summary

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shut up. Get a train. Come for a holiday in the quiet countryside

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I'm more of the mind that he did offer to help, but then thought better of it, 2 dates in on a swinging site and I don't want other people's issues or complications. So he's got an excuse to get out.

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable. "

Haha, what bullshit!! Everyone has stressful life issues of some kind from time to time and people without serious personality issues are able to just back off when asked!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think we build up shells and it is very hard to let people in so put the defences up first x

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By *rwolfMan over a year ago

bristol

Take a look at the world for a moment...

We all go through hard times, rough break ups. As a result we all put up walls to protect ourselves. Doing this is not a bad thing, we do it to stop ourselves from getting hurt. Quite a good survival instinct really.

Someone new comes into your life and if anyone expects those walls to come down without them putting in some effort is seriously a wrong person to be with.

Simple things...

A friendly ear to talk to without fear of being judged.

Sometimes all we need is a hug, nothing more, nothing less.

If anyone is worth letting in they will be willing to show it and prove it until you are ready to let them in.

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By *uteLittleGeekWoman over a year ago

Somewhere

I hear you ...

What does your gut feeling says?

If is all to much for you and he is not understanding then you know what to do .

Like yourself I have been single for long time (6 years ) and it’s hard to start all again especially if life is hectic.

Listen to what you want and need not what others expect from you .

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By *bonynivoryCouple over a year ago

market harborough

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable.

Haha, what bullshit!! Everyone has stressful life issues of some kind from time to time and people without serious personality issues are able to just back off when asked!"

And you can keep your life bollocks and problems to yourself. As a swinging partner I couldn't give a monkeys. Not that we ever would be obviously.

I sometimes wonder if this is the woman's own forum not fab swingers. Talk about a bunch of whining, chip on their shoulder losers. Laughable.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable.

Haha, what bullshit!! Everyone has stressful life issues of some kind from time to time and people without serious personality issues are able to just back off when asked!

And you can keep your life bollocks and problems to yourself. As a swinging partner I couldn't give a monkeys. Not that we ever would be obviously.

I sometimes wonder if this is the woman's own forum not fab swingers. Talk about a bunch of whining, chip on their shoulder losers. Laughable. "
you do know it was talking about dating in real life and not a shag on a swingers site dont you?

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By *naquest321Man over a year ago

Carlisle

I think we’re all more eager to help, listen in the beginning of a relationship. Maybe if this was a few months in, he wouldn’t be.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable.

Haha, what bullshit!! Everyone has stressful life issues of some kind from time to time and people without serious personality issues are able to just back off when asked!

And you can keep your life bollocks and problems to yourself. As a swinging partner I couldn't give a monkeys. Not that we ever would be obviously.

I sometimes wonder if this is the woman's own forum not fab swingers. Talk about a bunch of whining, chip on their shoulder losers. Laughable. "

It's the laughable, chip on their shoulder men that do all whining on here normally, but the lady was on a dating site being whinged at by an overly emotional man, so you're barking up the wrong tree on every level there haha!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable.

Haha, what bullshit!! Everyone has stressful life issues of some kind from time to time and people without serious personality issues are able to just back off when asked!

And you can keep your life bollocks and problems to yourself. As a swinging partner I couldn't give a monkeys. Not that we ever would be obviously.

I sometimes wonder if this is the woman's own forum not fab swingers. Talk about a bunch of whining, chip on their shoulder losers. Laughable. "

I take it you are one of those who just jump in with their own opinion rather than actually reading the OP?

More fool you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable. "

Think you've totally misread, misinterpreted and dare I say made some very wrong assumptions. Sounds like you're trying say something that's more to do with yourself rather than anything to do with the OP situation.

It's always good to listen and listen again and reread carefully before thinking about formulating a reply that turns out irrelevant before offering any advice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swinging is about sex and fun, not dealing with somebody else's issues and life problems. If that's where you are I think fabs is NOT the place to be meeting people.

In fact nowhere is until lyou feel more stable.

Haha, what bullshit!! Everyone has stressful life issues of some kind from time to time and people without serious personality issues are able to just back off when asked!

And you can keep your life bollocks and problems to yourself. As a swinging partner I couldn't give a monkeys. Not that we ever would be obviously.

I sometimes wonder if this is the woman's own forum not fab swingers. Talk about a bunch of whining, chip on their shoulder losers. Laughable.

you do know it was talking about dating in real life and not a shag on a swingers site dont you?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've only read the opening post so here's my take on it. Guys like strong women but being strong to the point where they don't even feel like you want them can make them think fuck it what's the point. Also if someone, anyone said any kind of problem to me my first response would be to offer to help or offer advice. I think men are natural problem solvers so think that if you say a problem to them they'll automatically want to try and help or solve it.

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By *olden RatioWoman over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

I would personally find it a bit much if someone expected me to be opening up to them after 2 dates. And then I’d just be pissed off at the “so that’s that” kind of approach, since it rings alarm bells to me regarding needy/manipulative personality types.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So I will leave you to carry on making up your own little stories

"
God you've been here long enough to know that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've only read the opening post so here's my take on it. Guys like strong women but being strong to the point where they don't even feel like you want them can make them think fuck it what's the point. Also if someone, anyone said any kind of problem to me my first response would be to offer to help or offer advice. I think men are natural problem solvers so think that if you say a problem to them they'll automatically want to try and help or solve it. "

I agree with this and Instigators big post further up. I am one of these guys. But I don't think this particular guy has gone about it right.

I'm pragmatic about building a new relationship. I assume it's going to take time. So, though I may offer to help and my problem solving mental cogs would definitely spin into action, I'd buffer all that with a little realistic humility. I'm on the outside of this woman's life. It's not for me yet (if ever) to elbow my way into it and try and take charge... and it certainly isn't for me to get offended when she declines my assistance. The early stages of a relationship require a lightness of touch and a good sense of humour. This guy doesn't seem to have exhibited either

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP in answer to your question..

Yes you are undateable because you have been on a swingers site for so long you no longer trust your own judgement, and therefore rely on a bunch of strangers to pass comment on your private life..

Just do what you feel is right

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

Sounds like he’s thrown you a hook and you ignored him. He took you ignoring him as his answer and made the assumption you’re not that interested. If he’s wrong then you need to set him straight and try to explain you’ve got a lot going on. If he’s a nice guy and he likes you then your life won’t frighten him off.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Are you ok hun?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

I was dating someone 6 weeks, had the unfortunate news of my mum passing... i got told i couldnt be emotionally available for her needs..... posh way of saying im running..... people are bastards.... lets face it lol x

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By *xplorer13Man over a year ago

glenrothes

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

You sound like really hard work if I am honest, plus this isn't a dating site! I would give you a very wide bearth and maybe you should apologise to him!

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By *tonMessCouple over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

I'd say if the stuff going on is stressful enough to cause you a mini breakdown step away from the keyboard.

You opened up and told him that after 2 meets, knowing he likes you, what were you expecting the poor fella to do? If he'd run a mile no doubt you would be moaning he's a basard for dropping you when you are already low. Poor fucker couldn't win.

As harsh as it sounds this isn't somewhere people come to find drama. Be kind to yourself and sort whatever needs sorting. Take a break and come back with a happy head.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I applaud you for being brave.... and acting on youre feelings.... may not of worked out this time.... but least you know x

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By *egasus NobMan over a year ago

Wandsworth

If the role were reversed you met a guy went out twice you asked him if you can come over because you are smitten with him and he said, I am busy. How would you take it?

Playing devil’s advocate.

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By *xplorer13Man over a year ago

glenrothes

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

You sound like really hard work if I am honest, plus this isn't a dating site! I would give you a very wide bearth and maybe you should apologise to him!

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By *ast_And_CuriousMan over a year ago

Sevenoaks

The Undateables is a great programme

think I missed the last series?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really don't understand how others think, and I will question him tomorrow (maybe as too emotional just now due to other aspects of my life)

Now because I have a lot of 'stuff' going on in my life I refused to see him again until the next weekend, which he wasn't overly happy with but I stuck to my guns.

What the fuck does that mean?

You know what, text conversations are the easiest things in the world to misunderstand and to cause strife between people because of misunderstandings. I’ve experienced that numerous times.

My advice would be assume nothing and have a phone conversation! 1 minute of real chat can clear up more than hours of misunderstood texts "

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