FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Too much effort
Too much effort
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ?? "
Nope.
"
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha "
Nope |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I don’t think that as it seems quite shallow & a bit narrow minded to look at someone’s appearance and assume from it that they are stuck up etc.
I take people as they come, and don’t judge them on looks alone as they can be very deceiving. Enough people have done it to me and been very wrong so I wouldn’t dream of doing it to someone else.  |
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Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha "
Do you mean like punching above?
Nah... although there doesn't seem anyone worth making an effort for atm |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha
Do you mean like punching above?
Nah... although there doesn't seem anyone worth making an effort for atm"
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I don’t look at people and think they would be too hard work... I’m sometimes guilty of thinking that certain people wouldn’t be interested in me!
I’ve also had messages from people saying that ‘your out of my league’ which does make me really sad!! As I definitely don’t judge in that way and there could be some real lost opportunities from that.
I think you should take people as they come until you are shown otherwise! |
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"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
YES!
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
YES!
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha "
Why not?
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Some people put me off wanting to interact with them. Even though I might find them physically attractive, I lose interest.
Others, I can hold different views and disagree with just about everything they say on here but still meet them and have great sex.
#youallknowwhoyouareandsodoteregulars.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha "
No. That seems an awfully judgemental viewpoint to operate from. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can't really blanket every attractive person with being dull or too much effort with very little reward. But there is also some truth to it.
I think society as a whole treat attractive people better.
Attractive people do tend to get an easier ride. Like men that are really tall and really attractive with large dicks are going to be wanted by many women. It *could* make them believe that they don't have to be particular pleasant or act in a decent way because they have a steady supply of women waiting for them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx"
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense? "
A judgmental ass, most definitely ... grandad!! Ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense? "
Judgemental. Because you yourself have said they may be lovely chilled etc..., you don’t know. You may be right, you may be wrong - it is judgemental though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense?
Judgemental. Because you yourself have said they may be lovely chilled etc..., you don’t know. You may be right, you may be wrong - it is judgemental though. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well if the contents of the sweet wrapper are a disappointment just wrap it back up and put it back in the tin.
Someone will like it "
Oi you! Get back in the hot tub and stop thinking about unwrapping sweets  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense? "
I think people throw the word judgmental around too much these days. It's accusing people of being negative yet by using the word they're doing the same.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense?
A judgmental ass, most definitely ... grandad!! Ha"
Tsk kids today! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In reply to the OP, yes I've often thought that some people aren't worth my time in mailing them. I reckon the feeling would be mutual however.
Some are attractive but normal. I get on ok with those types. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense?
I think people throw the word judgmental around too much these days. It's accusing people of being negative yet by using the word they're doing the same.
"
No, it’s about recognising you are pre-forming an opinion which may not prove to be correct (it may) and that could lead to an action based on it. There’s no ascribed positive or negative to it. Although you just did. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense?
I think people throw the word judgmental around too much these days. It's accusing people of being negative yet by using the word they're doing the same.
No, it’s about recognising you are pre-forming an opinion which may not prove to be correct (it may) and that could lead to an action based on it. There’s no ascribed positive or negative to it. Although you just did."
It’s why I removed the word “ass” from my reply, so I wasn’t limited to the OP’s ascription of a seemingly positive choice (common sense) or negative one (ass). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No. That seems an awfully judgemental viewpoint to operate from."
So I take it Estella that by this you merely mean I am making a judgement based upon available evidence. In much the same way as deciding because a profile had pics ripped from a porn site they may not be worth meeting. Yes that is awfully judgemental isn't it?  |
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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago
wherever |
"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha "
Nope tbh that sounds more like trying to hide insecurity |
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People judge others by how they look. It's not something we can get away from and if I was walking in an unlit street with a shadowy figure following me I would judge rightly or wrongly, that they were up to no good. When I see pictures of sadistic killers on the news I sometimes find myself thinking "you'd never know it by looking at them".
We only ever contact people that "to us" are attractive, I'm not about to get up close and personal with a personality. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha
Nope tbh that sounds more like trying to hide insecurity "
 Now you've got me worried  Maybe you're right Damn now I'm going to have to spend thousands on a shrink |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx
It's just a vibe that comes across isn't it. The long ranty profile filled with sarcastic comments and gripes is a massive indicator of a major prima donna. Some people get away with having 138 pics of themselves. They just come across as normal sexy people. But with others it just feels like they spend an excessive amount of time photographing themselves in pouty poses looking in the mirror at all their bits.
My senses may be mistaken. These people may be lovely chilled interesting sexy people. But I do sometimes wonder... and then those thoughts put me off them. Does that make me a judgemental ass? Or is it not just common sense?
I think people throw the word judgmental around too much these days. It's accusing people of being negative yet by using the word they're doing the same.
No, it’s about recognising you are pre-forming an opinion which may not prove to be correct (it may) and that could lead to an action based on it. There’s no ascribed positive or negative to it. Although you just did."
Absolutely agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People judge others by how they look. It's not something we can get away from and if I was walking in an unlit street with a shadowy figure following me I would judge rightly or wrongly, that they were up to no good. When I see pictures of sadistic killers on the news I sometimes find myself thinking "you'd never know it by looking at them".
We only ever contact people that "to us" are attractive, I'm not about to get up close and personal with a personality."
Perhaps it's my interpretation of the words. I find 'to judge'- as you describe- to be positive. But I find the word 'judgemental' to be negative, as it seems to mostly be used in an accusatory way. |
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"People judge others by how they look. It's not something we can get away from and if I was walking in an unlit street with a shadowy figure following me I would judge rightly or wrongly, that they were up to no good. When I see pictures of sadistic killers on the news I sometimes find myself thinking "you'd never know it by looking at them".
We only ever contact people that "to us" are attractive, I'm not about to get up close and personal with a personality.
Perhaps it's my interpretation of the words. I find 'to judge'- as you describe- to be positive. But I find the word 'judgemental' to be negative, as it seems to mostly be used in an accusatory way."
It's always used in a negative way in my experience. I've never said to anyone who paid me a compliment "you're so judgmental" |
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I suppose we all use our internal filters to some degree to find someone that might be a good fit, but I'd say I don't tend to allocate personality traits on the basis of appearance.
If I'm attracted to someone physically and the profile comes across as a decent normal person that would be a good starting point. I think you get a much better idea of a personality through the forums,but the majority don't use them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. That seems an awfully judgemental viewpoint to operate from.
So I take it Estella that by this you merely mean I am making a judgement based upon available evidence. In much the same way as deciding because a profile had pics ripped from a porn site they may not be worth meeting. Yes that is awfully judgemental isn't it? "
Eh? This was responding to *your* OP saying that based on looking at someone you decided they were X, Y, Z - what evidence are you referring to there?
If you have discovered pics are ripped from a porn site, and have used that evidence for your decision then that is an entirely different scenario, and not what I was responding to.
You see the difference, no? |
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Some of the sexy men iv met have been down to earth, not like you describe, some are like that but you can usually tell by reading their profile and by the messages they send. I never contact them first though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As others have said on this thread, people can be super hot, but as long as they come across as normal down to earth people I'm more than happy to assume they're probably lovely. So I make no judgements purely based on how hot someone looks. So I don't think it comes down to insecurity on my behalf. (phew! )
But there are some profiles on here where, despite looking super hot, what they've written just sounds moany and entitled and there's something in their pics that makes you think they probably spend an unhealthy amount of time looking in a mirror.
If you guys can't see that then obviously it's just me. But it seems pretty clear to me that some people on here probably aren't worth the effort they think they are. It's that, not "having standards", that I'd define as being "up themselves". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As others have said on this thread, people can be super hot, but as long as they come across as normal down to earth people I'm more than happy to assume they're probably lovely. So I make no judgements purely based on how hot someone looks. So I don't think it comes down to insecurity on my behalf. (phew! )
But there are some profiles on here where, despite looking super hot, what they've written just sounds moany and entitled and there's something in their pics that makes you think they probably spend an unhealthy amount of time looking in a mirror.
If you guys can't see that then obviously it's just me. But it seems pretty clear to me that some people on here probably aren't worth the effort they think they are. It's that, not "having standards", that I'd define as being "up themselves". "
Ah, when you provide more context to your OP than just “look at someone”, then it is easier to see why you’re forming your judgements.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think when someone poses a question that demonstrates they are making negative assumptions based on no evidence, it’s not negative to point that out."
There is evidence. Thats the whole point. I'm basing my opinion on their profile. You clearly never form opinions of people based on their profiles. You've made that clear. So the guy who nicks porn pics is just as credible to you as the one who's filled their profile with a grumpy rant. They're all good because you don't form opinions on whether you want to meet people or not based purely on the evidence on show on their profiles. And I respect that. That's very nobel of you.
It's assuming I'm being "awfully judgemental", instead of quite reasonably forming a personal opinion based upon the evidence before me in the form of a person's profile, and then accusing me of that... that's judgemental imo |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As others have said on this thread, people can be super hot, but as long as they come across as normal down to earth people I'm more than happy to assume they're probably lovely. So I make no judgements purely based on how hot someone looks. So I don't think it comes down to insecurity on my behalf. (phew! )
But there are some profiles on here where, despite looking super hot, what they've written just sounds moany and entitled and there's something in their pics that makes you think they probably spend an unhealthy amount of time looking in a mirror.
If you guys can't see that then obviously it's just me. But it seems pretty clear to me that some people on here probably aren't worth the effort they think they are. It's that, not "having standards", that I'd define as being "up themselves".
Ah, when you provide more context to your OP than just “look at someone”, then it is easier to see why you’re forming your judgements.
"
Ahh well I apologise for the rant I did above then Sorry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think when someone poses a question that demonstrates they are making negative assumptions based on no evidence, it’s not negative to point that out.
There is evidence. Thats the whole point. I'm basing my opinion on their profile. You clearly never form opinions of people based on their profiles. You've made that clear. So the guy who nicks porn pics is just as credible to you as the one who's filled their profile with a grumpy rant. They're all good because you don't form opinions on whether you want to meet people or not based purely on the evidence on show on their profiles. And I respect that. That's very nobel of you.
It's assuming I'm being "awfully judgemental", instead of quite reasonably forming a personal opinion based upon the evidence before me in the form of a person's profile, and then accusing me of that... that's judgemental imo"
No. You’re making a number of assumptions there, and misunderstanding me.
I replied to your OP “look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort” - that could be see an avatar on a thread on the forum and judge. You’ve latterly explained you specifically mean read their profile, and I’ve countered that the context now makes more sense.
Does that make sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think when someone poses a question that demonstrates they are making negative assumptions based on no evidence, it’s not negative to point that out.
There is evidence. Thats the whole point. I'm basing my opinion on their profile. You clearly never form opinions of people based on their profiles. You've made that clear. So the guy who nicks porn pics is just as credible to you as the one who's filled their profile with a grumpy rant. They're all good because you don't form opinions on whether you want to meet people or not based purely on the evidence on show on their profiles. And I respect that. That's very nobel of you.
It's assuming I'm being "awfully judgemental", instead of quite reasonably forming a personal opinion based upon the evidence before me in the form of a person's profile, and then accusing me of that... that's judgemental imo
No. You’re making a number of assumptions there, and misunderstanding me.
I replied to your OP “look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort” - that could be see an avatar on a thread on the forum and judge. You’ve latterly explained you specifically mean read their profile, and I’ve countered that the context now makes more sense.
Does that make sense?"
It’s also why my first reply used the word “seems”...I wasn’t assuming I fully understood your context. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think when someone poses a question that demonstrates they are making negative assumptions based on no evidence, it’s not negative to point that out.
There is evidence. Thats the whole point. I'm basing my opinion on their profile. You clearly never form opinions of people based on their profiles. You've made that clear. So the guy who nicks porn pics is just as credible to you as the one who's filled their profile with a grumpy rant. They're all good because you don't form opinions on whether you want to meet people or not based purely on the evidence on show on their profiles. And I respect that. That's very nobel of you.
It's assuming I'm being "awfully judgemental", instead of quite reasonably forming a personal opinion based upon the evidence before me in the form of a person's profile, and then accusing me of that... that's judgemental imo
No. You’re making a number of assumptions there, and misunderstanding me.
I replied to your OP “look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort” - that could be see an avatar on a thread on the forum and judge. You’ve latterly explained you specifically mean read their profile, and I’ve countered that the context now makes more sense.
Does that make sense?
It’s also why my first reply used the word “seems”...I wasn’t assuming I fully understood your context."
It's ok. But it is slightly ironic that you did somewhat leap to a judgement about me as being judgemental don't you think? Just saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People judge others by how they look. It's not something we can get away from and if I was walking in an unlit street with a shadowy figure following me I would judge rightly or wrongly, that they were up to no good. When I see pictures of sadistic killers on the news I sometimes find myself thinking "you'd never know it by looking at them".
We only ever contact people that "to us" are attractive, I'm not about to get up close and personal with a personality.
Perhaps it's my interpretation of the words. I find 'to judge'- as you describe- to be positive. But I find the word 'judgemental' to be negative, as it seems to mostly be used in an accusatory way.
It's always used in a negative way in my experience. I've never said to anyone who paid me a compliment "you're so judgmental" "
Good point! I don't feel so bad now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think when someone poses a question that demonstrates they are making negative assumptions based on no evidence, it’s not negative to point that out.
There is evidence. Thats the whole point. I'm basing my opinion on their profile. You clearly never form opinions of people based on their profiles. You've made that clear. So the guy who nicks porn pics is just as credible to you as the one who's filled their profile with a grumpy rant. They're all good because you don't form opinions on whether you want to meet people or not based purely on the evidence on show on their profiles. And I respect that. That's very nobel of you.
It's assuming I'm being "awfully judgemental", instead of quite reasonably forming a personal opinion based upon the evidence before me in the form of a person's profile, and then accusing me of that... that's judgemental imo
No. You’re making a number of assumptions there, and misunderstanding me.
I replied to your OP “look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort” - that could be see an avatar on a thread on the forum and judge. You’ve latterly explained you specifically mean read their profile, and I’ve countered that the context now makes more sense.
Does that make sense?
It’s also why my first reply used the word “seems”...I wasn’t assuming I fully understood your context.
It's ok. But it is slightly ironic that you did somewhat leap to a judgement about me as being judgemental don't you think? Just saying "
No, I based it on the evidence - I actually don’t agree completely that anyone with moany wording on their profile equates to them having to be up themselves etc. I latterly accepted I understood your reasoning for judging like that when you gave an example, but it doesn’t mean I necessarily think it’s a given. Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" This is virtual not reality , Reality is totally different"
How is it not reality? The people behind the profiles are real.
This would explain why some men are so abusive on sites like this. (I don't mean you personally.) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" This is virtual not reality , Reality is totally different
How is it not reality? The people behind the profiles are real.
This would explain why some men are so abusive on sites like this. (I don't mean you personally.)"
You hope they're real at least |
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"Normally look at couples and think that they are out of our league, which is a shame but we are realists lol.
The only ones we think are too much effort are the ones that have a rant as their profile, about how they don't want this, that and the other (God I hope our blurb doesn't come across like that).
Xx"
Agreed. A negative profile is really off putting |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
You women do realise that I'm soooo gonna wait for the next moany twat to come onto the forums complaining that they've been on Fab a whole 10 days and nobody's spread their legs... and I'll pass him your way After all everyone deserves a chance right? |
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By *MP3Man
over a year ago
Between Scylla and Charybdis |
"You women do realise that I'm soooo gonna wait for the next moany twat to come onto the forums complaining that they've been on Fab a whole 10 days and nobody's spread their legs... and I'll pass him your way After all everyone deserves a chance right? "
I've been on Fab for a whole 10 days and nobody's spread their legs for me!
Pass me on please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What I mean by reality is that we are behind the mobiles and laptops yes there is a real person behind them But reality when meeting somebody is different from speaking to somebody Through a device |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" What I mean by reality is that we are behind the mobiles and laptops yes there is a real person behind them But reality when meeting somebody is different from speaking to somebody Through a device"
That makes sense and I agree.
Sorry, I wasn't having a go at you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do. "
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here |
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"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha "
Nope. You reap what you sow. If you are not prepared to put some effort in don't be surprised when you don't get meets. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"No. That seems an awfully judgemental viewpoint to operate from.
So I take it Estella that by this you merely mean I am making a judgement based upon available evidence. In much the same way as deciding because a profile had pics ripped from a porn site they may not be worth meeting. Yes that is awfully judgemental isn't it? "
We all make judgements. We just need to own it and address it if it's stunting our development. |
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"Usually more to do with what they write on their profile that tells me they're up themselves.
Why should having standards mean ‘up themselves’? "
Why do you think that I mean that specifically? Although there are some about who are EXTREMELY fussy who aren't even much to look at themselves. Guess we can blame men for being willing to stick it in anything with a pussy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here "
People may just be replying to the OP. They are answering the question asked, not commenting on your ability to suss out the whole picture.
I've been snippy at you too Estella, sorry. xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
"
Ah okay, how am I appearing grumpy? If that’s okay to ask, I’m not being grumpy by doing so btw..
"
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here "
It’s not not giving you leeway. I solely responded to what you posted, and also posed it in a way that was pointing out that’s how it came across not that that’s necessarily who you are. And interestingly doing so is getting me labelled (potentially) as grumpy? |
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"You can't really blanket every attractive person with being dull or too much effort with very little reward. But there is also some truth to it.
I think society as a whole treat attractive people better.
Attractive people do tend to get an easier ride. Like men that are really tall and really attractive with large dicks are going to be wanted by many women. It *could* make them believe that they don't have to be particular pleasant or act in a decent way because they have a steady supply of women waiting for them. "
Yep. Sadly it has been proven less atractive people up in court tend to get a heavier sentence than an attractive person.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here
People may just be replying to the OP. They are answering the question asked, not commenting on your ability to suss out the whole picture.
I've been snippy at you too Estella, sorry. xx"
It’s okay. I’m really not digging at people or offended or angry or half the things people tell me I am on here. I do get hurt though. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here "
Over thinker, but cute and well-meaning. |
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"You can't really blanket every attractive person with being dull or too much effort with very little reward. But there is also some truth to it.
I think society as a whole treat attractive people better.
Attractive people do tend to get an easier ride. Like men that are really tall and really attractive with large dicks are going to be wanted by many women. It *could* make them believe that they don't have to be particular pleasant or act in a decent way because they have a steady supply of women waiting for them. "
Some women do say "some" men with big cocks think all they have to do is show or tell woman they have a big cock and they think the woman will come running. They stupidly think all women want a man with a big cock. |
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No. But I start with the assumption that most people aren't compatible and so filter out those who aren't and just focus on the possibilities. I don't think any more about the rest. There are thousands here to pick from. |
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The only time I judge others by their appearance is on the morning school where their hair is perfectly styled, full make-up, manicured nails and a perfectly put together outfit. And I wonder what time they got up the night before to put that much effort in just to take their kids to school, as I have been up hours got the kids together, found lost shoes and homework etc and look like I've just had time to put a brush through my hair after being dragged through a bush! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here "
I have an image of someone who "pretends to be in love"
Based on the words you wrote.
In fact, I usually base my images' of people on their words.
Oddly |
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"The only time I judge others by their appearance is on the morning school where their hair is perfectly styled, full make-up, manicured nails and a perfectly put together outfit. And I wonder what time they got up the night before to put that much effort in just to take their kids to school, as I have been up hours got the kids together, found lost shoes and homework etc and look like I've just had time to put a brush through my hair after being dragged through a bush!"
When I used to drop the kids off at school I would be in a well put together outfit and was well groomed. I tried to be organised the night before and get up early enough to put make up on and style my hair. The motivation was that I had to be at work straight after I dropped them off and it was a job that I needed to be well groomed for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Usually more to do with what they write on their profile that tells me they're up themselves.
Why should having standards mean ‘up themselves’?
Why do you think that I mean that specifically? Although there are some about who are EXTREMELY fussy who aren't even much to look at themselves. Guess we can blame men for being willing to stick it in anything with a pussy. "
Being fussy involves more than just looks though - intelligence, wit, personality and attitude all come into it. And why shouldn't those who "aren't even much to look at themselves" be discerning about these qualities too (as well as looks, if they want)? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Usually more to do with what they write on their profile that tells me they're up themselves.
Why should having standards mean ‘up themselves’?
Why do you think that I mean that specifically? Although there are some about who are EXTREMELY fussy who aren't even much to look at themselves. Guess we can blame men for being willing to stick it in anything with a pussy.
Being fussy involves more than just looks though - intelligence, wit, personality and attitude all come into it. And why shouldn't those who "aren't even much to look at themselves" be discerning about these qualities too (as well as looks, if they want)? "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here
I have an image of someone who "pretends to be in love"
Based on the words you wrote.
In fact, I usually base my images' of people on their words.
Oddly"
Does it not nag at you that you fixed on those few words, made an assumption about what they meant, insisted upon your assumption being correct despite me explaining why you'd got the wrong end of the stick over a whole thread, and have continued to judge me on that fixed wilful misreading of me ever since?
As I explained in the original thread, all those months ago when I first joined, prior to being on here there was a woman who messaged me on cl who liked messaging in very romantic tones, I echoed her but checked to make sure she was aware it wasn't really love, it was just a bit of texting fun, we agreed that it was just a fantasy, having done so we carried on messaging each other "pretending we were in love" and it was a really lovely experience for both of us. Fresh from that experience I started a thread on here asking if others had enjoyed such "boyfriend" experiences where there's a degree of *both sides* pretending they're in love.
You carved out of that thread this view of me as a nasty manipulative faker who tricks women into thinking I'm in love with them and you've stuck to that ever since... over all this time and all the many other words I've written... no matter how nice or genuine I've since seemed... somehow, for you, those few words reveal the dark essence of me.
No I don't think you judge people on their words at all. I think you quickly leap to a kneejerk opinion on someone and fix rigidly to it under the pride that you have some special insight into them even despite their protestations to the contrary. I think you're someone who doesn't give people second chances. Maybe that all might seem surprisingly sharp and judgemental of me to others reading this thread. But the poster has been following me with her negative view of me as someone who "pretends to be in love" and insisting on her decontextualised misreading of that phrase ever since I joined  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Usually more to do with what they write on their profile that tells me they're up themselves.
Why should having standards mean ‘up themselves’?
Why do you think that I mean that specifically? Although there are some about who are EXTREMELY fussy who aren't even much to look at themselves. Guess we can blame men for being willing to stick it in anything with a pussy.
Being fussy involves more than just looks though - intelligence, wit, personality and attitude all come into it. And why shouldn't those who "aren't even much to look at themselves" be discerning about these qualities too (as well as looks, if they want)? "
Thank you. Exactly this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here
I have an image of someone who "pretends to be in love"
Based on the words you wrote.
In fact, I usually base my images' of people on their words.
Oddly
Does it not nag at you that you fixed on those few words, made an assumption about what they meant, insisted upon your assumption being correct despite me explaining why you'd got the wrong end of the stick over a whole thread, and have continued to judge me on that fixed wilful misreading of me ever since?
As I explained in the original thread, all those months ago when I first joined, prior to being on here there was a woman who messaged me on cl who liked messaging in very romantic tones, I echoed her but checked to make sure she was aware it wasn't really love, it was just a bit of texting fun, we agreed that it was just a fantasy, having done so we carried on messaging each other "pretending we were in love" and it was a really lovely experience for both of us. Fresh from that experience I started a thread on here asking if others had enjoyed such "boyfriend" experiences where there's a degree of *both sides* pretending they're in love.
You carved out of that thread this view of me as a nasty manipulative faker who tricks women into thinking I'm in love with them and you've stuck to that ever since... over all this time and all the many other words I've written... no matter how nice or genuine I've since seemed... somehow, for you, those few words reveal the dark essence of me.
No I don't think you judge people on their words at all. I think you quickly leap to a kneejerk opinion on someone and fix rigidly to it under the pride that you have some special insight into them even despite their protestations to the contrary. I think you're someone who doesn't give people second chances. Maybe that all might seem surprisingly sharp and judgemental of me to others reading this thread. But the poster has been following me with her negative view of me as someone who "pretends to be in love" and insisting on her decontextualised misreading of that phrase ever since I joined "
It doesnt nag at me, no.
You wrote the words
I didnt
And many, many subsequent words.
All of which have enabled me to form my 'image'
Just as folk form images when they read my words. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Usually more to do with what they write on their profile that tells me they're up themselves.
Why should having standards mean ‘up themselves’?
Why do you think that I mean that specifically? Although there are some about who are EXTREMELY fussy who aren't even much to look at themselves. Guess we can blame men for being willing to stick it in anything with a pussy.
Being fussy involves more than just looks though - intelligence, wit, personality and attitude all come into it. And why shouldn't those who "aren't even much to look at themselves" be discerning about these qualities too (as well as looks, if they want)?
Thank you. Exactly this x"
This was kind of what I was getting at too. Sometimes people come across as thinking they're super amazing just because they look hot, they think looks are everything, and that itself can be quite unattractive so it backfires. Personality is paramount imo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It’s interesting, I think sometimes people aren’t aware that firstly, their words don’t always faithfully portray their intent, and secondly, sometimes actually their words additionally portray an unconscious bias they might not actually be aware of.
Not specifically commenting on OP’s post about the other poster’s impression of him, but it might apply. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here
I have an image of someone who "pretends to be in love"
Based on the words you wrote.
In fact, I usually base my images' of people on their words.
Oddly
Does it not nag at you that you fixed on those few words, made an assumption about what they meant, insisted upon your assumption being correct despite me explaining why you'd got the wrong end of the stick over a whole thread, and have continued to judge me on that fixed wilful misreading of me ever since?
As I explained in the original thread, all those months ago when I first joined, prior to being on here there was a woman who messaged me on cl who liked messaging in very romantic tones, I echoed her but checked to make sure she was aware it wasn't really love, it was just a bit of texting fun, we agreed that it was just a fantasy, having done so we carried on messaging each other "pretending we were in love" and it was a really lovely experience for both of us. Fresh from that experience I started a thread on here asking if others had enjoyed such "boyfriend" experiences where there's a degree of *both sides* pretending they're in love.
You carved out of that thread this view of me as a nasty manipulative faker who tricks women into thinking I'm in love with them and you've stuck to that ever since... over all this time and all the many other words I've written... no matter how nice or genuine I've since seemed... somehow, for you, those few words reveal the dark essence of me.
No I don't think you judge people on their words at all. I think you quickly leap to a kneejerk opinion on someone and fix rigidly to it under the pride that you have some special insight into them even despite their protestations to the contrary. I think you're someone who doesn't give people second chances. Maybe that all might seem surprisingly sharp and judgemental of me to others reading this thread. But the poster has been following me with her negative view of me as someone who "pretends to be in love" and insisting on her decontextualised misreading of that phrase ever since I joined
It doesnt nag at me, no.
You wrote the words
I didnt
And many, many subsequent words.
All of which have enabled me to form my 'image'
Just as folk form images when they read my words."
Cool. So you accept what I meant by those words? That it was something two consenting adults did to their mutual enjoyment? And you're not clinging onto your misreading of them as portraying me as someone who cynically lures women into thinking I'm in love with them? You accept that do you? Because that's what those words actually refer to... that's what they mean. If you've accepted what I actually meant by the phrase then that's cool with me. I don't regret writing the phrase. I regret your wilful misreading of it. If you continue to press your manipulative twisting of that phrase against me I will start reporting your posts as abusive harassment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Someone please help me.... I might be reading this wrong......
So super attractive people that only want to meet other super attractive people are dull?
Op I think you might be confusing people being not interested in you as being rude or dull....
For example If you are at a club and see a super attractive couple keeping to themselves and not socializing with anyone...they may seem dull...
But in reality they might not be interested in anyone in the club...
Now when they do find someone they find attractive, they will be super nice and friendly... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here
I have an image of someone who "pretends to be in love"
Based on the words you wrote.
In fact, I usually base my images' of people on their words.
Oddly
Does it not nag at you that you fixed on those few words, made an assumption about what they meant, insisted upon your assumption being correct despite me explaining why you'd got the wrong end of the stick over a whole thread, and have continued to judge me on that fixed wilful misreading of me ever since?
As I explained in the original thread, all those months ago when I first joined, prior to being on here there was a woman who messaged me on cl who liked messaging in very romantic tones, I echoed her but checked to make sure she was aware it wasn't really love, it was just a bit of texting fun, we agreed that it was just a fantasy, having done so we carried on messaging each other "pretending we were in love" and it was a really lovely experience for both of us. Fresh from that experience I started a thread on here asking if others had enjoyed such "boyfriend" experiences where there's a degree of *both sides* pretending they're in love.
You carved out of that thread this view of me as a nasty manipulative faker who tricks women into thinking I'm in love with them and you've stuck to that ever since... over all this time and all the many other words I've written... no matter how nice or genuine I've since seemed... somehow, for you, those few words reveal the dark essence of me.
No I don't think you judge people on their words at all. I think you quickly leap to a kneejerk opinion on someone and fix rigidly to it under the pride that you have some special insight into them even despite their protestations to the contrary. I think you're someone who doesn't give people second chances. Maybe that all might seem surprisingly sharp and judgemental of me to others reading this thread. But the poster has been following me with her negative view of me as someone who "pretends to be in love" and insisting on her decontextualised misreading of that phrase ever since I joined
It doesnt nag at me, no.
You wrote the words
I didnt
And many, many subsequent words.
All of which have enabled me to form my 'image'
Just as folk form images when they read my words.
Cool. So you accept what I meant by those words? That it was something two consenting adults did to their mutual enjoyment? And you're not clinging onto your misreading of them as portraying me as someone who cynically lures women into thinking I'm in love with them? You accept that do you? Because that's what those words actually refer to... that's what they mean. If you've accepted what I actually meant by the phrase then that's cool with me. I don't regret writing the phrase. I regret your wilful misreading of it. If you continue to press your manipulative twisting of that phrase against me I will start reporting your posts as abusive harassment "
I think people are allowed to form the impression they do of another. There’s plenty who wilfully misread my posts and manipulatively twist them. There’s plenty who report me at any chance too.
I think you’re going to have to accept someone doesn’t have to accept you as you see you rightly or wrongly.
I think also, you specifically asked the question as to how people might perceive you differently to your intent or view of yourself and then when someone did and clarified why, you’re now suggesting that their opinion is abusive.
There are plenty who take personal digs at people based on their own view (rightly or wrongly) when the question hasn’t even been asked. That’s a tad more of an issue. Even then, on the whole it seems to be acceptable practice.
I think perhaps agree to disagree with the other person’s opinion. Both opinions are acceptable to have. It’s called choice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It’s interesting, I think sometimes people aren’t aware that firstly, their words don’t always faithfully portray their intent, and secondly, sometimes actually their words additionally portray an unconscious bias they might not actually be aware of.
Not specifically commenting on OP’s post about the other poster’s impression of him, but it might apply. "
You forumites have got to decide. Either what someone's written on here has given you a unique insight into their inner psyche beyond even that they themselves are aware of... or it's possible your just leaping to conclusions based upon a very thin window into them via their choice of words on a swingers forum.
I know which shrieks out to me as being the more obvious, compassionate and humble of the two. And yet so many on here seem to feel a great pride that they know the inner most dark hearts of people on here, that they have the incredible insight equal to a trained psychiatrist who's been seeing that person for months, just because of a few words they once used to try and convey a complex proposition.
Jeez that's so claustrophobic. If I wanted fucking psychoanalysis I would've hired a professional |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you look at some sexy people on here and think yes... but no they're probably too much effort, too up themselves, or too aloof with too high an opinion of their value, whilst simultaneously being pretty blank dull people who require amusing lest they endlessly moan about being bored... so it'd probably be a lot of effort for someone who's probably a bit of a twat ??
Have you ever chased a sweet wrapper only to find the contents a waste of all that time and effort?
Women who've met me aren't allowed to reply to this thread haha "
I come across people who are too much all the time
They basically rule out everyone in the country and constantly complain in their profile
Each to their own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s interesting, I think sometimes people aren’t aware that firstly, their words don’t always faithfully portray their intent, and secondly, sometimes actually their words additionally portray an unconscious bias they might not actually be aware of.
Not specifically commenting on OP’s post about the other poster’s impression of him, but it might apply.
You forumites have got to decide. Either what someone's written on here has given you a unique insight into their inner psyche beyond even that they themselves are aware of... or it's possible your just leaping to conclusions based upon a very thin window into them via their choice of words on a swingers forum.
I know which shrieks out to me as being the more obvious, compassionate and humble of the two. And yet so many on here seem to feel a great pride that they know the inner most dark hearts of people on here, that they have the incredible insight equal to a trained psychiatrist who's been seeing that person for months, just because of a few words they once used to try and convey a complex proposition.
Jeez that's so claustrophobic. If I wanted fucking psychoanalysis I would've hired a professional "
You appear to have completely missed the point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Surely when looking for people to meet up with, you judge them everytime.
They're people who I wouldn't meet because they are up themselves or think they're better then everyone else. Especially on the threads as you can judge people more accurately, profiles I can sometimes get round depending on how they interact |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here
I have an image of someone who "pretends to be in love"
Based on the words you wrote.
In fact, I usually base my images' of people on their words.
Oddly
Does it not nag at you that you fixed on those few words, made an assumption about what they meant, insisted upon your assumption being correct despite me explaining why you'd got the wrong end of the stick over a whole thread, and have continued to judge me on that fixed wilful misreading of me ever since?
As I explained in the original thread, all those months ago when I first joined, prior to being on here there was a woman who messaged me on cl who liked messaging in very romantic tones, I echoed her but checked to make sure she was aware it wasn't really love, it was just a bit of texting fun, we agreed that it was just a fantasy, having done so we carried on messaging each other "pretending we were in love" and it was a really lovely experience for both of us. Fresh from that experience I started a thread on here asking if others had enjoyed such "boyfriend" experiences where there's a degree of *both sides* pretending they're in love.
You carved out of that thread this view of me as a nasty manipulative faker who tricks women into thinking I'm in love with them and you've stuck to that ever since... over all this time and all the many other words I've written... no matter how nice or genuine I've since seemed... somehow, for you, those few words reveal the dark essence of me.
No I don't think you judge people on their words at all. I think you quickly leap to a kneejerk opinion on someone and fix rigidly to it under the pride that you have some special insight into them even despite their protestations to the contrary. I think you're someone who doesn't give people second chances. Maybe that all might seem surprisingly sharp and judgemental of me to others reading this thread. But the poster has been following me with her negative view of me as someone who "pretends to be in love" and insisting on her decontextualised misreading of that phrase ever since I joined
It doesnt nag at me, no.
You wrote the words
I didnt
And many, many subsequent words.
All of which have enabled me to form my 'image'
Just as folk form images when they read my words.
Cool. So you accept what I meant by those words? That it was something two consenting adults did to their mutual enjoyment? And you're not clinging onto your misreading of them as portraying me as someone who cynically lures women into thinking I'm in love with them? You accept that do you? Because that's what those words actually refer to... that's what they mean. If you've accepted what I actually meant by the phrase then that's cool with me. I don't regret writing the phrase. I regret your wilful misreading of it. If you continue to press your manipulative twisting of that phrase against me I will start reporting your posts as abusive harassment "
Please be assured that I will completely ignore all further threads you post
And advise admin accordingly
I wish you well on your quest |
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There's one on my local updates who looks stunning in her pics, but from her updates comes across as being extremely up herself and I couldn't be arsed with that even if on the off chance she contacted me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It’s interesting, I think sometimes people aren’t aware that firstly, their words don’t always faithfully portray their intent, and secondly, sometimes actually their words additionally portray an unconscious bias they might not actually be aware of.
Not specifically commenting on OP’s post about the other poster’s impression of him, but it might apply.
You forumites have got to decide. Either what someone's written on here has given you a unique insight into their inner psyche beyond even that they themselves are aware of... or it's possible your just leaping to conclusions based upon a very thin window into them via their choice of words on a swingers forum.
I know which shrieks out to me as being the more obvious, compassionate and humble of the two. And yet so many on here seem to feel a great pride that they know the inner most dark hearts of people on here, that they have the incredible insight equal to a trained psychiatrist who's been seeing that person for months, just because of a few words they once used to try and convey a complex proposition.
Jeez that's so claustrophobic. If I wanted fucking psychoanalysis I would've hired a professional
You appear to have completely missed the point. "
I was just saying that for me you can't hold both views. For me it's an either or situation. Either you think your reading of people's precise words reveal their inner nature's in ways they're even unaware of or you don't |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I’ve formed a judgement on you, but I’m not sure it’s inaccurate to say you’re making judgements on things when that’s explicitly what your post is telling us (and your later posts have clarified) that you do.
Are you ok Estella? Sorry if this is out of sorts but you seem a bit grumpy lately. We connected when you were in your prior incarnation and you seemed a little less on edge then. I hope you're all good. Sorry. I just wanted to say something xx
Maybe I hoped for too much lee way when I said "look at some sexy people on here" in the op, assuming people would assume I meant look at their profile and pics rather than just a single picture. Do I not come across as a guy who'd try and give someone the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder what kind of weird image of me some people have in their heads on here
I have an image of someone who "pretends to be in love"
Based on the words you wrote.
In fact, I usually base my images' of people on their words.
Oddly
Does it not nag at you that you fixed on those few words, made an assumption about what they meant, insisted upon your assumption being correct despite me explaining why you'd got the wrong end of the stick over a whole thread, and have continued to judge me on that fixed wilful misreading of me ever since?
As I explained in the original thread, all those months ago when I first joined, prior to being on here there was a woman who messaged me on cl who liked messaging in very romantic tones, I echoed her but checked to make sure she was aware it wasn't really love, it was just a bit of texting fun, we agreed that it was just a fantasy, having done so we carried on messaging each other "pretending we were in love" and it was a really lovely experience for both of us. Fresh from that experience I started a thread on here asking if others had enjoyed such "boyfriend" experiences where there's a degree of *both sides* pretending they're in love.
You carved out of that thread this view of me as a nasty manipulative faker who tricks women into thinking I'm in love with them and you've stuck to that ever since... over all this time and all the many other words I've written... no matter how nice or genuine I've since seemed... somehow, for you, those few words reveal the dark essence of me.
No I don't think you judge people on their words at all. I think you quickly leap to a kneejerk opinion on someone and fix rigidly to it under the pride that you have some special insight into them even despite their protestations to the contrary. I think you're someone who doesn't give people second chances. Maybe that all might seem surprisingly sharp and judgemental of me to others reading this thread. But the poster has been following me with her negative view of me as someone who "pretends to be in love" and insisting on her decontextualised misreading of that phrase ever since I joined
It doesnt nag at me, no.
You wrote the words
I didnt
And many, many subsequent words.
All of which have enabled me to form my 'image'
Just as folk form images when they read my words.
Cool. So you accept what I meant by those words? That it was something two consenting adults did to their mutual enjoyment? And you're not clinging onto your misreading of them as portraying me as someone who cynically lures women into thinking I'm in love with them? You accept that do you? Because that's what those words actually refer to... that's what they mean. If you've accepted what I actually meant by the phrase then that's cool with me. I don't regret writing the phrase. I regret your wilful misreading of it. If you continue to press your manipulative twisting of that phrase against me I will start reporting your posts as abusive harassment
Please be assured that I will completely ignore all further threads you post
And advise admin accordingly
I wish you well on your quest"
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s interesting, I think sometimes people aren’t aware that firstly, their words don’t always faithfully portray their intent, and secondly, sometimes actually their words additionally portray an unconscious bias they might not actually be aware of.
Not specifically commenting on OP’s post about the other poster’s impression of him, but it might apply.
You forumites have got to decide. Either what someone's written on here has given you a unique insight into their inner psyche beyond even that they themselves are aware of... or it's possible your just leaping to conclusions based upon a very thin window into them via their choice of words on a swingers forum.
I know which shrieks out to me as being the more obvious, compassionate and humble of the two. And yet so many on here seem to feel a great pride that they know the inner most dark hearts of people on here, that they have the incredible insight equal to a trained psychiatrist who's been seeing that person for months, just because of a few words they once used to try and convey a complex proposition.
Jeez that's so claustrophobic. If I wanted fucking psychoanalysis I would've hired a professional
You appear to have completely missed the point.
I was just saying that for me you can't hold both views. For me it's an either or situation. Either you think your reading of people's precise words reveal their inner nature's in ways they're even unaware of or you don't"
But that *is* missing the point of what I was saying.
And I hope you don’t think I’m being grumpy again, I’m not. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Op, I love you. Don't know if it worth anything, but I like you and your posts even if I don't read them all "
If only that worked for me dude. If only
Nah just kidding. You often bring a smile to my face too. Thanks for the support Now could you get your hand off my knee please? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"But that *is* missing the point of what I was saying.
And I hope you don’t think I’m being grumpy again, I’m not."
Can you perhaps rephrase it to help me get what you're trying to say? Thanks. Phew... got a bit grumpy there myself haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Op, I love you. Don't know if it worth anything, but I like you and your posts even if I don't read them all
If only that worked for me dude. If only
Nah just kidding. You often bring a smile to my face too. Thanks for the support Now could you get your hand off my knee please? "
Sorry dude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But that *is* missing the point of what I was saying.
And I hope you don’t think I’m being grumpy again, I’m not.
Can you perhaps rephrase it to help me get what you're trying to say? Thanks. Phew... got a bit grumpy there myself haha "
Yes. I think it might be easier not to do so on this thread where you’re coming at it only from the issue you have with the other poster. I’ll think about how to reword my words again for you.
On the first point I made though, not the best but *an* example of it, was my reading of your exact words and your expectations that people would leap to what your intent was, is one.
But I’ll try and break it all down another time. It’s a common issue on here. However, I’m losing a little will to live currently. |
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