FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Describe your job badly.

Describe your job badly.

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By *ouchyfeely OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

Good afternoon fabbers.

My job is giant 3D colouring in.

Badly describe your occupation below.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I help factories kill and process animals more efficiently

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I just slap my meat around

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I help keep people grounded... literally

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By *alking HeadMan over a year ago

Bolton

I'm payed to be good with colours.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Lots of words, reading with writing and construing them to people and situations.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

I surf the net endlessly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Drug seller

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a metal monkey

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I try and prevent stuff blowing up.

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By *ango0505Woman over a year ago

Dumfries

I have to deal with ‘sharp scratches’ and little pricks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I help get you there quicker

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I help nutters x

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

I make a lot of money not being good enough. Wishing every day I could do better by people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I watch water go down a drain.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sentence as in jail

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I stop children from getting run over and eating crayons.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I run this shit

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By *ace4000Man over a year ago

Sheffield

I spend other people's money wisely!

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By *tingly ByronMan over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

I colour in little shapes and measure lines and add stuff up.

I read lots of words with too many syllables and natter about clever stuff to people like me in 64 other countries.

If the project I'm working on is sussessful it will revolutionise conventional science and turn everything we know about generating power on its noggin.

I get to spend fucking millions of quids......

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By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man over a year ago

Stourbridge

I keep the wheels of service and industry moving,

In many countries

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By *atural-born-thrillerMan over a year ago

oulton broad

I take people out in the community who sometimes shouldn’t be allowed out due to challenging behaviours ....some have been know to slap members of the public .mainly the blue rinse ladies or get naked and run round Tesco’s car park trying to pull wing mirrors off cars x

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By *umpsimusMan over a year ago

Camberley

I mend VERY expensive things that the qualified and VERY highly paid operators break

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I mend VERY expensive things that the qualified and VERY highly paid operators break

Sex toys?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I tempt people to get d*unk and waste there money

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By *tingly ByronMan over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"I tempt people to get d*unk and waste there money"

Are you my ex wife?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Precision guesswork based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hurt people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make words right for millions of people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make up stories then film people playing make believe for you to watch later.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I work on games where people put all their money and their grandma into

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Crushing egos & breaking bodies...

I'm a personal trainer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Crushing egos & breaking bodies...

I'm a personal trainer

And a chef!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I play with drugs and needless

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get people d*unk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I tell people what I need them to teach other people.

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By *hatYorkLadMan over a year ago

York

Job 1 - Stopping trucks doing clown car impressions on UK roads

Job 2 - wearing multi shades of green and shitting in the woods

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make hard metal things very very round

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im martin lewis in discuise

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By *appytrailmanMan over a year ago

Manchester

I save property

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I stare out of the window all day, occasionally listening to the radio,occasionally eating a Yorkie but never murdering hitchhikers.....yet. I also P people off just by being there.

Still,It pays the bills.

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By *UNKIEMan over a year ago

south east

I pick up numpties and take their money off them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'll help pimp your ride until it looks like a supercar....or a pimped up Peugeot

Peach x

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By *utsidenakedMan over a year ago

Dorchester

"I help factories kill and process animals more efficiently "

So do i

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

Mr - Communications facilitator

Mrs - miracle worker sometimes with a broom up my arse...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I mend people when they have done silly things to themselves.

I look at people through pictures and decide what is wrong with them.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

I explain in great detail to people, how stupid they are, without making them feel stupid

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By *eesideMan over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

I make food

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By *ady DangermouseWoman over a year ago

Kettering

I get firefighters to do things they don't want to for their benefit. I write instructions on how to use their equipment and how to test it. They ask lots of stupid questions and I answer them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I fuck about with and poke around in peoples pipes. And sometimes I give them gas.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I provide quality time for other people.

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By *xtrafun4youMan over a year ago

Dunstable

I give people power and light up people’s life

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By *allisto2000Woman over a year ago

Stafford ish

I work in a virtual office in the cloud - Virtual PA/Administrator. Exactly same as any other office admin, only remotely eg home

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm Mary Poppins.

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By *ouchyfeely OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

"I work in a virtual office in the cloud - Virtual PA/Administrator. Exactly same as any other office admin, only remotely eg home

Not the worst job explanation on this thread but you get extra points for working in a weather system

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Providing corporate slaves, freethinkers and enthusiasts alike with a daily dose of adrenaline stimulating drinks either with or without milk.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I give certain British people the ability to commit any crimes they want abroad without fear of being arrested

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By *ungguy7.5Man over a year ago

wokingham

I play with lightbulbs turning them on and off. Sometimes to music and sometimes to people talking.

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By *itty9899Man over a year ago

Craggy Island

I pick up a lot of green things and put them into something and dump them in a bigger box

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By *onnyeasygoingMan over a year ago

Somewhere on the M62 between 24 and 14

Move mostly cheap tat around the earth.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I try to keep men (& some women) happy all day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make things run better

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By *eliciousladyWoman over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

Make them sweat

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By *ficouldMan over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

Bodger

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By *rank n BettyCouple over a year ago

Not meeting

I take their money. And if they have no money I take their things. If they have no things I’ve been known to take their house

B x

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By *100Man over a year ago

Essex

I help people make mac_ines to suck the dirt out of your lives

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I set people up for the biggest failure or success of their lives so far.

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Sploshing but without the fun or sex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I travel round the world and stand up in front of people and tell them about what I’ve spent the last year working on. Sometimes I write it down and then they can read what I have been working on too, then if I’ve written some really good words those people tell other people how good my words are

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I facilitate the turning of houses into homes

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By *eeBee67Man over a year ago

Masked and Distant

Making shite that doesn't work, work.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Kindergarten teacher.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I con and insult people

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By *he Mac LassWoman over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I am the listening, writing, calendar lady

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By *bonynivoryCouple over a year ago

market harborough

Mrs- hapiness giver

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm Mary Poppins.

Ahem

I host the mad hatters tea party twice a day, No doormice are present nor do I have a hat - but everyone is mad

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make people with broken legs walk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Handle a lot of urine

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

Arse-covering.

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By *ouchyfeely OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

"I'm Mary Poppins.

Ahem

I host the mad hatters tea party twice a day, No doormice are present nor do I have a hat - but everyone is mad

That's right, we're all perfectly mad here x

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I tell a lot of other people how to do the job I do and sometimes i also do the job I do so that the people I tell how to do the job I do don’t think I’m a total cunt.

V x

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By *ouchyfeely OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

"Handle a lot of urine "

Taking the piss? x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I fix flying mac_ines that the magnificent men have broken.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I ask people if they’ve had a dump today, then I ask them what it looked like

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I ask people if they’ve had a dump today, then I ask them what it looked like

OMG you win

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By *ookingforlustMan over a year ago

northants

I build stuff. Then put it in shops, for people buy stuff from.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I ask people if they’ve had a dump today, then I ask them what it looked like

OMG you win

thanks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I penetrate

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By *mmmMaybeCouple over a year ago

West Wales

I take broken things with two wheels & make them go Brrrmmm Brrrmmm again

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

I stick bits of metal together and fix things so folks can scream if they want to go faster. P looks after people who've lost some capabilities and helps them get better...Hopefully.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I take money and give it to companies who sometimes give it back, plus a bit more, to those who gave it to me if it all goes wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I work the street.

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By *hispers-40Woman over a year ago

up the garden path

I’m trying to

Make a difference but keep failing

But I won’t give up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a party pooper

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I either can't tell you, can't explain it, or don't know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I poke guts oot o fish

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By *inky SpiceWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

Job 1. I smile insincerely and passive aggressively give them creased, dirty notes.

Job 2. I make pretty things and grit my teeth and smile to sell them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I sell techy stuff people who have no idea what they want for £££££££

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By *.H.SMan over a year ago

London

Professor of transportation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im martin lewis in discuise

This is news to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm a party pooper"

I do that, but in McDonald's.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bodger "

Thank you for the mashed potato.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I take their money. And if they have no money I take their things. If they have no things I’ve been known to take their house

B x "

I'm never playing poker with you.

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By *ankie303Woman over a year ago

Weirdsville South Coast Dorset

I make everyone miss trains, late for work/school and wait outside pubs for ages

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By *uddlybear2015Man over a year ago

BEDFORD

Drive,lurk,drive,lurk,coffee,drive,lurk,go home.

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

Take money from customers for putting their minds at ease and give direction to our employees.

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By *ber7Man over a year ago

Aberystwyth

I inspect damp patches

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"I ask people if they’ve had a dump today, then I ask them what it looked like

Wow Gillian Mckeef is on Fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make grown men cry

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"I make grown men cry "

The holder of the remote control

We bow at your feet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I make grown men cry

The holder of the remote control

We bow at your feet

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"I make grown men cry

The holder of the remote control

We bow at your feet

It's either that or you work on DIY SOS.

Makes me cry anyways

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I mostly make people happy.

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By *etLikeMan over a year ago

most fundamental aspects

I tell complete strangers how to cost the government more money

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do stuff and chat to people

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I make grown men cry

The holder of the remote control

We bow at your feet

It's either that or you work on DIY SOS.

Makes me cry anyways

I was thinking a waxer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I make grown men cry

The holder of the remote control

We bow at your feet

It's either that or you work on DIY SOS.

Makes me cry anyways

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By *picknspanMan over a year ago

North West Leeds

I work in a circus.

At least I assume I do judging by how many clowns there are around me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I make grown men cry

The holder of the remote control

We bow at your feet

It's either that or you work on DIY SOS.

Makes me cry anyways

I was thinking a waxer."

Much more pain! See me coming they try and run

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I deal with arseholes most days ....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I take care of things

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By *uckslut and MCouple over a year ago

The Attic - Derby.

I have 2 jobs.

1st = Needles & Sharps.

2nd = shit shovling & abbcess cleaning.

I love my jobs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hammer my wood all day

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

I use hair to put colour on walls

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I pretend to know what I am doing and hit computer keys like a hammer hits a nail.

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By *_Yeah19Couple over a year ago

Lincoln

I play with a giant train set.......choo choo!!!!!

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By *ocbigMan over a year ago

Birmingham

I make my boss appear to know what he is doing to the casual observer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I cook Chop slice edible shit for people to pay good money to eat

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

I make sure you can all do this.

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By *traight up guyMan over a year ago

Morpeth

I look at cracks and damp patches.

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By *ocbigMan over a year ago

Birmingham

[Removed by poster at 11/07/18 11:20:32]

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

sheffield

I confuse people when they have a shopping system in place at thier local supermarket

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By *ocbigMan over a year ago

Birmingham

I realised I correctly described my job...so: I teach verticality on Eco mac_ines in public spaces.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A 'gopher' for joe public x

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

Go fast, Push buttons, pull levers, try not to flatten people in my way and genrally be a throne in the side of a Tory government who wants to wreck our industry by putting private profits before the publics safety.

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By *iker boy 69Man over a year ago

midlands

Im a metal melter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I collect single mums

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've always got my tool in my hand

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By *ineMan over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

I do my job badly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I tell people, who don't get paid, what to do

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By *ady DangermouseWoman over a year ago

Kettering

"I get firefighters to do things they don't want to for their benefit. I write instructions on how to use their equipment and how to test it. They ask lots of stupid questions and I answer them. "

Damn, I must have been tired, should have said water fairies

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fix shit baby equipment that Muppets abuse

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By *ouchyfeely OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

"I get firefighters to do things they don't want to for their benefit. I write instructions on how to use their equipment and how to test it. They ask lots of stupid questions and I answer them.

Damn, I must have been tired, should have said water fairies

Hahaha, water fairies - love it x

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By *ikkevCouple over a year ago

larkhall

I get to be a cunt to people to they ask to speak to manager lol

kirsty xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make electricity go from wind to plug sockets

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

I am no kind of role model!

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I’m outstanding in my field.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

I visit people and tell them what they can and cannot do.

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I attempt to help people to solve their problems, so they don't have to sleep looking at the stars.

Cal solves problems.

Nita

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By *hedevilwearspradaWoman over a year ago

Somewhere nearby

I make the lives of people who have catastrophic things happen to them, better

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

I encourage people to aspire.

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By *ouchyfeely OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

"I’m outstanding in my field."
My dads mate was a farmer and that's exactly what he expected from his scare crows

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By *TFSeventyMan over a year ago

Weybridge

Council worker !

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

I help children get really good at hitting things lol.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dogsbody

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a teacher - for quadrapeds

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/07/18 00:23:16]

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By *allisto2000Woman over a year ago

Stafford ish

"I work in a virtual office in the cloud - Virtual PA/Administrator. Exactly same as any other office admin, only remotely eg home

Not the worst job explanation on this thread but you get extra points for working in a weather system

Ha ha love it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I make women wet play with their hair make them look stunning chat them up listening to how crap their sex life is, there partner thinks im ok cos they think im gay .. but the girl is putty in my hand and I get paid well for it ...! lol

guess what I do ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I talk people into making me commission

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By *errysMan over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

[Removed by poster at 12/07/18 00:40:29]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I coordinate chaos

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By *witch4Fun24Couple over a year ago

Leicester

I have one job of various parts

1) I sew up vaginas.

2) I combine beads with pieces of metal so people can hang them off their body.

3) I make pretty things for gardens specifically designed to keep their neighbors awake

Hobbies that may perhaps become work too;

I hurt people until they shout colours at me and then put sharp things and ribbons on them as they lie there helpless.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have one job of various parts

1) I sew up vaginas.

2) I combine beads with pieces of metal so people can hang them off their body.

3) I make pretty things for gardens specifically designed to keep their neighbors awake

Hobbies that may perhaps become work too;

I hurt people until they shout colours at me and then put sharp things and ribbons on them as they lie there helpless."

The mind boggles

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I run my fingers up and down a G string making F- holes explode

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By *eal Deal PartiesWoman over a year ago

"Drug seller "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I force people to exercise and hurt them if they can't. I also shove paper in their face until they talk.

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By *ouchyfeely OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

"I'm Mary Poppins.

Any chance you could pop round to my kids house and teach them how to tidy up by clicking their fingers?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I stop things from flooding

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In a previous job I measured pebbles and worked out where they came from.

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By *itznBobz2018Couple over a year ago

edinburgh

I walk around with my plunger in my hand

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I try to make people cleverer

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I try tho help the ignorant avoid destroying the innocent.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I make things move

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By *itvclaireTV/TS over a year ago

Birmingham

I can sort your box out.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

A God

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By *G LanaTV/TS over a year ago

Gosport

Breaking stuff so others don't and assesor of unusual contaminants.

Still not as good as my previous job, fire starter and sometime stopper.

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