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"If I'm asked"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?"
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have the right to protect your privacy.
I don't tell everyone and anyone what I do for a living for instance.
It is not like I want to marry the people I meet up with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm. For a one off, possibly not.
If it’s something they are passionate about or hold great importance to regardless of how many tines you intend to meet, probably yes.
Lying by omission not equating to an actual lie was a very favoured defence of an ex of mine. This is one of the many and various reasons he is an ex. |
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?"
Difficult question. I opted to be up front in my profile about at least 2 things that could potentially affect getting a meet. |
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It is in my opinion deceitful.
Having said that, I don’t believe it to be entirely fallacious in stating that we all wish to present the best image possible however, which will likely in many instances, prompt us to obscure (albeit sometimes subtly) certain facets of ourselves in order to augment our perceived chances of success with an intended person. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime? "
Well I don't know what skeletons are in your closet but lets assume the person you're talking to has made their opinion on the matter clear and it's likely they'd see it negatively. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime? "
I have met 2 men, who have got to the point of intimacy, before they chose to tell me that they had erectile dysfunction.
I do not have soft fun on my interests, neither did they.
I felt that was something they deliberately with held, knowing it would limit their meets.
To allow a woman to get naked and exposed, then tell them penetrative sex was not an option, I felt was unacceptable. It is not unreasonable to presume that full sex was on the cards, with a man on a sex site. |
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
I have met 2 men, who have got to the point of intimacy, before they chose to tell me that they had erectile dysfunction.
I do not have soft fun on my interests, neither did they.
I felt that was something they deliberately with held, knowing it would limit their meets.
To allow a woman to get naked and exposed, then tell them penetrative sex was not an option, I felt was unacceptable. It is not unreasonable to presume that full sex was on the cards, with a man on a sex site."
Seriously,that's just flipping crazy. How the heck can they not fail to mention that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
I have met 2 men, who have got to the point of intimacy, before they chose to tell me that they had erectile dysfunction.
I do not have soft fun on my interests, neither did they.
I felt that was something they deliberately with held, knowing it would limit their meets.
To allow a woman to get naked and exposed, then tell them penetrative sex was not an option, I felt was unacceptable. It is not unreasonable to presume that full sex was on the cards, with a man on a sex site.
Seriously,that's just flipping crazy. How the heck can they not fail to mention that!"
Their take on it, conveniently, was sex is not all about penetration. For some that is the case. I feel I should have been aware of sexual limitations, and I was deceived.
One man I really liked, and suggested he may consider going to the GP for consideration of Viagra. He accused me of treating him as a piece of meat, because one part of him didn't work (and hadn't for 5 years he told me)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it will directly affect them or the meet, then they should be allowed the opportunity to make that decision for themselves.
If not, then they don't need to know. |
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
I have met 2 men, who have got to the point of intimacy, before they chose to tell me that they had erectile dysfunction.
I do not have soft fun on my interests, neither did they.
I felt that was something they deliberately with held, knowing it would limit their meets.
To allow a woman to get naked and exposed, then tell them penetrative sex was not an option, I felt was unacceptable. It is not unreasonable to presume that full sex was on the cards, with a man on a sex site.
Seriously,that's just flipping crazy. How the heck can they not fail to mention that!
Their take on it, conveniently, was sex is not all about penetration. For some that is the case. I feel I should have been aware of sexual limitations, and I was deceived.
One man I really liked, and suggested he may consider going to the GP for consideration of Viagra. He accused me of treating him as a piece of meat, because one part of him didn't work (and hadn't for 5 years he told me) "
You certainly were deceived,I'd be very disappointed. |
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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago
Bristol East |
Context is everything.
I like to be clear about what I like and want from a man.
I appreciate the same in return.
Nothing worse than thinking you have arranged something, and then 20 questions come your way. Get those out the way before you arrange to meet, please.
Withholding information?
Hopefully I give a man what he needs to know so he can make an informed decision.
Other information is personal and, for the purposes of casual sex, isn't relevant.
It's the context.
He doesn't need to know what I do for a living in order to engage in casual sex.
He does need to know if I am carrying an infectious disease, with a risk of transmission (I'm not, btw  )
He doesn't need to know about any relationships in my life.
He does need to know if someone else will be present or turn up.
It's a judgement. I think your question implies it is wrong to withhold if your purpose is knowingly to deceive or trick someone into doing something they may otherwise not do. I'd agree.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?"
You still fudging ya age ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think of it like a cv you add extras you normally wouldnt and miss out other bits at the end of the day its just like trying to get a job
Cv
Interview
Then job
Be good and you can keep it
Simples  |
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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago
Masked and Distant |
If they've asked you a specific question and you've not told them (with held) your answer.
Then surely they would have spotted that and not met you.
But as for me. If asked I answer everything honestly, fibs always get found out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?"
If the shoe was on the other foot, how would you like to be treated? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they ask directly and you lie, it's bad.
If they ask would you tell them if it is so, you say yes, but you're lying, it's also bad.
If you say I don't talk about that part of my life or my private/sex life, you're covered and they can read into it what they want to.
Some people want to know the ins and outs of my sex life (some so they can wank over it), and it's not their business. |
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
I have met 2 men, who have got to the point of intimacy, before they chose to tell me that they had erectile dysfunction.
I do not have soft fun on my interests, neither did they.
I felt that was something they deliberately with held, knowing it would limit their meets.
To allow a woman to get naked and exposed, then tell them penetrative sex was not an option, I felt was unacceptable. It is not unreasonable to presume that full sex was on the cards, with a man on a sex site."
I suppose it depends what you mean by "erectile disfunction".
If you mean "incapable of getting an erection in any circumstances so penetrative sex is not going to happen", then yes, that's important information.
If you mean "sometimes have problems getting an erection" then no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
Well I don't know what skeletons are in your closet but lets assume the person you're talking to has made their opinion on the matter clear and it's likely they'd see it negatively. "
So, i’m Absolutely certain that someone voted for brexit, I think I’ll keep my political views to myself as I know how strong they think about how I would have wanted things.
I reckon there’s loads of times I can keep things to myself. It doesn’t reflect on me as being bad for keeping things from them. If they ask, I’ll tell them my views on stuff.
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"Context is everything.
I like to be clear about what I like and want from a man.
I appreciate the same in return.
Nothing worse than thinking you have arranged something, and then 20 questions come your way. Get those out the way before you arrange to meet, please.
Withholding information?
Hopefully I give a man what he needs to know so he can make an informed decision.
Other information is personal and, for the purposes of casual sex, isn't relevant.
It's the context.
He doesn't need to know what I do for a living in order to engage in casual sex.
He does need to know if I am carrying an infectious disease, with a risk of transmission (I'm not, btw )
He doesn't need to know about any relationships in my life.
He does need to know if someone else will be present or turn up.
It's a judgement. I think your question implies it is wrong to withhold if your purpose is knowingly to deceive or trick someone into doing something they may otherwise not do. I'd agree.
"
Yeah this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?"
Yes in my opinion it is being dishonest.
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Context is all important. How am I to know it might be a deal breaker - especially if it never comes up when messaging? Maybe I’m oversimplifying. I get the erectile dysfunction example though so maybe I need to rethink my strategies for meeting. |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
This is a complex thing. Many people say they are an open book and expect the same. However everyone presents different facets of themselves to different people.
The fab version of me is different from the version of me as a parent or son. Am I open about this side of me with them? No. Am I open with fab meets about my child or work? No. Am i open with work about my private life? No.My fab life is compartmentalised. If i am omitting something from someone it is because I value my privacy and it would have no bearing on my meeting someone.
Would I omit something that was relevant like any medical issues or something that had any bearing or direct consequence to others?
No. |
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By *ucy83SOWoman
over a year ago
Southampton |
If it was something that would fundamentally change if you met them or not and they knew that and deliberately hide it, then yes it’s dishonest.
If they didn’t know how fundamentally it was to meeting and it they didn’t hide it deliberately, then no, not dishonest just miscommunication |
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
Well I don't know what skeletons are in your closet but lets assume the person you're talking to has made their opinion on the matter clear and it's likely they'd see it negatively.
So, i’m Absolutely certain that someone voted for brexit, I think I’ll keep my political views to myself as I know how strong they think about how I would have wanted things.
I reckon there’s loads of times I can keep things to myself. It doesn’t reflect on me as being bad for keeping things from them. If they ask, I’ll tell them my views on stuff.
"
I think that’s diplomacy, politics and religion can be an issue for some even when meeting. Therefore diplomacy may be viewed as dishonest. I think if someone has made a point of saying ‘I won’t meet......’ you have to respect that. I don’t think you’re at liberty to disclose what the conflict of interest is if you then cease trying to meet. Not to mention something and continue to meet is dishonest.
*I’m not implying you’ve used diplomacy to procure a meet MisterBee or been dishonest  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was something that would fundamentally change if you met them or not and they knew that and deliberately hide it, then yes it’s dishonest.
If they didn’t know how fundamentally it was to meeting and it they didn’t hide it deliberately, then no, not dishonest just miscommunication "
Agree totally.
We were chatting to a couple a while back, asked how long they had been together - a simple question in response to them asking us and us answering honestly, they came out with some fluff about not knowing specifically they'd been fb for ages and it just happened they became a couple. Their single profiles however told a different story, 14 days earlier they had only spoken via the cam rooms on here...I think I would know if I had only met someone in under 14 days - so on that basis I decided they were decietful - for what reason I don't know, but if they couldn't be honest about a simple thing like that I didn't want to meet them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it was something that would fundamentally change if you met them or not and they knew that and deliberately hide it, then yes it’s dishonest.
If they didn’t know how fundamentally it was to meeting and it they didn’t hide it deliberately, then no, not dishonest just miscommunication
Agree totally.
We were chatting to a couple a while back, asked how long they had been together - a simple question in response to them asking us and us answering honestly, they came out with some fluff about not knowing specifically they'd been fb for ages and it just happened they became a couple. Their single profiles however told a different story, 14 days earlier they had only spoken via the cam rooms on here...I think I would know if I had only met someone in under 14 days - so on that basis I decided they were decietful - for what reason I don't know, but if they couldn't be honest about a simple thing like that I didn't want to meet them."
Just to add it wasn't an issue to us that they had just met, its the fact they had misled us about when they met. |
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
I have met 2 men, who have got to the point of intimacy, before they chose to tell me that they had erectile dysfunction.
I do not have soft fun on my interests, neither did they.
I felt that was something they deliberately with held, knowing it would limit their meets.
To allow a woman to get naked and exposed, then tell them penetrative sex was not an option, I felt was unacceptable. It is not unreasonable to presume that full sex was on the cards, with a man on a sex site."
Yes I have had that once I believe - I was furious, and I have to admit swore I would never again meet someone who hid all their veris.  |
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?"
It depends what the information is and if they know it would be important to me or not. You don't have to tell me your mother's maiden name but I need to know if you have a wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you withhold information you know would affect whether someone met you are you being dishonest?
Does saying you'd tell them if they asked negate this or is it still lying?
How important is the information that I’m withholding? Is it what colour underwear I’ve got on? Or if I’ve been arrested for a crime?
I have met 2 men, who have got to the point of intimacy, before they chose to tell me that they had erectile dysfunction.
I do not have soft fun on my interests, neither did they.
I felt that was something they deliberately with held, knowing it would limit their meets.
To allow a woman to get naked and exposed, then tell them penetrative sex was not an option, I felt was unacceptable. It is not unreasonable to presume that full sex was on the cards, with a man on a sex site.
I suppose it depends what you mean by "erectile disfunction".
If you mean "incapable of getting an erection in any circumstances so penetrative sex is not going to happen", then yes, that's important information.
If you mean "sometimes have problems getting an erection" then no. "
One man hadn't been able to get an erection for three years, the other man five years. Unquestionable 'erectile dysfunction'. |
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