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Fab Planet, the new documentary
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
Hello, I’m Adam Attenborough, national treasure and the only bloke who still looks right wearing a tropical-weight beige linen suit.
You join us here in a fascinating environment, it shares the mysteries of the undiscovered deep with the fierce and bloodthirsty battles of territory that take place on the plains of Africa.
Here, as in so many places the instinct of its dwellers is to find food and to find a mate. Food is usually cake but finding a mate or mates is much more complicated. There are complex interpersonal relationships at play and our camera crew have worked tirelessly over four years to film some of them.
Here’s some jolly music to listen to while we look at some flirting, lots of this goes on in threads like Fab a picture, Tits out Tuesday and others. But let’s change the music to that trombone shit we put on when sharks come into shot because dark forces can be at play even here.
Yes, even here the complainers can lurk, looking for the weakest in the herd and picking them off with unforgiving menace.
What species have you seen here? |
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I’ve observed numerous specimens of both homo erectus and homo flaccidus attempting via a myriad of courtship rituals to mate with homo vaginus in here. Also of note are some of the fascinating rituals displayed when the former males are rejected by the females which invariably revolve around insulting them in an intriguing display of wounded pride  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am an Indignous singletonious male, treated with suspicion by many appreciated by those who get to know me. Can often be found lurking in forums making humorous comments, irreverent observations and gaining the trust of the wider community. |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"I’ve observed numerous specimens of both homo erectus and homo flaccidus attempting via a myriad of courtship rituals to mate with homo vaginus in here."
Yes, we haven’t managed to capture on film the mating of the homo flaccidus but you can imagine what it’s like by trying to push butter up a badger’s arse using only a hot soldering iron  |
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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
I am a sub terrainian creature of the night sometimes seen hiding in dark spaces waiting for prey. My main focus is on ambidextrous paired hermaphrodites who tend to use me for play but this Is just a ploy to capture the male to gourge upon so that winter reserves can be built up |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"I am a sub terrainian creature of the night sometimes seen hiding in dark spaces waiting for prey. My main focus is on ambidextrous paired hermaphrodites who tend to use me for play but this Is just a ploy to capture the male to gourge upon so that winter reserves can be built up"
Yes, you wouldn’t know anything about a strong young cameraman we sent out a couple of months ago, would you? He seems to have disappeared |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Occasionaly we see the mating ritual of the Knightus Whitus who will defend the honour of the Maidus Mariana, often to the point of Unlos.
The Maidus Mariana will be seen to post something of controversy on the savannah of the forums and will be subject to ridicule or correction by the other inhabitants of the forum.
The Knightus Whitus is very territorial and will mark out his territory with excruciating and often unneccesary flattery and defensive moves, hoping that the Maidus Mariana will be suitably impresses and will lower her undergarments in response.
The Knightus Whitus is oblivious to the utter irony of him fawning over his intended and believes himself to be favoured by the Maidus Mariana in exchange for a few words.
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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"I am a sub terrainian creature of the night sometimes seen hiding in dark spaces waiting for prey. My main focus is on ambidextrous paired hermaphrodites who tend to use me for play but this Is just a ploy to capture the male to gourge upon so that winter reserves can be built up
Yes, you wouldn’t know anything about a strong young cameraman we sent out a couple of months ago, would you? He seems to have disappeared "
Ermmmmmm. He wasn’t wearing a tight black jump suit and holding something big and shiny was he |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"I am a sub terrainian creature of the night sometimes seen hiding in dark spaces waiting for prey. My main focus is on ambidextrous paired hermaphrodites who tend to use me for play but this Is just a ploy to capture the male to gourge upon so that winter reserves can be built up
Yes, you wouldn’t know anything about a strong young cameraman we sent out a couple of months ago, would you? He seems to have disappeared
Ermmmmmm. He wasn’t wearing a tight black jump suit and holding something big and shiny was he "
He was, but all we found was the tight black jump suit that looked like it had been ripped off in a frenzy. Mystery, innit? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In his natural habitat we spy the Walkingtaffus. A wandering male usually spotted with the Lesser Muddy Pooch.
These creatures are noted for thier propensity to go off on random subjects , waffling on for hours . Their calls are mostly from the 1950's . The cry ofSplendid , spiffing and how jolly can be heard thought the hills and valleys of North Wales .
They are on the whole mostly harmless and if you come across one in the wild just give them a humbug and offer them a cup of tea.
Occasionally They can be seen taking rather risky naked pictures in secluded places
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry, nothing as clever as you lot to add to this fabulous chat but I am sat waiting to get my nails done, laughing my head off and getting some rather strange looks! Your all brilliant xxxxx |
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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"I am a sub terrainian creature of the night sometimes seen hiding in dark spaces waiting for prey. My main focus is on ambidextrous paired hermaphrodites who tend to use me for play but this Is just a ploy to capture the male to gourge upon so that winter reserves can be built up
Yes, you wouldn’t know anything about a strong young cameraman we sent out a couple of months ago, would you? He seems to have disappeared
Ermmmmmm. He wasn’t wearing a tight black jump suit and holding something big and shiny was he
He was, but all we found was the tight black jump suit that looked like it had been ripped off in a frenzy. Mystery, innit?"
Wasn’t me I tend to keep any garments as a trophy xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Often viewed from afar,as in this piece of film,and many others,the females of the species can be observed pleasuring their playful nature with man made plastic objects" |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"In his natural habitat we spy the Walkingtaffus. A wandering male usually spotted with the Lesser Muddy Pooch.
These creatures are noted for thier propensity to go off on random subjects , waffling on for hours . Their calls are mostly from the 1950's . The cry ofSplendid , spiffing and how jolly can be heard thought the hills and valleys of North Wales ."
I say 
*monocle falls into sherry glass* |
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Here we see the SarcySlim !! A benign creature who's main ability is thread closing and can be seen only occasionally ambling with his cohabititant Prince the dog. Although rarely filmed on camera it does occasionally shed it's clothes on sunny days and is now considered an endangered species by courting females  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Dallius Infrequenti was exiled from his native Lunecæster to the Glens of Hibernia, with the plumage of a Country Squire but without the acerage of land or bank balance to match.
He is also found on the forum savannah although his excellent camouflage allows him to blend in unobserved and generally unremarked on. His call often mimics well known tunes of the day with a fab twist.
Unlike some of the more prolific and predatory forumites, he lurks.
His defences include an excessively long profile, designed to induce drowsiness in potential playmates.
Harmless. |
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By *ornCouple
over a year ago
Sedgemoor |
""Often viewed from afar,as in this piece of film,and many others,the females of the species can be observed pleasuring their playful nature with man made plastic objects" "
This proclivity for plastic is a recent and dangerous trend.
We have been warned about the dangers plastic is causing the planet. These females should be encouraged to return to more natural toys. Cucumbers and bananas used to be the preferred objects, occasionally though more exotic items such as corn on the cob, and even eels have been utilised, though this is not recommended |
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