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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A doctor asks a patient while examining her:
- How many sex partners did you have?
- 5 or 6, don't remember exactly..
- Hmm, not that many...
- Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend  |
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After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, chavy woman walked into the store along with her two kids, shouting and swearing at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Asda."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly chav woman stopped swearing long enough to say, "Don't be fucking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone fucked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda."
My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work  |
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Man goes to the doctor with a foot problem .
After examining him the doc says "well it's very strange but you appear to have VD of the foot "
"Flipping eck , is it curable doc" he asked
" yes no problem " came the reply .
" but the woman that came in with athletes cunt is fucked ............. |
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A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologised 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologised 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you hear about the lonely prisoner....he was in his cell
Two fish in a tank,what are they arguing about.....who's driving
I was once watching a Japanese football match and when the final whistle went they started doing Kung fu and martial arts . I asked the bloke next me "what's going on?" He said "it's two minutes ninjery time "
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