FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > how do you not offend??
how do you not offend??
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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if you've chatted for a while and then got to the pic swap.....they aren't quite what you hoped for....how do you then tell them you dont fancy them.....i would hate to hurt anyones feelings.....even if they have been hit by the ugly stick!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just tell 'em straight and in a kind way. Better to know the truth straight up than be dragged around the houses imo.
It's never going to be fun telling someone that, but you'll all feel better about it sooner if you leave out the bullsh!t. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you've chatted for a while and then got to the pic swap.....they aren't quite what you hoped for....how do you then tell them you dont fancy them.....i would hate to hurt anyones feelings.....even if they have been hit by the ugly stick!!! "
I always insist on a face pic 1st,that way ou know straight away . saves having to say anything further down the line. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always say ( well not always) Thank you for taking the time to send photos but rather than waste your time id rather be honest and say your not what we are looking for at the time, but being genuine swingers you will undertand the need for honesty and i wish you well and lots of happy swinging, and i always finish off by saying perhaps we will see each other in a club and would be good to buy you a drink.
nice and friendly and nobody gets hurt and a friendship is made,  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if you've chatted for a while and then got to the pic swap.....they aren't quite what you hoped for....how do you then tell them you dont fancy them.....i would hate to hurt anyones feelings.....even if they have been hit by the ugly stick!!!
I always insist on a face pic 1st,that way ou know straight away . saves having to say anything further down the line."
i know that seems like the simple solution but i try to avoid sending mine till i know i actually want to meet them...and i dont just judge that on looks.....would it be fair for me to ask for a pic and not return one??  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always say ( well not always) Thank you for taking the time to send photos but rather than waste your time id rather be honest and say your not what we are looking for at the time, but being genuine swingers you will undertand the need for honesty and i wish you well and lots of happy swinging, and i always finish off by saying perhaps we will see each other in a club and would be good to buy you a drink.
nice and friendly and nobody gets hurt and a friendship is made, "
i like that......i shall use something similar....thankyou |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you've chatted for a while and then got to the pic swap.....they aren't quite what you hoped for....how do you then tell them you dont fancy them.....i would hate to hurt anyones feelings.....even if they have been hit by the ugly stick!!!
I always insist on a face pic 1st,that way ou know straight away . saves having to say anything further down the line.
i know that seems like the simple solution but i try to avoid sending mine till i know i actually want to meet them...and i dont just judge that on looks.....would it be fair for me to ask for a pic and not return one?? "
works for me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We would just say, sorry we have decided you are not what we are looking for.
Hopefully they know they will be rejected at some point and have a thick skin."
Oh so ya mean the mails we get saying "f..ck off ya shortass little fecker we wouldnt touch ya ugly ass with a barge pole"
Could be put a little more sensitively lol xx |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"We would just say, sorry we have decided you are not what we are looking for.
Hopefully they know they will be rejected at some point and have a thick skin.
Oh so ya mean the mails we get saying "f..ck off ya shortass little fecker we wouldnt touch ya ugly ass with a barge pole"
Could be put a little more sensitively lol xx "
lmao |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We met a couple last year where the picture test had been passed. However in real life they were simply not our cup of tea.
Writing a polite email explaining how we felt was tough but best to be honest.
As regards asking for pics we never do as it all comes naturally during the organising process. If someone asked us straight out for pics we decline and move on assuming they were simply pic collectors. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i try to avoid sending mine till i know i actually want to meet them...and i dont just judge that on looks.....
...are you sure about that?   "
lol....part of my decision is based on looks...but there also has to be a rapprt too....i want it all!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi, in answer to your question, we have found that a "Thanks but no thanks" is sufficient enough. By all means keep in touch if you have built up a friendship; if not, then just move on. Good-luck. |
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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago
a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5 |
You just have to try to be honest without beiung hurtful and if you cant, then use the block button
A simple, sorry I am not attracted to you but good luck with your search, ought to be sufficient |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes I think you have to be firm as they don't get it.
I never contact anyone as what I'm looking for is specific and the majority of men don't put it on their profile they're sub to broaden their appeal, so they find me.
Usually I just delete without answering if they're young, far away etc - but reading through threads where people have said a simple no thanks wouldn't hurt I've started replying with a simple "thanks but you're too young/bi whatever" response. Some then think as you've responded it's then down to them to try and convince you to meet.
At that point you're left with no option but to be "offensive" or block.
Thinks it's easier to just delete and block without responding myself - less flipping hastle!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you've chatted for a while and then got to the pic swap.....they aren't quite what you hoped for....how do you then tell them you dont fancy them.....i would hate to hurt anyones feelings.....even if they have been hit by the ugly stick!!! "
i dont think its what you say, its who you say it to, you can say 'sorry but your not really what im looking for' which is the line i use, some will say ok, good luck and some will come back with a load of abuse, if you turn someone down and they take it badly they not really the type of person your looking for anyway so just be glad you found out now what they like rather than in the flesh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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90 % most block or the rest just don't bother talking back thats life
but at least 5% do still talk even though they aren't interested its there choice
cant force any 1 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't agree to meet.
Start off by saying you are not free but will be in a couple of weeks.
Swap pics.
1. Good looking? Bring the date forward.
2. Beautifully challenged. Say ..... lovely darlink! I'll get in touch when im free...
I've never told anyone who is not my type that they are not my type or not good to look at.
I do use the line Thanks for your message but I am not what You are looking for. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't agree to meet.
Start off by saying you are not free but will be in a couple of weeks.
Swap pics.
1. Good looking? Bring the date forward.
2. Beautifully challenged. Say ..... lovely darlink! I'll get in touch when im free...
I've never told anyone who is not my type that they are not my type or not good to look at.
I do use the line Thanks for your message but I am not what You are looking for. "
this is brilliant...im such a coward it will work well for me!!! what about if they keep coming back tho?  |
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ive read on the forums in the past that peeps were quite apprehensive about meeting because the pics done them no favours but were pleasantly surprised when they met in the flesh.so the motto to this story is dont always judge a book by its cover |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i say thanks for the mail you are not what iam looking for, or iam looking for local meets,or if they still dont get it i say iam looking for a non-smoker and fingers crossed they smoke!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't agree to meet.
Start off by saying you are not free but will be in a couple of weeks.
Swap pics.
1. Good looking? Bring the date forward.
2. Beautifully challenged. Say ..... lovely darlink! I'll get in touch when im free...
I've never told anyone who is not my type that they are not my type or not good to look at.
I do use the line Thanks for your message but I am not what You are looking for.
this is brilliant...im such a coward it will work well for me!!! what about if they keep coming back tho? "
Oi! Who you calling a coward Pfffft ! It's not cowardice it's tact! Gentleness... politeness .... That's me innit ! Caring ole Gran ..
Simples! If they keep coming back you are still unavailable or better still have secured a regular buddy and won't be taking on any new meets for a while. OH come onnnnnn it's only liccle white lies.
I am NOT a coward... I can do the truth easily ..... but Uglies have feelings too you know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely people must understand that not every one is attracted to each other. I have never expected everyone to be attracted to me & understand fully if i'm told so. Sex is great but only if you're attracted to your partner. Easy to say thank you but sorry you're not for me & wish them well with their quest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"best rejection i ever had was "sorry couldnt drink enough to say yes" it was so funny i offered to buy them membership to a wine club!! "
Had a look at your profile as the insult was so funny. You're profile was great xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jokes were crap tho. xxxxxxx "
bless xxxx think they said that because we were chatting and they then got the pics and decided no but carried on in the same vein ! honestly i didnt mind cos it made me laugh so much
we are friends with them now and thats so much nicer than shagging his maggot |
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We just say sorry but i dont think we are what your looking for and wish them good luck in finding what they are looking for.
although we have had people come back and ask why and then it gets a bit sticky. as in you have been hit with the ugly sticky lol
Steve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Has anyone ever found that initially you are not particularly attracted to someones pics, then you chat a bit and maybe meet socially, get to know him/her/them. Then before you know it there's a mutual attraction and your having a ball This has happened to us a couple of times over the past three years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Here is our theory 
Its a traffic light system
Some people are Green Lights right away you want to Hump them there and then!
Some are Amber Lights, A make me laugh and chat a bit then yeah....why not!
Others are Red Lights eeeeeek No Way!!! Not ever never!
However, is is tough saying thanks but no thanks....best be straight and honest but polite and friendly...
PS the Traffic Light thing, we all do it in pubs and clubs!
For most people it takes about 2 Nano Seconds!!
Waffle waffle
R&J XX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Many moons ago when I was a young guy and hanging about with my mates, we had similar discussions about who we would and who we wouldn't. Inevitably though we all decided that to cover all eventualities, a guy just can't afford to turn a girl down on looks alone. Playing by that rule, I can honestly admit to having loads of great shags, that I been too choosy about, I wouldnt have experienced. The best shags don't come with the best looking people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Humour for me every time. What is ugly after all is traits and behaviour not looks at the end of the day. Very few people capture my attention but if they do its their wit and humour and intelligence. Many a perceived ugly man has a beautiful wife and vice versa. They are loved for themselves not their looks which by 60 will have gone south anyway |
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"Has anyone ever found that initially you are not particularly attracted to someones pics, then you chat a bit and maybe meet socially, get to know him/her/them. Then before you know it there's a mutual attraction and your having a ball This has happened to us a couple of times over the past three years."
Shhh woman.... thats not very discrete is it? I told you not to tell anyone ffs!!! |
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