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How Would You Tell Someone...
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That you really don't give a shit about what they're saying?
This sounds harsher than I mean it but hear me out. Someone I know is a big petrol head and is always talking about cars and bringing every conversation back round to them. I have no interest in cars and there's only so long I can feign interest or ask questions but it genuinely bores me and irritates me slightly that I can have a conversation with him about anything else.
Would you tell them? Would you try and take more of an interest? Help needed! |
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If you find this person boring to be in conversation with them, why do you tolerate it and give them your time?
If it’s unavoidable like a work colleague or a family member then just develop and practice ways to end the conversation politely and limit the time you spent together you could try completely changing the subject
You don’t need to get angry about it or be rude to them, don’t project your insecurities onto them. They just have a passion in something that you don’t. |
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if they're a good enough mate, you can look them clean in the eye, and with a glint of friendly sarcasm in your own, just say; "I really don't give a fuck! Let's talk about something else!"
If they're not that good a mate, then it could get complicated!! ...just introduce them to Fab, they'll have something new to talk about then, and you'd be subject matter expert! 🤣 |
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I had this with my brother who used to describe how quick each motorway was and the best route to take. I believe I said he was boring the living shit out of me and went to talk to someone else. I am very honest about my zero interest in cars, formula one (which I will forever refer to as the grand pricks), driving and fucking motorways. Makes family gatherings more bearable  |
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Couple of options
First is the classic. Pretend you don’t speak English. Que?
Second is a little more intricate to pull off but is definitely achievable. Have you considered faking your own death? Change your name, move away and start again? |
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It's difficult isn't it.
If telling them straight isn't an option (I would find that difficult) could you change the subject or just show your disinterest via body language?
I can usually tell when someone has no interest in what I'm saying by their short closed answers or their eyes wandering when I'm talking. |
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They would know from my face and eye rolls before I’d have the opportunity to vocalise it. It betrays me like that.
If he doesn’t take the hint with your subtle comments then gently place your finger on his lips, press down and say shhhhhhhh. That should blindside him
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"So he's a good mate, and he knows I'm not into cars and I've joked about how everything he says goes over my head and in the past, we'd move on. But now it's. All. He. Talks. About 🙈"
Maybe it’s down to you to find some alternative conversation!
I actually have someone in my life a little bit like this, I do a mix of limiting time with them, taking a genuine interest seeing if I can actually learn something , I ask a lot of detailed questions, and also try my hardest to talk about other things when it’s too much! I can’t be doing with pretending to be interested in something I’m not it’s just draining & disrespectful |
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"So he's a good mate, and he knows I'm not into cars and I've joked about how everything he says goes over my head and in the past, we'd move on. But now it's. All. He. Talks. About 🙈"
awww I fear this is something half my friends must endure at some point. I'm a real petrol head... but to be fair.. most of my friends are too.. the rest every so often something gets me all excited... and same as when they tell me something about their life that they are into that I may not get... I will listen and be interested as they are my friend....
I don't have to be interested in a topic to be interested and engaged in what my friend is telling me. I may not understand it... and I may tell them that straight. But if it's something they are passionate about. It's part of them
Cali |
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By *obdukesMan 2 weeks ago
small village |
"That you really don't give a shit about what they're saying?
This sounds harsher than I mean it but hear me out. Someone I know is a big petrol head and is always talking about cars and bringing every conversation back round to them. I have no interest in cars and there's only so long I can feign interest or ask questions but it genuinely bores me and irritates me slightly that I can have a conversation with him about anything else.
Would you tell them? Would you try and take more of an interest? Help needed!"
Mate you’re a grown man I think the time for beating around the bushes is behind you !
Just tell him to shut the fuck up you ain’t In to constantly talking about cars ! It ain’t your thing
Honestly is definitely best with your pals he will respect the truth  |
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"if they're a good enough mate, you can look them clean in the eye, and with a glint of friendly sarcasm in your own, just say; "I really don't give a fuck! Let's talk about something else!"
If they're not that good a mate, then it could get complicated!! ...just introduce them to Fab, they'll have something new to talk about then, and you'd be subject matter expert! 🤣"
I've tried the first one and it hasn't helped 😂 |
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"It's difficult isn't it.
If telling them straight isn't an option (I would find that difficult) could you change the subject or just show your disinterest via body language?
I can usually tell when someone has no interest in what I'm saying by their short closed answers or their eyes wandering when I'm talking. "
In person, I can do it easy enough. Over text is another matter as I feel rude just ignoring him 😂 |
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"That you really don't give a shit about what they're saying?
This sounds harsher than I mean it but hear me out. Someone I know is a big petrol head and is always talking about cars and bringing every conversation back round to them. I have no interest in cars and there's only so long I can feign interest or ask questions but it genuinely bores me and irritates me slightly that I can have a conversation with him about anything else.
Would you tell them? Would you try and take more of an interest? Help needed!"
Yawn loudly then start banging on about whatever you love that they don't  |
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"Couple of options
First is the classic. Pretend you don’t speak English. Que?
Second is a little more intricate to pull off but is definitely achievable. Have you considered faking your own death? Change your name, move away and start again? "
It's a bit drastic. What if I do all that and make friends with another petrol head? 😭 |
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"So he's a good mate, and he knows I'm not into cars and I've joked about how everything he says goes over my head and in the past, we'd move on. But now it's. All. He. Talks. About 🙈
Maybe it’s down to you to find some alternative conversation!
I actually have someone in my life a little bit like this, I do a mix of limiting time with them, taking a genuine interest seeing if I can actually learn something , I ask a lot of detailed questions, and also try my hardest to talk about other things when it’s too much! I can’t be doing with pretending to be interested in something I’m not it’s just draining & disrespectful "
That's how I feel, it's tough to balance that thing of being interested and just changing up the conversation or limiting time speaking with them but I think you're right! |
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"So he's a good mate, and he knows I'm not into cars and I've joked about how everything he says goes over my head and in the past, we'd move on. But now it's. All. He. Talks. About 🙈 awww I fear this is something half my friends must endure at some point. I'm a real petrol head... but to be fair.. most of my friends are too.. the rest every so often something gets me all excited... and same as when they tell me something about their life that they are into that I may not get... I will listen and be interested as they are my friend....
I don't have to be interested in a topic to be interested and engaged in what my friend is telling me. I may not understand it... and I may tell them that straight. But if it's something they are passionate about. It's part of them
Cali "
Yaay!!! Another petrol head   |
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"So he's a good mate, and he knows I'm not into cars and I've joked about how everything he says goes over my head and in the past, we'd move on. But now it's. All. He. Talks. About 🙈
awww I fear this is something half my friends must endure at some point. I'm a real petrol head... but to be fair.. most of my friends are too.. the rest every so often something gets me all excited... and same as when they tell me something about their life that they are into that I may not get... I will listen and be interested as they are my friend....
I don't have to be interested in a topic to be interested and engaged in what my friend is telling me. I may not understand it... and I may tell them that straight. But if it's something they are passionate about. It's part of them
Cali "
I get that, and I know I've prattled on about things like coffee or football etc. when I know he's not interested in that, but it's when we could be chatting about something and he always brings it back round to cars. It's inescapable! 😂 |
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I used to work with a group of people, both men and women who were always having conversations about others and at first I thought they were people they all knew or had worked there previously.
Then I discovered that they were talking about soap characters FFS.
After a few weeks of that I told them they really needed to get a life and get out more.
Luckily I was able to move elsewhere in the building to get away from their inane chat and they eventually got the message.
I also have a friend who is fairly knowledgeable on a number of subjects but seems to forget that he already told you about his experiences the previous week.
He is so focused on what he wants to say he doesn't listen to anyone and is often left behind or at the wrong meeting point because he didn't take in what was said to him. |
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It's a skill I haven't mastered yet.
Maybe enough sarcastic "really??"'s would subtlety get the message across, then just a diplomatic "it's not really my thing"?
I don't know though, I just sit and let it wash over my head then find out a week later half of it's sunk in and now I know about pneumatic transmissions and how to calculate mileage... |
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"It's difficult isn't it.
If telling them straight isn't an option (I would find that difficult) could you change the subject or just show your disinterest via body language?
I can usually tell when someone has no interest in what I'm saying by their short closed answers or their eyes wandering when I'm talking.
In person, I can do it easy enough. Over text is another matter as I feel rude just ignoring him 😂"
Oh god! How dull! Can you skim read?
I have a good friend and our code for 'this is boring me now' is to reply 'fascinating!' in person or by text. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 2 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Tell him you're thinking about buying a small used French hatchback, diesel obvs, and how you're looking forward to great economical driving, high mpg and never going over 60 because it will rattle and feel like it's falling apart.
He'll never want to talk to you about cars again. |
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I also used to know someone who sold second hand cars for a living but he was happy chatting about almost anything.
He suffered a really bad head injury in a fall and for at least 5 or 6 years after couldn't talk about anything but cars. He got really frustrated when others weren't talking about cars and interrupted to change the subject back to whatever car he had in his head at that moment. |
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"Tell him you're thinking about buying a small used French hatchback, diesel obvs, and how you're looking forward to great economical driving, high mpg and never going over 60 because it will rattle and feel like it's falling apart.
He'll never want to talk to you about cars again. "
This reminded me of something that happened 35 years ago. Off on family holiday to the isle of wight, dad's doing 80 down the motorway beside we're late due the ferry...
And this bloody deckchair of a 2cv blows past us like we're standing still!
Like what the hell?? |
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"It's difficult isn't it.
If telling them straight isn't an option (I would find that difficult) could you change the subject or just show your disinterest via body language?
I can usually tell when someone has no interest in what I'm saying by their short closed answers or their eyes wandering when I'm talking.
In person, I can do it easy enough. Over text is another matter as I feel rude just ignoring him 😂
Oh god! How dull! Can you skim read?
I have a good friend and our code for 'this is boring me now' is to reply 'fascinating!' in person or by text. "
The trust "ah fair enough" is my go-to 😂 |
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Could you either try saying I’m not sure I’m very helpful to you in this topic let’s move on or be blunt upfront and give him a time limit on the topic and tell him after that’s up that’s his lot, it’s onto something else? |
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"Could you either try saying I’m not sure I’m very helpful to you in this topic let’s move on or be blunt upfront and give him a time limit on the topic and tell him after that’s up that’s his lot, it’s onto something else? "
That second idea is brilliant, just imagining tapping my watch telling him to get to the point |
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"Couple of options
First is the classic. Pretend you don’t speak English. Que?
Second is a little more intricate to pull off but is definitely achievable. Have you considered faking your own death? Change your name, move away and start again?
It's a bit drastic. What if I do all that and make friends with another petrol head? 😭"
If you had a do over and got yourself in the same situation then I would have to say the blame lies on your doorstep. I’d advise getting really interested in cars |
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I’m the kind person without being rude, who, if I know them well enough will tell them straight, I know my brother is all supposed to be close but always talking about his cars and stuff and I just tell him stop where you are, not interested and you know that, so he does but like your friend, eventually gets back around to it again which is where I tell him I must go now or I’ve got to hang up |
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"Tell him you're thinking about buying a small used French hatchback, diesel obvs, and how you're looking forward to great economical driving, high mpg and never going over 60 because it will rattle and feel like it's falling apart.
He'll never want to talk to you about cars again. "
no see if a friend sent me that , I'd have to help them choose something else lol  |
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My step mum is like this.
Just talks at me about the most inane things. ‘Do you know Jean round the corner, she got the bus the other week and it didn’t stop at one of the stops…’ 😴
I’m saying ‘so what’ in my head constantly 😬
I just let her go on for a bit so I’m not being rude but then I just get up and do something else.
I’ve done the carry on listening hoping she’ll burnout but she doesn’t so I limit time now and avoid getting comfy.
Leaving is a cue for her to talk about something for 30 mins as you inch out of the door.
Some people just aren’t aware they are like that.
K |
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"Could you either try saying I’m not sure I’m very helpful to you in this topic let’s move on or be blunt upfront and give him a time limit on the topic and tell him after that’s up that’s his lot, it’s onto something else?
That second idea is brilliant, just imagining tapping my watch telling him to get to the point "
I get a bit like this when people go on about football! But I get defensive and make comments like it's only a game lol
Try and talk to him about getting a bike so you not burning petrol and green things about the planet. |
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"It's difficult isn't it.
If telling them straight isn't an option (I would find that difficult) could you change the subject or just show your disinterest via body language?
I can usually tell when someone has no interest in what I'm saying by their short closed answers or their eyes wandering when I'm talking.
In person, I can do it easy enough. Over text is another matter as I feel rude just ignoring him 😂"
Don't ignore him. Just mention that you are currently busy arranging an orgy. That should give him something else to think about.
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"That you really don't give a shit about what they're saying?
This sounds harsher than I mean it but hear me out. Someone I know is a big petrol head and is always talking about cars and bringing every conversation back round to them. I have no interest in cars and there's only so long I can feign interest or ask questions but it genuinely bores me and irritates me slightly that I can have a conversation with him about anything else.
Would you tell them? Would you try and take more of an interest? Help needed!"
Show them the scene in airplane where he talking about macho grande and boring everyone to death see if he takes the hint. |
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I have a long time friend who is similar though football and prog rock are there vice.
Love him to bits but gradually stopped meeting up.
We are still good friends. But the constant drone took its toll on the friendship.
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"That you really don't give a shit about what they're saying?
This sounds harsher than I mean it but hear me out. Someone I know is a big petrol head and is always talking about cars and bringing every conversation back round to them. I have no interest in cars and there's only so long I can feign interest or ask questions but it genuinely bores me and irritates me slightly that I can have a conversation with him about anything else.
Would you tell them? Would you try and take more of an interest? Help needed!"
Deflect.
Listen (insert friends name) whilst I like you and enjoy chatting,you know who really likes cars ? Bob (assuming you know a Bob other names will work) he loves car's and always talking about them in fact he's modifying one right now in his spare time, you should definitely go talk to Bob. |
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"That you really don't give a shit about what they're saying?
This sounds harsher than I mean it but hear me out. Someone I know is a big petrol head and is always talking about cars and bringing every conversation back round to them. I have no interest in cars and there's only so long I can feign interest or ask questions but it genuinely bores me and irritates me slightly that I can have a conversation with him about anything else.
Would you tell them? Would you try and take more of an interest? Help needed!"
Go onto Amazon and buy yourself a D.L.L.I.G.A.F Tee shirt and wear it the next time you meet up |
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Think of Pavlov and his dogs. You can influence how he behaves, when he's with you. Eventually you could ring your bell and have him behave differently. . Rather than tell him - which you could do+ it's perhaps better to 'train' him not to do it.
Plus you could also stop the engagement, each time that he starts it. |
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Ah the good old dilemma of I don't give a shit vs pissing on their parade.
I'm eternally in this when it comes to football and sports in general.
I could not give a fuck what they are saying to me about it, but I don't want to shut down something they are interested in - unless it's a stranger.
I essentially tell people I'm probably going to zone out, I will have nothing at all to add to the conversation as I have zero interest in the topic. Let them know you are are stepping back from it without shitting on their interest. |
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I think you've just got to be honest to a degree, just say it's great that you're so enthusiastic about cars but they're not really my thing and I can contribute much to this conversation. Or "have you ever thought about getting some new hobbies?" 😂 |
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I have that big waffley infodump tendency. And I love receiving it from someone who's excited to share their enthusiasm with me if I'm invested in their happiness.
If I'm not invested, I usually just say okay and either change the subject or wander off.
I am not the most socially adept person though 💜 |
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"That you really don't give a shit about what they're saying?
This sounds harsher than I mean it but hear me out. Someone I know is a big petrol head and is always talking about cars and bringing every conversation back round to them. I have no interest in cars and there's only so long I can feign interest or ask questions but it genuinely bores me and irritates me slightly that I can have a conversation with him about anything else.
Would you tell them? Would you try and take more of an interest? Help needed!"
Just say to them that if you had all the money in the world you'd buy an all steel '32 ford, Z the chassis and just to annoy all the petrol heads make it electric.
Technically this would be scandalous
He will never talk to you again
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I'm the same when people enthuse about sport - any sport, all sports
I couldn't be less interested if I tried
I just zone out
I wouldn't tell them to shut up if it's their thing though, but I'd let them know it didn't particularly interest me |
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I'd say early, the longer it's left the more awkward it is.
As in, what why did you let me bang on about this with you for years then?
Saying that I can enjoy people's passion that has its own value and sometimes my interests can be inspired by others, but if I am not feeling either of those things then, well in all honesty I am terrible at politely feigning interest it just comes across as sarcasm. |
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