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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
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Sometimes I develop convenient colour blindness and although I know they're a huge walking red flag, I'm told they are... I don't see that. Until it reaches a certain point, the cocklust wears off and I think "fuck sake Meli". I'm getting better at not wilfully ignoring them.  |
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Depends on your investment into a person, we can ignore things if we care enough. I've learnt that my gut is never wrong so I do things differently now, first sign of a red flag and I'm off. I haven't got the time or energy to waste anymore on people who clearly aren't meant to be in my life. |
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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
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"I see the red flag, I acknowledge the red flag, I am curious about the red flag, I ignore the red flag, I sit wondering what on earth went wrong.
And repeat! "
Are we the problem? Are you the problem?  |
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I see them, acknowledge them, lower my expectations and explore more until they confirm my gut feeling.
I ignored them in the past and without exception that was a mistake.
The more time you spend chatting, the more they wave them at you whether they realise it or not. |
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"Depends on your investment into a person, we can ignore things if we care enough. I've learnt that my gut is never wrong so I do things differently now, first sign of a red flag and I'm off. I haven't got the time or energy to waste anymore on people who clearly aren't meant to be in my life. "
Same for me. I’m sometimes easily put off. Everyone isn’t for everybody but I’m definitely not sticking around just for the notch |
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You hit the nail on the head OP with 'we all have them'. It's important to recognise what they are (in any person) to yourself as an individual; a red-flag to me, may be perfectly acceptable to another.
I'd also consider the 'size' of the red-flag in comparison to all their redeeming features and that which attracts me to them.
Look at it like a plate of food; You have a delicious full Sunday Roast in front of you but find a hair in it. You still eat it right? But if you saw the chef pissing in the gravy before pouring it all over the plate, that's not going to be eaten! |
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If we are talking about fab chats then I don’t really have any instant red flags but there are a bunch of things that would put me on high alert straight away. The finger would then be floating over the block button from then on. |
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"I see the red flag, I acknowledge the red flag, I am curious about the red flag, I ignore the red flag, I sit wondering what on earth went wrong.
And repeat!
Are we the problem? Are you the problem? "
Confirmed we are the problem. I am definitely the problem |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 2 weeks ago
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"Any form of drug mention 
Paracetamol?
Of just the hard stuff like Ibuprofen?
Is Ibuprofen the hard stuff?"
Depends where you are on the scale to start with. Having never even done I guess Ibuprofen is indeed my Class A. |
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Not sure I have any red flags, I tend to look at the positives.
I have things that I dislike a lot, like people that can’t stay off their phone on a date, or people who think they are goddesses or extremely rude to others (in the bad way) , but sometimes their vagina still manages to hypn0tise me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 2 weeks ago
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"Not sure I have any red flags, I tend to look at the positives.
I have things that I dislike a lot, like people that can’t stay off their phone on a date, or people who think they are goddesses or extremely rude to others (in the bad way) , but sometimes their vagina still manages to hypn0tise me. "
I think that might be semantics as I'd call excessive/rude phone use a red flag. If someone doesn't have good manners then it's a "no" from me.
But I agree, I've "accepted" way too much over the years for great sex. |
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I'm with you OP, everyone has red flags. But everyone's interpretation of them varies. There are some things I won't tolerate. But there are others, I'm willing to work on with the person of they are up for it, if not then that is the end of that. It really depends on how much I like them and how much effort I want to put in. This is the same for all kinds of relationships I have, not just romantic. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 2 weeks ago
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"Everyone has some.
If someone appears to be entirely made of green flags, that's a red flag. No-one is that perfect 💜"
Is that not unduly harsh? They might just be a good match for you and those green flags could be red to someone else? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 2 weeks ago
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"I'm with you OP, everyone has red flags. But everyone's interpretation of them varies. There are some things I won't tolerate. But there are others, I'm willing to work on with the person of they are up for it, if not then that is the end of that. It really depends on how much I like them and how much effort I want to put in. This is the same for all kinds of relationships I have, not just romantic. "
I think I'm exactly on this page. |
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"Everyone has some.
If someone appears to be entirely made of green flags, that's a red flag. No-one is that perfect 💜
Is that not unduly harsh? They might just be a good match for you and those green flags could be red to someone else?"
Aren't most red and green flags subjective? |
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By *ony MannMan 2 weeks ago
Las Gaviotos, Fuerteventura / Ilfracombe Devon/ Anoover |
Yes I have red flags, amber and yellow. If it's red I walk, if it's amber I do some more chatting, if it yellow I move forward with the door open behind me. The green flag, I need a meet to before I paint anyone green. |
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"Those anti histamine freaks ain't getting my time
Gateway drug... it's a slippery slope from there on in."
Majority of people who use antihistamines buy or prescribed are usually using second or third generation antihistamines which do not cause drowsiness. If they are prescribed a first generation antihistamine then it usually is for a medical issue which the Dr would aware of.
For first generation antihistamines such diphenhydramine hydrochloride, promethazine etc usually do cause drowsiness but it's pharmacy only medicine which means the pharmacist would catch on to what they are doing.
Nsaids aren't hard drugs and definitely not a gateway drug, it doesn't produce any type of euphoria. |
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I have red and amber flags. If I consciously register a red flag, I’m off. Amber flags will put me on the alert to watch for a behaviour I’m uncomfortable with.
I’ve found it an unexpected and interesting bonus about being in a couple who use Fab - two people to spot and call out the red flags. I think with the different type of intimacy you can encounter as two singles in the more involved interactions, it can be easier to overlook or excuse them. |
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Listening to my gut has steered me well until my last relationship. I stayed far too long but persisted thinking things would change and he was worth it. Red flags showed in the first few weeks but gradually got worse but we stayed together nearly 3 years. I won't be as tolerant next time to these signs. One red flag and he's gone |
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Yeah drugs are a big one. Even 'party highs' - don't kid yourself, they're drugs! Don't care if it's your version of alcohol, we can choose not to drink! 
Not many other red flags other than repeated cancellations or when you agree to meet someone and they still keep the meet up awaiting a better offer!
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There's some that make me stop chatting right away, one of those is lying about things.
If someone lies , I'll find it hard to believe anything else, so I just cut them off.
I tend to chat for a good while to people, that way if they are unsvaoury in anyway, it tends to show. |
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By *ack688Man 2 weeks ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
"Sometimes I develop convenient colour blindness and although I know they're a huge walking red flag, I'm told they are... I don't see that. Until it reaches a certain point, the cocklust wears off and I think "fuck sake Meli". I'm getting better at not wilfully ignoring them. "
When you’re wearing rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags |
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"Sometimes I develop convenient colour blindness and although I know they're a huge walking red flag, I'm told they are... I don't see that. Until it reaches a certain point, the cocklust wears off and I think "fuck sake Meli". I'm getting better at not wilfully ignoring them.
When you’re wearing rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags "
Oh that's good 👏👏👏. |
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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
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"Sometimes I develop convenient colour blindness and although I know they're a huge walking red flag, I'm told they are... I don't see that. Until it reaches a certain point, the cocklust wears off and I think "fuck sake Meli". I'm getting better at not wilfully ignoring them.
When you’re wearing rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags "
That's very true, I really like that. I also think we're far more likely to notice other's red flags and see ourselves as... not having any. Which is nonsense really. I know I have my own flags which might not be compatible/overlooked by others. We make space for people and accept them as they are, invest in them as much as we're prepared to. Acknowledging those flags and knowing they're not all they are. |
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Talk of red flags always makes me wary, as to me it’s entirely subjective (leaving aside extremes like, I dunno, murderers). We all need different things, are looking for different things, behave differently with different people, have different vulnerabilities and experiences… I think I’ve typed the word different so much it’s lost all meaning
For me, I think about compatibility rather than flags.
Mrs TMN X |
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"Depends on your investment into a person, we can ignore things if we care enough. I've learnt that my gut is never wrong so I do things differently now, first sign of a red flag and I'm off. I haven't got the time or energy to waste anymore on people who clearly aren't meant to be in my life. "
Quite right too. |
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