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You should never call out a narcessit.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I read an interesting article about narcissists and it was about how one should never call one out, the reason one would do it is because they would be so fed up with a narcissists behavior so that you had no choice that you just wanted to call them out, tell them off and exposing their lies.
They added that before one would do it, it is important to understand how a narcissist will react to the accusation, so knowing about it before hand would help or it could backfire on you in ways one cant imagine, because they cant handle even the slightest criticism or feedback, the best option would be to make a plan to leave and move on.
What is your view about it, is it a good idea to call them out, or should one just leave them, also have you done it, how did it go for you?  |
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By *sWyldWoman 4 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Been there, done that and still have the shattered heart from the whole 5 year experience.
Narcissist behaviour isn't something that stops when you call out. It's very often in built with in the person.
And on calling it out, he just went into victim mode, used it as an excuse for everything and tried to blame me.
I'm sure every situation is different but sometimes, to understand things, you have to live life and experience, rather than just read about it...
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Just leave them and blank them something they can't handle because they thrive on conflict , False victimhood , They will even try to get you to pity them to regain control over you .
Life is too short for toxic relationships and there are better and more worthwhile people out there to spend time with . |
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The only benefit of calling someone out is for the behaviour to be acknowledged and addressed. If someone isn't capable of taking accountability then it's just a waste of your time and energy. Let people be and focus on yourself is the best advice I can offer anyone. |
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Well, first of all, I find it interesting that you’d bring something like this up, especially considering how often people misuse the term ‘narcissist’ these days. Honestly, it sounds like you’re overthinking things. I mean, why would someone even feel the need to call someone out unless they were insecure or looking for drama? I’ve always found that people who accuse others of being narcissistic are usually projecting their own issues.
But hey, if that’s your view, fine. I just think it’s kind of unfair to generalize about people without understanding their perspective. Anyway, if you’ve had a bad experience with someone like that, maybe it says more about the people you surround yourself with than the person you’re talking about. I mean, I’m not saying I’ve ever had that problem—people usually appreciate my honesty and confidence—but maybe you’re focusing on the wrong things. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Been there, done that and still have the shattered heart from the whole 5 year experience.
Narcissist behaviour isn't something that stops when you call out. It's very often in built with in the person.
And on calling it out, he just went into victim mode, used it as an excuse for everything and tried to blame me.
I'm sure every situation is different but sometimes, to understand things, you have to live life and experience, rather than just read about it...
"
Hi _swyld. I see, yes, you are right there, their behavior doenst stop them when one is calling them out, yes every situation is different too |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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In my experience they react badly and rows ensued was the initial issue. Secondary to that was that part of narcissistic behaviour is that they discard anything you say that doesn't support their own opinion or view so calling them out won't change anything as it'll be ignored.
Best way to deal with a narcissist is to not react at all, cut them off completely and block them. Easier said than done but it's the only strategy I'll ever employ again. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Just leave them and blank them something they can't handle because they thrive on conflict , False victimhood , They will even try to get you to pity them to regain control over you .
Life is too short for toxic relationships and there are better and more worthwhile people out there to spend time with ."
Hi _otanddash, yes, you are right there, leave them and blank them is a good way, yes, life is too short for toxic relationships as well |
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By *inkShyWoman 4 weeks ago
near Windsor |
My ex was a narcissist. I had therapy, and 2 (separate) therapists agreed he was, and possibly had both high functioning and covert traits.
I played the long game and pissed him off as much as I could, as it was lockdown and I had nothing else to do. I changed my behaviour; I called him out in detail in his flaws, then would go airplane mode which infuriated him.
I done things that made me independent of him, and got me some spotlight. Again, angry boy. I put him on mute regularly to reduce his access to me, whilst doing online quizzes and zoom calls with bigger groups.
Then I texted him a huge list of his flaws, why I was better without him and told him I knew about every person he cheated with, then listed them. Then I blocked him on everything.
According to his daughter, he stropped and sulked for a month.
Maybe not the best way but I felt like I got closure I needed and didn't have to deal with him again. 10/10 would do it again, still makes me laugh. 😂 |
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Shag, why do you read so much about narcissists?
I left an asshole a while back. I'd tried talking to him about the issues but he'd just outright lie to my face or try to minimise and rationalise the shit I had absolute proof of. Wasn't worth my time.
Leaving was.
And speaking openly about what happened lead to some backlash from him. But I wish I'd had those warnings when I first got involved. Nothing he did with me was new behaviour. Some people listened and followed suit on cutting that shit out of their lives when they recognised behaviours and saw proof of it in action. Some didn't, and I hope for their sakes that he can be better. But personally I'll never believe a single word he says 💜 |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS 4 weeks ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I've a sort of friend who absolutely hates narcissists and calls them out mercilessly. In fact, the vast majority of their exes have been narcissists.
The problem is that they are, as far as I understand the term and behaviour, the biggest narcissist I have ever met in my whole life.  |
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I was misdiagnosed NPD when I was younger - but they later realised it was actually Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD, manifesting as unhealthy coping strategies to manage the undetected neurodivergence.
So, I know I have some narcissistic traits, and while I've done a lot of work on my own issues, I've noticed that people who throw the accusation around often fail to address their own behaviour. |
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"I was misdiagnosed NPD when I was younger - but they later realised it was actually Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD, manifesting as unhealthy coping strategies to manage the undetected neurodivergence.
So, I know I have some narcissistic traits, and while I've done a lot of work on my own issues, I've noticed that people who throw the accusation around often fail to address their own behaviour."
hence the reason for my question, i get they're is some nasty people out there but then ive seen the "nasty controlling boyfriends" get new girlfriends, stop been alcoholics have kids and live happily ever after 🤷 |
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"I've a sort of friend who absolutely hates narcissists and calls them out mercilessly. In fact, the vast majority of their exes have been narcissists.
The problem is that they are, as far as I understand the term and behaviour, the biggest narcissist I have ever met in my whole life. "
and someone with a vast majority of exes doesn't exactly sound like marriage material to me lol |
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"hence the reason for my question, i get they're is some nasty people out there but then ive seen the "nasty controlling boyfriends" get new girlfriends, stop been alcoholics have kids and live happily ever after 🤷"
When my ex found out about my diagnosis, she milked it for all it was worth - every time she didn't get her own way, every time we argued and everytime she felt abandoned, she would throw accusations and insults at me, blaming me for everything and using it to gaslight me into thinking she was right.
She would have tantrums, scream, throw stuff, even hit me - all the while I was stoic and calm.
If I look back at my relationship history, apart from the odd one here and there, I can pretty much still talk to everyone I ever dated - a few issues, sure, but there was never violence, never any drama and no long term resentments.
So, as much as she tried to gaslight me and turn my shit back on me, the problem was with her and our incompatability.
She went on to receive her own set of PD diagnoses. |
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By *HUSH-Man 4 weeks ago
London |
If we’re talking about genuine narcissistic personality disorders you can’t fix them.
If you have to have some kind of connection with them, perhaps you have children together then you need to remain indifferent and pragmatic. They’ll throw drama at you, if there isn’t any they’ll create it.
If you don’t have to have them in your life, cut them off. Permanently. |
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"Been there, done that and still have the shattered heart from the whole 5 year experience.
Narcissist behaviour isn't something that stops when you call out. It's very often in built with in the person.
And on calling it out, he just went into victim mode, used it as an excuse for everything and tried to blame me.
I'm sure every situation is different but sometimes, to understand things, you have to live life and experience, rather than just read about it...
"
Same experience, with a former friend.
I realised that calling him out wouldn’t work, he is unable to admit being wrong even in front of the evidence. I simply decided that I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, and worked a treat.
Years later, every other friend who would still go out with him would eventually tell me “you were right, I’m going to do the same”. He currently has exactly one friend left. |
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"Can someone deacribe narcissistic behaviour to me? What are the traits? "
Narc’s have no capacity to forgive. They may act like they have until they become insecure and every slight comes out again.
Narcs triangulate. This is switching between victim, persecutor and hero rolls. This can all happen in one sentence.
Narcs gaslight. They will try to make you not trust your instincts or senses.
They will love bomb you, usually after being horrible to you. Sometimes before.
Narcs are built on guilt and fear that occurred between 4-8 years old. They spend their lives building an image which hides these core emotions.
If you shame them or guilt them, they will rage.
They are often proud to be straight talkers.
Narcs never self harm, always striking out.
If you ever end it with a narc, make sure you have witnesses or are recording. They may want to destroy your reputation and may do it in a rage. |
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*Narcs will self harm to blame you for it.
A mate of mine had his ex slamming her own head in to a door saying “I’m calling the police, they will arrest you for this”. Luckily he was prepared and had the chief constable on hands free listening at the other side of the door. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 4 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"In my experience they react badly and rows ensued was the initial issue. Secondary to that was that part of narcissistic behaviour is that they discard anything you say that doesn't support their own opinion or view so calling them out won't change anything as it'll be ignored.
Best way to deal with a narcissist is to not react at all, cut them off completely and block them. Easier said than done but it's the only strategy I'll ever employ again."
Yes, the best way is not react at all and to block them too  |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 3 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Shag, why do you read so much about narcissists?
I left an asshole a while back. I'd tried talking to him about the issues but he'd just outright lie to my face or try to minimise and rationalise the shit I had absolute proof of. Wasn't worth my time.
Leaving was.
And speaking openly about what happened lead to some backlash from him. But I wish I'd had those warnings when I first got involved. Nothing he did with me was new behaviour. Some people listened and followed suit on cutting that shit out of their lives when they recognised behaviours and saw proof of it in action. Some didn't, and I hope for their sakes that he can be better. But personally I'll never believe a single word he says 💜"
Hi _reytothefairies. I read a lot about it, because I find it an interesting topic. I see, that is good you left too |
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