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Do break ups catch you off guard
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By *eliWoman 2 days ago
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Not really, no. There are usually little signs, things that tell me it's not working and I act on those. The only time I have been surprised is by the response. It kind of confirmed a few things so wasn't that much of a surprise.  |
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I think there's only once when it caught me off guard. And that was mostly because I'd stopped existing for the last few years of that relationship. Generally, I'm aware enough of what's going on to see it coming and have a mutual parting 💜 |
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Off-guard? No, I'm generally the person who decides to walk away, so it's often premeditated and thought out.
Aside from once, many years ago, but I was a little oblivious at the time.
These days, I don't have much energy so it's either easy or not at all. Both casual and serious. 😆 |
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I've always been expecting it and in most cases, it's been my decision. But there will be aspects of processing the break up that have been unexpected.
What has caught me off-guard this last time though is that whilst my head can rationalise that I had no choice and it was definitely the right thing to do, it's the first time I have been heart broken. 
I'm also missing the cuddles and intimacy more than sex but I'm not sure if that's a symptom of the heartbreak or the realisation that that's my love language.
Whatever, it's a journey of self-discovery. |
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I have been. I was seeing a guy, and we were a few months in, not too serious at this point but future plans were being made.
One evening he turned up at mine to surprise me. We had a lovely evening. Then in the morning he left mine and I got a text saying I was wonderful just not the right type of wonderful. I was completely blindsided.
Turns out he got back with his ex wife who he was trying to make things work at the same time as seeing me.
I’m not judging that. Things happen and sometimes good people do shitty things. It doesn’t mean he’s a shitty person. I’m judging that he could have been honest rather than leave me wondering wtf is the wrong type of wonderful.
Anyway, that’s the only time I’ve been dumped.
The worst thing is he bought me a stupid little aloe vera that won’t die so I’m stuck with this plant that always looks half dead. It just mocks me that I’m not the right type of wonderful.
It’s been over 2 years
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"I have been. I was seeing a guy, and we were a few months in, not too serious at this point but future plans were being made.
One evening he turned up at mine to surprise me. We had a lovely evening. Then in the morning he left mine and I got a text saying I was wonderful just not the right type of wonderful. I was completely blindsided.
Turns out he got back with his ex wife who he was trying to make things work at the same time as seeing me.
I’m not judging that. Things happen and sometimes good people do shitty things. It doesn’t mean he’s a shitty person. I’m judging that he could have been honest rather than leave me wondering wtf is the wrong type of wonderful.
Anyway, that’s the only time I’ve been dumped.
The worst thing is he bought me a stupid little aloe vera that won’t die so I’m stuck with this plant that always looks half dead. It just mocks me that I’m not the right type of wonderful.
It’s been over 2 years
"
Not Batman?! 😱 |
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"I have been. I was seeing a guy, and we were a few months in, not too serious at this point but future plans were being made.
One evening he turned up at mine to surprise me. We had a lovely evening. Then in the morning he left mine and I got a text saying I was wonderful just not the right type of wonderful. I was completely blindsided.
Turns out he got back with his ex wife who he was trying to make things work at the same time as seeing me.
I’m not judging that. Things happen and sometimes good people do shitty things. It doesn’t mean he’s a shitty person. I’m judging that he could have been honest rather than leave me wondering wtf is the wrong type of wonderful.
Anyway, that’s the only time I’ve been dumped.
The worst thing is he bought me a stupid little aloe vera that won’t die so I’m stuck with this plant that always looks half dead. It just mocks me that I’m not the right type of wonderful.
It’s been over 2 years
Not Batman?! 😱"
I’d be happy to be dumped by Batman. This chump in the story was a recruitment consultant which is way less cool and I can still smell the Dior sauvage they all swim in after all this time! |
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"I have been. I was seeing a guy, and we were a few months in, not too serious at this point but future plans were being made.
One evening he turned up at mine to surprise me. We had a lovely evening. Then in the morning he left mine and I got a text saying I was wonderful just not the right type of wonderful. I was completely blindsided.
Turns out he got back with his ex wife who he was trying to make things work at the same time as seeing me.
I’m not judging that. Things happen and sometimes good people do shitty things. It doesn’t mean he’s a shitty person. I’m judging that he could have been honest rather than leave me wondering wtf is the wrong type of wonderful.
Anyway, that’s the only time I’ve been dumped.
The worst thing is he bought me a stupid little aloe vera that won’t die so I’m stuck with this plant that always looks half dead. It just mocks me that I’m not the right type of wonderful.
It’s been over 2 years
Not Batman?! 😱
I’d be happy to be dumped by Batman. This chump in the story was a recruitment consultant which is way less cool and I can still smell the Dior sauvage they all swim in after all this time! "
Oh thank goodness. I thought I'd got the wrong measure of Batman. Obviously not thank goodness Mr Chump pissed off and did that. You know what I mean 
Sell the aloe vera juice for profit and make money from it |
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Honestly, the pain of breaking ups is putting me off getting involved with anyone (sad face).
Although realistically I know it's just emotions and I'll get over it, it leaves me wondering if the high is worth the pain. |
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"I have been. I was seeing a guy, and we were a few months in, not too serious at this point but future plans were being made.
One evening he turned up at mine to surprise me. We had a lovely evening. Then in the morning he left mine and I got a text saying I was wonderful just not the right type of wonderful. I was completely blindsided.
Turns out he got back with his ex wife who he was trying to make things work at the same time as seeing me.
I’m not judging that. Things happen and sometimes good people do shitty things. It doesn’t mean he’s a shitty person. I’m judging that he could have been honest rather than leave me wondering wtf is the wrong type of wonderful.
Anyway, that’s the only time I’ve been dumped.
The worst thing is he bought me a stupid little aloe vera that won’t die so I’m stuck with this plant that always looks half dead. It just mocks me that I’m not the right type of wonderful.
It’s been over 2 years
Not Batman?! 😱"
Is Batman leaving aloe Vera plants as his calling card these days? 🤣 |
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"Honestly, the pain of breaking ups is putting me off getting involved with anyone (sad face).
Although realistically I know it's just emotions and I'll get over it, it leaves me wondering if the high is worth the pain. "
The pain I can cope with, but being unable to answer the questions as to why I would bother with the hassle of an LTR again is what's putting me off even bothering to look. |
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By *ir tootMan 2 days ago
Burton-on-Trent |
"How about a short term, mutual cuddle, no strings sitch?
I'm not even sure I want that.
Maybe this needs it's own thread. "
Funny enough I need to add cuddle buddies needed to my bio, it's so bloody cold. |
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"How about a short term, mutual cuddle, no strings sitch?
I'm not even sure I want that.
Maybe this needs it's own thread.
I’ve asked for cuddle buddies in threads and in bios. Never works"
I will be yours  |
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I only ever had three serious relationships that could potentially end up in break up.
Two of them ended up with them passing away from long term cancer and one I was the initiator of the break up so I’ll say no. |
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I've had one serious relationship and it took me years to get out of it.
I had a few casual boyfriend as a teenager. They lasted a couple of weeks to a couple of months and I barely saw them. It was me ending it except for one, who just stopped calling me. I wasn't bothered. |
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Guy I've been seeing broke up with me in November. Completely blindsided me and hurt like hell. We then decided to keep seeing each other but haven't defined what it looks like. I won't be blindsided next time, it will more likely be my decision. Wish I didn't have feelings for him because the end is inevitable |
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I can't say that they do catch me off guard, as I think back.
What has surprised me is the change in some partners. Open communication is only as strong as it's weakest link and I find in every relationship there's some subject/topic that puts that to the test. If that communication plateaus and the subject becomes a no-go zone, then it just looms for me and will slowly poison the well over time, if left unresolved.
Honestly speaking, it's a bit of a curse, I pick up on those discordant moments quite intuitively, very early. I have wished many times that I could bury my head in the sand, but nope, I am crap at pretending. |
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