So as a guy that's never really had much luck with women... What would you suggest?
I'm gym fit as you can see from my pics but I know there's more to it. In person I'm a great conversationalist but over text I've always struggled |
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Maybe saying you’re not a desperate man and only meeting gym fit people is part of the issue
Whilst you totally have the choice, as we all do, to meet anyone who’s your type by implying that if they’re not gym fit and you not being desperate insinuates that non gym fit are desperate |
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"Maybe saying you’re not a desperate man and only meeting gym fit people is part of the issue
Whilst you totally have the choice, as we all do, to meet anyone who’s your type by implying that if they’re not gym fit and you not being desperate insinuates that non gym fit are desperate "
It does? I'm not a desperate person so I don't understand how that comes across as desperate?? Could just put quality over quantity then |
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My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that. |
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"Maybe saying you’re not a desperate man and only meeting gym fit people is part of the issue
Whilst you totally have the choice, as we all do, to meet anyone who’s your type by implying that if they’re not gym fit and you not being desperate insinuates that non gym fit are desperate
It does? I'm not a desperate person so I don't understand how that comes across as desperate?? Could just put quality over quantity then "
For me, and it’s only my opinion, by using the word desperate for me implies that anyone who is not gym fit is not worthy |
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"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that."
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point |
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"Maybe saying you’re not a desperate man and only meeting gym fit people is part of the issue
Whilst you totally have the choice, as we all do, to meet anyone who’s your type by implying that if they’re not gym fit and you not being desperate insinuates that non gym fit are desperate
It does? I'm not a desperate person so I don't understand how that comes across as desperate?? Could just put quality over quantity then
For me, and it’s only my opinion, by using the word desperate for me implies that anyone who is not gym fit is not worthy "
I say athletic/curvy as in I'm not strictly looking for gym fit people |
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"If you have humor, personality ,respect and you are not desperate I believe you could thrive into clubs and socials and have better chance. Fab is kinda of wasted time. "
I've been to a couple of socials and I've had a great time chatting with people and they've enjoyed talking to me too. I do want to go to pandoras or quest but it's just having the free time |
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"Maybe saying you’re not a desperate man and only meeting gym fit people is part of the issue
Whilst you totally have the choice, as we all do, to meet anyone who’s your type by implying that if they’re not gym fit and you not being desperate insinuates that non gym fit are desperate
It does? I'm not a desperate person so I don't understand how that comes across as desperate?? Could just put quality over quantity then
For me, and it’s only my opinion, by using the word desperate for me implies that anyone who is not gym fit is not worthy
I say athletic/curvy as in I'm not strictly looking for gym fit people "
See you’ve changed it now  |
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"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that.
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point "
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good. |
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"I see the problem. It’s clear just from this thread.
And what do you see as the problem? "
Finally. Engaging. Notice how each response you close the conversation? You prob don’t realise you’re doing it. Build on what someone has said, ask a question or an opinion or about their experience etc. engage with the person you’re talking to, don’t just make a statement. People will just shrug and move on if a convo feels like hard work. |
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"
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good. "
Yeah I get where you're coming from... But I also know that this site is overflowing with guys so it doesn't take much to go unseen |
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"I see the problem. It’s clear just from this thread.
And what do you see as the problem?
Finally. Engaging. Notice how each response you close the conversation? You prob don’t realise you’re doing it. Build on what someone has said, ask a question or an opinion or about their experience etc. engage with the person you’re talking to, don’t just make a statement. People will just shrug and move on if a convo feels like hard work. "
Yeah you're right. I didn't realise it.
I've always had issues with text speak and I'm not too sure why. |
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By (user no longer on site) 18 hours ago
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Firstly, I'd take rejection (or lack of engagement) on here with a pinch of salt. Most women appear to be bombarded by guys and there approach usually leaves them cold so unfortunately all single guys get tarred with the same brush.
Secondly, if you know you struggle online, go offline. There seems to be a resurgence in physical dating events where your "chat" will likely land better. Or if it's just sex datung you want, get to a social at a local club and your physique and chat will make you very popular im sure.
Personally I don't expect any dates off this site and I'm only here for the forums but even they can be prickly.
Looking at your profile you seem to be in good shape and probably what a lot of women would go for but the wording of your description isn't great.
Most paragraphs start with "I", you don't really describe who you'd like to meet, and whilst you allude to being fun, you don't elaborate and you don't sound fun. You actually sound very serious.
Obviously, take all thus with another pinch of salt because I'm an old bloke who's not looking for a guy like you.
Good luck pal.  |
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"
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good.
Yeah I get where you're coming from... But I also know that this site is overflowing with guys so it doesn't take much to go unseen"
The overwhelming majority of profiles are abysmal. Sort that out and you _will_ stand out. |
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"Firstly, I'd take rejection (or lack of engagement) on here with a pinch of salt. Most women appear to be bombarded by guys and there approach usually leaves them cold so unfortunately all single guys get tarred with the same brush.
Secondly, if you know you struggle online, go offline. There seems to be a resurgence in physical dating events where your "chat" will likely land better. Or if it's just sex datung you want, get to a social at a local club and your physique and chat will make you very popular im sure.
Personally I don't expect any dates off this site and I'm only here for the forums but even they can be prickly.
Looking at your profile you seem to be in good shape and probably what a lot of women would go for but the wording of your description isn't great.
Most paragraphs start with "I", you don't really describe who you'd like to meet, and whilst you allude to being fun, you don't elaborate and you don't sound fun. You actually sound very serious.
Obviously, take all thus with another pinch of salt because I'm an old bloke who's not looking for a guy like you.
Good luck pal. "
Thanks mate |
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"
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good.
Yeah I get where you're coming from... But I also know that this site is overflowing with guys so it doesn't take much to go unseen
The overwhelming majority of profiles are abysmal. Sort that out and you _will_ stand out."
I mean I've seen male profiles with one liners and cock shots and they've got 20 plus veris in the past year. I thinks it's basically a tinder thing where it's based on attraction and that's what gets you attention and then the convos are a lot better as there is attraction maybe... |
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"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that.
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good. "
And good is not enough anyway. You need to have better than good to stand out.
Women are fussy fuckers nowadays, always wanting more than mediocrity  |
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Is this real life or on here?
If it’s on here I wouldn’t even worry about it.
This is a completely different ball game to real life.
In general, just talk to women like you do men, like, as if they were the same species or something. |
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"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that.
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good.
And good is not enough anyway. You need to have better than good to stand out.
Women are fussy fuckers nowadays, always wanting more than mediocrity "
I get what you're saying. I'm just the type where I don't need to prove anything to anyone or put a dog and pony show on. If you're not attracted to me it don't think in "good enough" then that's their choice. I understand that women are very picky these days and I know exactly why. They have have 100 guys a day in average looking in their direction or trying to talk to them. If men had 100s of women a week giving them attention for literally existing... Do you think we'd not be picky too? Especially if all you're looking for is to shake the headboard |
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"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that.
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good.
And good is not enough anyway. You need to have better than good to stand out.
Women are fussy fuckers nowadays, always wanting more than mediocrity
I get what you're saying. I'm just the type where I don't need to prove anything to anyone or put a dog and pony show on. If you're not attracted to me it don't think in "good enough" then that's their choice. I understand that women are very picky these days and I know exactly why. They have have 100 guys a day in average looking in their direction or trying to talk to them. If men had 100s of women a week giving them attention for literally existing... Do you think we'd not be picky too? Especially if all you're looking for is to shake the headboard"
Playing it cool or hard to get. I like it. Let me know when you're knee deep in fanny.  |
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By *lueseasWoman 17 hours ago
Leamington Spa |
"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that.
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good.
And good is not enough anyway. You need to have better than good to stand out.
Women are fussy fuckers nowadays, always wanting more than mediocrity
I get what you're saying. I'm just the type where I don't need to prove anything to anyone or put a dog and pony show on. If you're not attracted to me it don't think in "good enough" then that's their choice. I understand that women are very picky these days and I know exactly why. They have have 100 guys a day in average looking in their direction or trying to talk to them. If men had 100s of women a week giving them attention for literally existing... Do you think we'd not be picky too? Especially if all you're looking for is to shake the headboard"
.
I humbly suggest that this attitude might be the problem, it comes across as arrogant and so does your profile. I would never have commented on it, and I’m only doing so because you’ve asked, so I’m doing so in the spirit of being helpful as I can see I’m reading it very differently from how you’ve written it. Apart from the cockiness, the entire profile lacks imagination, it could be about anyone. You use stock phrases that don’t really mean anything: “quality over quantity”, excuse me? You’re not after Tesco Finest apples, are you? Not taking life too seriously, etc.
I honestly would not have made it past the second paragraph if I weren’t reading the profile to offer advice on it. My brain would have gotten bored and have disengaged well before then.
You’re saying lots but you’re not really communicating anything about you as a person. I’m left wondering if you’re just a fit body, which is not going to cut it for many women. You’ll only get back in proportion to the effort you put in…
I hope you will find this helpful, and good luck! |
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"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that.
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point
Whether you think they are good or not is irrelevant. If they are not working for you then they are not good.
And good is not enough anyway. You need to have better than good to stand out.
Women are fussy fuckers nowadays, always wanting more than mediocrity
I get what you're saying. I'm just the type where I don't need to prove anything to anyone or put a dog and pony show on. If you're not attracted to me it don't think in "good enough" then that's their choice. I understand that women are very picky these days and I know exactly why. They have have 100 guys a day in average looking in their direction or trying to talk to them. If men had 100s of women a week giving them attention for literally existing... Do you think we'd not be picky too? Especially if all you're looking for is to shake the headboard.
I humbly suggest that this attitude might be the problem, it comes across as arrogant and so does your profile. I would never have commented on it, and I’m only doing so because you’ve asked, so I’m doing so in the spirit of being helpful as I can see I’m reading it very differently from how you’ve written it. Apart from the cockiness, the entire profile lacks imagination, it could be about anyone. You use stock phrases that don’t really mean anything: “quality over quantity”, excuse me? You’re not after Tesco Finest apples, are you? Not taking life too seriously, etc.
I honestly would not have made it past the second paragraph if I weren’t reading the profile to offer advice on it. My brain would have gotten bored and have disengaged well before then.
You’re saying lots but you’re not really communicating anything about you as a person. I’m left wondering if you’re just a fit body, which is not going to cut it for many women. You’ll only get back in proportion to the effort you put in…
I hope you will find this helpful, and good luck!"
Yeah that is not how I intended it to come across... And I'd like to think I'm more than just a gym body. I do believe that this is my issue. In person I'm the money charismatic and likeable person there is but online I really find it hard to sell myself |
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By *aizyWoman 16 hours ago
west midlands |
"I have now improved my profile. Hope this is better. Thanks for all of your advice... I'm glad I've found this community "
Looks good to me OP, and all I'll say about messaging is, just try and be yourself try not to overthink it, you'll strike up a conversation and it will just flow, it just takes patience on here. |
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"My genuine advice would be that if what you are currently doing is not working then do something else.
It’s not meant to sound glib - just that you need to mix it up and see if you can find something that works for you.
Is your profile interesting to those you are interested in? If it isn’t then change it - you are writing it for them not you. Do your pictures reflect you and are they good? Only you know that.
I'd like to think my my bio and pics are good.
I've always found it hard to talk over text and keep it interesting... Just don't know what to do at this point "
Unless people have told you it's not interesting, it sounds like you may be making assumptions, which likely includes some wrong assumptions. It will often be that chats fizzle out for many reasons, including lack of mutual compatibility. Most people aren't mutually compatible but people don't factor this in to their expectations.
If you think you are substantially better in person, mix things up and go out and engage with people a lot more. You don't just benefit from knowing people who could be dates, as most people will be different but know many types of people, so consider broadening the scope of who and why you're engaging |
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"Maybe saying you’re not a desperate man and only meeting gym fit people is part of the issue
Whilst you totally have the choice, as we all do, to meet anyone who’s your type by implying that if they’re not gym fit and you not being desperate insinuates that non gym fit are desperate
It does? I'm not a desperate person so I don't understand how that comes across as desperate?? Could just put quality over quantity then "
Why put anything ? What exactly are you trying to achieve with the not desperate / quality over quantity statements?
Most male profiles reveal themselves unintentionally rather than intentionally, and often by saying the opposite as a reaction
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OP - You're like Jack Sparrow's compass. Wavering in every direction because you don't know what your goal is.
Do you want casual sex of entirely physical pleasures with no ongoing relationships?
If so, be clear in your own mind, strategise, execute, and modify according to feedback. Personality and conversation are less important in this dynamic, but your biggest successes will come from aiming for one night stands at nightclubs, sex clubs, and constantly messaging profiles on FAB that only want a guy with a cock. You'll need to be good-looking to achieve this, mostly. If you're after a purely physical no commitment dynamic, then you have to think "why would anyone choose me over everyone else they can choose from?" Then give them honest reasons for doing so, non-verbally and verbally.
Or do you want something of more emotional and mental depth?
In which case, people are far less interested in your body, gym or otherwise, and much more interested in your "soul". Your thoughts, fears, vulnerabilities, ambitions, plans, struggles, humour, warmth etc. Something for them to connect with.
Know what you want. Then strategise how to achieve it. FAB operates on a spectrum from purely physical NSA, to relationships many consider more rewarding than anything they'd had before.
Know what you want. Then implement the tools to find it.
You might even discover a version of yourself you're in desperate need of.
Good luck bro . |
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By *bi HaiveMan 3 hours ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
" I understand that women are very picky these days and I know exactly why. They have have 100 guys a day in average looking in their direction or trying to talk to them. If men had 100s of women a week giving them attention for literally existing... Do you think we'd not be picky too? Especially if all you're looking for is to shake the headboard"
This to me is the problem.
Women aren't just 'picky' these days. Nor should they be any less choosy just because they're on a swinggers/sex site. Likewise neither should men be, despite any perceived ratios.
Maybe some are just looking to 'shake the headboard', especially single people, but many others are looking for more.
If people stopped looking at others as a means to get sex and actually saw them as people, talked to them like human beings instead of a convenient means to get their rocks off, then maybe, just maybe they'd get more positive responses from others.
The perception that this is just like Tinder and that it's all down to visuals that is often touted by people just perpetuates the myth that looks and a fit body are all you need. It's a convenient excuse for some as to why they struggle, and also a great get out of jail free card for those that use it as a reason why 'some guys' (usually meaning the gym fit 6 pack type or the well hung or the BBC's) are allegedly getting all the action. Neither are true.
If you struggle to communicate via message then change your approach and look to face to face events.
If (like most of us) you consider yourself way less than perfect physically or looks wise, then focus on your personality and humour.
If you think you're a 10/10 physical specimen, with great message banter, a hysterical sense of humour and a perfect dick......and you're still struggling to get interest? Then maybe you need to sit down and to some introspection.
Everyone is an individual. Be the best you that you can be and that's all you canndo. And if that's not what some people are looking for just accept it.
*all references to 'you' in the post are generic, not specific. |
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" I understand that women are very picky these days and I know exactly why. They have have 100 guys a day in average looking in their direction or trying to talk to them. If men had 100s of women a week giving them attention for literally existing... Do you think we'd not be picky too? Especially if all you're looking for is to shake the headboard
This to me is the problem.
Women aren't just 'picky' these days. Nor should they be any less choosy just because they're on a swinggers/sex site. Likewise neither should men be, despite any perceived ratios.
Maybe some are just looking to 'shake the headboard', especially single people, but many others are looking for more.
If people stopped looking at others as a means to get sex and actually saw them as people, talked to them like human beings instead of a convenient means to get their rocks off, then maybe, just maybe they'd get more positive responses from others.
The perception that this is just like Tinder and that it's all down to visuals that is often touted by people just perpetuates the myth that looks and a fit body are all you need. It's a convenient excuse for some as to why they struggle, and also a great get out of jail free card for those that use it as a reason why 'some guys' (usually meaning the gym fit 6 pack type or the well hung or the BBC's) are allegedly getting all the action. Neither are true.
If you struggle to communicate via message then change your approach and look to face to face events.
If (like most of us) you consider yourself way less than perfect physically or looks wise, then focus on your personality and humour.
If you think you're a 10/10 physical specimen, with great message banter, a hysterical sense of humour and a perfect dick......and you're still struggling to get interest? Then maybe you need to sit down and to some introspection.
Everyone is an individual. Be the best you that you can be and that's all you canndo. And if that's not what some people are looking for just accept it.
*all references to 'you' in the post are generic, not specific. "
Perfectly put! |
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