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Would you get married?
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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Probably a question for the fellow singletons but I'm happy to hear all opinions on the subject.
A bone of contention in my last relationship was that I just didn't see the point of marriage. We were both divorced and had our own kids but came together as a blended family. She was keen to get married, I didn't see the point. I even asked her to give me reasons why it made a difference and aside from it "just mattered" to her, there was none.
What am I missing?
I can understand why a young couple building a life together and starting a family might want to but for "seasoned veterans," I just don't get it. |
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I have no interest in getting married.
I probably wouldn't do it just to make someone happy.
As a happily solo poly kinda girl I really don't ever want those kind of established hierarchies.
If your life and relationship goals are incompatible it does seem odd to continue with a relationship to me 💜 |
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It offers financial security for the lower earner, but other than that I don't see the point. It's not something I'd ever do again, and I'll always be the lower earner. |
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I've done it once...wouldn't do it again. |
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I would never say never, but it's not something that has been of interest to me.
I do like the idea of everyone buying me gifts of my choosing and having a 4-tier cake though.
Oh, and insisting my least favourite cousins are my bridesmaids so I could make them wear the most repulsive dresses I can find.
Actually, the idea is growing on me.
Anyone up for it? |
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No, I wouldn't ever get married. Single or otherwise.
Unless it's an absolutely amicable split, where both people can act like mature adults, then it can be bad. I've seen, heard and to support people going through divorces and engagement splits.
It's never been good and always seems more hassle than it's worth.
The way we live and love is constantly changing. I'm happy to support that, by breaking out of societal expectations and traditions.
Lots of traditions are now antiquated and aren't worth entertaining these days. The only way is forward. |
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I want to be like one of those weirdos you see in the news that marries their toaster or something.
That’s about my level of commitment. |
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No, I have no interest In getting married.
I've been with my other half 9 years and we don't have kids, I don't think it makes that much difference nowadays.
For some it's important though, which I understand. |
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If I met someone and it meant something to them to do it I'd consider it. Otherwise, I don't see myself getting married again. |
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By *sWyldWoman 4 days ago
Edinburgh |
To be honest, I really just want a dress. I was married, I wasn't happy. I didn't really want to get married and it was far from how it should ever be.
That being said I still hope one day to find someone who loves me as loudly as I love them. Then who knows |
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I wouldn't do it again. Not because I'm disappointed with my marriage, rather the opposite. We've been together around 44 years, married for 37, I couldn't come anywhere close to building a similar relationship with another person so if god forbid I found myself in a different long term relationship I wouldn't want to get married.
I don't think marriage is pointless though, I think there is much to commend it...but I would say that |
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Marriage makes a relationship into a business. Don’t rate it. |
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I've never been interested in it. I can understand it if there's tax, inheritance, or other financial planning reasons. I did it once, because it was (apparently) very important to someone else, and I cared deeply about them and so I did it for their benefit. Won't make that mistake again! |
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If nothing else it makes you their next of kin. That's very important if an accident happens or one of you dies. |
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"I want to be like one of those weirdos you see in the news that marries their toaster or something.
That’s about my level of commitment. "
Oh crumbs....
🤣 |
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By *aseylee324Couple 4 days ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
I don't feel the need to marry again, our relationship is good as it is, we have independent assets and no shared children, getting married would probably just complicate things plus be an unnecessary expense. It's not that I see marriage in a negative light, it's just not relevant at our life stage. |
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I understand why people do it as it's kind of a union especially if they are religious and feel it's protected in some way. Personally, it's not something I desire to do or would have any effect on the relationship itself. But I would do it if my partner felt strongly and it mattered to them.
Only thing I wouldn't do is change my name again, that's too much hassle changing  |
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"I want to be like one of those weirdos you see in the news that marries their toaster or something.
That’s about my level of commitment.
Oh crumbs....
🤣"
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I married a young nymphomaniac
Now the nymph has gone and left me with the maniac |
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I am married, I lost my wife in 2012 due to breast cancer but that will never break my bond to her.
She was my wife, my best friend and my life.
Now I am just a broken shell, possibly why I found and use this forum and even now seeing her end of life pain breaks my heart.
Just wish it was myself and not her.
People are on here for all reasons, I enjoy the open chat on the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"I would never say never, but it's not something that has been of interest to me.
I do like the idea of everyone buying me gifts of my choosing and having a 4-tier cake though.
Oh, and insisting my least favourite cousins are my bridesmaids so I could make them wear the most repulsive dresses I can find.
Actually, the idea is growing on me.
Anyone up for it?"
You can have the wedding without entering into a contract you can't control... I actually see the point of having a wedding - a party to celebrate your commitment, etc. But it's the underlying contract I see no point in. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"No, I have no interest In getting married.
I've been with my other half 9 years and we don't have kids, I don't think it makes that much difference nowadays.
For some it's important though, which I understand. "
It's a moving feast legally speaking but the only reason I got married the first time was because I was advised that to not do would have potential implications for the rights of access in the event of the relationship breaking down. That may have changed but it was the only reason I went through with the marriage in the first instance. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"If I met someone and it meant something to them to do it I'd consider it. Otherwise, I don't see myself getting married again. "
I was in the same position but because of her reaction to me simply saying I don't get it it raised red flags and ultimately it was the right thing not to have done. |
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Been there, have that T-shirt. And if I was to go back and reset just one thing OP it's that stay single, don't become a happy Prisoner |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"To be honest, I really just want a dress. I was married, I wasn't happy. I didn't really want to get married and it was far from how it should ever be.
That being said I still hope one day to find someone who loves me as loudly as I love them. Then who knows "
That's the dream... Finding that one person that just wants you to be the best version you can be and is there to enjoy and support the ups and downs.
And for that person I'll happily buy the dress, have the party, speak my vows (which doesn't need me to sign a legally binding contract). |
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Not a chance, have zero interest in marriage and whatever it may entail. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"If nothing else it makes you their next of kin. That's very important if an accident happens or one of you dies. "
That's where wills, LPoA, Trusts, etc come in to play.
Interestingly, getting married negates existing wills. Getting married is simply a legal construct. |
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I don't believe in marriage. Other than (in theory) financial security. I don't see any other benefits. I only see people trapped. My parents should have divorced long ago but it wasn't the done thing then and they are miserable together for the sake of some effort separating the finances now. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 4 days ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I was with my soulmate for 32 years. We moved in together after 4 years, lived together for 7, married, then were together for another 20 years before she suddenly passed - a shock I'm still struggling with.
I will never have the depth of sharing that I had with my life traveller. I can't imagine going out with anyone, much less marrying them.
I'm sure it varies from person to person, but I'm a black swan; mated for life and now without that complement to my existence.
😔 |
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"If nothing else it makes you their next of kin. That's very important if an accident happens or one of you dies.
That's where wills, LPoA, Trusts, etc come in to play.
Interestingly, getting married negates existing wills. Getting married is simply a legal construct."
To *you* marriage is simply a legal construct. I'm fortunate enough to be in a marriage that is very much more. |
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Resonates for me that one. I had a very similar conversation with my wife. I had the same view, why does it matter, what will it change.
She agreed with me it doesn't change anything, but asked me if it doesn't matter then why can't we do it? As it is something that would make her happy. She literally just wanted the event. The dress etc etc. That was enough for me to get on board and enjoy the moment with her.
It didn't change anything, and we had a joyous memory that I am now grateful for.
I don't believe a contract adds anything to a relationship. I wouldn't want anyone to stay in a relationship with me because of a contract. But hey if you want a party and a pretty princess dress, that's different. Let the champagne flow. |
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Not again twice is enough for any man lol |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 4 days ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Never married and probably never will. My fantasy wedding would be full on victorian vampire goth, so it'll never happen. Plus I can't get a boyfriend  "
My wedding *was* full on vampire goth. I recommend it.
🧛🏼♀️ |
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We married mainly for reasons other than needing a piece of paper. His illness meant things like next of kin decisions and financial decisions could be more easily made without added paperwork |
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Just to add, being married didn’t and hasn’t changed anything about our commitment to each other |
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Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly. |
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By *a LunaWoman 4 days ago
South Wales |
No I wouldn’t. To be honest I can’t even see me living with a partner again either. They can have their place and me, mine.
Being married does have financial benefits though, when my step-dad passed there was a kerfuffle over his pension (which he’d signed over to my mum as beneficiary) because they were not married. Irrespective of the fact they’d been together for over 29 years.
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 4 days ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly."
Well.. there's a generalisation if ever I heard one! Men never at fault for marital breakdown, then?
🙄 |
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Off the backbone the OP's original question, has anyone met on here and got married, we did and been together 8 years and very happy |
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"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly.
Well.. there's a generalisation if ever I heard one! Men never at fault for marital breakdown, then?
🙄"
Oh, it is a generalisation for sure!
Did I imply that men are never at fault for marital breakdown? Did I suggest anything of the sort? No, you inferred it. 🙂🙂🙂 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"If nothing else it makes you their next of kin. That's very important if an accident happens or one of you dies.
That's where wills, LPoA, Trusts, etc come in to play.
Interestingly, getting married negates existing wills. Getting married is simply a legal construct.
To *you* marriage is simply a legal construct. I'm fortunate enough to be in a marriage that is very much more. "
Not just a legal construct but the legal element is an integral part and cannot be avoided. However, the legal "benefits" provided by marriage can be achieved without marriage.
This post isn't to say if it's right or wrong, just interested in the opinion of others. |
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She gave you a reason - it matters to her. You can't just discount that because she couldn't write a 3 page discourse on the subject. |
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Marriage is a commitment it brings financial assurances to the table and it brings responsibilities and obligations. It removes the simplicity and ease and conveniences of staying single/unmarried.
Yes you can be in a marriage and they cheat but they will have zero financial accountability for their actions.
You can be in a relationship and they die or get ill and you have zero access to their health records or medical benefits, pensions, retirement, taxes. The can nominate you but entitlement then becomes a matter if investigation rather than an all out right.
They can commit a crime and you have zero immunity or protection against not having to incriminate them. Might only apply to the USA but a married couple aren't required to disclose incriminating evidence against the other.
For those saying there is no point there's plenty, but the real reason is simplicity in cheating and leaving and financially no obligation.
Ps I will never narry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"She gave you a reason - it matters to her. You can't just discount that because she couldn't write a 3 page discourse on the subject. "
I wasn't discounting it. But it's not enough for me to want to agree with her and thus act on it in doing something I didn't matter to me or, moreover, not doing it mattered to me.
By your rationale, she shouldn't discount my not wanting to get married simply because is mattered to me even though I was able to give numerous reason as to why not getting married mattered to me.
We were in very different places. I had significantly more assets than her and she had an expectation that if we were married then I would provide for her and her child. I didn't agree to the same extent. I would happily support the "family" but it wasn't on me to provide her child with a legacy. That was on her and her ex (child's father). Whether I chose to over time is entirely up to me. But getting married could take that decision out of my hands.
So whilst it might matter to her that she was married and a wife, it mattered to me that I wasn't exposing myself and my children to potentially losing their legacy. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 4 days ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly.
Well.. there's a generalisation if ever I heard one! Men never at fault for marital breakdown, then?
🙄
Oh, it is a generalisation for sure!
Did I imply that men are never at fault for marital breakdown? Did I suggest anything of the sort? No, you inferred it. 🙂🙂🙂"
Yes, I did. I inferred it from you generalising that as soon as the woman settles and goes off sex, it goes down the pan. So, yes, you did suggest it. How you phrase things means something.
I'll let you have the last word, because I don't want to hijack the thread. 😉 |
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"She gave you a reason - it matters to her. You can't just discount that because she couldn't write a 3 page discourse on the subject.
I wasn't discounting it. But it's not enough for me to want to agree with her and thus act on it in doing something I didn't matter to me or, moreover, not doing it mattered to me.
By your rationale, she shouldn't discount my not wanting to get married simply because is mattered to me even though I was able to give numerous reason as to why not getting married mattered to me.
We were in very different places. I had significantly more assets than her and she had an expectation that if we were married then I would provide for her and her child. I didn't agree to the same extent. I would happily support the "family" but it wasn't on me to provide her child with a legacy. That was on her and her ex (child's father). Whether I chose to over time is entirely up to me. But getting married could take that decision out of my hands.
So whilst it might matter to her that she was married and a wife, it mattered to me that I wasn't exposing myself and my children to potentially losing their legacy."
Then that was your reason.. all the other BS was irrelevant and sugar coatings. I'm sure she was unaware how you truly felt because if that was a legitimate concern it could have been addressed in a will.. problem solved..
So again you simply didn't want to marry HER and that's fine ... |
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"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly.
Well.. there's a generalisation if ever I heard one! Men never at fault for marital breakdown, then?
🙄
Oh, it is a generalisation for sure!
Did I imply that men are never at fault for marital breakdown? Did I suggest anything of the sort? No, you inferred it. 🙂🙂🙂
Yes, I did. I inferred it from you generalising that as soon as the woman settles and goes off sex, it goes down the pan. So, yes, you did suggest it. How you phrase things means something.
I'll let you have the last word, because I don't want to hijack the thread. 😉"
Yes, you inferred it! I never said anything of the sort.
This is exactly what I said:
"The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly."
I said absolutely nothing about "men never being at fault" and I wouldn't say that because men are often at fault in some way. |
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For those who are religious, it holds meaning but for the rest of us, I assume it is simply a cultural norm. Those couples who are married can be funny, moral high ground about those cheating but ignoring their religious commitments that should also not be shared at the PTA meeting.
If marrying for financial security is the reason, that is both misguided and risky. |
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By *ornycougaWoman 4 days ago
NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat |
Completely outmoded and superfluous institution imho. Never married, never will do. I was with a guy for 26 years and would only have possibly tied the not to avoid paying inheritance tax. I know, I know.... I'm such a romantic! |
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"To be honest, I really just want a dress. I was married, I wasn't happy. I didn't really want to get married and it was far from how it should ever be.
That being said I still hope one day to find someone who loves me as loudly as I love them. Then who knows "
sweet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"She gave you a reason - it matters to her. You can't just discount that because she couldn't write a 3 page discourse on the subject.
I wasn't discounting it. But it's not enough for me to want to agree with her and thus act on it in doing something I didn't matter to me or, moreover, not doing it mattered to me.
By your rationale, she shouldn't discount my not wanting to get married simply because is mattered to me even though I was able to give numerous reason as to why not getting married mattered to me.
We were in very different places. I had significantly more assets than her and she had an expectation that if we were married then I would provide for her and her child. I didn't agree to the same extent. I would happily support the "family" but it wasn't on me to provide her child with a legacy. That was on her and her ex (child's father). Whether I chose to over time is entirely up to me. But getting married could take that decision out of my hands.
So whilst it might matter to her that she was married and a wife, it mattered to me that I wasn't exposing myself and my children to potentially losing their legacy.
Then that was your reason.. all the other BS was irrelevant and sugar coatings. I'm sure she was unaware how you truly felt because if that was a legitimate concern it could have been addressed in a will.. problem solved..
So again you simply didn't want to marry HER and that's fine ..."
Actually, I don't want to marry ANYONE. I don't agree with marriage. I don't believe it has and point in modern society. I think it's outdated.
I also think too few people actually understand what they're doing. Too few realise that the wedding is just a party and the signing of the register, etc is entering into a legal contract. And that that contract has implications that are often not even discussed let alone understood.
So "you simply didn't want to marry HER" in your opinion is an inaccurate oversimplification, and that's fine. |
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Isnt having children more of a contract or financial security than marriage? Were married, it werent really my thing more the females but other than what could of been a nice car for a day its changed nothing for us |
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No.
I have been and that’s enough. |
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I dont marriage is the problem
Its who you marry 😂 |
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Done once. Wouldnt want to do it again. If I ever did find Mr Right, I like my independance still. Marriage would not be on the cards. |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 days ago
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If I ever find the one and I won't be sharing him that's for sure |
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"If I ever find the one and I won't be sharing him that's for sure "
x
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"If I ever find the one and I won't be sharing him that's for sure "
Interesting... Are you saying that if you found "the one" then you wouldn't be swingers? |
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"If nothing else it makes you their next of kin. That's very important if an accident happens or one of you dies. "
I did think of this one as a potential reason, but I wouldn't get married, I'd probably be more likely to go for the civil partnership option. It used to be for same sex couples but it has become available to heterosexual couples a while ago. |
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When I got married it wasn't done out of religion or a piece of paper or security it was purely out of love.
We were young when we got married and I had this romantic idealist view of the world and marriage in general.
It's definitely not all roses and picket fences and it takes a lot of patience and understanding but we've been together 32 years and married 28.. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat I definitely have no regrets.. |
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"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly."
You don’t really like women, don’t you. |
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Been married now on a long engagement not really bothered about getting wed we are happy as we are |
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Never ever again 😳
Been there and lost everything twice so now I’m stable and I have everything an adult “should” have (🏡🚗💷) I’d never take the risk of losing it, and more, again 😔
I’d happily settle down if it felt right and just amazing but I’d never ever marry anyone else 😔 |
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If the right person came into my life I would.
I like a good party and I might get to see some family I've not seen for a while. |
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By *HUSH-Man 4 days ago
London |
If I meet the right woman I’d put a ring on it 💍 |
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I've never been married and never will be. Never seen the need. I own my house outright and like heck am I letting someone take half of it off me in a divorce! |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 days ago
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"If I ever find the one and I won't be sharing him that's for sure "
my party would be ghost investigation in haunted building or graveyard I would do carvery in ancient pub that be my perfect wedding because that's me I am looking for man similar interests
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"I've never been married and never will be. Never seen the need. I own my house outright and like heck am I letting someone take half of it off me in a divorce! "
I can see the sense in that. It's why I always say people need to be on a similar financial footing when choosing a long term partner, married or not |
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"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly.
You don’t really like women, don’t you."
I can't stand them! Get rid of them! Allllllllllllllllll of them!!!
😂 |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 days ago
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"If I ever find the one and I won't be sharing him that's for sure my party would be ghost investigation in haunted building or graveyard I would do carvery in ancient pub that be my perfect wedding because that's me I am looking for man similar interests "
there will be no DJ no table decorations no balloons just plates knives and forks and get roast beef gammon lamb from carvery we would have all ghost equipment set up
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"If the right person came into my life I would.
I like a good party and I might get to see some family I've not seen for a while. "
nice open mind |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 days ago
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"If I ever find the one and I won't be sharing him that's for sure my party would be ghost investigation in haunted building or graveyard I would do carvery in ancient pub that be my perfect wedding because that's me I am looking for man similar interests there will be no DJ no table decorations no balloons just plates knives and forks and get roast beef gammon lamb from carvery we would have all ghost equipment set up "
I would have incense sticks burning to attract the spirits
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Separated after 7 years of marriage (she cheated) and 4 younglings. Finally divorced after 21 years. Would I do it again? Yes, yes I would. |
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We are engaged and we will tie the knot at some point, it's not important to us but we would like to add another tick to the things we have done together in life. We have done a lot at 14 years but plenty more to go and there are only so many ticks!
It's for the fun of it!
Jay |
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"Probably a question for the fellow singletons but I'm happy to hear all opinions on the subject.
A bone of contention in my last relationship was that I just didn't see the point of marriage. We were both divorced and had our own kids but came together as a blended family. She was keen to get married, I didn't see the point. I even asked her to give me reasons why it made a difference and aside from it "just mattered" to her, there was none.
What am I missing?
I can understand why a young couple building a life together and starting a family might want to but for "seasoned veterans," I just don't get it."
i was so sure I'd never get married again.. when I got divorced I threw my divorce papers away... 17 years later I am now Having to apply for a copy of my papers...
From pretty much our first date.. we knew we wanted to get married ... it is frustrating us having to wait xx
Why because we want to marry each other.. we want to make that commitment to own another.... it makes us grin from ear to ear when we talk about it. And I hated getting married previously.. but the right person changed my mind set |
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First marriage was to help my then husband stay in the UK as his visa had run out .... we stayed together a few years but I think we would have split sooner if we had not married.
Second marriage. I wanted the security of marriage as I wanted kids .... turns out it was a shit plan .... and financially it only meant he could rinse me.
Now. I wouldn't get married again. Happily commit to someone and be with them for life.... but not risking my home or pension on another divorce
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"Probably a question for the fellow singletons but I'm happy to hear all opinions on the subject.
A bone of contention in my last relationship was that I just didn't see the point of marriage. We were both divorced and had our own kids but came together as a blended family. She was keen to get married, I didn't see the point. I even asked her to give me reasons why it made a difference and aside from it "just mattered" to her, there was none.
What am I missing?
I can understand why a young couple building a life together and starting a family might want to but for "seasoned veterans," I just don't get it. i was so sure I'd never get married again.. when I got divorced I threw my divorce papers away... 17 years later I am now Having to apply for a copy of my papers...
From pretty much our first date.. we knew we wanted to get married ... it is frustrating us having to wait xx
Why because we want to marry each other.. we want to make that commitment to own another.... it makes us grin from ear to ear when we talk about it. And I hated getting married previously.. but the right person changed my mind set"
Love it, good for you. |
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Marriage is just a commitment ratified by a piece of paper that costs money to annul.
Commitment on its own is free, no-one is tied, staying together is a free choice.
IMho spend the 1000s of a wedding having multiple memorable moments around the world |
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"Marriage is just a commitment ratified by a piece of paper that costs money to annul.
Commitment on its own is free, no-one is tied, staying together is a free choice.
IMho spend the 1000s of a wedding having multiple memorable moments around the world"
I agree to an extent about the money spent on a wedding. Although ours was a very low key affair, catering done by my mum and her friend 😀.
I can't agree that no one is tied if they aren't married, joint property, children, pets, loyalty etc etc all tie people to a relationship. |
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"Marriage is just a commitment ratified by a piece of paper that costs money to annul.
Commitment on its own is free, no-one is tied, staying together is a free choice.
IMho spend the 1000s of a wedding having multiple memorable moments around the world
I agree to an extent about the money spent on a wedding. Although ours was a very low key affair, catering done by my mum and her friend 😀.
I can't agree that no one is tied if they aren't married, joint property, children, pets, loyalty etc etc all tie people to a relationship. "
True there may still be ties, how many and how expensive will depend on many things. I am ultimately expressing an opinion from my own experiences which will be totally different from others |
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"Marriage is just a commitment ratified by a piece of paper that costs money to annul.
Commitment on its own is free, no-one is tied, staying together is a free choice.
IMho spend the 1000s of a wedding having multiple memorable moments around the world
I agree to an extent about the money spent on a wedding. Although ours was a very low key affair, catering done by my mum and her friend 😀.
I can't agree that no one is tied if they aren't married, joint property, children, pets, loyalty etc etc all tie people to a relationship.
True there may still be ties, how many and how expensive will depend on many things. I am ultimately expressing an opinion from my own experiences which will be totally different from others"
Where this subject is concerned especially I think we're all expressing an opinion from our own experiences |
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I'll marry anyone! I've got a bit of a craving for an reception party buffet |
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No, but then again I wouldn't even want to live with someone |
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By *zeroMan 4 days ago
Glasgow |
I was engaged at one point but things didn't work out that way.
I wouldn't want to now and it's unlikely I'll find someone to be that close to again. |
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By *aven.Woman 4 days ago
Not the North West... |
This is how I broke up with my first serious boyfriend, over a romantic meal for my birthday he said "what would you say if I asked you to marry me?".
I believe I laughed/snorted and said don't even bother. Surprisingly we broke up not long after.
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[Removed by poster at 19/11/24 16:12:09] |
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"She gave you a reason - it matters to her. You can't just discount that because she couldn't write a 3 page discourse on the subject.
I wasn't discounting it. But it's not enough for me to want to agree with her and thus act on it in doing something I didn't matter to me or, moreover, not doing it mattered to me.
By your rationale, she shouldn't discount my not wanting to get married simply because is mattered to me even though I was able to give numerous reason as to why not getting married mattered to me.
We were in very different places. I had significantly more assets than her and she had an expectation that if we were married then I would provide for her and her child. I didn't agree to the same extent. I would happily support the "family" but it wasn't on me to provide her child with a legacy. That was on her and her ex (child's father). Whether I chose to over time is entirely up to me. But getting married could take that decision out of my hands.
So whilst it might matter to her that she was married and a wife, it mattered to me that I wasn't exposing myself and my children to potentially losing their legacy."
Then you have a rather big incompatibility and I wish you luck with it. You just sounded rather dismissive of her reasons in your OP.
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I am married, hasn’t turned out great.  |
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No, I wouldn’t want a boyfriend, let alone get married. |
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By *uzzleMan 4 days ago
Hastings |
Nope, I don't even date.
Some people need someone in their lives, just absolutely cannot be on their own.
That's the polar opposite of me.
When I get home from my mundane average job, I'm all people out. I don't want to see a single person until I have to at work the following day.
Someone of a loner and recluse here but prefer it that way. |
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I can't see any benefits other than tax (inheritance, etc), and security for your partner should the worst happen to you. Therefore it only makes sense to me as a kind of business transaction.
It's safe to say that my Father (yes, Daddy issues. YAY!) has definitely put me off marriage. He made my Mum and our lives Hell by dragging her through broken glass both emotionally and financially. |
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Mr. FC and I are getting married next month!
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"Mr. FC and I are getting married next month!
"
Congratulations!! Xx |
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"Mr. FC and I are getting married next month!
Congratulations!! Xx"
Thank you! |
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"Mr. FC and I are getting married next month!
Congratulations!! Xx
Thank you! "
Again, congrats |
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If a man isn't mad enough about a female that he thinks fuck it I want to marry her she's mine something is wrong for alot of its a dream and something they don't feel complete without especially if especially if shes the nurturing homemaker type by nature some people are just not made for the traditional husband wife roles and that's ok to just don't sell a dream I say and be honest from the get go that you have no intentions to put a ring on it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 4 days ago
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"If a man isn't mad enough about a female that he thinks fuck it I want to marry her she's mine something is wrong for alot of its a dream and something they don't feel complete without especially if especially if shes the nurturing homemaker type by nature some people are just not made for the traditional husband wife roles and that's ok to just don't sell a dream I say and be honest from the get go that you have no intentions to put a ring on it "
Did you lose your punctuation in the divorce? 😆 |
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Sorry i was typing fast haha sure you can understand what I said tho very selfish of a man to just expect a woman to not want that just because he doesent tho don't sell her a dream I say and let her move on and find someone who will give it to her so she doesn't grow to resent you and feel like you've held her back |
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25 plus years and wouldn't change a thing ,my partner, best friend and everything in-between ❤️ |
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Done it twice an could be tempted again lol |
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Right now I wouldn’t consider remarrying but in the future, if the relationship felt right, I might reconsider. |
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Or string her along with false promises and learn to live a life of hell with a woman who loathes you're existence lmao |
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"Right now I wouldn’t consider remarrying but in the future, if the relationship felt right, I might reconsider."
open minded approach is good .
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"Mr. FC and I are getting married next month!
"
Brilliant |
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"Yes, most definitely x"
Ach, it’s nice to hear things like that x |
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Definitely not getting married as there's no incentive for men for the most part to get married |
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By *zeroMan 4 days ago
Glasgow |
"25 plus years and wouldn't change a thing ,my partner, best friend and everything in-between ❤️ "
Love that for you both |
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Never again. This generation is fucked |
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Not again. I wanted it as much as him the first time round, I meant my vows and it was done out of love. I don't regret it but I know longer see the point of it. The things we achieved or didn't, in our relationship weren't affected by the fact we were married. It just meant there was extra paperwork when we separated and eventually divorced. I didn't gain any financial security from being married, I provided that for myself. |
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"Not again. I wanted it as much as him the first time round, I meant my vows and it was done out of love. I don't regret it but I know longer see the point of it. The things we achieved or didn't, in our relationship weren't affected by the fact we were married. It just meant there was extra paperwork when we separated and eventually divorced. I didn't gain any financial security from being married, I provided that for myself. "
I can empathise with that a lot. Going through a separation myself and tbh the only thing that’s stopped me from moving out is my kid.
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"Not again. I wanted it as much as him the first time round, I meant my vows and it was done out of love. I don't regret it but I know longer see the point of it. The things we achieved or didn't, in our relationship weren't affected by the fact we were married. It just meant there was extra paperwork when we separated and eventually divorced. I didn't gain any financial security from being married, I provided that for myself. "
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"Not again. I wanted it as much as him the first time round, I meant my vows and it was done out of love. I don't regret it but I know longer see the point of it. The things we achieved or didn't, in our relationship weren't affected by the fact we were married. It just meant there was extra paperwork when we separated and eventually divorced. I didn't gain any financial security from being married, I provided that for myself. "
it wasn't right person
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Absolutely never again, I'd never had a joint bank account again, my house is secured in a trust so there's no way to get at it, & while my nature is to be a sharing generous person I'll never make another woman privy to my financial circumstances. |
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"Probably a question for the fellow singletons but I'm happy to hear all opinions on the subject.
A bone of contention in my last relationship was that I just didn't see the point of marriage. We were both divorced and had our own kids but came together as a blended family. She was keen to get married, I didn't see the point. I even asked her to give me reasons why it made a difference and aside from it "just mattered" to her, there was none.
What am I missing?
I can understand why a young couple building a life together and starting a family might want to but for "seasoned veterans," I just don't get it."
Read the vows , it’s pretty obvious what it’s all about and why many do or don’t want that. Don't pretended you don’t get it or don’t u understand her ! It’s about commitments and responsibilities- practical, emotional, financial and even spiritual |
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"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly."
That painful reality can be reversed. Men can get comfortable and go off sex. And before you ask, i know he wasnt getting it anywhere else. And the realstionship stagnated, and i was more like a mother and a maid to a full grown child.
So i really cant see myself getting married again.
At this stage i dont even want a partner. I'm sick of rearranging my life to suit others, and the only people who deserve that of me is my children. |
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Yes, I'd get married
It offers legal protection for both partners in the event of death
There would be no big dress or party though |
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Yes, however there would be no civil ceremony. I wouldn't be legally married by the state. I would prefer a celtic wedding ceremony or something of a spiritual nature (non religious) that suited us both. |
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Never say never.
I’ve always said I wouldn’t get married again, BUT if the right person came along, who knows |
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"Yes, however there would be no civil ceremony. I wouldn't be legally married by the state. I would prefer a celtic wedding ceremony or something of a spiritual nature (non religious) that suited us both. "
That sounds perfect…. Marry me now 💍😂 |
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Both of us married before.
Not something we have really discussed. We both have the scars of a breakup even though for both of us our breakups were quite civil compared to others, and we both manage to speak to our exes when necessary (kids arrangements etc) without it being a big issue.
But other than the big party and a generally lovely day, marriage didn’t really change anything so I am not sure I’d want to go through it all again. |
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By *hesblokeMan 3 days ago
Derbyshire village |
My wife would kill me if I got married. |
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By *oomlMan 3 days ago
Fareham |
"I wouldn't do it again. Not because I'm disappointed with my marriage, rather the opposite. We've been together around 44 years, married for 37, I couldn't come anywhere close to building a similar relationship with another person so if god forbid I found myself in a different long term relationship I wouldn't want to get married.
I don't think marriage is pointless though, I think there is much to commend it...but I would say that"
Same for me. My wife and I were married for 43 years when she died and I couldn't imagine having the same kind of long term relationship with anyone else. Just happy to remember the time we had together. |
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I would get married
I doubt it will happen, people are so busy wanting sex from as many people as possible, it’s difficult to concentrate on one person |
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"My wife would kill me if I got married."
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"I wouldn't do it again. Not because I'm disappointed with my marriage, rather the opposite. We've been together around 44 years, married for 37, I couldn't come anywhere close to building a similar relationship with another person so if god forbid I found myself in a different long term relationship I wouldn't want to get married.
I don't think marriage is pointless though, I think there is much to commend it...but I would say that
Same for me. My wife and I were married for 43 years when she died and I couldn't imagine having the same kind of long term relationship with anyone else. Just happy to remember the time we had together."
I'm glad you have good memories
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By *oomlMan 3 days ago
Fareham |
"I wouldn't do it again. Not because I'm disappointed with my marriage, rather the opposite. We've been together around 44 years, married for 37, I couldn't come anywhere close to building a similar relationship with another person so if god forbid I found myself in a different long term relationship I wouldn't want to get married.
I don't think marriage is pointless though, I think there is much to commend it...but I would say that
Same for me. My wife and I were married for 43 years when she died and I couldn't imagine having the same kind of long term relationship with anyone else. Just happy to remember the time we had together.
I'm glad you have good memories
"
Me too. She was the best.
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"I wouldn't do it again. Not because I'm disappointed with my marriage, rather the opposite. We've been together around 44 years, married for 37, I couldn't come anywhere close to building a similar relationship with another person so if god forbid I found myself in a different long term relationship I wouldn't want to get married.
I don't think marriage is pointless though, I think there is much to commend it...but I would say that
Same for me. My wife and I were married for 43 years when she died and I couldn't imagine having the same kind of long term relationship with anyone else. Just happy to remember the time we had together.
I'm glad you have good memories
Me too. She was the best.
"
So many people have a bad experience of marriage that it's heartening to read of a good one.
My parents were married for 67 years. |
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Despite the message telling me I would, I still wouldn't 🤣🖕 |
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By *ricky09Man 3 days ago
Gloucester/Cyprus |
I was married once and I will never do it again...Two people can live together without all the paperwork and the cost of getting married these days. Would you pay out to get married again just silly?
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I did it once will never do it again |
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By *opeyXWoman 3 days ago
Dun Dee |
Have never had an interest in being married. I actually don't get why people do. At the end of the day it's just a bit of paper. Plenty of people get married then divorced. So what's the point? Then again I don't see myself having a "normal" realtionship and living with someone either again now. As much as I love company at times, I love my own company and space more. |
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Been married nearly 27 years together for 33 years,love Been married,love my wife.
To us it's not just a peace of paper it's a life time commitment that you just can't walk away from when you hit a few bumps in the road.
But I do get not everyone thinks the same way and what works fir some doesn't work fir others. |
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"Been married nearly 27 years together for 33 years,love Been married,love my wife.
To us it's not just a peace of paper it's a life time commitment that you just can't walk away from when you hit a few bumps in the road.
But I do get not everyone thinks the same way and what works fir some doesn't work fir others."
Your commitment and not walking away was there way before you had that bit of paper... that's why you are where you are now 😀 ❤️
Jay |
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Hell no. I'll live longer if I don't so not a chance. If I want a big party I'll just have one without the added drama thanks  |
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Technically I have no reason to want to get married.
I don’t want kids and nor am I likely to ever give up my own financial independence, which is where the legalities can be helpful.
I was engaged previously and covid did me a fucking huge favour in cancelling the wedding! With the benefit of hindsight I was getting married for all the wrong reasons and it would certainly have been to the wrong man.
But despite all this, yes, one day, with the right person and if all the stars aligned I would like to be married.
To me it’s the ultimate show of commitment, standing up in front of friends and family and making that long standing declaration of your feelings and intent to one another.
In contrast to a lot on this thread, I’m not bothered by a big wedding, probably couldn’t think of anything worse |
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Yes...I'd marry and I'd marry a man.
It's taken me a long time to accept I'm gay. Not bisexual and definitely not straight, but gay and now I'd want to share my life properly with someone special.
I'd probably want an open marriage as I don't think monogamy is realistic, but I do think it's possible to be committed to someone and share them sexually.
I'm also comfortable with it not working out and ending up divorced. |
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Done it twice, done the leaving (no one else involve), done the being left (Richer man involve), both are equally as painful, had a few short term relationships that all ended still friends, would I marry again, never say never but I'm not bothered either way or even looking, I like the exploration of different ladies xx |
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After a recent experience (break up of a very long term relationship). yes I would get married.
I think it provides more stability and legal framework when separating in relation to who owns what etc.
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"Neither me or any of my male friends have any desire to get married.
Of my female friends, most of them desire it. It's because it gives them a day where they can show everyone how desired they are, how perfect everything is, etc.
The painful reality is however, that as soon as the woman settles, feels secure, and goes off sex, the whole lot quickly goes down the pan and gets ugly."
Happy Mens Day Bro  |
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By *indergirlWoman 3 days ago
somewhere, someplace |
I married the wrong person for the wrong reasons... I mean even the spirits were trying to tell me something when I had no wedding dress 4 days before the wedding.
Would I do it again I'd probably say yes, I mean I've got the ballache of getting out of the first one as he did a disappearing act and I have no clue where he is but yes I would as I would want to do it properly this time. |
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Would I again? Probably….
Why make a mistake once or twice. Just keep on doing it is my motto 🤣 |
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I must be an old romantic at heart… I would do it again if I fell head over heels for that person though but wouldn’t be a big affair.
I don’t regret my first marriage at all. Infact we are still very good friends.
People see it as a ball and chain these days but I don’t. |
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"If I ever find the one and I won't be sharing him that's for sure "
Snap xxx
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Been there, done that 🤣
I don’t know if I’d ever do it again |
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After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you. |
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Not in a hurry but maybe just maybe one day |
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I have never wanted to get married. I'd love to be with someone long term and live together etc but I don't see the point in being married. |
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"After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you."
Yes. I don't think people realise the difficulties when one partner dies if you're not married |
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"After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you.
Yes. I don't think people realise the difficulties when one partner dies if you're not married"
This was a factor in us getting married. He was very ill and so after he recovered we decided to get married. Only took us 34 years to decide to do it.
Anyway 2 years on and we are still going strong, think we might make it as a married couple haha, Mrs x |
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Yeah I would. I’ve never wanted kids but I could see myself being a decent wifey  I’m not gonna wipe their bum when they are old though. |
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"Yeah I would. I’ve never wanted kids but I could see myself being a decent wifey I’m not gonna wipe their bum when they are old though. "
What about baking sweet treats like cake? |
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"Yeah I would. I’ve never wanted kids but I could see myself being a decent wifey I’m not gonna wipe their bum when they are old though.
What about baking sweet treats like cake? "
No. I can’t bake. Ah shit I’d be a crap wife 😂 |
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No, I don't even want a partner, ever. |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 days ago
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No. |
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By *r_PinkMan 3 days ago
london stratford |
At this moment in time, it looks doubtful but never say never is my motto |
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They say …. You should always marry your second wife first ! 😇😬 |
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Nope. Once was enough. Anyway, I have no room for her clothes…and my cat said no chance 😸 |
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People need to worry more about finding a life partner than they do getting married imo.
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"After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you.
Yes. I don't think people realise the difficulties when one partner dies if you're not marriedThis was a factor in us getting married. He was very ill and so after he recovered we decided to get married. Only took us 34 years to decide to do it.
Anyway 2 years on and we are still going strong, think we might make it as a married couple haha, Mrs x"
Yes, people talk about it as 'just a piece of paper ' but so is any contract or agreement that would allow partners to act for each other in an emergency or ensure that they had as few problems as possible when one of you died. |
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We got married recently but have decided not to live together.
We both like our own space sometimes.
I know she feels more secure in a marriage though.
Different strokes and all that. |
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"After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you.
Yes. I don't think people realise the difficulties when one partner dies if you're not marriedThis was a factor in us getting married. He was very ill and so after he recovered we decided to get married. Only took us 34 years to decide to do it.
Anyway 2 years on and we are still going strong, think we might make it as a married couple haha, Mrs x
Yes, people talk about it as 'just a piece of paper ' but so is any contract or agreement that would allow partners to act for each other in an emergency or ensure that they had as few problems as possible when one of you died. "
I should have pointed out that 'the factor' wasn't the contract situation but rather it highlighted that we'd never gotten married even though we'd discussed this and his illness meant we might never had gotten married. So we took the plunge as soon as he was able to. Absolutely one of the best things we did, it was a brilliant day for us, our family and friends. Although on a day to day basis its not changed much for us at all. Still a bit strange when I have to say my new surname but that's about it, Mrs x |
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Why would I want to get the government involved in my relationship? |
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"After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you.
Yes. I don't think people realise the difficulties when one partner dies if you're not marriedThis was a factor in us getting married. He was very ill and so after he recovered we decided to get married. Only took us 34 years to decide to do it.
Anyway 2 years on and we are still going strong, think we might make it as a married couple haha, Mrs x
Yes, people talk about it as 'just a piece of paper ' but so is any contract or agreement that would allow partners to act for each other in an emergency or ensure that they had as few problems as possible when one of you died. I should have pointed out that 'the factor' wasn't the contract situation but rather it highlighted that we'd never gotten married even though we'd discussed this and his illness meant we might never had gotten married. So we took the plunge as soon as he was able to. Absolutely one of the best things we did, it was a brilliant day for us, our family and friends. Although on a day to day basis its not changed much for us at all. Still a bit strange when I have to say my new surname but that's about it, Mrs x"
I understand |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you.
Yes. I don't think people realise the difficulties when one partner dies if you're not marriedThis was a factor in us getting married. He was very ill and so after he recovered we decided to get married. Only took us 34 years to decide to do it.
Anyway 2 years on and we are still going strong, think we might make it as a married couple haha, Mrs x
Yes, people talk about it as 'just a piece of paper ' but so is any contract or agreement that would allow partners to act for each other in an emergency or ensure that they had as few problems as possible when one of you died. I should have pointed out that 'the factor' wasn't the contract situation but rather it highlighted that we'd never gotten married even though we'd discussed this and his illness meant we might never had gotten married. So we took the plunge as soon as he was able to. Absolutely one of the best things we did, it was a brilliant day for us, our family and friends. Although on a day to day basis its not changed much for us at all. Still a bit strange when I have to say my new surname but that's about it, Mrs x
I understand"
We have booked about 4 times previously but just never followed through with it but this time we'd had a 'warning' we couldn't ignore and so went for it. It was a beautiful day from start to finish, couldn't ask for anything more, Mrs x |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"After seeing the after effects of a friend dying when not married; organising the rights and decisions when in hospital then trying to resolve the inheritance/pension/savings etc which would have all been resolved straight away had they been married...
Not a difficult decision to have a very simple quiet cheap wedding, but it's what works for you.
Yes. I don't think people realise the difficulties when one partner dies if you're not marriedThis was a factor in us getting married. He was very ill and so after he recovered we decided to get married. Only took us 34 years to decide to do it.
Anyway 2 years on and we are still going strong, think we might make it as a married couple haha, Mrs x
Yes, people talk about it as 'just a piece of paper ' but so is any contract or agreement that would allow partners to act for each other in an emergency or ensure that they had as few problems as possible when one of you died. I should have pointed out that 'the factor' wasn't the contract situation but rather it highlighted that we'd never gotten married even though we'd discussed this and his illness meant we might never had gotten married. So we took the plunge as soon as he was able to. Absolutely one of the best things we did, it was a brilliant day for us, our family and friends. Although on a day to day basis its not changed much for us at all. Still a bit strange when I have to say my new surname but that's about it, Mrs x
I understandWe have booked about 4 times previously but just never followed through with it but this time we'd had a 'warning' we couldn't ignore and so went for it. It was a beautiful day from start to finish, couldn't ask for anything more, Mrs x"
Excellent! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
