FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Risk of ruining relationship
Risk of ruining relationship
Jump to: Newest in thread
Hi guys wanting honest answers please. We're a new couple to swinging got no experience but been talking about bringing another guy in for a threesome and playing with a couple for a while now. We really want to try but we're worried it will ruin our relationship, thoughts on this please and any advice will be much appreciated, thanks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
A word of warning, I had a 3some with my then wife, it wad a great session with another guy she picked from a swingers site (not this one), if I'm honest it was the beginning of the end of our relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi
It's all about Comunicación and being open and honest with each other.
Getting worked up with a fantasy is great but when it comes to actually doing things you both have to be sure.
It's great fun and very enjoyable.
Just have an open frank discussion. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi guys wanting honest answers please. We're a new couple to swinging got no experience but been talking about bringing another guy in for a threesome and playing with a couple for a while now. We really want to try but we're worried it will ruin our relationship, thoughts on this please and any advice will be much appreciated, thanks."
The key is communication. You both need to be clear with each other around your feelings… if you both want to do this and are always open and clear about your feelings for each other and if any one of you is feeling any apprehension and why, you will both be better off. This can make you both stronger rather that weaker by having sex with someone… after all you are on a swingers website xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We started by going clubs and easing into playing with others. First we attended as social only then we tried some same room soft swapping before going into our first full swap. We always discussed how we felt about it afterwards and always felt our relationship was strong enough whatever happened. Good communication is key and our boundaries and kinks definitely evolved over time, there are things we’ve tried that we never thought would happen in the beginning.
Take your time and don’t rush x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We started by going clubs and easing into playing with others. First we attended as social only then we tried some same room soft swapping before going into our first full swap. We always discussed how we felt about it afterwards and always felt our relationship was strong enough whatever happened. Good communication is key and our boundaries and kinks definitely evolved over time, there are things we’ve tried that we never thought would happen in the beginning.
Take your time and don’t rush x"
And it’s definitely brought us closer together x x x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
No one else knows your relationship so cannot say what you *should* do. That said, a major red flag would be one or other of you being far more keen than the other. It absolutely needs to be something you both want to try.
We made an agreement that if anything happened that one or other of us was unhappy with, we wouldn't blame the other. There have been several points when one of us had done something the other isn't happy about, we have spoken about it, talked it through and worked out what new boundaries we need and that's the end of it.
If either of you is the type of person to hold a grudge, I'd suggest being very careful, if you're able to forgive and move on, genuinely trust each other, both want to experiment then go ahead, it's fun.
P |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You both need to be totally on the same page when it comes to possible jealousy/envy etc. If one of you has the slightest doubts then you're potentially on a slippy road to disaster.
Communication is key and paramount here, KEEP talking to each other and BE SURE it's what you both want. Once done it's done, you can't go back.
Good luck in making your decision. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
In my experience as a single guy - those couples that have a strong relationship to start with usually do well. It strengthens their relationship.
I agree with all the above about communication being critical - why don’t you start with some soft swinging, being watched etc and then see how you both feel after that? If one of you isn’t happy then you know to go no further. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The decision to invite others into your sex life is a significant change. Its consequences can be profound. Try to look past other people and the act and fact of sex with others. Instead, take a good, unbiased look at yourselves. If there is any form of jealousy or insecurity in your relationship, then step away from this place and focus on your relationship. The importance of both of you feeling totally secure cannot be overstated.
The suggestion of trying clubs to begin with is a good one. It’s far less personal and you have no obligation to play, you can just watch and see how you feel. It might seem more intimidating to go to a club than inviting someone to meet you privately, but the expectation and pressure on you both is much less, it’s a joint adventure in a way that is different from, say, inviting a man or woman to meet you at a hotel. Our first experience was at a club - it’s how we found out about this place.
Opening yourselves up to sex with others can be an amazing experience and it can to amazing things for the love and intimacy you share with each other. But it can also widen any cracks that may already exist in your relationship and bring everything crumbling down. Couples who successfully navigate this world all have one thing in common: an exceptionally high degree of communication within their relationship. Is this you? Find your answer before going any further. Good luck OP Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks for the messages guys we'll take it all on board, this is something we both want and neither of us are the jealous type it's just the thing of yeah we'll have a great time in the moment but what if we regret it after? There's no going back after that, and we've only ever been with each other |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for the messages guys we'll take it all on board, this is something we both want and neither of us are the jealous type it's just the thing of yeah we'll have a great time in the moment but what if we regret it after? There's no going back after that, and we've only ever been with each other"
It's probably best not to do it if you're thinking that way |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for the messages guys we'll take it all on board, this is something we both want and neither of us are the jealous type it's just the thing of yeah we'll have a great time in the moment but what if we regret it after? There's no going back after that, and we've only ever been with each other"
Why do you think you might regret it afterwards?
If you can work out why you might regret it, you can talk through those misgivings and make an informed choice as to whether it's for you or not.
For us, having other people involved is just about the sensation and enjoyment, no emotional attachment, but our relationship is far more than physical sensation. We have trust and honesty as well as the emotional bond. We discuss everything, we know what our boundaries are, but also that those may change in new circumstances.
Work out what your regrets might be, if you haven't already, and work out if they are real concerns or societal constructs of 'proper' behaviour holding you back, or whatever. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This kind of lifestyle only works as an addition to your relationship if you have a solid foundation, good sex life already and trust each other completely. If you are using it as some kind of band aid for an issue in the relationship then yes, it will be the beginning of the end.
Talk to each other, set boundaries, speak up if you're not comfortable with something and always be on the same page. As long as you do that, there's no reason why it wouldn't enhance rather than hinder your relationship. Take it slow but don't take that jump unless you are both 100% sure and are both willing to end it immediately if one or both of you doesn't want it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi guys wanting honest answers please. We're a new couple to swinging got no experience but been talking about bringing another guy in for a threesome and playing with a couple for a while now. We really want to try but we're worried it will ruin our relationship, thoughts on this please and any advice will be much appreciated, thanks."
1. What is your relationship? e.g. what holds you together ? what are your beliefs ? what are your values ? are you possessive ? jealous ? are you psychologically strong individuals ? do you have a plan to support each other and handle any unexpected emotional changes - lessening attractions later on ? are you the type to turn on each other and blame the other for what goes on?
2. As you are asking if it will ruin your relationship i'd say you are not sure at all about what your relationship is.
3. Give it a lot more thought - even down to which one of you is moving out if it goes tits up and maybe who gets custody - of the ball gag. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you don't have a strong, totally committed relationship as a couple, don't do it. Are you thinking about involving others because there's something "missing" from your relationship? If so, that's a red flag. Sharing with others should be something you want, not something you need. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
May I ask in what way do you think it could ruin your relationship?
Communication is key, you both need to be on the same page, discuss your do's and do not's take things at your own pace & it's ok to say no this isn't for me even half way through.
You don't have to jump straight in, try having a social with someone see how you feel, maybe a kiss at the end if your feeling it & see how you both react to that.
No one can tell you what to do as it's your relationship.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I am in a long standing relationship
We have played together and it didn't work for us
A third added a dynamic we thought would work, but didn't
I will admit, however, that I was a lot of that 'problem'
My OH is a lot younger and a lot more conventionally attractive than I am
I always felt I was left out or only there because I was a means to an end
It wasn't jealousy, it was a feeling of exclusion
I think, overall, testing the waters and finding what does (and more importantly doesn't) work for you both is hugely important
Be open and honest with each other, don't say the wrong thing because you think that's what the other wants to hear
Cold, hard facts, feelings, an emotional brain dump - they all go towards finding your place
For us, that place was singles profiles, playing separately and not abusing the privileges that we afford each other as a couple
Best of luck with your journey x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Our first MMF ran away with itself as we were inexperienced and he wasnt. Hence he started calling the shots and we were responding to him, not the other way round.
No big drama, but it made for some awkwardness.
What we learnt from it, as others have alluded to, is discuss it to death both before and after so you set out EXACTLY what you both want/dont want and then keep that communication honest, with no blame if things go slightly adrift.
Remember, the third party is your guest in your relationship, so you should have the control of it.
Most decent single men get that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We started by going clubs and easing into playing with others. First we attended as social only then we tried some same room soft swapping before going into our first full swap. We always discussed how we felt about it afterwards and always felt our relationship was strong enough whatever happened. Good communication is key and our boundaries and kinks definitely evolved over time, there are things we’ve tried that we never thought would happen in the beginning.
Take your time and don’t rush x"
Absolutely, unequivocally, 100% this!!
We tried clubs first to get a feel for the vibe and gauge the level of comfort we'd have first being naked around others, then having sex in front of others, then having others join us, males, females and couples.
It's absolutely worked for us and it's so horny watching each other fuck other people and joining in, and it's expanded to meets outside of the club environment, but as a couple mainly with people we've met at the club first.
As mentioned communication is key!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi guys wanting honest answers please. We're a new couple to swinging got no experience but been talking about bringing another guy in for a threesome and playing with a couple for a while now. We really want to try but we're worried it will ruin our relationship, thoughts on this please and any advice will be much appreciated, thanks."
We would say if you have worries then don't take that 'next step' at this time, as said communication is essential and the worries you still have suggests you need to go through those and honestly and openly talk then through..
Even after you have done so and you both still want to progress, possibly a club or a couple of socials to see how you both feel rather than a full on threesome ..
Your in no rush and with something like this it's better to be fully sure..
Good luck with whatever you choose.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi OP. I would echo everything else that has been said but just want to add this. Consider talking to the guy about the fact it’ll be your first time and you’re taking things steadily to make sure it’s right for you both. If he’s a decent guy he will understand and not push your boundaries.
Additionally, don’t be afraid to stop at any time. You both need to agree that if halfway through a social/club evening/meet one of you isn’t feeling it, you’re allowed to stop without recrimination. Sometimes you’ll only find out how you really feel when you’re immersed in the experience. No one should feel they have to carry on being uncomfortable just because their partner is enjoying it.
I hope things go well for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you have any doubts about the foundation of your relationship then it’s probably not worth risking it for thrills.
Then again, if you’re considering it then maybe those doubts are unfounded and different experiences will only accentuate your feelings for each other.
Only you and your partner can make the decision 
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
A lot of it is to do with circumstances.
Some try threesomes because they want to shake up the old between-the-sheets routine, which might be getting a bit stale. Others do it in the hopes of injecting some life back into the relationship, which might have a few stress-fractures to it. Both of these instances are the ones where things might cause problems.
Obviously some do it purely because they both want to, and take it all at face value, which is a good way to approach things. With us, it was a case of reaching your mid-40s, with no kids, having solid relationship and just wanting to experience as much fun and variety as possible before it's all to late. Hell, it was only yesterday that I was with a regular playmate, being whipped and screwed before hubby thrashed the arse off of our guest, all with the underlying credo of "it's only sex".
If you both know your relationship is solid, and you view sex as just "a f**k", then you'll be OK. Not to purposefully use the oldest cliche in the book, but building on less-than-solid foundations will usually see things fall apart before too long.
(Sorry for the "Springer's Final Thoughts" coda..."  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site) 1 week ago
|
It can go one way or the other. It can make you stronger together and your sex life better. Or it can cause problems.
Being completely open and honest is key. Agree your boundaries in advance and be prepared to hit the panic button and stop at any point.
And the speed of the convoy goes at the speed of the slowest ship so listen and respect each other's hesitations.
Take baby steps. Start with a social where you agree nothing will happen. Talk to people. Watch each other flirting and being flirted with. Talk afterwards.
And talk always... don't bottle something up.
Good luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You have to start with a rock solid relationship.
We have met couples and read profiles where they say they're looking to 'spice up' their relationship by swinging.
Immediate red flag for us.
That's really not the way to approach swinging, it'll probably only go one way.
We're much stronger for the open relationship we have.
If the OP has that strong relationship, no harm will come if you both want to try it.
If it doesn't turn you both on, you can always look back on it and smile when you're sat next to each other in the nursing home...!!
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi guys wanting honest answers please. We're a new couple to swinging got no experience but been talking about bringing another guy in for a threesome and playing with a couple for a while now. We really want to try but we're worried it will ruin our relationship, thoughts on this please and any advice will be much appreciated, thanks."
It is a risk. When fantasy meets reality sometimes the fantasy cannot match. The question is how to manage or limit that risk. Doing less than you have agreed to do in a play session is one way and/or communication is another. Good luck |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This game exposes the strength or weakness of a relationship. And if there's weaknesses it will rip them open, sometimes one's you may not realise is there.
Now don't be put off by the doom and gloom above per se. No relationship is perfect. Sometimes those exposed weaknesses allow you to understand them and grow from them. Swinging can really strengthen a relationship and help you develop great communication skills and understanding of each other. Most couples are not at the same place they were when they started.
So as a baseline you need as a coulpe:
Great communication
Complete openness and honesty (even when the conversations are hard ones to have)
A total dedication to each other
A sense of individual self esteem and security as well as security in you relationship as a couple
A shared desire for this
An acceptance that there will be the occasional fuax pas, misunderstanding or mistakes. So the ability to have understanding, patience and tolerance for each other sometimes
And simply wanting the best for each other and the relationship
If you have these then your starting on the right track. If not best not to try Swinging because this doesn't bode well for a vanilla relationship either.
It's always a step into the unknown opening your sex life to others. You never fully know how you'll feel till you're in that place. We've all taken that plunge. If you have those qualities above you'll be OK to experiment regardless of how well or not it went. The main thing is you talk and listen to each other no holes barred. If you can do this you'll always find your way as a couple. And if you have those qualities in your relationship and joint desire I really don't think you'll have a problem going forward. Yes the journey is different for every couple and there maybe many learning points along the way but if you're tight as a couple you have nothing to fear. Because security is freedom.
So take a look at your relationship and if its solid go for it. Just remember to keep talking and checking in all along the way.
Also another vote for try a club or organised swingers social event. Best place to get straight into meeting people in the flesh to gauge vibe and chemistry without all the messing around. And even if you like a more private arrangement nothing stopping meeting the right people at a club/event and arranging something more intimate outside of the club for another time.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ltrMan 1 week ago
sheffield |
"Hi guys wanting honest answers please. We're a new couple to swinging got no experience but been talking about bringing another guy in for a threesome and playing with a couple for a while now. We really want to try but we're worried it will ruin our relationship, thoughts on this please and any advice will be much appreciated, thanks."
Me and the ex loved mmf but I made the mistake of meeting same guy loads of times then she asked to meet alone and phone me during sex that was great till she moved out to live with this guy were now divorced ( she's now single again as he cheated on her so it has a silver lining: ) ) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
A strong relationship will get stronger, a weak relationship will flounder generally.
If you want to test the waters go to a club where you can play with others and stay, basically anonymous.
Afterwards you can have a proper discussion and go forward if you are both fully on board.
The important point to remember is it's only sex, swinging should enhance your sex life not replace it*
*there are exceptions to this i.e. cuckold etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
As much as we have been in the club scene and on/off here for years we have taken it really slowly.
We promised each other that if it wasn't for us it was a joint venture and we would just accept it and leave it behind. We said that as long as we are both open and honest nothing would break us.
We had a point or 2 where unexpected feelings arose and it hit hard, however we sat and chatted and figured what was what and here we are - more in love, closer than we have ever been and we were already madly in love!
Communication and honesty! Its key!
Take things at your pace |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r TriomanMan 1 week ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"As much as we have been in the club scene and on/off here for years we have taken it really slowly.
We promised each other that if it wasn't for us it was a joint venture and we would just accept it and leave it behind. We said that as long as we are both open and honest nothing would break us.
We had a point or 2 where unexpected feelings arose and it hit hard, however we sat and chatted and figured what was what and here we are - more in love, closer than we have ever been and we were already madly in love!
Communication and honesty! Its key!
Take things at your pace"
Baby steps... Social meeting with some flirting - take time to talk about your feelings afterwards. Social meeting, flirting, kissing - talk about your feelings afterwards. Soft swing meeting - talk about your feelings afterwards and so on... This way you never risk going beyond a point were you may feel regret, there's no rush on here, take your time, have fun, stay save and enjoy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Honest communication... If you can't tell him the things you tell your best friend then you probably don't need to involve another duck or pussy to the equation.
Understand yourself..if you're jealous insecure and don't know how to express your thoughts fears concerns.. see above
If your current sexual chemistry isn't adequate, and is lacking and neither of you have it is willing to make it better as it is and on its own..see above. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi ops,
Why not try a club first?.
Go and watch others and play with each other and see how that feels,maybe with others watching you.There's no pressure to do anything you don't want to.
I'm half a couple and we enjoy watching each other play. We make sure we always keep taking though and set our own rules, then stick to them.
If neither of you is the jealous type, you shouldn't have any issues.
Chat to people here until you're feeling comfortable and then have a social meet first.
Never do anything that you've agreed between yourselves not to.
If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again.
Good luck and enjoy.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
