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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
Before I ask the question. I will set the scene first, yesterday I watched the movie life or something like it with angelina jolie, it was good and there she asked her boyfriend "are we in love?" he thought that she was kidding at first about it, but soon realised that she was serious.
He couldn't think straight away of some answers to it, but said that "is this us conversation good? " you could see that she felt disappointed to him that he couldn't come up with any reasons of why their are in love, he asked her, are we breaking up? They did.
What is your view of asking that question to your partner if you have any kind of doubt about your relationship?
I think that it is a totally legit question to ask the "us question" if you are unsure if you want to continue being together with them  |
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Are you any wiser for having heard the answer though.
People’s views of what ‘love’ is are very different and then ‘being in love’ for many is different again.
You may receive the answer of ‘yes’ but that could mean something different to them than it does to you. |
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I think the biggest mistake I've made is knowing the answer to that question but staying anyway. I wasted 16 years of my life where I wasn't in love, I was comfortable, settling for less than I deserve and staying for obligation rather than love. If you question someone's feelings, they aren't there and as soon as you ask that question you know deep down it's already over. Yes communication is important but real love is unspoken and their actions show it making you feel safe and secure in your relationship. Love isn't like the movies but you shouldn't have to fight tooth and nail for it either. |
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It would probably be a better question to ask just about the other person's emotions, rather than 'we'. We should answer for ourselves
Not that being in love is reason enough to sustain a relationship on its own merit. It's just another factor, amongst many |
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A successful relationship meets the needs of both parties. If one person feels they're are not being met it leads to significant problems (in this case separation). I think any person in any relationship who feels their needs aren't being met is entitled to speak to the other person about it. What they're not entitled to is the answer they want - the answer they get friends on the other person's feelings.
P |
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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
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I don't think asking that question is a death knoll for a relationship necessarily. It really depends on the relationship and every one is unique.
If someone asks that question, more often than not it's a sign of feeling insecure - how grounded in reality that is will vary.
Sometimes there can be reasons for people to doubt, others it's allowing personal insecurities to cloud their judgement. An ex would tell me he loved me and yet his behaviour was such a contrast that I'd ask the question, already knowing that he didn't really. I didn't love him, never told him I had, but the way he'd say it would make me temporarily believe he really meant it.
That doesn't mean someone has to reply how the other person wishes, it's not a film. It does mean that a discussion should be had. Perhaps several.
I'm a bit weird. I can love people but fallen in love with someone? That romantic big love. It's very very rare. Like a couple of fingers rare. |
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"Are you any wiser for having heard the answer though.
People’s views of what ‘love’ is are very different and then ‘being in love’ for many is different again.
You may receive the answer of ‘yes’ but that could mean something different to them than it does to you. "
I agree with this. A more useful question would be "are we both content?" Or, "are we both getting what we need?".
If the relationship doesn't feel like a safe space to have those kinds of conversations it's not going to work. |
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By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
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"I think the biggest mistake I've made is knowing the answer to that question but staying anyway. I wasted 16 years of my life where I wasn't in love, I was comfortable, settling for less than I deserve and staying for obligation rather than love. If you question someone's feelings, they aren't there and as soon as you ask that question you know deep down it's already over. Yes communication is important but real love is unspoken and their actions show it making you feel safe and secure in your relationship. Love isn't like the movies but you shouldn't have to fight tooth and nail for it either."
Very insightful : If you question someone's feelings, they aren't there and as soon as you ask that question you know deep down it's already over |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Communication is always a good thing, if your unsure and having doubts then voice them talk to each other, otherwise what's the point.
Mrs "
Hi knightso, yes, you are right there, communication is the key too |
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Love can be a very complicated thing, well for me it was.
I believe it's something that your teach you in the first instance. And if they do a real poor job of showing you love, then you'll grab and hold on to any kind of love that's an improvement on theirs. You can end up in relationships where you believe what is being given is love yet you're still not happy.
So peoples perception of love can vary, good communication is the foundation of love. |
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In love no, but someone recently came into my life who is absolutely sensational.
Kind, gorgeous, beautiful, thoughtful THE most incredible body I have ever seen and we share the same wants and desires.
Dating slowly with the scope of something more as the feelings slowly grow.
Will it be love? Only time will tell but she is sensational in every single way  |
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"Are you any wiser for having heard the answer though.
People’s views of what ‘love’ is are very different and then ‘being in love’ for many is different again.
You may receive the answer of ‘yes’ but that could mean something different to them than it does to you. "
Agree, if we ate totally honest with our self we all know deep down there’s no such thing, love is just being very fond of someone mixed with a bit of insecurity you might lose them.
You’ll do, I like you, I like you loads….
I love Italian food though |
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"Are you any wiser for having heard the answer though.
People’s views of what ‘love’ is are very different and then ‘being in love’ for many is different again.
You may receive the answer of ‘yes’ but that could mean something different to them than it does to you.
Agree, if we ate totally honest with our self we all know deep down there’s no such thing, love is just being very fond of someone mixed with a bit of insecurity you might lose them.
You’ll do, I like you, I like you loads….
I love Italian food though "
There’s most definitely no love quite the love for Italian food |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think the biggest mistake I've made is knowing the answer to that question but staying anyway. I wasted 16 years of my life where I wasn't in love, I was comfortable, settling for less than I deserve and staying for obligation rather than love. If you question someone's feelings, they aren't there and as soon as you ask that question you know deep down it's already over. Yes communication is important but real love is unspoken and their actions show it making you feel safe and secure in your relationship. Love isn't like the movies but you shouldn't have to fight tooth and nail for it either."
Hi _ittleliasons. I see, yes, you are right there, if you questions somones feelings, one knows it is all over too.
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Love seems to be a chemical cascade of oxytoxin, dopamine and some other chemicals, that, when spiked often enough, keeps people bonded.
Does it also bond straight men friends that touch each other in manly ways? ie back breaking hug slaps?
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By *oobaaMan 2 weeks ago
South Shields |
Ive been seeing a lovely lady for a few months.We live an hours drive apart so its not an every day thing but we do message each other quite a bit.
Ive stayed at her place and I have a an apartment in the town she lives in so she has stayed at mine as well. We do get on well and have a good laugh together.
Last night she dropped the "L" word in a message and its freaked me a bit today.
We ve both said a relationship isnt what we want.
We dont message till after 5pm when gets sorted from work and I ve no idea how to respond |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"A successful relationship meets the needs of both parties. If one person feels they're are not being met it leads to significant problems (in this case separation). I think any person in any relationship who feels their needs aren't being met is entitled to speak to the other person about it. What they're not entitled to is the answer they want - the answer they get friends on the other person's feelings.
P"
Hi sportyandnaughty, yes, a successful relationship meets the needs of both parties too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Love is a feeling. It often ignores logic. Even if I don't want to be in love with someone, I still could be.
I think it would be pretty sad if I needed a conversation to clarify it. "
Hi _swyld, yes, you are right there, love is a feeling too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I don't think asking that question is a death knoll for a relationship necessarily. It really depends on the relationship and every one is unique.
If someone asks that question, more often than not it's a sign of feeling insecure - how grounded in reality that is will vary.
Sometimes there can be reasons for people to doubt, others it's allowing personal insecurities to cloud their judgement. An ex would tell me he loved me and yet his behaviour was such a contrast that I'd ask the question, already knowing that he didn't really. I didn't love him, never told him I had, but the way he'd say it would make me temporarily believe he really meant it.
That doesn't mean someone has to reply how the other person wishes, it's not a film. It does mean that a discussion should be had. Perhaps several.
I'm a bit weird. I can love people but fallen in love with someone? That romantic big love. It's very very rare. Like a couple of fingers rare. "
Hi _eli, yes, you are right, it really depends on the relationship and everyone is unique too |
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Loving some one and being in love with some one is 2 different things,
Love isnt always what you see in the movies,
We all get caught out by lust at times,
But you know your in deep love when at night after a hard day and you have stress or anxiety and your heart is racing and your partner spoons up to you and it slows your heart rate and you feel comfy and settled in momemts,
Only person that could have that effect on me is my wife,
But we have beet together for 30 years,
I cant ever imagine getting that feeling from another woman.
Its not just about sex,
But we are both horny fuckers hence why we are on here |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 2 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Loving some one and being in love with some one is 2 different things,
Love isnt always what you see in the movies,
We all get caught out by lust at times,
But you know your in deep love when at night after a hard day and you have stress or anxiety and your heart is racing and your partner spoons up to you and it slows your heart rate and you feel comfy and settled in momemts,
Only person that could have that effect on me is my wife,
But we have beet together for 30 years,
I cant ever imagine getting that feeling from another woman.
Its not just about sex,
But we are both horny fuckers hence why we are on here "
Hi juicylusty, yes, you are right there, loving someone and being in love with someone is 2 different things too |
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