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Bisexual double standard?!?!
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So a few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a couple (MF) in the club and we got in to the topic of bisexuality writhing MF Couples and the swinging the community…
We were on the same page in that for MRS within the community it’s almost expected for her to be Bisexual or at least curious and want to/ will play with other women.
Where as if MR was to express a Bi side it’s still kinda unacceptable!
Obviously this isn’t with in every couple but they amount of times I’ll get chatting to a couple in a club not play focused chat then days later I get messages off the MR saying how MRS doesn’t like him being Bi or doesn’t know is kinda sad.
For me the swinging life style is all about freely and openly exploring sex and sexuality in a none judgmental arena.
What are your thoughts on this?
Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
Do you let your man play with men?
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
No hate to anyone im just deeply invested in this topic now and my psychology background is taking over  |
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I would agree with a lot of that. It feels like M/M sex in clubs is not so accepted outside of a Bi event whereas F/F sex can not just take place at any event but is actively encouraged.
My male partners are both bi and, being their own autonomous people, are 'allowed' to have sex with who they want. |
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Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Some people think so. But some people think it's unacceptable to have multiple partners at all. And some people think it's acceptable to ignore boundaries and consent. Some people just have shitty opinions. I think people should be able to embrace their sexuality with consenting adults without worrying about judgement.
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
It seems that way sometimes. As it happens, I really don't care what someone has between their thighs if they interest and excite me as a person. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with anyone who doesn't fancy someone to not engage sexually with said someone. Whether that's based on their sexuality or any general preference.
Do you let your man play with men?
I don't own my partners. I enjoy seeing them enjoy themselves. One occasionally likes to have sex with men because it's the simplest way to have quick and anonymous encounters, but much prefers women. Another is a lot more bi and actually interested in men, and he can engage with whoever he likes too. The other is straight and has no interest in dealing with penii. No issues with a straight mfm or group encounter but I wouldn't expect him to engage with a man just because that's the vibe or to make me happy.
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
Absolutely not. If they were, it would be a clear sign it was time to part ways. We are all independent autonomous people, and capable of each making our own decisions on what to do with our own genitalia 💜 |
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This is a curious topic and despite being 100% straight i always wondered why there was this double standard that a Bi man is shunned by some almost stigmatised where as a Bi woman is a Unicorn and sought after!!
I remember speaking to a FWB years ago and she had no issues with meeting Bi guys but suggested it might be because guys are more likely to do bareback so women are more cautious.
Not sure how many feel this way but as was pointed out.
In clubs guys having a Bi MMF is less acceptable than a Bi FFM unless it’s an event!!
Is it a stigma left over from the past that a Bi man is less manly?
Is it because we are exposed to more porn or situations where bi threesomes are between two women.
As a student of human psychology etc, i will follow this thread with interest. |
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The issue I think is partly bi guys raise the incertainty about actual preference. If a bi guy is with a guy, is it because he’s not met a woman? Or even vice versa.who wants to be - or wonder - if they’re the consolation prize? |
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I see a lot of couples being politely uninterested in bi guys, even if its just an MF meet, even if the F is bi herself.
It's interesting - I occasionally get the feeling some women who desire a "masculine man" still associate MM play with being emasculating, or is just a turn off in general.
I agree that it can feel a little bit inconsistent, but without more insight into the values behind their beliefs or preferences I try not to speculate.
Conversely there are plenty of folks who actively seek out bi men and are turned on with the guy on guy play.
I wonder if it stems more from sexual preferences, or cultural hangovers from societies attitudes towards MM relationships vs FF relationships in general. |
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"I see a lot of couples being politely uninterested in bi guys, even if its just an MF meet, even if the F is bi herself.
It's interesting - I occasionally get the feeling some women who desire a "masculine man" still associate MM play with being emasculating, or is just a turn off in general.
I agree that it can feel a little bit inconsistent, but without more insight into the values behind their beliefs or preferences I try not to speculate.
Conversely there are plenty of folks who actively seek out bi men and are turned on with the guy on guy play.
I wonder if it stems more from sexual preferences, or cultural hangovers from societies attitudes towards MM relationships vs FF relationships in general. "
The emasculation point is interesting. The overwhelming dynamic among gay men is hyper masculinity. A lot even in the toxic category. Emasculation is more alien to most gay men than it is to straight men even.
So I wonder where the idea of bi men being emasculated comes from. |
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"The issue I think is partly bi guys raise the incertainty about actual preference. If a bi guy is with a guy, is it because he’s not met a woman? Or even vice versa.who wants to be - or wonder - if they’re the consolation prize? "
From what i understand about bisexuality is you can have a preference to one sex or the other, also be 50/50.
So from what i have been told a woman or man would settle down with the opposite sex as it’s their preference but enjoy sex with the same sex.
A genuine 50/50 is rarer.
Do you mean it’s more to do with infidelity?
As in if he is Bi and settles down with a woman the man will always be longing for something she can’t give?
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"The issue I think is partly bi guys raise the incertainty about actual preference. If a bi guy is with a guy, is it because he’s not met a woman? Or even vice versa.who wants to be - or wonder - if they’re the consolation prize?
From what i understand about bisexuality is you can have a preference to one sex or the other, also be 50/50.
So from what i have been told a woman or man would settle down with the opposite sex as it’s their preference but enjoy sex with the same sex.
A genuine 50/50 is rarer.
Do you mean it’s more to do with infidelity?
As in if he is Bi and settles down with a woman the man will always be longing for something she can’t give?
"
I wasn’t thinking infidelity so that’s an additional angle on it I hadn’t thought of.
If I meet a bi guy I’m gonna be constantly thinking he’d rather be with a woman. That’s as far as my thought process got me.
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It's not unacceptable for anyone to be bi in this day and age, but I agree there's more stigma for bi men on here.
I'm straight and it does annoy me that some people can't seem to accept that some of us are actually straight. Like you say it's almost assumed all women are bi, on our couple account we were told by the man of a couple that his Mrs could turn me. Err no she definitely can't, we've just stopped chatting when it's clear a couple say they're fine with just partner swap and aren't.
I don't care if someone is bi or straight and I can see why some men on here aren't open about it too.
As long as you're open and transparent about what you're looking for with those you may meet, that's the main thing.
I can't be doing with those who say they're after straight play, but aren't, it just wastes everyone's time. |
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Also so many men are obsessed with ffm on here, and I've seen couples admit she's not really bi/curious, but he wants to see her with another woman so they put that down.
Not saying that's all ladies, I know some are very bi and prefer to meet a woman over a man. |
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It's multifaceted but much is influenced by historical homophobia and linked male biphobia.
We shake off our prejudices very slowly, almost grudgingly. It's tough for men and we still wonder why suicide rates and mental illhealth are so high  |
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There was a thread not so different to this recently. Apparently it's possible to have a bi cock and one of those is (apparently) a terrible thing.
My personal view is people are free to like whatever they want and play with whoever they want - assuming connecting adults obvs.
P |
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"
What are your thoughts on this?
Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
Do you let your man play with m
?
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
"
Seeing as how we only meet bi couples /bi men it's definitely not unacceptable for a man to be bi.
You do notice that people seem to be shocked when a woman says she is 100 percent straight, I think alot of people have this image
that all women would playfully
have fun with a woman and that
really isn't the case.
We don't meet straight men it does nothing for us sexually so I definitely let him meet bi men.
we are both free to express and have fun with our sexuality and the best thing about it is we are doing it together..
It's extremely rare to see bi men together at a club unless it's a specific bi night where you can attend any club any day of the week and see women having fun together. We tend to have to travel to bi events.
|
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Speaking as a straight guy, I sympathise with your argument. But I also know in a club where everyone is at it, if two guys are getting it on with each other, it's a total turn off for me. I'd probably leave the room tbh. I suspect there's a lot of straight guys who'd feel similar.
I do feel for you guys. |
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Massive double standards, it's really sad to see.
I get far too many messages from mens profiles saying "straight" but saying they're bi in messages, and more often than not the reason they give is because they still want to meet the women/couples that explicitly don't want to meet bisexual men. They still fuck men but tell me don't ask for verifications so they don't get found out and spoil their chances 🤷🏼
I don't want to be part of them deceiving the couples that are being told they're straight.
Totally different to just not being ready to be "out" yet or are just curious at that point though, I do understand that. |
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It's not unacceptable to be a bi man...
However it is unacceptable to say that people that don't want to meet bi men are not entitled to that choice. Bi men need to seek people who want to meet bi men
|
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"It's not unacceptable to be a bi man...
However it is unacceptable to say that people that don't want to meet bi men are not entitled to that choice. Bi men need to seek people who want to meet bi men
"
100%! |
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There’s totally a double standard and I see many profiles or threads where people show off privilege in a sour way regarding this subject.
I have no issues with anything to do with MM meets, clubs etc if everyone involved is respectful and adheres to consent.
In fact I hold a safe space in my bed if any bi men need one 😈 |
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"The issue I think is partly bi guys raise the incertainty about actual preference. If a bi guy is with a guy, is it because he’s not met a woman? Or even vice versa.who wants to be - or wonder - if they’re the consolation prize? "
Exactly this, the old straight wife fear of "I can compete with you cheating with another woman, I can't compete with you cheating with a another man" |
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"So a few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a couple (MF) in the club and we got in to the topic of bisexuality writhing MF Couples and the swinging the community…
We were on the same page in that for MRS within the community it’s almost expected for her to be Bisexual or at least curious and want to/ will play with other women.
Where as if MR was to express a Bi side it’s still kinda unacceptable!
Obviously this isn’t with in every couple but they amount of times I’ll get chatting to a couple in a club not play focused chat then days later I get messages off the MR saying how MRS doesn’t like him being Bi or doesn’t know is kinda sad.
For me the swinging life style is all about freely and openly exploring sex and sexuality in a none judgmental arena.
What are your thoughts on this?
Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
Do you let your man play with men?
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
No hate to anyone im just deeply invested in this topic now and my psychology background is taking over "
I made a similar point some years ago on here that in our ten plus years going to clubs and parties we've never seen the male halves of a couple engaging in bisexual play.
It does seem very one sided |
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By *essTTWoman 3 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"So a few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a couple (MF) in the club and we got in to the topic of bisexuality writhing MF Couples and the swinging the community…
We were on the same page in that for MRS within the community it’s almost expected for her to be Bisexual or at least curious and want to/ will play with other women.
Where as if MR was to express a Bi side it’s still kinda unacceptable!
Obviously this isn’t with in every couple but they amount of times I’ll get chatting to a couple in a club not play focused chat then days later I get messages off the MR saying how MRS doesn’t like him being Bi or doesn’t know is kinda sad.
For me the swinging life style is all about freely and openly exploring sex and sexuality in a none judgmental arena.
What are your thoughts on this?
Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
Do you let your man play with men?
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
No hate to anyone im just deeply invested in this topic now and my psychology background is taking over "
The biphobia towards men is crazy.
The amount of bisexual women's profiles I see where they smack talk bi men is  |
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Trying to fit in is both tiring and tiresome
Be you
Allow yourself
It's liberating
Hiding away in corners is not helpful
You don't need to be out and proud
You can, however, be accepting of you and be proud of recognising you
When someone asks, be truthful, straighten your back and admit you enjoy the odd bit of cock
Internalised homophobia and a wish to fit in is as much a problem as homophobic attitudes from others
I use homophobia as opposed to bi-phobia because that's the root of it... people don't like men being sexual with other men |
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"So a few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a couple (MF) in the club and we got in to the topic of bisexuality writhing MF Couples and the swinging the community…
We were on the same page in that for MRS within the community it’s almost expected for her to be Bisexual or at least curious and want to/ will play with other women.
Where as if MR was to express a Bi side it’s still kinda unacceptable!
Obviously this isn’t with in every couple but they amount of times I’ll get chatting to a couple in a club not play focused chat then days later I get messages off the MR saying how MRS doesn’t like him being Bi or doesn’t know is kinda sad.
For me the swinging life style is all about freely and openly exploring sex and sexuality in a none judgmental arena.
What are your thoughts on this?
Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
Do you let your man play with men?
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
No hate to anyone im just deeply invested in this topic now and my psychology background is taking over
I made a similar point some years ago on here that in our ten plus years going to clubs and parties we've never seen the male halves of a couple engaging in bisexual play.
It does seem very one sided "
It's a shame really as that is our only dynamic and I know my husband wouldn't feel comfortable as it's not the "norm" unless it's a specific bi night.
Every other room at some point in a night your going to see women together and as much as I enjoy women it's a bit predictable now.
Many a time I've walked into a room and theirs something going on that I'm not into but I just turn round and walk out no fuss or drama.
It's a shame that bi men for whatever reason don't feel comfortable enough to have fun at clubs the same way women do.
I know for a fact if they did I'd be front of the queue to watch
 . |
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By *zeroMan 3 weeks ago
Glasgow |
It's something that's always struck me as odd.
I was at a party once where the female half of the couple hosting asked us "none of you guys are gay or bi or anything? No? Because yeah that's...yuck"
At the party she proceeded to talk about how much she loves playing with women and ended up doing so with every woman present. |
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"It's something that's always struck me as odd.
I was at a party once where the female half of the couple hosting asked us "none of you guys are gay or bi or anything? No? Because yeah that's...yuck"
At the party she proceeded to talk about how much she loves playing with women and ended up doing so with every woman present."
I am going to be controversial now, but I believe more men would be openly bi if it wasn't for the negative reaction of many women
I work in an 80-20% female-male environment
The attitude towards bisexuality is almost toxic
Same with straight presenting gay guys
They aren't as well received (by women) as the effeminate / girly gays |
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"I was at a party once where the female half of the couple hosting asked us "none of you guys are gay or bi or anything? No? Because yeah that's...yuck""
Yeh, I've walked off when people are like that (not had a host say that before, but people have asked at clubs). I'm (basically) straight, but I'm also white and if someone said "none of you are brown or black or anything".. well, they probably wouldn't need to ask but you get the point, and it's gross.
Nobody's forcing anyone to have sex with anyone else, before we get to that old chestnut. Just assume they're not bi the same way you assume they weren't chugging some bird's watery shit five minutes before they turned up (it's more common than you think!). |
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By *ohn 66Man 3 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"
I remember speaking to a FWB years ago and she had no issues with meeting Bi guys but suggested it might be because guys are more likely to do bareback so women are more cautious.
"
I've seen this writtena couple of times in the forum but surely, if you don't want sex with someone who goes bareback, you would just ask them if they do bareback.
It seems so much safer than making an assumption.
For what it's worth, this bi guy doesn't do bareback, with anyone |
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"It's something that's always struck me as odd.
I was at a party once where the female half of the couple hosting asked us "none of you guys are gay or bi or anything? No? Because yeah that's...yuck"
At the party she proceeded to talk about how much she loves playing with women and ended up doing so with every woman present.
I am going to be controversial now, but I believe more men would be openly bi if it wasn't for the negative reaction of many women
I work in an 80-20% female-male environment
The attitude towards bisexuality is almost toxic
Same with straight presenting gay guys
They aren't as well received (by women) as the effeminate / girly gays"
I suspect that’s a category thing. Effeminate/girly gays (to women) are almost asexual. |
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It's interesting this topic, in that I've heard many people express these views or experiences.
In my experience I don't think I've had a partner that would have had a problem with me being bi. On the contrary I think it would have been something they were supportive of. It's unclear to me what the issue would be.
If there's ever been any friction it's been in the form of a mistrust of the motivation of other female partners. |
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By *oxy jWoman 3 weeks ago
somerset |
as a bi woman and hubby as a bi guy whom both of us been fully bi all our sexual lives i have no problem with anybody who dont wany to meet bi women or bi guys its just preference and you dont see bi women moaning about it just some bi guys just because you bi dont mean you can have it all some are pretty entitled..
as for clubs well theres alway been a anti bi gay and some clubs trans and tvs and these clubs are ruled by the folk who go to that club every week / often its mainly couples who oppose bi/gay guys and its so sad as clubs should be for all and the best clubs are those for all ...
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What I do tend to see on here is that some women or couples don’t want to meet bi men but I’ve not seen it the other way round.
I’m bi and my male fwb is bi. I met him in a club before even seeing his fab profile, so we both wasn’t aware he was bi or I was until we added each other as friends. Neither of us had a problem with this, to be honest it enhances our experiences more as we will be open to meeting more people together |
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"So a few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a couple (MF) in the club and we got in to the topic of bisexuality writhing MF Couples and the swinging the community…
We were on the same page in that for MRS within the community it’s almost expected for her to be Bisexual or at least curious and want to/ will play with other women.
Where as if MR was to express a Bi side it’s still kinda unacceptable!
Obviously this isn’t with in every couple but they amount of times I’ll get chatting to a couple in a club not play focused chat then days later I get messages off the MR saying how MRS doesn’t like him being Bi or doesn’t know is kinda sad.
For me the swinging life style is all about freely and openly exploring sex and sexuality in a none judgmental arena.
What are your thoughts on this?
Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
Do you let your man play with men?
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
No hate to anyone im just deeply invested in this topic now and my psychology background is taking over "
Just because you are sure of yourself doesn't mean you are judging someone else for their choices or their uncertainty..I don't change who I am for someone else's expectations ... It's perfectly told to any couple I will not have sex with the female if she and I can't BOTH be pleased by him and please him together then there's zero point in involving me because I'm not interest in her whatsoever.
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"It's not unacceptable to be a bi man...
However it is unacceptable to say that people that don't want to meet bi men are not entitled to that choice. Bi men need to seek people who want to meet bi men
100%! "
This!!! If you're a bi guy great you're just not my type sexually... The end |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
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"Massive double standards, it's really sad to see.
I get far too many messages from mens profiles saying "straight" but saying they're bi in messages, and more often than not the reason they give is because they still want to meet the women/couples that explicitly don't want to meet bisexual men. They still fuck men but tell me don't ask for verifications so they don't get found out and spoil their chances 🤷🏼
I don't want to be part of them deceiving the couples that are being told they're straight.
Totally different to just not being ready to be "out" yet or are just curious at that point though, I do understand that. "
i understand that many people are proud of there open bi status but i dont think everyone has the confidence to admit tgere curiosity. Also many tvts have messaged me asking to meet. I personally dont take offence and politly decline . Best to let people do what suits them in my humble opinion it wouldnt do for everyone to be the same x |
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"So a few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a couple (MF) in the club and we got in to the topic of bisexuality writhing MF Couples and the swinging the community…
We were on the same page in that for MRS within the community it’s almost expected for her to be Bisexual or at least curious and want to/ will play with other women.
Where as if MR was to express a Bi side it’s still kinda unacceptable!
Obviously this isn’t with in every couple but they amount of times I’ll get chatting to a couple in a club not play focused chat then days later I get messages off the MR saying how MRS doesn’t like him being Bi or doesn’t know is kinda sad.
For me the swinging life style is all about freely and openly exploring sex and sexuality in a none judgmental arena.
What are your thoughts on this?
Is it unacceptable for a guy to be bi?
Is it pretty much expected for a lady to be bi?
Do you let your man play with men?
Is your other half stunting your sexual expression?
No hate to anyone im just deeply invested in this topic now and my psychology background is taking over "
Aya!
I'm a straight male, and my perspective is similar to yours. If I was to meet a couple, I'd have no expectations as to what their preferences are. I see no reason why one should expect that a woman would be bi - why would I expect that?
The man; many men in couples are bi, and sometimes that's why they're on fab or swingers in the first place. That's perfectly acceptable. As far as the community is concerned too, it is completely acceptable.
Now, this is the crux of the matter: you're talking about an issue raised by a woman, and a woman's perspective can often be very different. One of my best female friends is bi and she doesn't like bi guys at all. There are two reasons why;
Reason one: Many women do not like the thought of their man having many alternative options. Women know that the female selection pool is tight and that she can compete with them if/when necessary. However, if she knows he's into guys too - that's a whole different story. There are thousands of men, the selection pool is massive, and guess what? She can't compete with them. If a man likes another man, she's completely powerless and she can't ever fulfil that need, and inturn, this makes her feel nervous, vulnerable, questioning her value, and so on.
Reason two: is that a lot of women see bi guys as less masculine (even though they aren't). If your man is being smashed up the bum, if he's sucking coq, he's playing what's traditionally a submissive role, right? And that's not hot to a lot of women.
I honestly believe that these are the answers to your question. |
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