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Fake an excuse for not coming to work today
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"Sorry I can't come to work because...." I'm sick that Trump got elected | |||
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"Sorry I can't come to work because.... I'm sick that Trump got elected "  | |||
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 and got paid still  | |||
"Sorry I can't come to work because...." I want to spend the day naked. I can still come in if you want but the nakedness is still gonna happen. | |||
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"I climbed a tree to help a cat and now we’re both stuck " Should I send the firetruck? | |||
"I woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it by coming to work " Personal days are allowed but please report to my office at 9 in the morning for punishment. | |||
"There was a great episode of scooby doo on the telly and I didn’t want to stop watching it " Oh I can come watch it too? Pretty please | |||
"because i might just kill someone, and I don't want to get sent to HR again "Just make sure you don't get caught | |||
"I climbed a tree to help a cat and now we’re both stuck Should I send the firetruck?" After your other reply I’m already out the tree and heading to the office for 9am sharp! | |||
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"Sorry I can't come to work because.... I'm sick that Trump got elected " Can't come to work, still celebrating Trump's amazing win... | |||
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"I climbed a tree to help a cat and now we’re both stuck Should I send the firetruck? After your other reply I’m already out the tree and heading to the office for 9am sharp!" What a bad boy you are pretending to be stuck in tree. | |||
"Sorry I can’t come into work today as my pet goldfish that I got at the fair last week has just died. " Aww make sure you give them a good send off. | |||
"I thought Russia had launched a nuclear ICBM strike, but it turns out I was asleep and it was a dream." You need better dreams | |||
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"I went for a curry last night and now I have a sore ass. Last time I offer to pay in kind I tell ya." More lube next time and it won't be as sore  | |||
"I left work early yesterday to go to a hospital appointment that didn't exist and got paid still " | |||
"In January 2000 I was meant to be working out my notice in a dreadful job and called in every night claiming that I'd caught the Millennium Bug from my computer. I believe they had strong doubts about this, but as I was due to quit at the end of the week, there wasn't a lot they could do about it. " | |||
"I phoned in today and told the boss "I was sick" She asked "how sick are you"? I replied "I'm just licking my sister out" I'm here all week "Pretty sick alright | |||
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"My butt plug is stuck and I can’t sit down for long periods "I've got you. Yah can have lots of movement breaks. | |||
"Sorry I can't come to work because.... I'm sick that Trump got elected Can't come to work, still celebrating Trump's amazing win..." Your fired | |||
"My dog has eaten my mobile phone,which i use the sat nav on to get to work,in the same place ive worked for past 5 years and still have no idea how to travel from home to there...oh and i must be calling in from the 'land line then 😇😇" | |||
"I woke up blind... I just couldn't see myself going in to the office in this condition." This cracked me up | |||
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"Worker to boss " i cannot come to work today because i am sick " Boss to worker " well how sick are you ? " Worker to boss " well i am in bed shagging my gran, is that sick enough ? " " | |||
"Sorry I can't come to work because.... I'm sick that Trump got elected " YYYAAAAWWWNNN!! That’s original | |||
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Miss S x | |||
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"I'm calling in sick because I'm healthy and happy and don't want work to ruin that
Miss S x"🤣🤣 | |||
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"My balls are too full " 2 late I used that earlier Haha fake news who's got the haribo then | |||
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"Someone said insert 2 AA batteries in the back. I didn’t know they meant the tv remote. Anyway I’m in A&E. " I actually spat my drink out laughing. | |||
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"I'm recovering from a "Type A Aortic Dissection" - not made up, but true " Sick note please ? | |||
"I farted and followed through "Change the underwear and get your ass in here | |||
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"Ive lost the lid to my sandwich box" Wrap it up instead and get yourself in here | |||
"My dick is too big, can’t come in. " Not as big as the dick that's in charge | |||
"My balls are too heavy "Cum to work, I'll help you unload them | |||
"There was a great episode of scooby doo on the telly and I didn’t want to stop watching it Oh I can come watch it too? Pretty please "Haha yes of course ! | |||
"Doctor needed a stool sample so have gone to IKEA to get one not sure why he needs one I only went in for a medical " Assume your still going around IKEA | |||
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"My sister ate my homework " Can you send her to mine and she can eat mine. | |||
"Sore ovaries " Me too | |||
"I have a sprained sock." My sons used his so much it's snapped in half | |||
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"I'm recovering from a "Type A Aortic Dissection" - not made up, but true Sick note please ?" I can show you the scars | |||
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"I have a sprained sock. My sons used his so much it's snapped in half "Aww no. Crusty. | |||
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"Sorry I can't come to work because...." I've heart and kidney trouble..heart lazy and kidney be bothered. | |||
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"I caught my foreskin in my trousers zip " Ouch | |||
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"I woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it by coming to work " 
I might have to try this one .... | |||
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