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Love or Lust
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Love to me is when you have a very solid feeling of safety, security and warmth in thier presence despite the maelstrom of your life enveloping you both. My wife is my sanctuary and together I know we can face even the sharpest knives of adversity and enjoy the halcyon days. I reserve my lust for her outstanding arse and bussom. |
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If it's lust then my thoughts and desires are more attuned to the carnal physicalities.
If it's love then it's the above, in addition to the passion, the adoration, the non-sexual elements and the deeply-bonded friendship.
I think. |
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"On here...definitely lust. Done the whole love thing years ago...in no hurry to repeat x"
I did the love thing a long time ago too but find im still doing it. The people I meet on Fab will only ever be lust derived from carnal desires for a great body, and hopefully a strong friendship. |
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The person in my mind is not from Fab. He is someone who I was seeing on and off a few years ago and to this day, I can’t get him out of my mind. We didn’t continue to meet up due to distance but I feel if we lived closer together, it would have been something special. We haven’t spoke for just over a year but he’s still often on my mind (not to mention he was the best sex I’ve ever had). He had a lot of traits that I really liked (and a few that I didn’t) but I can’t seem to move on from thinking about him… |
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By *eliWoman 8 weeks ago
. |
"A question for you all on this sunny Tuesday. How do you know when it’s love or lust?
"
I don't know how to explain it clearly. I do know I'm a very slow burner. That on here people can fall in love with the idea of love, the idea of someone without really knowing them. That there's not a ticklist required before I can I say I've fallen in love with you to someone.
Love and lust don't have to be two separate bedfellows. I do find that a strange concept. Lust becomes love, all of that. I couldn't romantically love someone without also lusting after them.
It's more than possible to love someone from here. |
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By *sWyldWoman 8 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I think lust can be confused for love but it's not.
Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance.
Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep.
With luck you find both at the same time |
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"If you want to spend time with them without having sex it's love."
On this basis it’s love…
"I think lust can be confused for love but it's not. Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance. Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep. With luck you find both at the same time "
Based on this it’s lust… hmm
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I don't think I've ever been in love with someone. I think I've perhaps confused infatuation for being in love. Of course I love people - my family and friends, and (some) ex-partners. But I honestly don't know that I could confidently say I've ever been in love with anyone, and I'm not sure how I'd recognise it. |
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"If you want to spend time with them without having sex it's love.
On this basis it’s love…
I think lust can be confused for love but it's not. Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance. Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep. With luck you find both at the same time
Based on this it’s lust… hmm
"
OP, Google the triangular theory of love. It might help you figure your feelings out. |
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"If you want to spend time with them without having sex it's love.
On this basis it’s love…
I think lust can be confused for love but it's not. Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance. Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep. With luck you find both at the same time
Based on this it’s lust… hmm
OP, Google the triangular theory of love. It might help you figure your feelings out."
Oh thank you. I haven’t heard of that before - I will research |
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"If you want to spend time with them without having sex it's love.
On this basis it’s love…
I think lust can be confused for love but it's not. Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance. Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep. With luck you find both at the same time
Based on this it’s lust… hmm
OP, Google the triangular theory of love. It might help you figure your feelings out."
That's interesting 🤔 |
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In my experience it’s been where you feel a deeper connection than just the physical.
Even when i am overcome with lust, i feel something different which grows in time.
We connect on a different level, we have fun outside the bedroom as well also a level of caring that goes beyond friendship.
We tend to have similar mindsets but when you have felt true love before it’s easier to recognise.
I can feel the potential to fall for someone before even meeting them, where everything just clicks and because there has been nothing physical yet.
I get to know their personality and minds without my judgment being clouded by lust. |
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"In my experience it’s been where you feel a deeper connection than just the physical.
Even when i am overcome with lust, i feel something different which grows in time.
We connect on a different level, we have fun outside the bedroom as well also a level of caring that goes beyond friendship.
We tend to have similar mindsets but when you have felt true love before it’s easier to recognise.
I can feel the potential to fall for someone before even meeting them, where everything just clicks and because there has been nothing physical yet.
I get to know their personality and minds without my judgment being clouded by lust."
Great way of putting it 😁 |
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"In my experience it’s been where you feel a deeper connection than just the physical.
Even when i am overcome with lust, i feel something different which grows in time.
We connect on a different level, we have fun outside the bedroom as well also a level of caring that goes beyond friendship.
We tend to have similar mindsets but when you have felt true love before it’s easier to recognise.
I can feel the potential to fall for someone before even meeting them, where everything just clicks and because there has been nothing physical yet.
I get to know their personality and minds without my judgment being clouded by lust.
Great way of putting it 😁"
Thank you, i wear my heart on my sleeve for better or for worse 😊 |
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"If you want to spend time with them without having sex it's love.
On this basis it’s love…
I think lust can be confused for love but it's not. Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance. Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep. With luck you find both at the same time
Based on this it’s lust… hmm
OP, Google the triangular theory of love. It might help you figure your feelings out.
Oh thank you. I haven’t heard of that before - I will research "
Just had a read and it is so interesting… think my relationship with him falls into the ‘romantic love’ category perhaps… |
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"If you want to spend time with them without having sex it's love.
On this basis it’s love…
I think lust can be confused for love but it's not. Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance. Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep. With luck you find both at the same time
Based on this it’s lust… hmm
OP, Google the triangular theory of love. It might help you figure your feelings out.
Oh thank you. I haven’t heard of that before - I will research
Just had a read and it is so interesting… think my relationship with him falls into the ‘romantic love’ category perhaps… "
Hope it's helped x |
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"If you want to spend time with them without having sex it's love.
On this basis it’s love…
I think lust can be confused for love but it's not. Lust is insatiable, chemistry, off the charts stuff but no substance. Love is quiet, patient, supportive, caring and deep. With luck you find both at the same time
Based on this it’s lust… hmm
OP, Google the triangular theory of love. It might help you figure your feelings out.
Oh thank you. I haven’t heard of that before - I will research
Just had a read and it is so interesting… think my relationship with him falls into the ‘romantic love’ category perhaps…
Hope it's helped x"
It has, thank you. I certainly spotted a few other love types from previous relationships too. Just have to try and find that elusive ‘consummate love’ and I’m all set x |
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"
Hope it's helped x
It has, thank you. I certainly spotted a few other love types from previous relationships too. Just have to try and find that elusive ‘consummate love’ and I’m all set x"
The language is a bit confusing. Many people wouldn't consider anything but 'consummate' love as real love at all. Others believe infatuation is a form love. We've all got our own personal definitions, I guess. |
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By *929Man 8 weeks ago
newcastle |
Just ask self would you stay with that person rest of life if could never have sex ever again then will probably have the answer
I actually was in that situation with the ex due to her medical issues and at the time I was willing to accept that for life, similar to you I spent years dwelling on her after we split, even ruined another relationship as was still not over it, now a few years later I wouldn’t ever go there again.
Just give yourself time sam it will get easier you a lovely lass and got your head screwed on and so much going for you happiness will find you |
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I don't think you can put a label on it. You just know. But as someone posted above, it's more than just wanting to have sex with them. With my last partner, we could stay up til the early hours, chatting, laughing, not necessarily having sex. And when I was away from him, I missed being with him. I still think about him now, too much!! |
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By *HUSH-Man 8 weeks ago
London |
This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
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By *HUSH-Man 8 weeks ago
London |
"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
"
I should also state that some felt the same way about me too. |
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"Just ask self would you stay with that person rest of life if could never have sex ever again then will probably have the answer
I actually was in that situation with the ex due to her medical issues and at the time I was willing to accept that for life, similar to you I spent years dwelling on her after we split, even ruined another relationship as was still not over it, now a few years later I wouldn’t ever go there again.
Just give yourself time sam it will get easier you a lovely lass and got your head screwed on and so much going for you happiness will find you "
Thank you - that’s lovely of you to say 😊 I hope so x |
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"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me."
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck… |
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"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck… "
Limerence? |
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"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Limerence? "
I’ve never heard of that before… back to google I go Nell |
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By *HUSH-Man 8 weeks ago
London |
"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck… "
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence. |
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By *929Man 8 weeks ago
newcastle |
"Just ask self would you stay with that person rest of life if could never have sex ever again then will probably have the answer
I actually was in that situation with the ex due to her medical issues and at the time I was willing to accept that for life, similar to you I spent years dwelling on her after we split, even ruined another relationship as was still not over it, now a few years later I wouldn’t ever go there again.
Just give yourself time sam it will get easier you a lovely lass and got your head screwed on and so much going for you happiness will find you
Thank you - that’s lovely of you to say 😊 I hope so x"
It’s true though anyone here would say the same but your welcome, and it will just takes time I know it’s hard not to dwell on past but it does no good what’s done is done and if was meant to be it would have worked out. I know it’s easier said than done.
Don’t mean to intrude chiming in and my advice may be no good just you are so quick to help others and offer advice when asked feel it only right to at least try
Hope you feel better soon x |
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"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence. "
Yeah I think so… we really got on, had lots of similarities, great chemistry, enjoyed eachothers company. If he’d lived closer I don’t see any other reason why it wouldn’t have worked. From a quick Google, it says limerance is ‘a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person’ which I’d say is true, but it also sounds like an infatuation. Who knows… perhaps. I will do some soul searching. |
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"Just ask self would you stay with that person rest of life if could never have sex ever again then will probably have the answer
I actually was in that situation with the ex due to her medical issues and at the time I was willing to accept that for life, similar to you I spent years dwelling on her after we split, even ruined another relationship as was still not over it, now a few years later I wouldn’t ever go there again.
Just give yourself time sam it will get easier you a lovely lass and got your head screwed on and so much going for you happiness will find you
Thank you - that’s lovely of you to say 😊 I hope so x
It’s true though anyone here would say the same but your welcome, and it will just takes time I know it’s hard not to dwell on past but it does no good what’s done is done and if was meant to be it would have worked out. I know it’s easier said than done.
Don’t mean to intrude chiming in and my advice may be no good just you are so quick to help others and offer advice when asked feel it only right to at least try
Hope you feel better soon x"
You’re not intruding at all. I appreciate you sharing your insights. It always helps to have different perspectives x |
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By *HUSH-Man 8 weeks ago
London |
"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence.
Yeah I think so… we really got on, had lots of similarities, great chemistry, enjoyed eachothers company. If he’d lived closer I don’t see any other reason why it wouldn’t have worked. From a quick Google, it says limerance is ‘a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person’ which I’d say is true, but it also sounds like an infatuation. Who knows… perhaps. I will do some soul searching. "
My next question would be has the ship sailed and is relocating not an option?
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"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence.
Yeah I think so… we really got on, had lots of similarities, great chemistry, enjoyed eachothers company. If he’d lived closer I don’t see any other reason why it wouldn’t have worked. From a quick Google, it says limerance is ‘a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person’ which I’d say is true, but it also sounds like an infatuation. Who knows… perhaps. I will do some soul searching.
My next question would be has the ship sailed and is relocating not an option? "
He has children down south and I have family I need to stay close to up North so not likely… |
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By *HUSH-Man 8 weeks ago
London |
"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence.
Yeah I think so… we really got on, had lots of similarities, great chemistry, enjoyed eachothers company. If he’d lived closer I don’t see any other reason why it wouldn’t have worked. From a quick Google, it says limerance is ‘a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person’ which I’d say is true, but it also sounds like an infatuation. Who knows… perhaps. I will do some soul searching.
My next question would be has the ship sailed and is relocating not an option?
He has children down south and I have family I need to stay close to up North so not likely…"
Long distance relationships have challenges but it can also work if 2 people are right for each other and would it also have to be a monogamous relationship?
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"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence.
Yeah I think so… we really got on, had lots of similarities, great chemistry, enjoyed eachothers company. If he’d lived closer I don’t see any other reason why it wouldn’t have worked. From a quick Google, it says limerance is ‘a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person’ which I’d say is true, but it also sounds like an infatuation. Who knows… perhaps. I will do some soul searching.
My next question would be has the ship sailed and is relocating not an option?
He has children down south and I have family I need to stay close to up North so not likely…
Long distance relationships have challenges but it can also work if 2 people are right for each other and would it also have to be a monogamous relationship? "
I’ve done long distance with someone else before so I know it can work. We spoke about playing with other people and he was always keen to watch me with others but I wouldn’t want him to. Double standards I know |
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By *HUSH-Man 8 weeks ago
London |
"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence.
Yeah I think so… we really got on, had lots of similarities, great chemistry, enjoyed eachothers company. If he’d lived closer I don’t see any other reason why it wouldn’t have worked. From a quick Google, it says limerance is ‘a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person’ which I’d say is true, but it also sounds like an infatuation. Who knows… perhaps. I will do some soul searching.
My next question would be has the ship sailed and is relocating not an option?
He has children down south and I have family I need to stay close to up North so not likely…
Long distance relationships have challenges but it can also work if 2 people are right for each other and would it also have to be a monogamous relationship?
I’ve done long distance with someone else before so I know it can work. We spoke about playing with other people and he was always keen to watch me with others but I wouldn’t want him to. Double standards I know "
Ohhh you are lucky! He’s a voyeur! If you put on a show for him from time to time playing with others on the condition that he gets to watch could that not work?
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"This is a tricky one to answer.
I’ve had lust for every woman I’ve been with
I’ve loved some of them
But I’ve not been in love with any of them
I don’t quite know how to explain it. I can’t always articulate what I’m feeling but that has been my experience.
I do sometimes think of them and the what if’s. The relationships ended because although I could see them as a wife and a mother I couldn’t see them being my wife or having children with me.
I’ve definitely been in love twice (and one of those was love at first sight), but this guy is a bit of a question mark. He fascinates me, he gave me all the butterflies and we had amazing sex, but we didn’t have the potential to develop our relationship because of the distance. Can it just be lust if I can’t stop thinking about him? 🤔 I think if we’d been closer together, things could have been amazing. It’s a bit of a head fuck…
Was distance the only reason why it didn’t work out?
And I think Nell has most likely hit the nail on the head about it being a case of limerence.
Yeah I think so… we really got on, had lots of similarities, great chemistry, enjoyed eachothers company. If he’d lived closer I don’t see any other reason why it wouldn’t have worked. From a quick Google, it says limerance is ‘a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person’ which I’d say is true, but it also sounds like an infatuation. Who knows… perhaps. I will do some soul searching.
My next question would be has the ship sailed and is relocating not an option?
He has children down south and I have family I need to stay close to up North so not likely…
Long distance relationships have challenges but it can also work if 2 people are right for each other and would it also have to be a monogamous relationship?
I’ve done long distance with someone else before so I know it can work. We spoke about playing with other people and he was always keen to watch me with others but I wouldn’t want him to. Double standards I know
Ohhh you are lucky! He’s a voyeur! If you put on a show for him from time to time playing with others on the condition that he gets to watch could that not work? "
He loved anything like that. He certainly pushed my boundaries and brought out a side of me that I liked. I suppose that’s perhaps where some doubt crept in for me; if he could watch me with other people, did that mean he cared less for me than I did for him? I’m confident there will be swinging couples that would say otherwise but it does seem to be a more complex mix of emotions. |
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By *HUSH-Man 8 weeks ago
London |
It doesn’t necessarily mean he cares less for you. It can actually be very much the opposite. Trusting you to be with others. Confident in himself and the strength of the relationship and getting satisfaction from seeing you happy. That can be difficult to get your head around. I still am.
I won’t go into too much detail on the forum but I took a married woman on a date a few weeks ago with her husband’s approval. They’re both ENM, they both have careers which means they often spend time apart and it just works for them. They have both said to me that it has brought them closer together. Swinging and open relationships can be seen as just a superficial act to satisfy some horny need but it’s so much more than that. At least that’s what I’m coming to learn.
I’m certainly no expert but I definitely think soul searching is a good idea. It sounds like you’re still processing it and maybe you haven’t moved on because you’re not ready to…or possibly not wanting to?
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