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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
Well, had the head debate, so may as well type down what went through my mind.
Dating apps.
Me - ‘Oh just try again’
Other Me - ‘don’t be silly’
‘It won’t be as bad now’
‘Yes it will as all women our age are after younger guys’
‘Not all of them and you’ve not tried to over 50’s versions’
‘Oh fuck off’
‘You’d like a girlfriend again.’
‘Yeah, but..’
‘There’s some sane women left.’
‘But..’
‘Someone to go for a meal or a drink..’
‘But it’s expensive and then there’s the fake likes and you come off after a month thinking - not doing that again’
‘Might get cuddles.’
‘Oh for.’
‘Snogs on the sofa’
‘Maybe this time would be different?’
‘Maybe the princess is out there?’
‘Oh no. I can’t’
‘Do it!’
And so on. Talked myself out of it as genuinely think it’s a rip off, but..
Thoughts?
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Think you can beat their algorithms? They are there to make money! They tease with pictures of people not on their sites or maybe AI now who knows.
"
I don’t. Last time I did it, the likes or views when unpaid, disappearing when paid had me wondering if worthwhile |
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"My thoughts are simple… you miss all the shots you don’t take
Counter argument what if you are too scared to shoot the shot due to previous shots being thrown back and blowing up in your face. "
Rejection happens. If you’re a member here you know that already. None of us will appeal to most of the membership, dating is just the same surely? Rejection hurts sometimes, but that’s part of life.
If you’re implying they’re blowing up in your face in a rude or nasty way…. Then that sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape. You don’t want those sorts of people in your life.
I see it as you’ve got two options. Play safe and stay alone, don’t risk anything…. Or…. Take the risks and know it’s going to be a bumpy road for a goal that is worth trying for.
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"My thoughts are simple… you miss all the shots you don’t take
Counter argument what if you are too scared to shoot the shot due to previous shots being thrown back and blowing up in your face.
Rejection happens. If you’re a member here you know that already. None of us will appeal to most of the membership, dating is just the same surely? Rejection hurts sometimes, but that’s part of life.
If you’re implying they’re blowing up in your face in a rude or nasty way…. Then that sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape. You don’t want those sorts of people in your life.
I see it as you’ve got two options. Play safe and stay alone, don’t risk anything…. Or…. Take the risks and know it’s going to be a bumpy road for a goal that is worth trying for.
"
That is a very sound argument and it’s the latter of the two mostly and I know it happens but it still doesn’t help the confidence a whole lot when it does blow up. |
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Just had this argument literally 2 seconds ago... I'm never ever ever dating again
I'm never getting into a monogamous relationship
I'm never marrying I don't want children
What I do like require and enjoy us a man..that eats that likes to eat with company..that likes to travel that likes to travel with company that likes to just chill that likes to chill with company and who likes to fuck kiss cuddle and guess what..who likes to do that with company... He's not my boyfriend he doesn't control an ounce of what I do or don't do not do I dictate or control him...
We respect each other we communicate we sexually communicate we regularly test..
Dating websites and people on them turn their noses up to orgies, restraints, sex clubs, porn and enjoying sex often..
I do everything by myself that I would like company doing but I'm not settling restricting or becoming a cheated on girlfriend simply to say I have a boyfriend or husband... I'm single and I have fuck buddies play partners friends with benefits whatever other name but I'm not dating by any accord..
Show me a man wanting that and he'll say nope those are strings and I'll say you simply want an unpaid pros ti tute... Good luck |
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I'm still on a datong site, and randomly scrool though. Do sometimes look and basically get board with it.
So the reason why inkeepnthe dating app (free verson only) i live in a small community. So when people realise I'm not monogamous its a great cover of where i meet guys. |
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By *sWyldWoman 4 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I'm back on them and I have to be honest it's pretty dire!
I still maintain the men on fab are actually better, more interesting and more able to hold my attention.
However I'm also keen to embrace dating properly as I've really not in the past. So far it's mixed results!
I do agree that you miss the shots you don't take. I don't think it needs to be expensive. You can Tinder for free and it's likely the very same people who are on match.
They might also be here too though!
I'm very honest in what I'm looking for. I won't spend weeks of email or messaging. I want to meet in person pretty quickly. I don't understand those who don't. What do you have to lose by going for a coffee or a drink? Nor do I expect the person I'm meeting to foot the bill.
On the flip side, I do think Tinder could be renamed to "what's left" it might be more accurate!  |
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Over the last few weeks my perception of what I am looking for has changed.
I’m not really ever sure that I fitted the swinger term, whatever that is, and was always looking more to date and see where it could lead to.
The problem with many apps now is you have to pay to see who likes you, pay for more than a certain amount of messages etc.
It’s a business model and clearly works or they wouldn’t be in existence
For me it’s not on an app I will find what I’m looking for, more about getting myself social again and away from a screen |
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It’s hard work and rejection is taken personally, which isn’t great for self esteem. Sometimes you might need to pull back from it and other times you can be more optimistic, it’s fine to change your mind.
It’s a good idea to take notice of that little voice in your head that says “Fuck this” so don’t worry. Wait until you feel differently to try again. |
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"My thoughts are simple… you miss all the shots you don’t take
Counter argument what if you are too scared to shoot the shot due to previous shots being thrown back and blowing up in your face. "
Haha...this exactly!!.. |
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I'd probably go a bit unpleasantly deeper Rag.
So, welcome or unwelcome, my thoughts.
What's your rough 5, 10, and 20 year plan? Exclude all thoughts of women to start with.
Where do you want to live, what work, how do you fill your time with things that make you smile?
What's the most REALISTIC version of the best life you can lead.
Got to be realistic, but aspirational.
When you've worked out what that looks like, then start seeing how women fit into it.
Casual?
Anonymous?
Poly?
One love, one life, one home?
Strip it all away - what can you have (realistically, with a push) and how do women/sex/love/relationships fit into that?
Then use that as your blueprint, with inbuilt flexibility because Life tends to happen irrespective of ambitions.
But you do the driving of where you're going as much as practicable, rather than being tossed around on a sea of confusion and unrealistic hopes.
That's all I got. |
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Takes me back. I remember encountering dating sites for the first time about 10 years ago after being married from a young age. Brutal isn't it, full of pitfalls and disappointment, for everyone (I used to love hearing about womens experiences of online dating when out on dates). But also may I add with of some positive points, experiences and areas of self learning and growth. I learned a lot about myself, more about exactly what I was looking for and had some wonderful encounters along the way with some lovely women. I really found it an enriching experience to date a variety of women, because discovering what you really need and the right woman is trial and error. And just because some dates weren't a romantic match doesn't mean they weren't fun or a nice date none the less. Obviously a few disasters too but that's part of the game.
Loads of practical advise on here. So all I'd say is yes online dating is a cess pit for all (men and women) and its up to you if you want to play the game. However you'll always lose 100% of the battles you surrender to.
And sometimes you win. I met Mrs Misfit on here of all places. Also I think all that dating helped. It helped me understand what I wanted from a relationship and that I didn't necessarily want a vanilla or strictly sexually monogamous relationship. It was also refreshing from my dating experience that there's a fair few women out there who are also not looking for strictly vanilla of monogamous relationships (I was always very openand pleasantly suprised how many women were too). So don't be afraid to state your desires or relationships goals when dating even if they're not exactly standard or vanilla. Because although this may make finding a date harder long term you don't want to be a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I remember one woman I really struck up a great online raport. I liked her and she really wanted to meet me. I was open with her about my intrests and that I was going to clubs. She didn’t judge me and it didn't put her off me. But not her thing and I think she thought she could make me vanilla. So I never met her because what would be the point long term if we had such a fundamental difference?
Mr |
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My advice would be to avoid dating sites. You have to pay for the privilege to question your worth.
Way back when I was stupidly looking to date  , half of them just wanted a quick shag. The other half were people with money problems and addictions looking for a meal ticket. |
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"Well, had the head debate, so may as well type down what went through my mind.
Dating apps.
Me - ‘Oh just try again’
Other Me - ‘don’t be silly’
‘It won’t be as bad now’
‘Yes it will as all women our age are after younger guys’
‘Not all of them and you’ve not tried to over 50’s versions’
‘Oh fuck off’
‘You’d like a girlfriend again.’
‘Yeah, but..’
‘There’s some sane women left.’
‘But..’
‘Someone to go for a meal or a drink..’
‘But it’s expensive and then there’s the fake likes and you come off after a month thinking - not doing that again’
‘Might get cuddles.’
‘Oh for.’
‘Snogs on the sofa’
‘Maybe this time would be different?’
‘Maybe the princess is out there?’
‘Oh no. I can’t’
‘Do it!’
And so on. Talked myself out of it as genuinely think it’s a rip off, but..
Thoughts?
"
I've made some friends off t word but that's it, meeting one for coffee today. 😁
Other then that it just made me feel worse about myself. |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
In terms of ‘free t*nder’ as mentioned above I could do it but last time had likes but not any mutual likes. Might be worth a go. (Last time was on for strictly a month with the paid for, to see likes)
Free B*mble wasn’t that good (paid for not so good)
Plenty of F*sh, I really dislike. B*doo is grim.
M*tch I’ve tried with a month subscription and just felt a lot of fake profiles for me one of the supposedly better ones.
I may have to slap myself and just try some over 50 ones |
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By *sWyldWoman 4 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I came to the realisation that I'm not Instagram pretty enough for Tinder, not desperate enough for pof, too fussy for Facebook dating, and too lazy for bumble.
I'm probably doomed but the romantic optimist in me makes the best of many bad situations and just muddlles through!
You don't know until you try |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"I came to the realisation that I'm not Instagram pretty enough for Tinder, not desperate enough for pof, too fussy for Facebook dating, and too lazy for bumble.
I'm probably doomed but the romantic optimist in me makes the best of many bad situations and just muddlles through!
You don't know until you try "
That’s true in terms of trying and it’s maybe a case of picking the ‘least worst’ option which is probably m*tch
I like idea of bumble and hinge but also a lot of work for no reward if no interaction |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"My advice would be to avoid dating sites. You have to pay for the privilege to question your worth.
Way back when I was stupidly looking to date , half of them just wanted a quick shag. The other half were people with money problems and addictions looking for a meal ticket."
Over three years since my last relationship, it came just that bit too soon after what happened and was long distance.
I sort of was on and off different apps after that finished and realisation was that a month was enough at a time; that it wasn’t really fun and a bit of a time consuming chore. And the ups and downs in mental health terms, the highs from looking and swiping right, the lows from not having interaction back or having weird likes from fake profiles
But it is what it is. Unfortunately |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"And I thought my head was fucked 😳, just do it, stop being a fanny.
The mr "
Oh that’s just an illustration, when you’re only adult in a family, arguing with yourself inside your head is normal |
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By *sWyldWoman 4 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I say this with good intentions but I think you're over thinking and over analysing. Give it a go, you've nothing to lose any potentially something to gain.
The worst outcome is that you go on a bad date |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"I say this with good intentions but I think you're over thinking and over analysing. Give it a go, you've nothing to lose any potentially something to gain.
The worst outcome is that you go on a bad date "
Previous bad experiences, I guess, the negative thought that it hasn’t worked before, so won’t this time, the sort of rejection vibes and feeling I’m doing it so I can say, ‘well I’ve tried’
Might be better writing a private blog and getting my head straight then making a decision.
No point doing it if I’m thinking fail before I start off.
I have socials to go to in next few weeks, so maybe better concentrating on getting a nice shirt instead and thinking about small talk and chat 😂 |
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You are Glasgow-ish, 2 ladies commenting on here are not a million miles away. One in Fife and one in Edinburgh. Perhaps there is a potential match, or two, in this thread.
Best of luck with whichever decision you choose.
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Dating apps are so far out of my sphere of experience that I'd be lost if I had to use one. I think I'd probably join a 'matrimonial agency' where a severely dressed woman with her hair in a bun matched people according to social status and income.  |
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By *sWyldWoman 4 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"Dating apps are so far out of my sphere of experience that I'd be lost if I had to use one. I think I'd probably join a 'matrimonial agency' where a severely dressed woman with her hair in a bun matched people according to social status and income. "
I'd sign up for that too!! |
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This is me today
Ok, one more time on POF.
Build profile
Upload photos
Go through the photos of others
After 20 minutes I'm still swiping left because what the hell do I have to offer anyone?. Why would they even want to look at me?
Then I get to thinking
I can't afford to date her, she's on the beach drinking cocktails, she's in a fancy restaurant overlooking the mountains.
I can't even take my kids to a caravan for the weekend and she's in the Bahamas.
Deletes profile
Hit with the reality that this is what I have to live with. |
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Ragnar, you have put your shield up for protection and you are no longer present for dating.
Just date. Just do it. Don't see it as a forever thing even though it might just turn out to be just that.... see it as a today thing an in this moment thing.
Look for someone who wants to meet for a coffee and a chat... it's a start.
Go to a chat group for your age group. Go to an activity group. Start volunteering. Do something ! Just start mixing with people and talking to them ....... Life is about life it's not about dating.
You've cut yourself off from the rest of life and dedicated all your thought and time to 'dating' - what ever that is.
Join a walking club. Join a cinema group. Look on meet up. Do something where there's people. |
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"Dating apps are so far out of my sphere of experience that I'd be lost if I had to use one. I think I'd probably join a 'matrimonial agency' where a severely dressed woman with her hair in a bun matched people according to social status and income.
I'd sign up for that too!! "
I think there's a lot to be said for it
I also agree with Granny C. My friend met her partner at an evening class. |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Dating apps are so far out of my sphere of experience that I'd be lost if I had to use one. I think I'd probably join a 'matrimonial agency' where a severely dressed woman with her hair in a bun matched people according to social status and income. "
If only there was 😂 |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Ragnar, you have put your shield up for protection and you are no longer present for dating.
Just date. Just do it. Don't see it as a forever thing even though it might just turn out to be just that.... see it as a today thing an in this moment thing.
Look for someone who wants to meet for a coffee and a chat... it's a start.
Go to a chat group for your age group. Go to an activity group. Start volunteering. Do something ! Just start mixing with people and talking to them ....... Life is about life it's not about dating.
You've cut yourself off from the rest of life and dedicated all your thought and time to 'dating' - what ever that is.
Join a walking club. Join a cinema group. Look on meet up. Do something where there's people."
Agree Granny, it’s getting out there too.
I need to look again at the Meetup stuff that’s local and see what works |
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If I was single (I am not) I wouldn't touch a dating app. They're not good for most men and there's 101 reason why if you do your research.
Do it old school. Ask someone out you like the look of (respectfully, of course). Cold approach if you have to. But dont use dating apps.
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"Dating apps are so far out of my sphere of experience that I'd be lost if I had to use one. I think I'd probably join a 'matrimonial agency' where a severely dressed woman with her hair in a bun matched people according to social status and income.
If only there was 😂"
Dragons Den? |
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Dating apps are so far out of my sphere of experience that I'd be lost if I had to use one. I think I'd probably join a 'matrimonial agency' where a severely dressed woman with her hair in a bun matched people according to social status and income.
If only there was 😂
Dragons Den? "
There are some if you look hard enough on the internet but ££££
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By *agnar73 OP Man 4 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"If I was single (I am not) I wouldn't touch a dating app. They're not good for most men and there's 101 reason why if you do your research.
Do it old school. Ask someone out you like the look of (respectfully, of course). Cold approach if you have to. But dont use dating apps.
From both my own experiences and from what I’ve read about them, it’s not far off a scam, but modern life and modern world. At least fab has this for some sort of interaction beyond just click on the pics.
The old school approach? Certainly knew how to go out a Saturday night have a dance and a chat, but I think that’s sort of gone now
"
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"Dating apps are so far out of my sphere of experience that I'd be lost if I had to use one. I think I'd probably join a 'matrimonial agency' where a severely dressed woman with her hair in a bun matched people according to social status and income.
If only there was 😂
Dragons Den?
There are some if you look hard enough on the internet but ££££
"
It's all about the money.
A Muslim man I know asked his mum to find him a partner years ago. Last I heard she's still looking  |
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