FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is it me or is the site becoming more like hard work
Is it me or is the site becoming more like hard work
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By *ugby 123Couple 7 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Chatted for sometime arranged to meet over a week ago. Stayed in touch. Supposed to be meeting this morning. Woke up blocked"
Anyone can change their mind even up to the point of having sex, however it would be polite to say so |
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By *bi HaiveMan 7 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Chatted for sometime arranged to meet over a week ago. Stayed in touch. Supposed to be meeting this morning. Woke up blocked"
When you say 'chatted' do you mean just on here or on the phone/off site.
Restricting all pre meet contact to just messages leaves you more open to being let down in my experience.
The concept that someone would happily arrange to meet for sex yet not be willing to just talk on the phone before hand often baffles me.
You're essentially putting all your faith in words on a screen and some pictures. 🤷♂️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago
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Everyone has a different definition of time wasting but for me talking isn't time wasting, changing your mind isn't time wasting and being selective on who you meet isn't time wasting.
If you arrange a meet and they don't show or just ghost, I'd take that as time wasting but it's part and parcel of meeting strangers on the Internet. Just move on and give no second chances. |
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"Everyone has a different definition of time wasting but for me talking isn't time wasting, changing your mind isn't time wasting and being selective on who you meet isn't time wasting.
If you arrange a meet and they don't show or just ghost, I'd take that as time wasting but it's part and parcel of meeting strangers on the Internet. Just move on and give no second chances."
💯 |
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We used to get lots of nasty messages from single men when we gave them a polite no thank you so we had to block them. Unfair on the genuine nice blokes but the majority are ruining it for the minority |
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By *8on33Man 7 weeks ago
winfrith |
"We used to get lots of nasty messages from single men when we gave them a polite no thank you so we had to block them. Unfair on the genuine nice blokes but the majority are ruining it for the minority "
Have you done Banksy style artwork on your stairwell?
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Not especially.
I find it very interesting most of these posts along the same theme are made by single male profiles, you rarely see a lady or couple posting similar to the above.
You get out what you put in.
Unfortunately as a single male profile your're one in a million on this site all vying for attention from a small sample size of ladies/couples who would meet males, but have a huge sample size to pick from and can afford to be picky.
C xoxo |
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"Not especially.
I find it very interesting most of these posts along the same theme are made by single male profiles, you rarely see a lady or couple posting similar to the above.
You get out what you put in.
Unfortunately as a single male profile your're one in a million on this site all vying for attention from a small sample size of ladies/couples who would meet males, but have a huge sample size to pick from and can afford to be picky.
C xoxo"
👍👍👍 |
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"100% finding it in all walks of life "
Interesting point. Since COVID, people have kinda gone off the rails... You know the Road/Airplane Rage, Karens/Kevins, Putin etc. Forgotten how to be kind and civil.
Only I can waste my own time.
If they're not respectful enough to update you or inform, I take it as a lucky bullet dodged.
I would arrange to meet at a bookshop café, if he's a no show, I love browsing books anyway.
Or if hosting at home, I'm lucky I can call on my fuck buddies or go online and rearrange another meet. My record is 10 mins, another guy was on his way.
I'm no victim. There is a silver lining if you care to look for it. |
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Not sure. As a couple we would get a lot of pushy or unpleasant messages from men but now as a single guy I get no attention at all. I just figured as these sites are mostly men it makes sense. But we do seem to have two sets of standards. |
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By *8on33Man 7 weeks ago
winfrith |
"Not especially.
I find it very interesting most of these posts along the same theme are made by single male profiles, you rarely see a lady or couple posting similar to the above.
You get out what you put in.
Unfortunately as a single male profile your're one in a million on this site all vying for attention from a small sample size of ladies/couples who would meet males, but have a huge sample size to pick from and can afford to be picky.
C xoxo"
Exactly you never see a lady or couple struggling here. |
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"Chatted for sometime arranged to meet over a week ago. Stayed in touch. Supposed to be meeting this morning. Woke up blocked"
this seems to be happening more I'm finding myself day of meet suddenly blocked |
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"Not especially.
I find it very interesting most of these posts along the same theme are made by single male profiles, you rarely see a lady or couple posting similar to the above.
You get out what you put in.
Unfortunately as a single male profile your're one in a million on this site all vying for attention from a small sample size of ladies/couples who would meet males, but have a huge sample size to pick from and can afford to be picky.
C xoxoExactly you never see a lady or couple struggling here. "
We struggle, but it is a different struggle.
I fancied meeting someone the other day- so I put up a meet and changed my status. Obviously I got a deluge of messages. I am very soecific in what I am looking for, age, body type, looks- and people still don’t read. I say no thanks and I get abuse. I get people being very pushy, demanding to know my hotel and room number (yeah, right! 😂😂😂😂) but in the end I got the meet with a person who fit exactly what I was looking for.
This is why I stay on Fab. There is a lot of sifting to do, but when it works, it is mindblowing.   |
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Think some people set their expectations to high. We’re an average looking couple and if we find a hot profile and send a message it’s great when they reply but don’t expect to meet them just through one message. Multiple messages can be sent between us and if a meet doesn’t materialise then we don’t see it as a waste of time, sometimes we are just grateful that they have taken time out of their day and had a nice conversation with them |
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"I think when you use this site with zero expectations a weight is lifted.
Come on, have some craic in the forums and then do one.
If you do end up finding what you are looking for it’s a bonus."
So true. Also learn how to sense when women who are trying to be being polite with a luke warm response.
In this modern age of instant gratification, you may not have been swiped left already, so get flirty. If eventually she decides no, that's just old fashioned courtship. |
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I do feel like, compared to say 10 years ago, the greater numbers combined with the different ways people want to use the site, can make it a bit more needle in the haystack.
But if you’re clear on what you want and avoid people who are obviously not compatible then it’s not so bad. |
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I gave up on trying to meet folk from here two profiles ago. I had a good run at it perhaps having been on and off of here since its inception. Some wonderful meets, some not so much, some nice people to chat to that never went further and some really rude, some no shows and ghosting etc. But it was often quite hard work and time consuming trying to get noticed amongst the masses. I’m not a bad looking guy, keep myself in shape, have reasonable equipment  and know what to do etc. have my skills but in truth I do better/have more luck in the real world as it were than on sites.
I think there have always been guys that get abusive when they get nowhere or don’t get their way, sadly. It’s something couples/ladies have always told me about. For nearly 20 years. Used to worry/shock me that people would behave like that in here, they wouldn’t dare in real life. What people will do when they think no-one is watching. I’m not so sure that is true now.
The one thing I’ve noticed as a change is people are less willing to chat now. Most of my previous meets came from chats that developed over time. |
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"This is why I stay on Fab. There is a lot of sifting to do, but when it works, it is mindblowing. "
Hear here! Oh there are meets that were just "ok" too but yeah, the memorable ones are special... |
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It *is* very tedious, but the ardent supporters love to pin it on the complainers rather than acknowledge the elephant in the room.
Although it does seem like the way to get meets is to participate in the club scene and use fab as a Facebook/LinkedIn to keep in touch, rather than hope it works like Tinder to find you matches. Does that make sense? |
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"You get out what you put in.
Unfortunately as a single male profile your're one in a million on this site all vying for attention from a small sample size of ladies/couples who would meet males, but have a huge sample size to pick from and can afford to be picky.
C xoxo"
A hard disagree on the first statement. No matter how thought-out a message is, you're lucky if it even gets opened.
Your second point is the real reason and explains the above. I can understand why some people get lazy and only send winks etc, because they don't think it's worth the effort when the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against them. |
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I've already accepted that its a numbers game so i rarely get a reply from a lady on this site. The ladies arent at fault for that, nor are they for not being interested when i message.
But tbf, my profile isnt exactly blossoming with enticement |
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"You get out what you put in.
Unfortunately as a single male profile your're one in a million on this site all vying for attention from a small sample size of ladies/couples who would meet males, but have a huge sample size to pick from and can afford to be picky.
C xoxo
A hard disagree on the first statement. No matter how thought-out a message is, you're lucky if it even gets opened.
Your second point is the real reason and explains the above. I can understand why some people get lazy and only send winks etc, because they don't think it's worth the effort when the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against them."
If the competition is fierce why do you understand that it's ok to be lazy and send a wink?
You have to up your game. |
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"If the competition is fierce why do you understand that it's ok to be lazy and send a wink?
You have to up your game. "
I don't get lazy usually. I always send substantial messages. What do you suggest I do if they don't even get opened though? |
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"If the competition is fierce why do you understand that it's ok to be lazy and send a wink?
You have to up your game.
I don't get lazy usually. I always send substantial messages. What do you suggest I do if they don't even get opened though? "
Revamp bio. Revamp pics for a start. Nothing wrong with them but perhaps it appeals to a small % of the lovely ladies on here? |
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It’s harder when people can’t be truthful from the off.
Just spent time chatting to a guy only to tell us he is attached. Nothing in his profile states that.
Honesty is the biggest part for us when forming a connection.
K
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I never judge anyone, thank god we are all different. I meet plenty of people in the lifestyle on my journeys. Not even having a moan because I am realistic. Things have just changed and not for the better. |
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"It’s harder when people can’t be truthful from the off.
Just spent time chatting to a guy only to tell us he is attached. Nothing in his profile states that.
Honesty is the biggest part for us when forming a connection.
💯
K
"
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By *8on33Man 7 weeks ago
winfrith |
"Not especially.
I find it very interesting most of these posts along the same theme are made by single male profiles, you rarely see a lady or couple posting similar to the above.
You get out what you put in.
Unfortunately as a single male profile your're one in a million on this site all vying for attention from a small sample size of ladies/couples who would meet males, but have a huge sample size to pick from and can afford to be picky.
C xoxoExactly you never see a lady or couple struggling here.
We struggle, but it is a different struggle.
I fancied meeting someone the other day- so I put up a meet and changed my status. Obviously I got a deluge of messages. I am very soecific in what I am looking for, age, body type, looks- and people still don’t read. I say no thanks and I get abuse. I get people being very pushy, demanding to know my hotel and room number (yeah, right! 😂😂😂😂) but in the end I got the meet with a person who fit exactly what I was looking for.
This is why I stay on Fab. There is a lot of sifting to do, but when it works, it is mindblowing. "
I get you get those that don't read profiles and I get that you get lots of messages to read but you have the luxury of choice .As you've said you recently met someone who was exactly what you wanted so well done you . |
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A single fella wasted his time messaging me this morning asking if I was "free to meet".
I deleted it unread. He further wasted his time replying and blocking....
So I would agree that there are lots of people wasting their own time by messaging people expecting instant meets.. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 7 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"If the competition is fierce why do you understand that it's ok to be lazy and send a wink?
You have to up your game.
I don't get lazy usually. I always send substantial messages. What do you suggest I do if they don't even get opened though? "
I always give the same advice to people.
Your message is nowhere near as important as your profile.
Most won't even read a message til they've looked you over and if there's nothing to interest or attract them they'll simply delete it.
The most finely tuned message in history would likely go unread if they're turned off by what the see in a profile or if it's obvious to them you're not compatible. 🤷♂️ |
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"A single fella wasted his time messaging me this morning asking if I was "free to meet".
I deleted it unread. He further wasted his time replying and blocking....
So I would agree that there are lots of people wasting their own time by messaging people expecting instant meets.."
💯 |
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"Chatted for sometime arranged to meet over a week ago. Stayed in touch. Supposed to be meeting this morning. Woke up blocked
When you say 'chatted' do you mean just on here or on the phone/off site.
Restricting all pre meet contact to just messages leaves you more open to being let down in my experience.
The concept that someone would happily arrange to meet for sex yet not be willing to just talk on the phone before hand often baffles me.
You're essentially putting all your faith in words on a screen and some pictures. 🤷♂️"
We don't give out personal Numbers in here.
Did it once and Got weird phones calls at all hours from different numbers.. Had to block them all.
Never again. |
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"Chatted for sometime arranged to meet over a week ago. Stayed in touch. Supposed to be meeting this morning. Woke up blocked
When you say 'chatted' do you mean just on here or on the phone/off site.
Restricting all pre meet contact to just messages leaves you more open to being let down in my experience.
The concept that someone would happily arrange to meet for sex yet not be willing to just talk on the phone before hand often baffles me.
You're essentially putting all your faith in words on a screen and some pictures. 🤷♂️
We don't give out personal Numbers in here.
Did it once and Got weird phones calls at all hours from different numbers.. Had to block them all.
Never again. "
Shame. If you want to text us our number is 07*********8 😘 xx |
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By *bi HaiveMan 7 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Chatted for sometime arranged to meet over a week ago. Stayed in touch. Supposed to be meeting this morning. Woke up blocked
When you say 'chatted' do you mean just on here or on the phone/off site.
Restricting all pre meet contact to just messages leaves you more open to being let down in my experience.
The concept that someone would happily arrange to meet for sex yet not be willing to just talk on the phone before hand often baffles me.
You're essentially putting all your faith in words on a screen and some pictures. 🤷♂️
We don't give out personal Numbers in here.
Did it once and Got weird phones calls at all hours from different numbers.. Had to block them all.
Never again. "
I have a 'bat phone'. Cost me £5 a month for the sim.
Well worth it. I can count on one hand the number of fabbers who have my normal number.
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If you read the original post you would see. I'm asking is it me so it might well be me. Politeness and manners are something that are important to be. Seems those values are getting harder forto find |
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"If you read the original post you would see. I'm asking is it me so it might well be me. Politeness and manners are something that are important to be. Seems those values are getting harder forto find"
•
What are you asking, OP? |
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By *bi HaiveMan 7 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"If you read the original post you would see. I'm asking is it me so it might well be me. Politeness and manners are something that are important to be. Seems those values are getting harder forto find"
Why do you think politeness and manners are hard to find? |
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"A single fella wasted his time messaging me this morning asking if I was "free to meet".
I deleted it unread. He further wasted his time replying and blocking....
So I would agree that there are lots of people wasting their own time by messaging people expecting instant meets.."
Maybe some people need a lesson in etiquette and manners. I mean who does instant meets? That’s like instant mash… nice idea but the effort of making things happen is a thousand times better |
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This site has *always* been hard work. Took me a good few years to start getting meets with any kind of regularity. I took a couple of years out when I became a dad and it's back to square one. Ho hum... |
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"
So true. Also learn how to sense when women who are trying to be being polite with a luke warm response.
"
This also, if somebody doesn’t really put effort into a reply I leave them to it.
But sometimes you get another message a few days later asking if everything is alright.
Which could mean their better option fell through, or they were busy when they replied.
And then you can get into your head wondering if they are being honest or time wasting.
I don’t think it’s worth investing any hope until you’ve actually met someone and gained feedback of eachother after. |
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It's a bit disappointing but doesn't bother me too much. I've had decent conversations with people and then just as you're arranging a meet they disappear. It's disappointing, but we've usually had a good chat anyway. |
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"Chatted for sometime arranged to meet over a week ago. Stayed in touch. Supposed to be meeting this morning. Woke up blocked
When you say 'chatted' do you mean just on here or on the phone/off site.
Restricting all pre meet contact to just messages leaves you more open to being let down in my experience.
The concept that someone would happily arrange to meet for sex yet not be willing to just talk on the phone before hand often baffles me.
You're essentially putting all your faith in words on a screen and some pictures. 🤷♂️
We don't give out personal Numbers in here.
Did it once and Got weird phones calls at all hours from different numbers.. Had to block them all.
Never again. "
I completely understand reluctance to give out phone numbers. But also agree that it is a bit of a gamble just meeting someone on the back of messages from this site. I will take that gamble but I will mitigate it-social first, will not spend money booking into a hotel until I have met someone and nor will I go miles away. An hours (might stretch to 1.5) drive. No more. The time I have does not permit long distance meets anyway. |
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It's a bit disappointing but doesn't bother me too much. I've had decent conversations with people and then just as you're arranging a meet they disappear. It's disappointing, but we've usually had a good chat anyway. |
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Mrs M has been stood up and ghosted twice when she went on her own for a social. So we totally get where you’re coming from OP.
Some people on here are just dreamers behind their keyboards.
I agree that anyone can change there minds but have the human decency to let the other party know. |
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Very much like hard work ,I have enjoyed quite a few good meets over the years ,Took some time out (3 years) as I was meeting a couple who convinced me that they wanted to be exclusive ,It came to an unwelcome end and i ended up deleting my profile and making a new one
Since then I can’t even get a reply let alone a conversation going |
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By *ee69Man 7 weeks ago
glasgow |
"Mrs M has been stood up and ghosted twice when she went on her own for a social. So we totally get where you’re coming from OP.
Some people on here are just dreamers behind their keyboards.
I agree that anyone can change there minds but have the human decency to let the other party know. "
This one hundred percent |
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It’s been hard work for the last few years for many reasons, but I think the mobile forum is more difficult than chat rooms … but fakes, weirdos and egotisticals are on abundance…
Shame really, but hey ho, that’s life … |
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By *ugby 123Couple 7 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Yes I agree, and as a member of the 60+ club, it seems to be becoming quite ageist! So when the site supporter runs out, I think I will too  "
It isn't ageist to not want to sleep with someone a certain age. When we were playing we would never have gone lower than a certain age.
Maybe they just don't like the involuntary groaning us oldies give out when we get up from the couch  |
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"….….….…fakes, weirdos and egotisticals are on abundance…
Shame really, but hey ho, that’s life …
•
All hail the ego-testicles!
If there’s testicles involved then I’m in!"
•
If I was castrated would you love me any less? ♂️ |
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"….….….…fakes, weirdos and egotisticals are on abundance…
Shame really, but hey ho, that’s life …
•
All hail the ego-testicles!
If there’s testicles involved then I’m in!
•
If I was castrated would you love me any less? ♂️"
I can’t answer that right now, I need time to think.
🤔
|
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"….….….…fakes, weirdos and egotisticals are on abundance…
Shame really, but hey ho, that’s life …
•
All hail the ego-testicles!
If there’s testicles involved then I’m in!
•
If I was castrated would you love me any less? ♂️
I can’t answer that right now, I need time to think.
🤔 "
·
When a lådy affords a man some of her "time" then it's all good. I like a woman who thinks. They are a rare form of crumpet. |
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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago
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I can’t work out if it’s time wasters dreaming of things never have guts to try
Or if it’s admin of site to keep people interested. As I’ve said if it’s was 95% guys profiles then we get bored and move on.
Same people on meets list all the time and never meet or last meet was 7 years ago
Out of last 15 profiles I’ve had chats with swaps pics, made sure we all want say things. When it gets down to meeting and you try arrange it, they start saying silly shit like, ow I didn’t realise you was under 6 ft or you didn’t send enough pics.
Only 1 has turned out to be genuine
Sad times, used to be class on here |
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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago
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Totally agree with that and I’ve always said arranging to meet doesn’t guarantee things will happen
You can meet someone and instantly not like them or be out of by something
It’s the people who lead you down a path saying all the right things then when it comes to meeting face to face they like others have said either block you or find some stupid excuse which makes no sense, those are the time wasters and dreamers on here |
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"….….….…fakes, weirdos and egotisticals are on abundance…
Shame really, but hey ho, that’s life …
•
All hail the ego-testicles!
If there’s testicles involved then I’m in!
•
If I was castrated would you love me any less? ♂️
I can’t answer that right now, I need time to think.
🤔
·
When a lådy affords a man some of her "time" then it's all good. I like a woman who thinks. They are a rare form of crumpet."
Maybe if you were castrated and replaced the area with a crumpet I would love you even more. ☺️ |
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"….….….…fakes, weirdos and egotisticals are on abundance…
Shame really, but hey ho, that’s life …
•
All hail the ego-testicles!
If there’s testicles involved then I’m in!
•
If I was castrated would you love me any less? ♂️
I can’t answer that right now, I need time to think.
🤔
·
When a lådy affords a man some of her "time" then it's all good. I like a woman who thinks. They are a rare form of crumpet.
Maybe if you were castrated and replaced the area with a crumpet I would love you even more. ☺️ "
•
I love this answer. Even if it took her lådyship 11 hours to get back to me. 💘 |
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"Just seems that way to me. Certainly more wasters"
Since I have been on this site had one met with a Woman, who was hardly a great advert for the site.
Sent dozens of messages zero response.Have adapted the style in which most profiles are written  .
Conversely, have meet a number of women on conventional dating websites women seem less full of themselves there.
Happy Fabbing as they seem to say. |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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"Just seems that way to me. Certainly more wasters
Since I have been on this site had one met with a Woman, who was hardly a great advert for the site.
Sent dozens of messages zero response.Have adapted the style in which most profiles are written .
Conversely, have meet a number of women on conventional dating websites women seem less full of themselves there.
Happy Fabbing as they seem to say. "
What makes a great advert?? And why did you meet? |
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"Maybe I'm to old for this now. Arranged a meet for this morning. Went to sleep woke up blocked. Is this normal behaviour "
That’s what happens when you get complacent & nap. Hopefully you’ve learned your lesson
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"If you think this is hard, try online dating! good lord I hate tinder.
Atleast i get to chat to people here. 🤣
I do better here because people can't see my face "
🤣 im not sure if this is what you mean by that, but people on tinder and the likes can be right assholes.
I've had a couple of lovely messages....
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