FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Cheating is not swinging.
Cheating is not swinging.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 19 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I stumbled across a profile here and I agree what it said on it, that cheating is not swinging, in my view, swinging is about trust and about building honesty, it is about sharing, understanding and exploring sexual desires and fantasies together.
What is your view about it, do you agree that cheating is not swinging, what would you add to it what swinging is?  |
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As a semantic bore I would say that cheating and swinging are mutually exclusive.
Both involve sex outside of your relationship; but cheating by definition has to be without consent of the cheated party. Swinging is with their consent because it's a shared activity even if the other party isn't present during the act.
It's also why I consider that semantically a single person cannot be a "swinger" though that doesn't make their participation in the swinging world any less valid (and appreciated) |
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Cheating removes consent.
Consent only counts when it is both informed and enthusiastic.
If you have to beg for consent from someone who's said no until they give in. It is not consent.
If you have to deliberately keep something from someone because you know that the truth would mean they wouldn't fuck you. They remove the option for them to be a genuinely willing participant. That is not consent.
Fucking someone without their informed and enthusiastic consent, particularly in one on one scenarios, is wrong 💜 |
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"As a semantic bore I would say that cheating and swinging are mutually exclusive.
Both involve sex outside of your relationship; but cheating by definition has to be without consent of the cheated party. Swinging is with their consent because it's a shared activity even if the other party isn't present during the act.
It's also why I consider that semantically a single person cannot be a "swinger" though that doesn't make their participation in the swinging world any less valid (and appreciated) "
Swingle? |
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Agree with everything that's been said here and in addition, swinging for us is more than sex, it's a relaxed and open way of life. As a pair of old hippie naturists swinging has become an extension of who we are. |
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There are a lot of different definitions of swinging. Some people insist it's couples only others have a broader definition and include single people.
Quite a few involved in swinging have an unaware partner somewhere. That in my opinion isn't something for me to worry about or police unless they want me to be directly involved or ask my opinion. |
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Speaking from experience, as someone now retired from the sex side of it with men at least, there is swinging and there is cheating and there is times (in my case) it over lapped, given consent to see other men and then (without going into too much detail as I don't want the naughty step) seeing someone behind my husbands back (ironically, I didn't need to lie about it but I just did).
Wouldn't recommend. |
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swinging is having sexual relations with a varying amount of people at any one time and getting much pleasure from it ,whether the person is cheating on their partner doesn't come into it ,the fact that you know she or he is cheating is because they told you ,that in itself is honesty ,just omit that person from your choice if it bothers you . |
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By *bi HaiveMan 19 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"
It's also why I consider that semantically a single person cannot be a "swinger" though that doesn't make their participation in the swinging world any less valid (and appreciated) "
I've always personally disagreed with this concept.
You don't need a partner to swing. If it was exclusively for couples then it would simply be wife swapping.
Sure, two singles meeting for a 1-2-1 could be construed as simply casual sex with no strings attached, but what about threesomes and moresomes that include singletons? What of all the swinging couples seeking a unicorn. What of the women in couples who love an MMF/MFM or whatever number of men pleasuring them? Do they cease to be swingers the second they involve a single person in the bedroom?
The debate will go on for eternity, and there's no right answer.
But marginalising singles in the swinging scene does come across as couples placing themselves on some kind of pedestal.
As long as there us full enthusiastic consent and open honesty, anyone can be a swinger. Single, couple, throuple, poly group or any dynamic. |
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By *_J111Woman 19 weeks ago
home |
Swinging falls under the umbrella of Ethical non monogamy, cheating is very much unethical.
Swinging is about everyone being happy and open and enjoying what they enjoy, cheating is about one person getting what they want and not giving a fuck about what feelings may or may not get hurt.
They are totally opposite things in my opinion.
MJ x |
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My view is that thus topic has been covered to death. To the point that I know almost exactly who will comment and their opinions on the matter.
Collins dictionary defines that Swingers are people who are married or in a long-term relationship and who like to have sex with other people's partners.
We all have our opinions on the matter and nobody will change our opinion, no matter how many times this topic is covered. |
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"
It's also why I consider that semantically a single person cannot be a "swinger" though that doesn't make their participation in the swinging world any less valid (and appreciated)
I've always personally disagreed with this concept.
You don't need a partner to swing. If it was exclusively for couples then it would simply be wife swapping.
Sure, two singles meeting for a 1-2-1 could be construed as simply casual sex with no strings attached, but what about threesomes and moresomes that include singletons? What of all the swinging couples seeking a unicorn. What of the women in couples who love an MMF/MFM or whatever number of men pleasuring them? Do they cease to be swingers the second they involve a single person in the bedroom?
The debate will go on for eternity, and there's no right answer.
But marginalising singles in the swinging scene does come across as couples placing themselves on some kind of pedestal.
As long as there us full enthusiastic consent and open honesty, anyone can be a swinger. Single, couple, throuple, poly group or any dynamic."
I can see how some might present it that way; certainly I wouldn't because I wouldn't say that there is any cache in the term swinger. It's not a badge of honour or dishonour, simply a term of description.
I suppose unless Miriam-Webster come up with an authoritative definition is is always going to be a debate on the semantics. My personal view and it is only that is that a swinger is a person who engages in an act of swinging. And swinging for me is defined as partner sharing in any particular configuration.
It is the partner element that distinguishes swinging from simply group or casual sex. If 4 singles get together for sex it's group sex, because the relational element between the parties isn't present.
If a couple meets a single then the couple are swingers and the single is an adjunct of that swinging. But again, not any less a valid part of it.
2 hydrogen molecules and an oxygen molecule are water. The oxygen doesn't become hydrogen because of the bonding; but we'd all be in a worse place if the bond didn't happen :P |
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There's are ways words are defined and there are ways words are actually used. The former often takes some time to catch up.
I don't consider myself a swinger but I have single friends that do because that's the scene and community they hang out in and they share the same lifestyle. |
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Swinging is different things to people.
For some it's couples swapping partners for others it's ffm or group meets.
I have seen people look down on men on threads saying they can't be swingers, the same people were looking for bi fems to join them.
I do agree that cheating isn't swinging, lots of men and women join for sex outside a relationship only.
They use fab because it's essentially free & some of the other sites for married people, cost quite a bit.
They're not here to experience the lifestyle. |
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Cheating is NOT swinging
Single women looking for a hook up is not swinging
Single men looking for a hook up is not swinging
Couples seeking to spice up their sex life is not swinging
Men encouraging their wives/partners to have sex with others for their entertainment is not swinging.
Women encouraging their husbands/partners to have sex with men for their entertainment is not swinging
People nipping down to the woods to watch a gang bang is not swinging
Definitions of swinging in some dictionaries e.g. group sex and wife swapping are not swinging. |
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Swinging is about openness and honesty (well most times anyway), cheating is about betrayal and deceit.
I've been cheated on and it is absolutely awful. Made me question a lot of things. Came out a better person at the end thankfully. |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have "
I get what you mean but I don't believe the 'swinging world' such as it exists is built on communication, trust and honesty. I see those as traits of some individuals involved in the 'swinging world' and not in others.
For me the swinging world is built on sex. Just sex. |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have "
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me. |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me."
*As far as you're aware. Their spouse probably thinks the same thing 💜 |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me."
I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. It's quite possible to choose who you display those qualities to, you said it when you added 'with me'.  |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 19 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"As a semantic bore I would say that cheating and swinging are mutually exclusive.
Both involve sex outside of your relationship; but cheating by definition has to be without consent of the cheated party. Swinging is with their consent because it's a shared activity even if the other party isn't present during the act.
It's also why I consider that semantically a single person cannot be a "swinger" though that doesn't make their participation in the swinging world any less valid (and appreciated) "
Yes, you are right there, cheating and swinging are mutually exclusive too |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me.
*As far as you're aware. Their spouse probably thinks the same thing 💜"
*As far as I'm aware, yes. But that goes for anyone doesn't it? |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me.
*As far as you're aware. Their spouse probably thinks the same thing 💜
*As far as I'm aware, yes. But that goes for anyone doesn't it?"
Oh absolutely. You don't know what someone is hiding from you until you know.
But going into it eyes open to someone who can so successfully fake that with people they at least pretend to care for, and not at least being aware that the chances of someone they meet on a 'fuck site' being more worthy of honesty to them than someone they've chosen to spend their life with, it's an odd choice to me.
You can make your own choices. I'm not saying you can't. Just pointing out that someone who is presenting as honest and trustworthy to you isn't necessarily excelling at either. |
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"Cheating is NOT swinging
Single women looking for a hook up is not swinging
Single men looking for a hook up is not swinging
Couples seeking to spice up their sex life is not swinging
Men encouraging their wives/partners to have sex with others for their entertainment is not swinging.
Women encouraging their husbands/partners to have sex with men for their entertainment is not swinging
People nipping down to the woods to watch a gang bang is not swinging
Definitions of swinging in some dictionaries e.g. group sex and wife swapping are not swinging. "
Time to drop the term 'swinging'? |
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By *essTTWoman 19 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me.
*As far as you're aware. Their spouse probably thinks the same thing 💜
*As far as I'm aware, yes. But that goes for anyone doesn't it?
Oh absolutely. You don't know what someone is hiding from you until you know.
But going into it eyes open to someone who can so successfully fake that with people they at least pretend to care for, and not at least being aware that the chances of someone they meet on a 'fuck site' being more worthy of honesty to them than someone they've chosen to spend their life with, it's an odd choice to me.
You can make your own choices. I'm not saying you can't. Just pointing out that someone who is presenting as honest and trustworthy to you isn't necessarily excelling at either."
This!
Someone being honest with you to get their leg over while lying and being deceitful to the person they took a vow to spend the rest of their like with, doesn't make them an honest person |
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By *essTTWoman 19 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me."
"With you" but not with thier life long partner? |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"
….
But marginalising singles in the swinging scene does come across as couples placing themselves on some kind of pedestal.
As long as there us full enthusiastic consent and open honesty, anyone can be a swinger. Single, couple, throuple, poly group or any dynamic."
I’m on here in a couple now, and nothing in my attitude has changed about all of this swinging stuff, so I’d stand with you with your argument that peoples sentiments for doing this type of things with a relaxed attitude to sex is what makes them a swinger and not their relationship status. |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me.
*As far as you're aware. Their spouse probably thinks the same thing 💜
*As far as I'm aware, yes. But that goes for anyone doesn't it?
Oh absolutely. You don't know what someone is hiding from you until you know.
But going into it eyes open to someone who can so successfully fake that with people they at least pretend to care for, and not at least being aware that the chances of someone they meet on a 'fuck site' being more worthy of honesty to them than someone they've chosen to spend their life with, it's an odd choice to me.
You can make your own choices. I'm not saying you can't. Just pointing out that someone who is presenting as honest and trustworthy to you isn't necessarily excelling at either.
This!
Someone being honest with you to get their leg over while lying and being deceitful to the person they took a vow to spend the rest of their like with, doesn't make them an honest person "
You're both right, but you're not comparing apples with apples. Were they open with me about what they were searching for? Yes. Were they honest about their situation with me? Yes. Did I trust and feel safe around them? Yes.
As I said further up, we all have our opinions on this matter and whether we're okay with it. No matter how many times this topic gets churned out, our opinions on what we're okay with won't change.
Everyone is searching for different dynamics. Maybe I don't require the same level of trust you require💜 |
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"
It's also why I consider that semantically a single person cannot be a "swinger" though that doesn't make their participation in the swinging world any less valid (and appreciated)
I've always personally disagreed with this concept.
You don't need a partner to swing. If it was exclusively for couples then it would simply be wife swapping.
Sure, two singles meeting for a 1-2-1 could be construed as simply casual sex with no strings attached, but what about threesomes and moresomes that include singletons? What of all the swinging couples seeking a unicorn. What of the women in couples who love an MMF/MFM or whatever number of men pleasuring them? Do they cease to be swingers the second they involve a single person in the bedroom?
The debate will go on for eternity, and there's no right answer.
But marginalising singles in the swinging scene does come across as couples placing themselves on some kind of pedestal.
As long as there us full enthusiastic consent and open honesty, anyone can be a swinger. Single, couple, throuple, poly group or any dynamic."
Most definitely agree with this,
Single females and males are for us a pivotal part of our lifestyle choice,which is swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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If only life was that simple as black and white, I swing but I’m not cheating I do it because of mine and my partner’s circumstances, I do this for fun and pleasure, not to find my next wife, well not unless something exceptional comes along. |
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"Cheating removes consent.
Consent only counts when it is both informed and enthusiastic.
If you have to beg for consent from someone who's said no until they give in. It is not consent.
If you have to deliberately keep something from someone because you know that the truth would mean they wouldn't fuck you. They remove the option for them to be a genuinely willing participant. That is not consent.
Fucking someone without their informed and enthusiastic consent, particularly in one on one scenarios, is wrong 💜"
Cheating does not remove consent. The party who is unaware isn’t taking part in any activity. They don’t need to “consent” to anything because they have nothing to do with it.
Yes cheating is bad, but it’s quite a leap to make out that means their partner is is non-consenting party in this (it makes it sound like an assault or crime against that person), when quite simply they are not involved at all.
I know it’s just semantics but I’m not sure about how extreme language has been used in all kinds of things lately. Nothing personal. |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"...
Someone being honest with you to get their leg over while lying and being deceitful to the person they took a vow to spend the rest of their like with, doesn't make them an honest person "
You have it in one "the rest of their like"!   |
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By *essTTWoman 19 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"...
Someone being honest with you to get their leg over while lying and being deceitful to the person they took a vow to spend the rest of their like with, doesn't make them an honest person
You have it in one "the rest of their like"! "
Obvious a typo, doesn't take away from what I'm saying though does it |
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"Cheating does not remove consent. The party who is unaware isn’t taking part in any activity. They don’t need to “consent” to anything because they have nothing to do with it.
Yes cheating is bad, but it’s quite a leap to make out that means their partner is is non-consenting party in this (it makes it sound like an assault or crime against that person), when quite simply they are not involved at all.
I know it’s just semantics but I’m not sure about how extreme language has been used in all kinds of things lately. Nothing personal."
I will accept that cheating does not remove consent from the parties engaging in it if both sides are entirely informed.
But they're still taking away the spouse's right to make an informed decision about their future and sexual choices.
And I still stand by that if you believe someone will keep that relevant information from the person they've chosen to be their life partner and not keep relevant information from someone they're fucking on the side, that's their choice to believe. But it wouldn't be mine 💜 |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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This absolutely fucks us off! The amount of people that message us that are married is ridiculous!
We actually get mad, it's infuriating. I'm polite to people even if it's a no etc but I can't resist sending them an awful message as cheating is disgusting.
If you have a partner, are married etc and have problems DEAL WITH THEM. |
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Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A.
Unlimited meets unlocked!
This isn't the cheating you're all talking about it is?... |
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"People can partake in swinging without their partner's knowledge.
It's just sex.
Cheating is still cheating regardless of if swinging is involved or not.
"
I know that. A person involved in the swinging scene can still be a swinger if they are cheating.
|
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"Cheating removes consent.
Consent only counts when it is both informed and enthusiastic.
If you have to beg for consent from someone who's said no until they give in. It is not consent.
If you have to deliberately keep something from someone because you know that the truth would mean they wouldn't fuck you. They remove the option for them to be a genuinely willing participant. That is not consent.
Fucking someone without their informed and enthusiastic consent, particularly in one on one scenarios, is wrong 💜
Cheating does not remove consent. The party who is unaware isn’t taking part in any activity. They don’t need to “consent” to anything because they have nothing to do with it.
Yes cheating is bad, but it’s quite a leap to make out that means their partner is is non-consenting party in this (it makes it sound like an assault or crime against that person), when quite simply they are not involved at all.
I know it’s just semantics but I’m not sure about how extreme language has been used in all kinds of things lately. Nothing personal."
If two people are in a monogamous relationship and one of them is cheating then the person cheating has removed consent from their partner to have another person active in their sex life. Cheater's are much less likely to do regular STI testing and therefore more likely to pass one to their partner. You can be sure the unsuspecting partner did not consent to that. |
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"Cheating removes consent.
Consent only counts when it is both informed and enthusiastic.
If you have to beg for consent from someone who's said no until they give in. It is not consent.
If you have to deliberately keep something from someone because you know that the truth would mean they wouldn't fuck you. They remove the option for them to be a genuinely willing participant. That is not consent.
Fucking someone without their informed and enthusiastic consent, particularly in one on one scenarios, is wrong 💜
Cheating does not remove consent. The party who is unaware isn’t taking part in any activity. They don’t need to “consent” to anything because they have nothing to do with it.
Yes cheating is bad, but it’s quite a leap to make out that means their partner is is non-consenting party in this (it makes it sound like an assault or crime against that person), when quite simply they are not involved at all.
I know it’s just semantics but I’m not sure about how extreme language has been used in all kinds of things lately. Nothing personal.
If two people are in a monogamous relationship and one of them is cheating then the person cheating has removed consent from their partner to have another person active in their sex life. Cheater's are much less likely to do regular STI testing and therefore more likely to pass one to their partner. You can be sure the unsuspecting partner did not consent to that."
Agreed. I think most people would not continue to have sex with their partner if they found out they were cheating, so yes, it does remove their informed consent. Just because they may not be actively participating in the same moment, by being dishonest, informed consent has been removed. A woman I know had sex with someone else whilst her husband was working away and then had sex with her husband a few hours later when he got home… I doubt the husband would have slept with her that day had he known what she’d been up to behind his back… |
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"Cheaters never prosper
I don't think they have a place in the swinging world, as its build of communication, honesty and trust - non of those are traits that cheaters have
I've been with cheaters on here who have excelled in all of those traits with me.
*As far as you're aware. Their spouse probably thinks the same thing 💜
*As far as I'm aware, yes. But that goes for anyone doesn't it?
Oh absolutely. You don't know what someone is hiding from you until you know.
But going into it eyes open to someone who can so successfully fake that with people they at least pretend to care for, and not at least being aware that the chances of someone they meet on a 'fuck site' being more worthy of honesty to them than someone they've chosen to spend their life with, it's an odd choice to me.
You can make your own choices. I'm not saying you can't. Just pointing out that someone who is presenting as honest and trustworthy to you isn't necessarily excelling at either.
This!
Someone being honest with you to get their leg over while lying and being deceitful to the person they took a vow to spend the rest of their like with, doesn't make them an honest person
You're both right, but you're not comparing apples with apples. Were they open with me about what they were searching for? Yes. Were they honest about their situation with me? Yes. Did I trust and feel safe around them? Yes.
As I said further up, we all have our opinions on this matter and whether we're okay with it. No matter how many times this topic gets churned out, our opinions on what we're okay with won't change.
Everyone is searching for different dynamics. Maybe I don't require the same level of trust you require💜"
I guess you may feel happy with this surface level of 'honesty, trust and communication' if it is a one off thing. Personally, (I'm drawing on some level of personal experience here) the above honesty and communication I know can get warped and manipulated so I wouldn't feel comfortable. If this was for an ongoing relationship be it a regular swing relationship or something a bit more..... this same 'honesty and communication' could be said to someone else, without my knowledge. As if they can do this to a spouse, why am I so special? They could cheat on me! I'm just a fling, not someone you pledged to share your life with. So I wouldn't be able to completely trust a cheater. I say this in hindsight btw.
To be a swinger I would have thought it needs honesty so everyone knows where they are and can decide if they want to proceed or not. You can apply your morals, if you decide to swing with a cheater just being aware that if it is a regular thing, they are likely to cheat on you. Just because you maybe a swinger doesn't mean they will be honest with you about potential meets in the future. I agree with many on here, just be honest, everyone knows where they stand then. But then there will always be those who cheat for whatever reason.
I speak as someone who has been a cheater (like everyone, I had my reasons) and as someone who has experienced dishonesty and manipulation and am still sifting through feelings and the consequences of that time. |
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"Cheating isn't swinging in my opinion.
Swinging is kinda like the hippy idea of free open love.
Cheating is about getting sex with no regard to other people. Very different things."
For me, so onpoint and concise! |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 19 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"There are a lot of different definitions of swinging. Some people insist it's couples only others have a broader definition and include single people.
Quite a few involved in swinging have an unaware partner somewhere. That in my opinion isn't something for me to worry about or police unless they want me to be directly involved or ask my opinion. "
Yes, you are right, there are a lot of different definitions of swinging too |
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"I stumbled across a profile here and I agree what it said on it, that cheating is not swinging, in my view, swinging is about trust and about building honesty, it is about sharing, understanding and exploring sexual desires and fantasies together.
What is your view about it, do you agree that cheating is not swinging, what would you add to it what swinging is? "
Definitely don’t think cheating is swinging, regardless of anything else it’s not being open, honest or trustworthy with the partner they have and someone always gets hurt, which isn’t ok for me. Think “swinging is about trust and about building honesty, it is about sharing, understanding and exploring sexual desires and fantasies together.” Summaries it pretty well for me though |
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people judging other by their own morals
I’ll grab the popcorn and keep an eye out for the cheating married men as tbh I find them the best and most honest swingers out there.
How they wish to conduct themselves with others is non of my business, how they conduct themselves with me is. |
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"people judging other by their own morals
I’ll grab the popcorn and keep an eye out for the cheating married men as tbh I find them the best and most honest swingers out there.
How they wish to conduct themselves with others is non of my business, how they conduct themselves with me is."
This! |
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