A miserable old trout for being annoyed at a café staff member constantly coming to my table trying to chat, when I did not initiate it and was trying to drink coffee and read a book in peace?!
I feel disproportionately røbbed of my one solo day off by the fact this guy kept coming to my table with no reason and trying to chat about topics such as his insulin levels  and the dates of school holidays. I just wanted to have a couple of hours of peace and the café was otherwise pretty much deserted  |
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I see it this way K.C.
You are annoyed with yourself because you didn't politely say, 'I've really enjoyed chatting but I have to read this book and can't chat right now' .........
or even in more charming words of your own.
Instead, you swallowed your feelings and needs and allowed your life to be given over to someone else.
Not his fault |
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That would really annoy me too… I find it so frustrating when people can’t read social cues. I think I may have had to say something ‘it was nice to chat but if you don’t mind, I’m going to get back to my book’  |
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"I see it this way K.C.
You are annoyed with yourself because you didn't politely say, 'I've really enjoyed chatting but I have to read this book and can't chat right now' .........
or even in more charming words of your own.
Instead, you swallowed your feelings and needs and allowed your life to be given over to someone else.
Not his fault"
Granny, I didn't reply or engage in the one-sided conversation and continued to read my book. I was being talked AT.
I am especially rubbish at putting myself first though. It took enough for me to go and sit there on my own in the first place. I wish I'd just gone home tbh. |
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It's common practice in cafes/restaurants to check in on their customers to ensure their fullest satisfaction. This can include striking up conversations and attempting to make a bond. Putting customers at ease, creating positive atmospheres and word of mouth go a long way in the service industry.
I'm making assumptions here, but being unable to read social queues, being impulsive and obsessing over certain subjects are telltale signs of autism, maybe there's a hint of anxiety in there too. It sounds like this person has attempted to create a bond, as maybe he assumed that you both have common struggles and was trying to relate to you.
I don't believe he has done anything wrong, nor has OP in regard to "entertaining" his conversation. I think your frustration comes from being to nice to ask him to back off.
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We used to go into a particular café. The owner was always busy but used to acknowledge us and knew us well enough to make to know what we'd order. Recently we went at a less busy time and, he apologised for not chatting previously and there followed an awkward and lengthy conversation. We haven't been back  |
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Its very annoying when you’re reading and people try to distract you. I don't get it. You can be messing on your phone and you’re left in peace, but pick up a book, and every Chatty Patty in a 50 mile radius wants to talk. Grrrrr |
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"It's common practice in cafes/restaurants to check in on their customers to ensure their fullest satisfaction. This can include striking up conversations and attempting to make a bond. Putting customers at ease, creating positive atmospheres and word of mouth go a long way in the service industry.
I'm making assumptions here, but being unable to read social queues, being impulsive and obsessing over certain subjects are telltale signs of autism, maybe there's a hint of anxiety in there too. It sounds like this person has attempted to create a bond, as maybe he assumed that you both have common struggles and was trying to relate to you.
I don't believe he has done anything wrong, nor has OP in regard to "entertaining" his conversation. I think your frustration comes from being to nice to ask him to back off."
I agree with some of your points but it’s also important when working in a customer facing role to be able to read a persons tone and body language, know when to engage and when to leave alone. They probably just fancied a chat but have obviously went a bit overboard. |
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The guy deliberately came out from inside the kitchen, which required coming out of a door (so not entirely straightforward), into an otherwise empty café, to wander around doing nothing (because there was nothing to do, presumably), always then coming to stand by the table I was sat at and expounding out of nowhere some kind of statement. I'm not going to give a specific example because it's, well, specific, but it wasn't your usual conversation starter and I was, each time, reading either on my phone or a paper book.
My husband is autistic so I do understand at least to some extent about such matters. He didn't strike me as being autistic but obviously I don't know.
I just wanted to be left in peace 
Another issue also occurred with a medical emergency in the area outside, which obviously can't be predicted. I gave up on peace at that point (and offered to help, which was declined). |
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It's understandable inconvenience, bordering on irritation. OP. I feel your pain and loss of what you'd longed for
You'd hope service stAff would pick up on guest's needs for some solitude.
You may have to cultivate a RBF. We can have classes  |
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"I like talking so I would of put my nook down and talked to him. Maybe he was lonely"
I specifically went out to get the peace and quiet that's pretty much impossible at home. I went somewhere I knew would be pretty empty on a windy, rainy day. I often don't mind chatting but I did today.
I had come from a counselling session and I just wanted to have coffee and a treat and to be quiet. |
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Hmmmm…
And then guests don’t like it when we keep to ourselves and don’t interact with them and just stick to serving.
Damned if we do it, damned if we don’t. 
I do chat, but only if they seem receptive or if they initiate it. |
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"Hmmmm…
And then guests don’t like it when we keep to ourselves and don’t interact with them and just stick to serving.
Damned if we do it, damned if we don’t.
I do chat, but only if they seem receptive or if they initiate it. "
That's probably why I feel bad that I was so annoyed by it, but it wasn't just once and it wasn't "isn't the weather naff" or similar chit chat. One "starter" was how eating ice cream spikes insulin and maybe I shouldn't eat it. So, yeah....... |
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"Hmmmm…
And then guests don’t like it when we keep to ourselves and don’t interact with them and just stick to serving.
Damned if we do it, damned if we don’t.
I do chat, but only if they seem receptive or if they initiate it.
That's probably why I feel bad that I was so annoyed by it, but it wasn't just once and it wasn't "isn't the weather naff" or similar chit chat. One "starter" was how eating ice cream spikes insulin and maybe I shouldn't eat it. So, yeah......."
Haha oh no, I’d never say that!  xx |
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"I like what they do in Roy’s Rolls on Corrie…. They put a wooden spoon in a pot on their table that says something like ‘Happy to chat’. I wish more places did things like that."
I want one that says "Fuck Off". |
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"I like what they do in Roy’s Rolls on Corrie…. They put a wooden spoon in a pot on their table that says something like ‘Happy to chat’. I wish more places did things like that.
I want one that says "Fuck Off". "
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"Hmmmm…
And then guests don’t like it when we keep to ourselves and don’t interact with them and just stick to serving.
Damned if we do it, damned if we don’t.
I do chat, but only if they seem receptive or if they initiate it.
That's probably why I feel bad that I was so annoyed by it, but it wasn't just once and it wasn't "isn't the weather naff" or similar chit chat. One "starter" was how eating ice cream spikes insulin and maybe I shouldn't eat it. So, yeah......."
He shouldn't eat it or you? |
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By *nnCeeWoman 11 weeks ago
East of Eden, West of Hell |
"Hmmmm…
And then guests don’t like it when we keep to ourselves and don’t interact with them and just stick to serving.
Damned if we do it, damned if we don’t.
I do chat, but only if they seem receptive or if they initiate it.
That's probably why I feel bad that I was so annoyed by it, but it wasn't just once and it wasn't "isn't the weather naff" or similar chit chat. One "starter" was how eating ice cream spikes insulin and maybe I shouldn't eat it. So, yeah......."
No, not miserable.
Depending on my mood, I may have given him my very best withering look, or told him to shove off.
Sorry you had your peace and quiet interrrupted xx |
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"Hmmmm…
And then guests don’t like it when we keep to ourselves and don’t interact with them and just stick to serving.
Damned if we do it, damned if we don’t.
I do chat, but only if they seem receptive or if they initiate it.
That's probably why I feel bad that I was so annoyed by it, but it wasn't just once and it wasn't "isn't the weather naff" or similar chit chat. One "starter" was how eating ice cream spikes insulin and maybe I shouldn't eat it. So, yeah.......
He shouldn't eat it or you?"
I wasn't entirely clear! |
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"Are you sure he didn't just want to look at your tits?
Maybe he had x-ray specs on, yes.
He could have been on "Who is near", and you were the only person in the cafe..."
I was the only person indoors but our location wasn't on. |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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"A miserable old trout for being annoyed at a café staff member constantly coming to my table trying to chat, when I did not initiate it and was trying to drink coffee and read a book in peace?!
I feel disproportionately røbbed of my one solo day off by the fact this guy kept coming to my table with no reason and trying to chat about topics such as his insulin levels and the dates of school holidays. I just wanted to have a couple of hours of peace and the café was otherwise pretty much deserted "
You're not and I admire your restraint. I get so pissy when people interrupt me while I'm reading. It's a most sacred activity and interruptions really break the spell. |
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"Are you sure he didn't just want to look at your tits?
Maybe he had x-ray specs on, yes.
He could have been on "Who is near", and you were the only person in the cafe...
I was the only person indoors but our location wasn't on. "
OK, you are then. |
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I suspect he'd have been less "attentive" to your husband. There's an unfortunate tendency in some men to try to get personal with women when they encounter one on her own. Hardly ever happens the other way round. If you'd politely asked him to back off, he'd probably have said he was "only trying to make conversation", implying you were somehow in the wrong for not accepting his advances. And that's just manipulative. |
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