FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > The "face pic = reciprocation" norm
The "face pic = reciprocation" norm
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So, the situation: you get a message from someone. They look like they might be interesting. You respond to ask something about them and/or their profile. And then they respond with one or more images of their faces.
At that point, the "norm" is to respond with your own face pic(s), right? But if, like me, you really don't want to share so early - well, then you're in a bit of a dilemma.
You can explain "hey, actually I'm not comfortable exchanging face pics just yet", and had they known that in advance, they may well have been fine with it! But now these people have put themselves "out there" - if you don't reciprocate, the responses can vary from "killing the mood" to passive aggression. In most cases, it kills the conversation.
So you then have to weigh up - do I want to kill this now? Or do I want to kind-of uncomfortably share a picture. And then it kills the mood for you, unless you can let it slide.
I've had this experience quite often now - on here and on other sites - and it sucks! I wish the norm was "hey, do you want to exchange face pics?". Maybe I should just put it on my profile - "face pic = no reply"  but most people seem to be the other way around.
Does anyone else feel like this? |
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Fuck normal, or what someone else expects.
If you’re not ready then absolutely don’t do it, his reaction to that will help you judge what kind of person he is.
Anything that looks like coercion, guilt, negging… pop it in the mental tally-up alongside his massive knob and movie star looks so you can judge his good and bad bits. |
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My mileage on this varies somewhat, in that given that all my photos contain my face, any message I send is sending a face pic.
However, I would say that it's definitely not in your best interests to kill your own mood; you've made clear in your bio that you're uncomfortable sending face pics, so anyone who sends theirs to you unasked clearly hasn't read that part--and if they react unfavourably to you enforcing a perfectly reasonable boundary, they're probably not someone you'd have wanted to meet anyway. |
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If someone sends me a face pic I didn't ask for I just glaze over it. If they had anything to actually say with it I'll reply to that, but if it's just the pic with here's me btw or something I just say OK. |
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By *a LunaWoman 17 weeks ago
South Wales |
I used to. But then I thought, I didn’t ask for it so why is it down to me to feel awkward.
If it was someone I was likely to meet then yeah, a face pic would get shared so as to not waste time.
If they just wanted wank chat or whatever then no. And for why? Well I always thought of it like this….if I were to win the Euromillions, I didn’t want Dave in Burnley having a revelation that I was the gall he’d been spaffing his beans chatting to last week, and then going to The Sun to tell everyone.
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Don’t overthink it.
You get one, don’t wanna reciprocate? Don’t.
Some will make drama out of it, but it’s easy to deal with via the block button.
Some like to establish if there’s initial attraction early on in conversation.
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"Fuck normal, or what someone else expects.
If you’re not ready then absolutely don’t do it, his reaction to that will help you judge what kind of person he is.
Anything that looks like coercion, guilt, negging… pop it in the mental tally-up alongside his massive knob and movie star looks so you can judge his good and bad bits."
I came here to say this, wise words!
If you get any kind of attitude from anyone on or offline for any reason, you have every right to walk away and not feel guilty.
Just because you’re not conforming to what they want, doesn’t give them the right to make you feel uncomfortable.
Run your profile and your life according to your rules and fuck anyone who disagrees. Or not haha. |
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"Anything that looks like coercion, guilt, negging… pop it in the mental tally-up alongside his massive knob and movie star looks so you can judge his good and bad bits."
People have said to me before that it's coercion, and I agree that it can be, but I think also that it's often just a "norm" - people think that's how it's done, they don't think they're coercing you into doing it as such. That doesn't make it "better" but I don't think that means people are always trying to coerce you (at least not consciously). They're just annoyed that they took the leap and followed the norm, and now you're breaking the norm and making them feel bad.
It's also women (and couples) as much as it is men, although I suppose we're no "better" in that respect. |
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Your profile says you don't share pics....so anyone with any sense reads that first and doesn't send them to you either.
Lots of people would be fine with that situation.
Personally it would be a no from us. |
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Just do what is comfortable.
I don’t see how it’s coercive, it’s probably just someone wanting to not waste their time if their face isn’t for you.
I have mine public and I will always ask for a face pic within a couple of messages, if they don’t want to send then fine, but conversation usually ends there. That’s my preference. |
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By *hilloutMan 17 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
You're not obliged to reciprocate if it leaves you uncomfortable. More so if the interaction is just in the initial phases.
Some, like myself, like to exchange face pics early on to see if attraction is there. In my case, it's done when sufficient rapport has been established and clear interest has been made manifest.
Some people likely get the timing of this wrong. |
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"… but I think also that it's often just a "norm" ."
Maybe instead of calling it “normal”, call it “usual”.
Then, if you want to do something that’s not usual, it’s easier to do it without feeling guilty. Thinking that you’re not normal is much more difficult! |
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"I used to. But then I thought, I didn’t ask for it so why is it down to me to feel awkward."
Good to know I'm not the only one that's ever felt like that, at least 
"if I were to win the Euromillions, I didn’t want Dave in Burnley having a revelation that I was the gall he’d been spaffing his beans chatting to last week, and then going to The Sun to tell everyone."
I.. yeh, this is exactly what I'm worried about |
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My reticence with public pics is I don't want it being easy to find me on here, e.g. if one of my colleagues were to find me on here, I'd rather it not find its way round the office. I'm not ashamed of being on here but I would like to keep my fab and non fab lives separate.
I think if I won euro millions I wouldn't care what anyone else thought!
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