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Making love to a beautiful woman...
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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Is very much like laying a carpet.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Making love 🤮
Laying carpets! 🤬
Hanging a door is worse."
Hanging a door is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. First, check she's the right size, smooth her down, pin her against the wall, screw her tightly and if you're adventurous like me, give her a good bang to make sure she's tight. |
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"Making love 🤮
Laying carpets! 🤬
Hanging a door is worse.
Hanging a door is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. First, check she's the right size, smooth her down, pin her against the wall, screw her tightly and if you're adventurous like me, give her a good bang to make sure she's tight."
Then invite all your mates round to properly paint it  . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Making love 🤮
Laying carpets! 🤬
Hanging a door is worse.
Hanging a door is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. First, check she's the right size, smooth her down, pin her against the wall, screw her tightly and if you're adventurous like me, give her a good bang to make sure she's tight.
Then invite all your mates round to properly paint it ."
Just make sure you get your brush in the pot early. |
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"Making love 🤮
Laying carpets! 🤬
Hanging a door is worse.
Hanging a door is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. First, check she's the right size, smooth her down, pin her against the wall, screw her tightly and if you're adventurous like me, give her a good bang to make sure she's tight.
Then invite all your mates round to properly paint it .
Just make sure you get your brush in the pot early."
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Like a carpet, I like to run my fingers through the fluffy fibres on her sensitive region.
Then using my finger touch test to explore the contours, finding a sensitive spot, seek to caress it, touch it, stroke it and get a rhythm going...
Ensure that the recipient is responding to the finger, and increase tempo to ensure sufficient pressure is applied, not too much, not too little, just right. To bring the final result to a mighty explosion of ecstasy. Enough to make the earth herself move.
Hang on we still talking carpets? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Like a carpet, I like to run my fingers through the fluffy fibres on her sensitive region.
Then using my finger touch test to explore the contours, finding a sensitive spot, seek to caress it, touch it, stroke it and get a rhythm going...
Ensure that the recipient is responding to the finger, and increase tempo to ensure sufficient pressure is applied, not too much, not too little, just right. To bring the final result to a mighty explosion of ecstasy. Enough to make the earth herself move.
Hang on we still talking carpets? "
I bet you have some sticky carpets in your house. |
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"Is very much like laying a carpet.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay"
This is so vile. GFY. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Is very much like laying a carpet.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay
This is so vile. GFY."
GFY? |
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"Is very much like laying a carpet.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay
This is so vile. GFY.
GFY?"
I think "go floor yourself"? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Is very much like laying a carpet.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay
This is so vile. GFY.
GFY?
I think "go floor yourself"?"
Who knew there were so many flooring enthusiasts on here. |
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Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag. |
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"Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag."
I now no longer wish to either go fishing, or ever have sex again.
Cheers Foxy. I was spending too much time on Fab anyway.
🤣 |
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"God damn it, Fox, you ruined MrsMistyPeaks. I hope you're proud of yourself.
And far far too many have offered to “ruin” me 🤢🤢
And yet. In one post. He did it. With style & aplomb."
Misty Misty Misty, to think I almost reeled you in and had you in my landing net too!
Would a pic of me naked, in waders and rod in hand be enough to tempt you back to the Fox's shallow waters? |
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"God damn it, Fox, you ruined MrsMistyPeaks. I hope you're proud of yourself.
And far far too many have offered to “ruin” me 🤢🤢
And yet. In one post. He did it. With style & aplomb.
Misty Misty Misty, to think I almost reeled you in and had you in my landing net too!
Would a pic of me naked, in waders and rod in hand be enough to tempt you back to the Fox's shallow waters?"
If that “landed” in my in box - I think I’d die laughing. |
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"God damn it, Fox, you ruined MrsMistyPeaks. I hope you're proud of yourself.
And far far too many have offered to “ruin” me 🤢🤢
And yet. In one post. He did it. With style & aplomb.
Misty Misty Misty, to think I almost reeled you in and had you in my landing net too!
Would a pic of me naked, in waders and rod in hand be enough to tempt you back to the Fox's shallow waters?
If that “landed” in my in box - I think I’d die laughing."
But to others it would be 'catch of the day' 😂 |
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"God damn it, Fox, you ruined MrsMistyPeaks. I hope you're proud of yourself.
And far far too many have offered to “ruin” me 🤢🤢
And yet. In one post. He did it. With style & aplomb.
Misty Misty Misty, to think I almost reeled you in and had you in my landing net too!
Would a pic of me naked, in waders and rod in hand be enough to tempt you back to the Fox's shallow waters?
If that “landed” in my in box - I think I’d die laughing.
But to others it would be 'catch of the day' 😂"
Well… I don’t flounder. Not easily baited these days.
Maybe you just don’t “float” my boat. |
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"You won't say that when I head to Essex in my motorpike and sidecarp and ask you to perch.
Oh baby…. I don’t perch.
I **sit** 😈"
You're just catfishing me now Misty.
You were always my second favourite. Now I need to mullet over. |
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"You won't say that when I head to Essex in my motorpike and sidecarp and ask you to perch.
Oh baby…. I don’t perch.
I **sit** 😈
You're just catfishing me now Misty.
You were always my second favourite. Now I need to mullet over."
Stop carping on about it.
You’re just teasing mi-nnow
|
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"You won't say that when I head to Essex in my motorpike and sidecarp and ask you to perch.
Oh baby…. I don’t perch.
I **sit** 😈
You're just catfishing me now Misty.
You were always my second favourite. Now I need to mullet over.
Stop carping on about it.
You’re just teasing mi-nnow
"
I don't think you are herring me right Misty, I am a delicate old sole and have feelings. |
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"I always used to say owning a man is like a carpet….
Lay him right the first time & you can walk all over him for years."
stick to your fishing jokes. They were horrendous but not as bad as that Misty. But I guess that is Carpet Diem. |
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"Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag."
You had me at “gunge”
🤢 |
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"Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.
You had me at “gunge”
🤢"
Interestingly, probably the same point as Misty to be fair  |
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