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The dad joke/pun thread

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By *asterMeliodas OP Man 18 weeks ago

Newmill

[Removed by poster at 23/07/24 23:28:58]

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By *asterMeliodas OP Man 18 weeks ago

Newmill

If you're into full groan jokes, this is the thread for it! Post your best dad jokes, puns, and one liners. I'll go first.

I was delighted when I got home to find someone had taken all my lamps.

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By *ustMe1982Man 18 weeks ago

Here, there and everywhere inbetween

50% off all medieval punishment items... Hurry while stocks last.

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By *till gameMan 18 weeks ago

two doors down

What do you call a Scotsman that’s nearly home - hamish

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By *yronutMan 18 weeks ago

St Austell

2 parrots sitting on a perch….. One says to the other…. Can you smell fish!!

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By *ezoMan 18 weeks ago

The Kingdom

I never trust stairs.

They're always up to something.

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By *eyond PurityCouple 18 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

Wat did the guitarist call his 4 daughters?

Anna 1

Anna 2

Anna 3

Anna 4

C

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By *ickie76XXXMan 18 weeks ago

dartford

What’s the difference between a good pizza joke and a bad pizza joke????

The delivery

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By *lanitMan 18 weeks ago

Aylesbury

What's winnie the poos granny called?

Poonani

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple 18 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

Where do bad rainbows go?

To prism

They get a light sentence though and plenty of time for reflection.

B

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By *rbanExplorerMan 18 weeks ago

East london/

what do gay horses eat ?

Hayyyyyyyyyyy

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By *r_PinkMan 18 weeks ago

london stratford

I bought my daughter a leather bag from Iran

and she said

Thanks for the Bagdad!!!!

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By *rAitchMan 18 weeks ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I went to the pharmacy and asked for some deodorant.

"Aerosol or ball?", the parmacist asked.

"Neither, it's for my armpits".

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By *oadsafun1960Man 18 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I said "you're starting to sound like my wife"

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By *asterMeliodas OP Man 18 weeks ago

Newmill

The other day my wife said to me "I've had enough of your obsession with detective novels; I think we should split up."

"Good idea!" I said excitedly. "We can cover more ground that way!"

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By *ust of the LibertineMan 18 weeks ago

Maesteg

My girlfriend asked if I'd seen the dog bowl.

I said "I didn't know he could"

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By *uke OzadeMan 18 weeks ago

Ho Chi Minge City

My girlfriend said she was sick of me quoting Oasis lyrics constantly and asked me to stop. I said ‘maybeeeeee’

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By *ust of the LibertineMan 18 weeks ago

Maesteg

What do you call a sheep that can sing and dance?

Lady Ba Ba

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By *oadsafun1960Man 18 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

My girlfriend said I don't buy her flowers

To be fair I didn't know she sold them!

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By *agic johnsonMan 18 weeks ago

morden

I went to buy a Christmas tree today , the guy said are you putting it up yourself ? I said no it's going in the living room

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By *rRiosMan 18 weeks ago

dublin

"Where do bad rainbows go?

To prism

They get a light sentence though and plenty of time for reflection.

B"

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By *rRiosMan 18 weeks ago

dublin

What genre of music do North Koreans listen to?

K-propaganda

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By *ixtyflirtyMan 18 weeks ago

derby

Was in a pub last night. A guy asked me if I wanted to buy 8 legs of venison from him for £100.

I said "Sorry mate, that's too dear"

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By *weet and SpiceCouple 18 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? Unfortunately, many soles were lost

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By *asterMeliodas OP Man 18 weeks ago

Newmill

I went to a Scottish wedding the other day. As we were waiting for the bride to arrive, I noticed the groom was wearing a nice-looking kilt and asked "What's the tartan?"

"Oh, she's just wearing a white dress," he replied.

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By (user no longer on site) 18 weeks ago

My dad always carried a comb with him.

Although he was bald.

He just couldn't part with it.

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By *utdooryoneMan 18 weeks ago

Over there

Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other "have you got a license to drive this thing?"

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By *abluesbabyMan 18 weeks ago

Gibraltar/Cheshire/London

Someone said to me the other day that they didn't understand all that cloning malarkey.

I said makes two of us.

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By *asterMeliodas OP Man 18 weeks ago

Newmill

I went to a friend's funeral. "Can I say a word?" I asked his wife. She nodded.

"Plethora," I said.

"Thanks," she replied. "That means a lot."

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By *hunkyfella79Man 18 weeks ago

Toon

Why was the roman solider smiling with a hair between his teeth .....

He glad-he-ate-her

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By *asterMeliodas OP Man 18 weeks ago

Newmill

I was really enjoying the butter I had with my meal, so I let the chef know, but he told me it was ghee.

I thanked him for clarifying.

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By *angtidy42Couple 18 weeks ago

Redditch

What's the difference between 3 cocks and a joke?

Tracy can't take a joke.

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By *ostindreamsMan 18 weeks ago

London

Where did the IT guy go?

He ransomware.

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By *asterMeliodas OP Man 18 weeks ago

Newmill

"Where did the IT guy go?

He ransomware."

Why did the programmer quit his job?

He didn't get arrays.

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