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Fornication With Food
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Dear menfolk of the lounge. May I ask what is your favourite perishable to penetrate?
I have been putting much thought, and research, into the most pleasurable sensation I can achieve in the comfort of my sleek designed kitchen.
I began my journey in the fruit aisle of Waitrose, where I purchased a wonderfully ripe melon. Whilst an erotic feeling at first, I found it to puddle around my expensive shoes.
I next tried the Beluga caviar, alas the jar is a little stumpy. And whilst the tiny balls caressed my appendage I needed something slightly firmer.
Which bring me to my new favourite purchase. A jar of Nutella, refrigerated for 2-3 hours. This part is very important. Lukewarm is far too sloppy.
The best part is I get to enjoy a treat afterwards. An exceptionally erotic experience.
So pray do tell gentlemen. What is your recommendation for my next perishable purchase?
*wipes Nutella from around mouth* |
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Flicking peanut m&ms from bellybutton to mouth can provide excitement and a slight danger element.
Will you get to suck that bad boy or will it be an emergency trip to the dentist with a cracked tooth. Ahhh the risk of it all! |
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A jar of Nutella? Hmm, may need ot try that.
So far the only foods I have put my "self" in have been...
.. A melon. Warmed up first. Fely good, but didn't last.
A large orange. good for head play
A Grapefruit. Again, warmed up, with one end cut off, and placed between the matress and the bed frame. It was my frst fuck toy! I even introduced it to my friends.
A chocoilate eclair! My GF at the time loved eclairs, so thought i would treat her! Instead she entered the room, saw me, and collapsed to the floor in histerics, while i lay there starkers with just a cram filled eclair. Certainly memorable.
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"Dear menfolk of the lounge. May I ask what is your favourite perishable to penetrate?
I have been putting much thought, and research, into the most pleasurable sensation I can achieve in the comfort of my sleek designed kitchen.
I began my journey in the fruit aisle of Waitrose, where I purchased a wonderfully ripe melon. Whilst an erotic feeling at first, I found it to puddle around my expensive shoes.
I next tried the Beluga caviar, alas the jar is a little stumpy. And whilst the tiny balls caressed my appendage I needed something slightly firmer.
Which bring me to my new favourite purchase. A jar of Nutella, refrigerated for 2-3 hours. This part is very important. Lukewarm is far too sloppy.
The best part is I get to enjoy a treat afterwards. An exceptionally erotic experience.
So pray do tell gentlemen. What is your recommendation for my next perishable purchase?
*wipes Nutella from around mouth*"
Do you feast on whatever remains afterwards? |
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I was lead to believe, some time ago from an acquaintance of course, warm mince in a pringles tube had the same feel as when he penetrated his ex girlfriend.
This is not scientifically proven of course |
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"A champagne, very cold cream, chocolates and strawberries have been employed many times in some form of food & temperature play.  "
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I have employed (and deployed) a bottle of Champagne (Taittinger™ always seems to work best) over a fine quim and a décollatage. |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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"Please do not make the mistake I made with a bag of sugar Nero.
Very painful and the most troublesome clean up
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Demerara or castor? It's all about the coarseness."
Silver spoon granular, spiteful stuff |
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"Flicking peanut m&ms from bellybutton to mouth can provide excitement and a slight danger element.
Will you get to suck that bad boy or will it be an emergency trip to the dentist with a cracked tooth. Ahhh the risk of it all! "
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May you please kindly demonstrate? |
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"Nero, have you ever shagged a trifle?
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FFS! 
What?!?!? I’ve no bloody idea why these questions pop into my head!!!
But have you?"
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You have a lot of unorthodox questions, Såff'. How about I answer them in the cloaked vestibule at The Royal Academy? |
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"I was lead to believe, some time ago from an acquaintance of course, warm mince in a pringles tube had the same feel as when he penetrated his ex girlfriend.
This is not scientifically proven of course"
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Is the all anecdotal??  |
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"Nero, have you ever shagged a trifle?
•
FFS!
What?!?!? I’ve no bloody idea why these questions pop into my head!!!
But have you?
•
You have a lot of unorthodox questions, Såff'. How about I answer them in the cloaked vestibule at The Royal Academy?"
I’m a very unorthodox kind of chick Nero. |
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"Nero, have you ever shagged a trifle?
•
FFS!
What?!?!? I’ve no bloody idea why these questions pop into my head!!!
But have you?
•
You have a lot of unorthodox questions, Såff'. How about I answer them in the cloaked vestibule at The Royal Academy?
I’m a very unorthodox kind of chick Nero. "
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This is sooooo true.  |
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"I was lead to believe, some time ago from an acquaintance of course, warm mince in a pringles tube had the same feel as when he penetrated his ex girlfriend.
This is not scientifically proven of course"
Strong 'asking for a friend' vibes |
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"Such a filthy mare 
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I hate you Såff'. I'd still bonk you though...with a Little Gem. "
Is that the lettuce or just your penile nom de plume? Asking for a friend (who wants to know what to scream after wiping the Nutella off) |
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I got her to squirt Tescos finest custard (real vanilla seeds) in my mouth from her anus (I recommend the large bore Veterinarian syringes rather than the cake decorating icing piping bags).
I then washed that down with a fine champagne dribbled from the nape of her neck, down her back, down the crack of her bubble butt and into my waiting mouth poised at her clit.
Follow me I’m Delicious |
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"Such a filthy mare
•
I hate you Såff'. I'd still bonk you though...with a Little Gem.
Is that the lettuce or just your penile nom de plume? Asking for a friend (who wants to know what to scream after wiping the Nutella off) "
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Dee, I've known you for three years now. Is our slow burn going to culminate with a fast bonk, over Nutella™ ? |
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"I was hoping this thread would be killed by now. Help MØDs!
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Chicken. Do you not have any updates on future food options to fornicate with Nero??? "
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You're an incorrigible trouble maker, Saffrøn! |
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