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Marriage and building confidence
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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Hi all,
Sorry to post again about a regular topic but had a search and didn't really find any answers.
A mate of mine has been split from his wife for 6 months, however, they still live together for financial reasons. He has also recently lost his Dad in the last 12 months.
I've suggested he joins on here but he's painfully shy and super low on confidence right now. I've said if he's honest and says he's married but separated and he and his ex wife have both agreed to see other people, he's worried that folk won't believe him and he's just trying to play away.
He can't accommodate as they have agreed to both be discreet but this is adding to anxieties about joining. He's keen to move on but just needs a gentle push and has asked me for advice/help.
So 2 questions really. Do you think he'll be believed that he's not playing away and any suggestions as to building his confidence? |
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I’ll be brutally honest…I wouldn’t believe him as it’s a very common tale! I also don’t think it’ll be the right place for a man to get his mojo back as from what I hear from the majority of men, it does the opposite! X |
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I think at this point of his recovery it'd probably do more harm than good. He'd be better off looking into socials in his area and possibly attending those, getting himself out there and getting to know people. |
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Agree with the above. Fab does nothing for a mans confidence. Socials and clubs however can be good for self confidence, depending on the person. With regards to the " will people believe him" thats their choice. If they do they do. If they dont they dont. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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As a single man on here, I can absolutely relate to that.
I've tried getting him out in the real world, but like I say, painfully shy. Thought maybe online he has protection of sorts but thinking about it, Fab probably isn't the place |
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The truth is the truth. I wouldn’t overly worry about whether he’d be believed. He would by the right people.
But would I recommend any man to fab that’s lacking in confidence?? He’ll no. Far better to stick to gentle socialising as said above. Fab is pretty brutal for single men. |
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"As a single man on here, I can absolutely relate to that.
I've tried getting him out in the real world, but like I say, painfully shy. Thought maybe online he has protection of sorts but thinking about it, Fab probably isn't the place"
It can be quite the opposite. I had a message yesterday that he wanted to cut my throat. Reporting it doesn’t take away someone thought to tell me that.
I suggest direct your friend towards socials, clubs etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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"As a single man on here, I can absolutely relate to that.
I've tried getting him out in the real world, but like I say, painfully shy. Thought maybe online he has protection of sorts but thinking about it, Fab probably isn't the place
It can be quite the opposite. I had a message yesterday that he wanted to cut my throat. Reporting it doesn’t take away someone thought to tell me that.
I suggest direct your friend towards socials, clubs etc. "
Thanks for that. Sorry to hear about your experience, that is just fucking dreadful. Wtf goes through some people's heads |
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On the building confidence thing… tell him to join a gym, work on himself and learn to enjoy his own company before involving others. If he moves on too fast when he’s not really in a position to do so and it all goes wrong his confidence will be
at rock bottom. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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"On the building confidence thing… tell him to join a gym, work on himself and learn to enjoy his own company before involving others. If he moves on too fast when he’s not really in a position to do so and it all goes wrong his confidence will be
at rock bottom."
He's ready to move on, the confidence thing comes from being married for 10 years and being comfortable, hasn't had to put himself out there for ages. |
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"On the building confidence thing… tell him to join a gym, work on himself and learn to enjoy his own company before involving others. If he moves on too fast when he’s not really in a position to do so and it all goes wrong his confidence will be
at rock bottom.
He's ready to move on, the confidence thing comes from being married for 10 years and being comfortable, hasn't had to put himself out there for ages."
His living situation suggests he’s not ready at all. How would that work if things got serious? |
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His story probably won't be believed and even if it is, then many will want to stay clear anyway.
I think he's potentially going to face lots of feelings of rejection in different forms - not easy when one is lacking in confidence.
Take your mate out, not on the pull, just out for a laugh and get into some conversations with people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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"On the building confidence thing… tell him to join a gym, work on himself and learn to enjoy his own company before involving others. If he moves on too fast when he’s not really in a position to do so and it all goes wrong his confidence will be
at rock bottom.
He's ready to move on, the confidence thing comes from being married for 10 years and being comfortable, hasn't had to put himself out there for ages.
His living situation suggests he’s not ready at all. How would that work if things got serious?"
Guess he'd have to cross that bridge if and when. He and his ex wife aren't in a position to buy the other out at the minute |
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"On the building confidence thing… tell him to join a gym, work on himself and learn to enjoy his own company before involving others. If he moves on too fast when he’s not really in a position to do so and it all goes wrong his confidence will be
at rock bottom.
He's ready to move on, the confidence thing comes from being married for 10 years and being comfortable, hasn't had to put himself out there for ages.
His living situation suggests he’s not ready at all. How would that work if things got serious?
Guess he'd have to cross that bridge if and when. He and his ex wife aren't in a position to buy the other out at the minute"
It seems like a messy situation to be bringing others into but that’s just my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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"On the building confidence thing… tell him to join a gym, work on himself and learn to enjoy his own company before involving others. If he moves on too fast when he’s not really in a position to do so and it all goes wrong his confidence will be
at rock bottom.
He's ready to move on, the confidence thing comes from being married for 10 years and being comfortable, hasn't had to put himself out there for ages.
His living situation suggests he’s not ready at all. How would that work if things got serious?
Guess he'd have to cross that bridge if and when. He and his ex wife aren't in a position to buy the other out at the minute
It seems like a messy situation to be bringing others into but that’s just my opinion."
No, it's a fair point but we're only talking dating for now. |
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I’ve been divorced a few years but still live under the same roof as my ex. I’m always honest and tell guys and have no probs but afraid to say when a man says it a lot of women don’t believe it, even I don’t at times.
But if your friend doesn’t have confidence this is the last place he should join as women can be brutal so I’ve been told.
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Adding to what I said earlier, I'm married and my wife is on here too and will happily confirm that everything is above board if asked, and I *still* suspect that there have been a fair few times my being married has put people off, so even if his story is believable he may still struggle on that aspect. |
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"
So 2 questions really. Do you think he'll be believed that he's not playing away and any suggestions as to building his confidence?"
Nope
And
This is really the wrong place to boost his comfidence |
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Yes for a while my ex and me lived together in separate rooms and were co parenting. I certainly wouldn't recommend here! This used to be a couples profile but don't actually message anyone on here.
People found it strange but her cousin and his wife split up 6 years ago, wait until the kids have gone to bed and move to separate rooms. None of their other friends and family know and are living a lie.
At least my ex and me were honest about it! |
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"Hi all,
Sorry to post again about a regular topic but had a search and didn't really find any answers.
A mate of mine has been split from his wife for 6 months, however, they still live together for financial reasons. He has also recently lost his Dad in the last 12 months.
I've suggested he joins on here but he's painfully shy and super low on confidence right now. I've said if he's honest and says he's married but separated and he and his ex wife have both agreed to see other people, he's worried that folk won't believe him and he's just trying to play away.
He can't accommodate as they have agreed to both be discreet but this is adding to anxieties about joining. He's keen to move on but just needs a gentle push and has asked me for advice/help.
So 2 questions really. Do you think he'll be believed that he's not playing away and any suggestions as to building his confidence?"
He won't be believed.
Confidence building is different for everyone so I'd suggest he speaks to a counsellor who can find the root cause of his lack of confidence and helps him to work on that. Otherwise supportive friends who are prepared to listen to his insecurities and find ways of dealing with them
A site where men outnumber women by a large percentage, are routinely ignored and spoken about in derogatory terms is not the place for a fragile person |
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To play devil’s advocate, when I left my ex husband I rejoined fab and attended some parties etc.
My confidence was extremely low, and it helped me to get out and meet new people.
Just manage his expectations and let him know that in any case, he’ll have to put himself out there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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"To play devil’s advocate, when I left my ex husband I rejoined fab and attended some parties etc.
My confidence was extremely low, and it helped me to get out and meet new people.
Just manage his expectations and let him know that in any case, he’ll have to put himself out there "
Thank you  |
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