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Urinal Woe: A Thread For The Chaps
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Fellas, you know this scenario:
You need to urinate so nip in to the public conveniences and flop Friar Tuck out at the urinal.
But lo! - despite your previous urge to relieve yourself and try as you might to summon it via bladder contractions, no piss doth com’eth out!
If this wasn’t bad enough some random dude appears next to you and immediately releases a good quality stream of the amber nectar.
This is doubly bad as you now are aware of standing pointlessly at the urinal. Your pissing neighbour may now logically ponder if you are in fact not here to piss at all, rather you may be a pervert or a weirdo, or possibly both….
Anyway, after all that I don’t know what the point of this post exactly was other than for commiseration purposes I suppose so please rate this thread on a scale of 1–10 with 10 being: ‘I found this thread to be both highly informative and life affirming. Indeed, I feel that it has enriched my life immeasurably.’
…..and 1 being: ‘I found this post to be both highly crass and intellectually insulting! I am going to contact the authorities to get your sorry arse incarcerated!’
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"I vote the number orange  .
I’m drinking lots of water to prevent that hue….   "
I think drinking water is key in this heat - you'll be flopping it out in the publics and the bathroom sink, hands behind your head, whistling "Moves Like Jagger" again before you even know it OP . |
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"I vote the number orange .
I’m drinking lots of water to prevent that hue….
I think drinking water is key in this heat - you'll be flopping it out in the publics and the bathroom sink, hands behind your head, whistling "Moves Like Jagger" again before you even know it OP ."
 ‘Whooooo!’ *gyrates hips* |
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"Have you had your prostate checked recently? "
A partner did try to insert her index finger up my bumhole once….
It subsequently clenched tighter than a vice and she waved goodbye forever to her beloved acrylic nail… |
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"I vote the number orange .
I’m drinking lots of water to prevent that hue….
I think drinking water is key in this heat - you'll be flopping it out in the publics and the bathroom sink, hands behind your head, whistling "Moves Like Jagger" again before you even know it OP .
‘Whooooo!’ *gyrates hips* "
That'll kick-start the kidneys . |
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"What about trying to have a wee immediately after ejaculating?
That’s a right bloody saga that is…."
Well, if you piss in their mouth before fucking, when they head to the bathroom to clean up your jizz (as is their duty) it's one person, one trip. Time and energy saved . |
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"What about trying to have a wee immediately after ejaculating?
That’s a right bloody saga that is….
Well, if you piss in their mouth before fucking, when they head to the bathroom to clean up your jizz (as is their duty) it's one person, one trip. Time and energy saved ."
Top tip good sir! It also surely reduces one’s carbon footprint….somehow….maybe |
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"What about trying to have a wee immediately after ejaculating?
That’s a right bloody saga that is….
Well, if you piss in their mouth before fucking, when they head to the bathroom to clean up your jizz (as is their duty) it's one person, one trip. Time and energy saved .
Top tip good sir! It also surely reduces one’s carbon footprint….somehow….maybe "
Some call it chauvinism, I call it saving a butterfly in Indonesia. |
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By (user no longer on site) 21 weeks ago
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I learned a long time ago that I cannot, absolutely cannot, urinate at a piss trough if there are other people around. I go into a cubicle like a decent chap and don’t flop my John Thomas out anywhere in public  |
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All joking aside if this only happens in public toilets and you have no issues at home it's nothing to worry about. If this happens a lot even in the comfort of home I'd suggest a medical check up. |
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"Try humming ‘outside’ by George Michael and making small talk with your urinal neighbour.
I’ll give them a knowing wink also; urinals should be more social say I, as opposed to the expected etiquette of adherence to monk like silence whilst one stares blankly at the wall "
Maybe a little narration?
Your hands look so soft do you use hand cream? Or just cream on your hands? You’re gripping it a bit firmly daddy you want me to show you how to be gentler? I’ve got warm hands. I promise.
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By (user no longer on site) 21 weeks ago
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Try pissing in an outdoor temporary porta urinal in a crowded public place - yup that's what they do in Rotterdam and places I've been in Belgium.
The last time I was busting from beer intake I was just starting when a group of probably 16 yo girls were lining up a group photo, giggling and jockeying for centre of attention with me absolutely dying inside right in the centre of the background of their pictures - there was no stopping it once it hard started so I pissed so hard to get out of there I almost pooped myself  |
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"All joking aside if this only happens in public toilets and you have no issues at home it's nothing to worry about. If this happens a lot even in the comfort of home I'd suggest a medical check up. "
Thankfully it’s only in public conveniences.
I blame the unhappy atmosphere and the forced social etiquette that pervades in such places  |
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"Try humming ‘outside’ by George Michael and making small talk with your urinal neighbour.
I’ll give them a knowing wink also; urinals should be more social say I, as opposed to the expected etiquette of adherence to monk like silence whilst one stares blankly at the wall
Glow on one side, Sensual on the other....the poor guy in the middle won't know what's hit him xxxx"
I can imagine any unfortunate soul between us to promptly stem their stream and walk out in a hurried manner. |
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"Try humming ‘outside’ by George Michael and making small talk with your urinal neighbour.
I’ll give them a knowing wink also; urinals should be more social say I, as opposed to the expected etiquette of adherence to monk like silence whilst one stares blankly at the wall
Maybe a little narration?
Your hands look so soft do you use hand cream? Or just cream on your hands? You’re gripping it a bit firmly daddy you want me to show you how to be gentler? I’ve got warm hands. I promise.
"
Or enquire directly if they to are presently having any trouble getting the liquid flowing….possibly we could cheer one another on in true Peloton style: ‘You’ve got this!’ |
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"Try pissing in an outdoor temporary porta urinal in a crowded public place - yup that's what they do in Rotterdam and places I've been in Belgium.
The last time I was busting from beer intake I was just starting when a group of probably 16 yo girls were lining up a group photo, giggling and jockeying for centre of attention with me absolutely dying inside right in the centre of the background of their pictures - there was no stopping it once it hard started so I pissed so hard to get out of there I almost pooped myself "
I think I’d instantly dry up like the Sahara in such an environment |
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"Try humming ‘outside’ by George Michael and making small talk with your urinal neighbour.
I’ll give them a knowing wink also; urinals should be more social say I, as opposed to the expected etiquette of adherence to monk like silence whilst one stares blankly at the wall
Maybe a little narration?
Your hands look so soft do you use hand cream? Or just cream on your hands? You’re gripping it a bit firmly daddy you want me to show you how to be gentler? I’ve got warm hands. I promise.
Or enquire directly if they to are presently having any trouble getting the liquid flowing….possibly we could cheer one another on in true Peloton style: ‘You’ve got this!’ "
Ok but high fives before or after hand washing? |
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"Try humming ‘outside’ by George Michael and making small talk with your urinal neighbour.
I’ll give them a knowing wink also; urinals should be more social say I, as opposed to the expected etiquette of adherence to monk like silence whilst one stares blankly at the wall
Maybe a little narration?
Your hands look so soft do you use hand cream? Or just cream on your hands? You’re gripping it a bit firmly daddy you want me to show you how to be gentler? I’ve got warm hands. I promise.
Or enquire directly if they to are presently having any trouble getting the liquid flowing….possibly we could cheer one another on in true Peloton style: ‘You’ve got this!’
Ok but high fives before or after hand washing? "
Wha…..What is this washing of hands you speak of? |
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By (user no longer on site) 21 weeks ago
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"Try pissing in an outdoor temporary porta urinal in a crowded public place - yup that's what they do in Rotterdam and places I've been in Belgium.
The last time I was busting from beer intake I was just starting when a group of probably 16 yo girls were lining up a group photo, giggling and jockeying for centre of attention with me absolutely dying inside right in the centre of the background of their pictures - there was no stopping it once it hard started so I pissed so hard to get out of there I almost pooped myself
I think I’d instantly dry up like the Sahara in such an environment "
Take a shed load more kegels than I do to stop a four pinter after it gets going. |
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"Try pissing in an outdoor temporary porta urinal in a crowded public place - yup that's what they do in Rotterdam and places I've been in Belgium.
The last time I was busting from beer intake I was just starting when a group of probably 16 yo girls were lining up a group photo, giggling and jockeying for centre of attention with me absolutely dying inside right in the centre of the background of their pictures - there was no stopping it once it hard started so I pissed so hard to get out of there I almost pooped myself
I think I’d instantly dry up like the Sahara in such an environment
Take a shed load more kegels than I do to stop a four pinter after it gets going."
That’s a good point; have you also noticed how one can drink a pint of beer and seemingly piss out two? I mean, where is the rest being drawn from? Is it my cranial fluid?  |
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I get stage fright too, especially if there’s a queue for cubicles. There I am, sat there trying to pee and hearing next door come and pee and then leave, I start to wonder what those in the queue must think, cursing me for taking so long no doubt |
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I am also a member of the Brotherhood of Shy Weeers and find it very hard to do my thing at a busy urininal. I just head for a cubical to save the embarassment of standing there and nothing happening.
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"I get stage fright too, especially if there’s a queue for cubicles. There I am, sat there trying to pee and hearing next door come and pee and then leave, I start to wonder what those in the queue must think, cursing me for taking so long no doubt "
Ah ha! So ladies experience this phenomena also? This is scientifically intriguing indeed.
It may be even more embarrassing for ladies in fact….your neighbours will assume that you’re summoning a number two…. |
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"I am also a member of the Brotherhood of Shy Weeers and find it very hard to do my thing at a busy urininal. I just head for a cubical to save the embarassment of standing there and nothing happening.
"
Solidarity good sir; let us stand proud together (with no pressure whatsoever to piss) |
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"I am also a member of the Brotherhood of Shy Weeers and find it very hard to do my thing at a busy urininal. I just head for a cubical to save the embarassment of standing there and nothing happening.
Solidarity good sir; let us stand proud together (with no pressure whatsoever to piss) "
Lovely. Just lovely.
Now hurry up boys that cubicle is a popular dogging facility and Big Joe isn’t fussy. |
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