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I’ve torn my…
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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This time it’s not my cunt that he’s torn. In fact , this was self inflicted. I can’t blame anyone else this time.
But…
I’ve torn my left lip. It’s the more pouty of my two vertical lips in case you’re wondering.
You’ll be pleased to learn it’s not necessitated medical intervention.
It has kept me awake at night. One night it woke me up, akin to a newborn waking up during a leap or whatever those growth spurts are called, hourly. I struggled to sleep that night. I was very grumpy the next day.
I also haven’t been able to wear underwear since my lip was torn as the fabric causes cunt-aches. They’re a million times worse than headaches, the man flu, and period cramps combined.
Now, you’ve read my saga— you should thank Nick for this post, how did I tear my lip you must be asking?
One night I thought I was the sexiest 41 year old in all of London.  I was trying on loads of lingerie sets for absolutely no reason at all, other than to see myself in my floor to ceiling mirror. I was amassing a heaving stack of sets when I grabbed one that I haven’t worn in at least two years. It’s black, lace, two pieces — a bra and sexy Brasilian style knickers — and has a zipper. The zip goes from front to back and is two sided to allow zipping front to back or back to front. Here’s where the problem started…
I decided to unzip it, and caught my left lip in the zip. I kept pulling at the zip not realising I was shredding bits of my lip every time. The only good thing is, I dislike pain so I did stop after only a few centimetres of damage.
One lesson I’ve learned, lips don’t heal quickly when you’re bashing them about causing friction. So, vertical lip owners mind your lips when zipping. Don’t tear your lips.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Put up a picture of the afflicted lip, and we'll all kiss it better.
No one fancies seeing my bloody lip.  
Whatever state it's in, I beg to d...."
Don’t say you regret saying this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Many men can sympathise with you here as zipping our cock skin into our flys is easily done and hurts like f**k. "
Does that mean I’ll receive loads of thoughts and prayers from the massive quantities of men on Fab? My inbox may implode. |
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"Put up a picture of the afflicted lip, and we'll all kiss it better.
No one fancies seeing my bloody lip. "
When you say "Bloody lip." Ooh er.
Think you might need a liberal amount of cream adding. Antiseptic obvs, what were you thinking? |
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If it helps I have Hidradenitis suppurativa and unfortunately I get most "wounds" in this area so I feel your pain (one of the many reasons I've given up swinging).
Doughnut tore the top of his knob while away, fuck knows how he did it |
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....."cunt-ache.....pouty vertical lip....newborn leaps...."
Just...what's not to love on this thread?
.
Apart from the actual injury...that's no fun.
Almost as bad as man 'flu.
But not quite.
Nothing is as bad as that  xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"You should probably put some antiseptic on it.. TCP, witch hazel or vinegar at a pinch "
I can feel the love. It would be loads better only if you offered to apply it for me. Such a caring, kind individual you are. |
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"I’m convinced a man designed the lingerie responsible for this atrocity. "
I’m convinced the only way to wear it safely is to wear another pair of knickers underneath. Which really defeats the point … |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Ouch!! Definitely worth a segment on Bizarre ER but doesn’t beat the bloke who “slipped” onto a toilet brush "
I hope he msnaged to get a deep cleaning if the brush end was the end he so carefully slipped onto. |
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This thesis highlights clearly why we women occasionally need to refold our flaps. Labial origami is a thing - left flap in first, right flap next. Then squish it all in.
Sending best wishes to your flaps |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"Ouch!! Definitely worth a segment on Bizarre ER but doesn’t beat the bloke who “slipped” onto a toilet brush
I don’t think I want to know which way up the brush was. "
You don’t!!
It’s enough to make even a Glaswegian cringe and we know what a tough bunch you are, even your kisses break bone |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"This thesis highlights clearly why we women occasionally need to refold our flaps. Labial origami is a thing - left flap in first, right flap next. Then squish it all in.
Sending best wishes to your flaps "
Muchas gracias. Pero solo necesito consolación por un lado. El otro está sobreviviendo a todo potencial. Ludiéndose también. No te preocupes de los dos es injusto. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I’m convinced a man designed the lingerie responsible for this atrocity.
I’m convinced the only way to wear it safely is to wear another pair of knickers underneath. Which really defeats the point …"
Spoils the dangers of living on the edge. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Oh, Belladonna. I hate that you’ve hurt yourself but I *love* the way you tell the story.
Women who have a way with words are sexy as hell. Loving language so much is quite a thing."
Logophiles make the world colourful with words.  |
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"This thesis highlights clearly why we women occasionally need to refold our flaps. Labial origami is a thing - left flap in first, right flap next. Then squish it all in.
Sending best wishes to your flaps
Muchas gracias. Pero solo necesito consolación por un lado. El otro está sobreviviendo a todo potencial. Ludiéndose también. No te preocupes de los dos es injusto. "
Labial origami, a hint of the hokey-y, and Español all in one here for me.
I am replete . |
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"This thesis highlights clearly why we women occasionally need to refold our flaps. Labial origami is a thing - left flap in first, right flap next. Then squish it all in.
Sending best wishes to your flaps
Muchas gracias. Pero solo necesito consolación por un lado. El otro está sobreviviendo a todo potencial. Ludiéndose también. No te preocupes de los dos es injusto.
Labial origami, a hint of the hokey-y, and Español all in one here for me.
I am replete ."
hokey-c0key...FAB don't not like none that Pepsi alternative . |
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"You should probably put some antiseptic on it.. TCP, witch hazel or vinegar at a pinch
I can feel the love. It would be loads better only if you offered to apply it for me. Such a caring, kind individual you are. "
I would but I'm likely too far. It wont hurt at all though, wont sting, you wont even feel it, not even a bit! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"There is much promise in your dilemma. Is it really true or is it all lip cervix?"
Ok, okay… the events are true. My lip is hurt. Damaged even. The story is ever so lightly sprinkled with hyperbole. It’s minuscule in terms of the real problem here.  |
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"This time it’s not my cunt that he’s torn. In fact , this was self inflicted. I can’t blame anyone else this time.
But…
I’ve torn my left lip. It’s the more pouty of my two vertical lips in case you’re wondering.
You’ll be pleased to learn it’s not necessitated medical intervention.
It has kept me awake at night. One night it woke me up, akin to a newborn waking up during a leap or whatever those growth spurts are called, hourly. I struggled to sleep that night. I was very grumpy the next day.
I also haven’t been able to wear underwear since my lip was torn as the fabric causes cunt-aches. They’re a million times worse than headaches, the man flu, and period cramps combined.
Now, you’ve read my saga— you should thank Nick for this post, how did I tear my lip you must be asking?
One night I thought I was the sexiest 41 year old in all of London. I was trying on loads of lingerie sets for absolutely no reason at all, other than to see myself in my floor to ceiling mirror. I was amassing a heaving stack of sets when I grabbed one that I haven’t worn in at least two years. It’s black, lace, two pieces — a bra and sexy Brasilian style knickers — and has a zipper. The zip goes from front to back and is two sided to allow zipping front to back or back to front. Here’s where the problem started…
I decided to unzip it, and caught my left lip in the zip. I kept pulling at the zip not realising I was shredding bits of my lip every time. The only good thing is, I dislike pain so I did stop after only a few centimetres of damage.
One lesson I’ve learned, lips don’t heal quickly when you’re bashing them about causing friction. So, vertical lip owners mind your lips when zipping. Don’t tear your lips. "
You don't have a lot of luck with your fanny do you.
I'd put it away somewhere safe for a while........ |
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"Ouch!! Definitely worth a segment on Bizarre ER but doesn’t beat the bloke who “slipped” onto a toilet brush "
My personal favourite is a story a mate told me at school, where a farmer is caught buggering his sheep. when asked why he did it. His answer, I was out taking a piss, and this sheep backed into me |
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"There is much promise in your dilemma. Is it really true or is it all lip cervix?
Ok, okay… the events are true. My lip is hurt. Damaged even. The story is ever so lightly sprinkled with hyperbole. It’s minuscule in terms of the real problem here. "
Strategically placed compeed Hydrocolloid blister plaster surely will fix the snagged lip, leave in place to heal until aforementioned plaster works itself loose!! You could even trim the plaster up if required. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
|
"This time it’s not my cunt that he’s torn. In fact , this was self inflicted. I can’t blame anyone else this time.
But…
I’ve torn my left lip. It’s the more pouty of my two vertical lips in case you’re wondering.
You’ll be pleased to learn it’s not necessitated medical intervention.
It has kept me awake at night. One night it woke me up, akin to a newborn waking up during a leap or whatever those growth spurts are called, hourly. I struggled to sleep that night. I was very grumpy the next day.
I also haven’t been able to wear underwear since my lip was torn as the fabric causes cunt-aches. They’re a million times worse than headaches, the man flu, and period cramps combined.
Now, you’ve read my saga— you should thank Nick for this post, how did I tear my lip you must be asking?
One night I thought I was the sexiest 41 year old in all of London. I was trying on loads of lingerie sets for absolutely no reason at all, other than to see myself in my floor to ceiling mirror. I was amassing a heaving stack of sets when I grabbed one that I haven’t worn in at least two years. It’s black, lace, two pieces — a bra and sexy Brasilian style knickers — and has a zipper. The zip goes from front to back and is two sided to allow zipping front to back or back to front. Here’s where the problem started…
I decided to unzip it, and caught my left lip in the zip. I kept pulling at the zip not realising I was shredding bits of my lip every time. The only good thing is, I dislike pain so I did stop after only a few centimetres of damage.
One lesson I’ve learned, lips don’t heal quickly when you’re bashing them about causing friction. So, vertical lip owners mind your lips when zipping. Don’t tear your lips.
You don't have a lot of luck with your fanny do you.
I'd put it away somewhere safe for a while........"
Can you gently guide me to this safe place for a while? |
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"This time it’s not my cunt that he’s torn. In fact , this was self inflicted. I can’t blame anyone else this time.
But…
I’ve torn my left lip. It’s the more pouty of my two vertical lips in case you’re wondering.
You’ll be pleased to learn it’s not necessitated medical intervention.
It has kept me awake at night. One night it woke me up, akin to a newborn waking up during a leap or whatever those growth spurts are called, hourly. I struggled to sleep that night. I was very grumpy the next day.
I also haven’t been able to wear underwear since my lip was torn as the fabric causes cunt-aches. They’re a million times worse than headaches, the man flu, and period cramps combined.
Now, you’ve read my saga— you should thank Nick for this post, how did I tear my lip you must be asking?
One night I thought I was the sexiest 41 year old in all of London. I was trying on loads of lingerie sets for absolutely no reason at all, other than to see myself in my floor to ceiling mirror. I was amassing a heaving stack of sets when I grabbed one that I haven’t worn in at least two years. It’s black, lace, two pieces — a bra and sexy Brasilian style knickers — and has a zipper. The zip goes from front to back and is two sided to allow zipping front to back or back to front. Here’s where the problem started…
I decided to unzip it, and caught my left lip in the zip. I kept pulling at the zip not realising I was shredding bits of my lip every time. The only good thing is, I dislike pain so I did stop after only a few centimetres of damage.
One lesson I’ve learned, lips don’t heal quickly when you’re bashing them about causing friction. So, vertical lip owners mind your lips when zipping. Don’t tear your lips.
You don't have a lot of luck with your fanny do you.
I'd put it away somewhere safe for a while........
Can you gently guide me to this safe place for a while? "
My bed, if you get woken up by a randy bloke, don't mind him. Just offer him your other orifices and after he's done he'll go back to sleep  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
|
"
Strategically placed compeed Hydrocolloid blister plaster surely will fix the snagged lip, leave in place to heal until aforementioned plaster works itself loose!! You could even trim the plaster up if required. "
You sound well versed and skilled in this art of affixing this special plaster. When can you come round to assist me as I’m afraid I’m incapable of your level of expertise in seeing to this snagged lip of mine? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Sounds horrible "
I didn’t hear any sounds, to be fair, as it happened. Luckily, it’s not created a cavernous hole or anything that could create an echo.
The sound is ‘sploshy sploshy’ at times and then it fails to heal. |
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By *ripfillMan 36 weeks ago
Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant |
How awful is this ….. as a young man just growing into puberty having a wank when I heard foot’s steps getting louder on the landing coming towards my bedroom.
Zipped my fly up super quick - my foreskin was threaded into my fly - really meshed it ….
Trip to A&E shortly after
They cut my Jeans away and my total utter shame and embarrassment as a student nurse cleaned my blood stained foreskin
It even hurt to piss for a couple of days
However
All ends well … I did make a health and safety video
Copies ready to download! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I thought this was going to be a game where you name things you could tear. I was going to say Gooch but OP, yours is funnier.
But really, sending thoughts and prayers  "
Thoughts and prayers received. Thanks so much. They are miraculously working to heal me already. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"You should probably put some antiseptic on it.. TCP, witch hazel or vinegar at a pinch
I can feel the love. It would be loads better only if you offered to apply it for me. Such a caring, kind individual you are.
I would but I'm likely too far. It wont hurt at all though, wont sting, you wont even feel it, not even a bit! "
I’m jumping into the ocean in a few hours to make it feel better on this advice. |
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"
Strategically placed compeed Hydrocolloid blister plaster surely will fix the snagged lip, leave in place to heal until aforementioned plaster works itself loose!! You could even trim the plaster up if required.
You sound well versed and skilled in this art of affixing this special plaster. When can you come round to assist me as I’m afraid I’m incapable of your level of expertise in seeing to this snagged lip of mine? "
Just waiting for Mrs to get home and we will be over, one last question…is symmetry required during healing process obviously for visual enhancement? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"
Just waiting for Mrs to get home and we will be over, one last question…is symmetry required during healing process obviously for visual enhancement? "
Oh yes, so bring her with lovely legs and more…
Symmetric or not, I’ll leave it to you. I’m trusting your expertise x |
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"
Just waiting for Mrs to get home and we will be over, one last question…is symmetry required during healing process obviously for visual enhancement?
Oh yes, so bring her with lovely legs and more…
Symmetric or not, I’ll leave it to you. I’m trusting your expertise x "
Apologies, she with long legs is home and I’ve been told the presented cure to your ailment now known in our house as “Zip Lip” will indeed not help in any way shape or form! Infact if the plaster gets wet it could cause the folds of your lips to stick to together!! Please refrain from following this advice instead Boots Medicated Powder will fix the snag in a couple of days. If that doesn’t work let us know (just seen a pic in spurs top)
we can sort it out during half time at first game of season. |
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"This time it’s not my cunt that he’s torn. In fact , this was self inflicted. I can’t blame anyone else this time.
But…
I’ve torn my left lip. It’s the more pouty of my two vertical lips in case you’re wondering.
You’ll be pleased to learn it’s not necessitated medical intervention.
It has kept me awake at night. One night it woke me up, akin to a newborn waking up during a leap or whatever those growth spurts are called, hourly. I struggled to sleep that night. I was very grumpy the next day.
I also haven’t been able to wear underwear since my lip was torn as the fabric causes cunt-aches. They’re a million times worse than headaches, the man flu, and period cramps combined.
Now, you’ve read my saga— you should thank Nick for this post, how did I tear my lip you must be asking?
One night I thought I was the sexiest 41 year old in all of London. I was trying on loads of lingerie sets for absolutely no reason at all, other than to see myself in my floor to ceiling mirror. I was amassing a heaving stack of sets when I grabbed one that I haven’t worn in at least two years. It’s black, lace, two pieces — a bra and sexy Brasilian style knickers — and has a zipper. The zip goes from front to back and is two sided to allow zipping front to back or back to front. Here’s where the problem started…
I decided to unzip it, and caught my left lip in the zip. I kept pulling at the zip not realising I was shredding bits of my lip every time. The only good thing is, I dislike pain so I did stop after only a few centimetres of damage.
One lesson I’ve learned, lips don’t heal quickly when you’re bashing them about causing friction. So, vertical lip owners mind your lips when zipping. Don’t tear your lips.
You don't have a lot of luck with your fanny do you.
I'd put it away somewhere safe for a while........
Can you gently guide me to this safe place for a while? "
I can give you a door number and a postcode, let yourself in, keys under the mat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"...
Can you gently guide me to this safe place for a while?
I can give you a door number and a postcode, let yourself in, keys under the mat. "
My box awaits you stuffing it full of the necessary details… |
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"...
Can you gently guide me to this safe place for a while?
I can give you a door number and a postcode, let yourself in, keys under the mat.
My box awaits you stuffing it full of the necessary details…"
I'm not falling for that again.
Bluff caller. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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I requested one. I don’t know what my friend will think of me after this one. So far, she’s not asked questioned but this one may push her to ask me what is happening in my life.
It won’t say I tore my lip though. |
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By *aizyWoman 36 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I requested one. I don’t know what my friend will think of me after this one. So far, she’s not asked questioned but this one may push her to ask me what is happening in my life.
It won’t say I tore my lip though. "
Don't zip it up!? |
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"This thesis highlights clearly why we women occasionally need to refold our flaps. Labial origami is a thing - left flap in first, right flap next. Then squish it all in.
Sending best wishes to your flaps
Muchas gracias. Pero solo necesito consolación por un lado. El otro está sobreviviendo a todo potencial. Ludiéndose también. No te preocupes de los dos es injusto. "
Estoy feliz que solo tienes un lado destruido. Esperemos que tu labia (en singular) tenga más suerte en el futuro, y damos a ti *este* cupón por ropa interior más segura |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"This thesis highlights clearly why we women occasionally need to refold our flaps. Labial origami is a thing - left flap in first, right flap next. Then squish it all in.
Sending best wishes to your flaps
Muchas gracias. Pero solo necesito consolación por un lado. El otro está sobreviviendo a todo potencial. Ludiéndose también. No te preocupes de los dos es injusto.
Estoy feliz que solo tienes un lado destruido. Esperemos que tu labia (en singular) tenga más suerte en el futuro, y damos a ti *este* cupón por ropa interior más segura "
Un día de estos tendremos que festejar la recuperación del labio de mi coño. Celebraremos vestidas en lencería sin zíper.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I requested one. I don’t know what my friend will think of me after this one. So far, she’s not asked questioned but this one may push her to ask me what is happening in my life.
It won’t say I tore my lip though.
Don't zip it up!?"
Good one. Maybe I need a third shirt. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"...
Can you gently guide me to this safe place for a while?
I can give you a door number and a postcode, let yourself in, keys under the mat.
My box awaits you stuffing it full of the necessary details…
I'm not falling for that again.
Bluff caller. "
Again?! As if I’ve tricked you somehow. Pfft! |
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By *hoirCouple 36 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"You should probably put some antiseptic on it.. TCP, witch hazel or vinegar at a pinch
Some people are just pure evil.
Respect  ."
I do this to myself when I catch my manhood in my zip.
C |
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