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Dad Jokes
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"I got fired from my job making calendars. All I did was take a day off…" I got sacked from the abotoir for dropping a bullock. | |||
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"What do you call a man with no legs and no arms in a swimming pool ?? BOB " What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bottom? Warren. | |||
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"What kind of cheese do you use to tempt a bear from the woods ... ? Camembert !! "I have to disabrie..... | |||
"What kind of cheese do you use to tempt a bear from the woods ... ? Camembert !!
I have to disabrie..... "What kimd of cheese do you use to hide a horse ... ? Mascarpone !! | |||
"Just got a job making chess pieces. Start on knights next week." plenty of time to watch pawnhub? | |||
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"Let's here your best Dad jokes! I'll begin.... A man phones work and asks to speak to his boss. His boss picks up and the man says what's the difference between your daughter and this morning... I'm not coming in this morning" Still trying to work that one out, 12 weeks later! | |||
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"What kind of cheese do you use to tempt a bear from the woods ... ? Camembert !! "don't do that he'll come out like a bear with a sore head screaming Blue murder. | |||
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"Q What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and a trampoline? A You don't need to take your shoes off to jump on a set of bagpipes. "You’ll never take our freedom….! | |||
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"Seven dwarfs in a bed feeling Happy, so he got out." Which made them all began to feel grumpy | |||
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"Q What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and a trampoline? A You don't need to take your shoes off to jump on a set of bagpipes.
You’ll never take our freedom….! "Ne'er mind her sexuality, I'd certainly take Mhairi Black - she's a top lass. | |||
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"I just bought a genuine Van Gogh coffee table. I know it's the real thing because it's missing a bit of veneer..." 🤣🤣🤣 | |||
"Knock knock?" Who's there? | |||
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"Knock knock? Who's there?" Runip | |||
"Knock knock? Who's there? Runip" Runip who? | |||
"Knock knock? Who's there? Runip Runip who?" Haha you said runny poo 😂😂😂 | |||
"Knock knock? Who's there? Runip Runip who? Haha you said runny poo 😂😂😂 " 💩💩💩 | |||
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"Knock knock? Who's there? Runip Runip who? Haha you said runny poo 😂😂😂" You shit 💩💩💩🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"A town in Yorkshire has gone missing. Police are said to be looking for Leeds" Try Kent | |||
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"I just bought the new Spanish electric car. It’s called the called the ford siesta, uses fuck all energy during the day." Fiesta, siesta: all night long. | |||
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"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent." Ade Edmundon talking about Rik Mayall. His name is pronounced Rick, but it has a silent P. | |||
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"Do people that have electric cars listen to AC/DC or something more current? "Naah, got to be Sparks. | |||
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"Sourdough breads are my favourite but my indian friend was having naan of it" I pitta him or her. | |||
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"What's grey & can't climb trees? A car park!" A dead squirrel | |||
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"I never trust stairs. They are always up to something. " Tricky blighters, stairs. | |||
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"One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old mate, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replles, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the boss.. But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other". "20 DECKS!, screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should fill it up with all the animals just like last time?" "Yep, that's right, well..sort of right.. this time want you to fill it up with fish', God answers. ‘Fish’ Queries Noah. 'Yep, fish ..well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp wall to wall, floor to ceiling Carp! Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, You want a New Ark? Check' "With 20 decks, one on top of the other? 'Check'. 'And you want it full of Carp?" Check. "Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether... 'Dunno', says God, just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark " There are Dad jokes and then there's Father-in-heaven jokes | |||
