FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Just putting this out there
Just putting this out there
Jump to: Newest in thread
My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
"
My feelings towards dating are somewhat similar but I would love to find someone where things are fun and exciting without the other getting bored and leaving x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
My feelings towards dating are somewhat similar but I would love to find someone where things are fun and exciting without the other getting bored and leaving x"
Same here, relaxed fun. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
My feelings towards dating are somewhat similar but I would love to find someone where things are fun and exciting without the other getting bored and leaving x
Same here, relaxed fun. "
Precisely not too much to ask for is it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Dating sounds nice.
I tried online dating a few years ago, it was hard work.
And I seem to find myself emotionally attached to people who don’t deserve me and/or don’t reciprocate feelings.
Now I don’t know if it’s even worth trying again |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’ve only ever been properly single the once and I tried dating then. Good grief, it was exhausting. I can only imagine it’s even worse now you have Tinder etc to contend with."
I feel more people just want an online relationship and hide behind the keyboard.
And the people I chatted to and would like to meet are bloody miles away.
It is hard work and stressful looking.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
The problem is fear of getting hurt again could mean big chunks of years fly by with you remaining single. Many of us have been hurt in past and get it. But that fear will steal many years you could have actually been in love with someone. If you feel you are ready to date again as you indicated, bite the bullet and try. Just do not wear your heart on your sleeve x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
I find your profile attractive, does that help?"
Thank you! If only I could attract women in the real world half naked with my body showing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’ve been single for four years and I’ve tried dating apps etc on and off during that time. Dating seems to have gone to shit recently for some reason. But I would like to find a relationship. Seems very difficult to find though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I like the idea of dating.
I don't know if I can commit myself to another man now though.
They're hard work and I'm lazy.
This. But I'm the one who is both hard work and lazy"
luckily you’re hot AF so you can get away with it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman 25 weeks ago
. |
It's different because I'm poly and already in a relationship but I have a first date this week. Don't really date normally, just stumble into relationships.
I think I'd like to try so I've said yes. I'm a bit nervous but I think as long as I'm rational and sensible, might as well try. You should, OP. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I would never do dating ever again. I have very stressful life and full of commitments so I feel it’s just not fair for someone to not get my full attention as I wouldn’t be able to commit as much as I would like to.
Good luck OP, it’s a good thread and I wish you all the best of luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
I find your profile attractive, does that help?
Thank you! If only I could attract women in the real world half naked with my body showing "
As everyone else is saying, you’re seriously attractive and I can see no reason why you would struggle to attract women. Maybe you should post your dating app profiles on here and get our feedback |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'll be honest I'm probably somewhere between FAB and dating. Bit more than FAB bit less that full on relationship. I like actual conversation, meals out and doing things plus Fab stuff. But it's all too easy to take someone for granted or be taken for granted in a relationship. I can be there for someone emotionally and physically without an actual relationship. Maybe that's selfish I'm not sure.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
I get the idea that people don’t want to date again because they’re worried about getting hurt but honestly this is such a pernicious form of self sabotage. That mindset will guarantee you die alone. If people are willing to accept that then fine, if not going to therapy to work on those demons is a necessity as potential partners are likely to realise you’ll be emotionally unavailable and end it anyway.
No one can control the thoughts and actions of someone else, if they cheat and behave badly then the only thing we can do is choose how we react to them. We all have to open ourselves up to being vulnerable in order to be with someone else and this means the potential to get hurt.
Just my 2 cents though,
P.S I also need to take my own advice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
I find your profile attractive, does that help?
Thank you! If only I could attract women in the real world half naked with my body showing "
Well you could put some clothes on and meet me and I’ll tell you where you are going wrong |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's a long, bumpy and unpredictable road but you have 2 choices and I don't mean this in a nasty way - sit tight, don't date and spend the rest of your life alone or give it a punt, take it day by day and you never know,. you might just hit the jackpot. I was where you are 6 years ago and I'm as happy as a pig in shit now .... don't give up, it can work out.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Really?
Yeah, I'm on dating apps and stuff, but it's not easy to find
There's no hope for me then "
Oh absolutely not! I'm just more shy at that than I am on here. You got this! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back."
It definitely takes some bravery. Especially if you were previously in a bad relationship, getting rejected again is a bit sensitive.
That’s the definition of bravery though - doing it when you know it will be tough. I hope you can do it and it works out. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
I find your profile attractive, does that help?
Thank you! If only I could attract women in the real world half naked with my body showing
As everyone else is saying, you’re seriously attractive and I can see no reason why you would struggle to attract women. Maybe you should post your dating app profiles on here and get our feedback"
Yeah that's not happening |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
I find your profile attractive, does that help?
Thank you! If only I could attract women in the real world half naked with my body showing
Well you could put some clothes on and meet me and I’ll tell you where you are going wrong "
We absolutely should! Be thorough |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If I’m honest I do miss dating but I don’t miss having my heart broken.
I’ve been single for 4 years now, my last relationship told me to my face, that she could better than me and she felt sorry for me hence why she dated me. I was mentally scared from this, how do you get over something like that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’m in the same position and have the same feelings of uncertainty. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years now and only had one of relationship (non fab one) since.
Even then the trouble I found is that she wanted different things to me. I was looking for something fun and a bit of companionship but not in each other’s pockets. As she had been single for 9 years and at the time me only recently at the time. She was ready to settle down talking marriage etc and that wasn’t what I wanted at the time.
It is a tricky balance plus I’m not really sure about the dating sites etc.
It is hard I agree.
R x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
Just do what makes you feel happy in life, taking comfort in knowing that at anytime you can amicably call it a day if it's not working out (with no regrets, having given it a go). Afterall, nothing ventured nothing gained and life's too short to live in regret. So go for it and do what makes you feel happy. Best wishes. xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
I get asked this.
No one ever believes me when I say I'm happy being alone. And maybe it isn't exactly true, happy is a lot. I'm just ok with it.
I know I don't have any trust left in me to have any kind of commitment with anyone, and I don't wanna be someone that doesn't trust. That doesn't make for a happy me. So I'll stick with just ok.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Would love to date but they have to be naturally dominant, emotionally intelligent, honest, kinky, single, independent and not looking for a mummy replacement.
Seemingly rare as hens teeth but I live in hope… the universe might provide |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arl17Man 25 weeks ago
Central Portugal |
"I get asked this.
No one ever believes me when I say I'm happy being alone. And maybe it isn't exactly true, happy is a lot. I'm just ok with it.
I know I don't have any trust left in me to have any kind of commitment with anyone, and I don't wanna be someone that doesn't trust. That doesn't make for a happy me. So I'll stick with just ok.
"
Understand.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I get asked this.
No one ever believes me when I say I'm happy being alone. And maybe it isn't exactly true, happy is a lot. I'm just ok with it.
I know I don't have any trust left in me to have any kind of commitment with anyone, and I don't wanna be someone that doesn't trust. That doesn't make for a happy me. So I'll stick with just ok.
"
For what it’s worth, I think you should have more confidence in your decision, if it feels right for you and it’s doing nobody any harm (other than the people who ask), keep doing what you feel is right.
All too often there’s the escalator of progress, relationships, marriage, children, whatever. It’s an escalator because it’s easy to get on and you continue on it almost without thinking.
Fuck that, and fuck others’ expectations, do what’s right for you. If, after a while, you want to do something else, do that because you want to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
I find your profile attractive, does that help?
Thank you! If only I could attract women in the real world half naked with my body showing
Well you could put some clothes on and meet me and I’ll tell you where you are going wrong
We absolutely should! Be thorough "
*swoooon* I just got a date with MrBeans |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"…
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
"
Doesn’t that depend on what the end result of the dating is?
Is dating only for seeking live in permanent companion or something else? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eah BabyCouple 25 weeks ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive "
Awww come on, you would have them queuing up if you just keep quiet about the football team you support |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’m two years post separation from a sixteen year relationship / marriage so don’t want to even think about dating anyone with purpose so the Fab life works for me as well as occasional meets in the vanilla / real world.
If someone comes along I think is worthy of changing this then I would invest my time and effort but for now I’m good in own company and the person would need to add such value to my life for me to even let the door crack open and at the moment I can’t see that happening.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I feel like being worried about getting hurt again , having been hurt already, is a reasonable approach to dating.
It can feel like an all or nothing proposition like it's jumping right into the deep end of feelings because we are vulnerable and I think that's ok. We are vulnerable and thats now a part of what informs our choices and the kind of connections we attract.
Dip your toes and paddle around a bit I say. You don't need to go all in until your ready. In the mean time have your cake and eat it too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
I find your profile attractive, does that help?
Thank you! If only I could attract women in the real world half naked with my body showing
Well you could put some clothes on and meet me and I’ll tell you where you are going wrong
We absolutely should! Be thorough
*swoooon* I just got a date with MrBeans "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
Awww come on, you would have them queuing up if you just keep quiet about the football team you support "
Totally uncalled for! anyway, you should be happy about today's result |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
"My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
"
I get you. I can mentalise what you feel. It is not easy to say least. I cannot advise you as not qualified relationship councilor. Try it see how it goes. Just bare in mind there are those out there to play games.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ewcatWoman 25 weeks ago
Berkshire |
"I'm very happily dating myself for now. I'm done with disappointment and lack of matched effort.
"
Exactly this
I’m pretty sure dating apps are designed to keep you on there for rather than get you to meet people.
I do fab and parties to keep the libido quiet but I’m no longer looking for a partner. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don’t know the first thing about dating in the modern/online world but I do know that life is full of surprises.
My suggestion would be to just throw caution to the wind and randomly pick half a dozen people on here that you sort of like and ask them out for a date - five of them will be absolute disasters but I am certain one will be interesting and could turn into something. Don’t go in with any expectations and then you can be surprised when serendipity gives you that person you like who you didn’t expect to.
Nothing ventured nothing gained. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
"
Over 4 years since my life changed and well over 2 since last relationship.
I tried dating before going to fab and a few different ones a month at a time, I was a dispiriting process.
Same every time, sign up create profile and so many views, then do the paid but a week later, views disappear and there’s actually not that much interest. By end of month happy to delete profile and sack the app off the phone.
I hope you get on better than me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
I’ve just started with dating apps. Dating/ having a relationship sounds nice on paper but I’m very content being by myself for the past 8 years too. So I don’t have any expectations. I’m just seeing what happens |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
"My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
My feelings towards dating are somewhat similar but I would love to find someone where things are fun and exciting without the other getting bored and leaving x"
^ me too x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *cflirtyMan 25 weeks ago
closer than you might think |
The idea of dating again really does appeal to me... however I think the way dating apps are set up makes you think there is a lot of fake profiles just to get the money in. This is what probably holds me back |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
One never date from fab me that is seen too much hurt and heartache.
If you do tread cautiously. Keep yourself safe, tell others you are dating.
12 years of bare minimum dating.. Think I am undesirable dating show type though |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
"The idea of dating again really does appeal to me... however I think the way dating apps are set up makes you think there is a lot of fake profiles just to get the money in. This is what probably holds me back"
As for a video call sets that straight. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The idea of dating again really does appeal to me... however I think the way dating apps are set up makes you think there is a lot of fake profiles just to get the money in. This is what probably holds me back"
If you set up a profile on tinder and bumble without paying they’ll claim you had two serious views/likes to get you to subscribe |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *cflirtyMan 25 weeks ago
closer than you might think |
"The idea of dating again really does appeal to me... however I think the way dating apps are set up makes you think there is a lot of fake profiles just to get the money in. This is what probably holds me back
If you set up a profile on tinder and bumble without paying they’ll claim you had two serious views/likes to get you to subscribe "
That's my point |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
"The idea of dating again really does appeal to me... however I think the way dating apps are set up makes you think there is a lot of fake profiles just to get the money in. This is what probably holds me back
If you set up a profile on tinder and bumble without paying they’ll claim you had two serious views/likes to get you to subscribe "
I discovered Hinge other month by word of mouth, really good app, recommend for all genders and sexualities. Tinder used to be my go-to before Hinge |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *bi HaiveMan 25 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Dating someone on fab would seem to be the way to go if you can manage it
Yes, I think it would have to be someone in this lifestyle rather than vanilla."
Worked for me.
And let's face it. Meeting someone o Fab means you'll never have that 'how do I broach this subject?' dilemma in your head re swinging. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The idea of dating again really does appeal to me... however I think the way dating apps are set up makes you think there is a lot of fake profiles just to get the money in. This is what probably holds me back
If you set up a profile on tinder and bumble without paying they’ll claim you had two serious views/likes to get you to subscribe
That's my point"
Experience I had with thosr apps just put me off. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eah BabyCouple 25 weeks ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
"I'd like to start dating, unfortunately who I date is out of my hands
Why?
There's kinda the thing of a woman finding me attractive
Awww come on, you would have them queuing up if you just keep quiet about the football team you support
Totally uncalled for! anyway, you should be happy about today's result "
Well if it was just between Liverpool and super City then I’d take that result but I’d rather Liverpool take the title than Arsenal |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My daughter tonight asked me if I was going to start dating.
There's been loads of threads about dating, dating apps, etc.
I know some of you have said "you won't date again" and I get that.
I feel I'm ready to start dating again, but I'm also scared of getting hurt and think this holds me back. A feel a fwb might turn into a one way street of feelings.
Who else would like to start dating?
Actually unsure where and how to start, it's been that long .
"
I’d love to, but living where I am makes it incredibly difficult. It’s a very small community of mostly elderly or young families. No one my age who’s single and looking. Factoring in the fact that I’m not willing to compromise on my non-traditional relationship/sexual preferences out of desperation to avoid singlehood means that I’m having to search a 50mile radius on dating apps to have even a chance of meeting someone compatible- and even then I find it extremely rare that anyone (myself included) is willing to travel an hour for a first date that likely won’t go anywhere.
My most recent first date with someone was almost a year ago, we both liked each other enough to try to make something of it, but distance and the pressures of work etc has meant is fizzled out without really going anywhere.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that nothing’s going to change unless and until I can move to a larger city and can start going out to events etc where I have a small chance of meeting someone more organically. Without that, I’ll likely be alone the rest of my life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dating is stressful in general although men get it worse but all the best to you, hope you find what you're looking for"
I’m not sure it really is more stressful for us TBH- I’ll admit that the fear of rejection is perhaps far stronger as we’re trying to sell a frankly over-stocked product, but unlike the ladies on the dating scene, we don’t have to balance dating with worrying about sexual violence, stalkers etc on top of the fear of rejection- on balance I think I know what’s more stressful! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Single and happy about it. If the right person came along I wouldn’t say no but not in any hurry or going to go off looking.
But I was surprised when I joined Fab - during my brief foray into the world of regular online dating last year it was slim pickings for my area. Hardly surprising, I live miles away from anything. Joined Fab and spoilt for choice although quantity not quality may be applicable
OP, if you think you’re ready then go for it, nothing to lose by looking |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
|
"Single and happy about it. If the right person came along I wouldn’t say no but not in any hurry or going to go off looking.
But I was surprised when I joined Fab - during my brief foray into the world of regular online dating last year it was slim pickings for my area. Hardly surprising, I live miles away from anything. Joined Fab and spoilt for choice although quantity not quality may be applicable
OP, if you think you’re ready then go for it, nothing to lose by looking "
I totally agree with your first paragraph, I am the same. If you are happy in yourself and being single, then you enter a potential relationship in a stronger and healthier position, rather than as damaged and vulnerable.
It also makes people more attractive if they do not give off the vibe of desperately looking for love - when you are chilled out and let things happen if they happen sort of approach, you also tend to attract more quality people. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dating is stressful in general although men get it worse but all the best to you, hope you find what you're looking for
I’m not sure it really is more stressful for us TBH- I’ll admit that the fear of rejection is perhaps far stronger as we’re trying to sell a frankly over-stocked product, but unlike the ladies on the dating scene, we don’t have to balance dating with worrying about sexual violence, stalkers etc on top of the fear of rejection- on balance I think I know what’s more stressful!" well I was thinking in dating terms of women almost guranteed to get a date with somebody compared to men. Your talking about womens safety which obviously they have to be careful off |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic