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Is it creepy...
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...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary? |
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Horses for courses. All these and even mate or lad etc can be uncomfortable to someone. I mentioned a few times before I don't like it when the young assistant at local coop calls me mate. Overreaction, perhaps. But I don't think I am your mate, I am your custoner. On the other hand I vave been called darling myself before and did feel comfortable. It is the context that is important imo. |
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This is interesting.
I'd be really interested to hear from any women who are involved in theatre in some way because, I think generally it's much more normal in that world, even if it has started to be seen in the way I described. |
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By *ornycougaWoman 49 weeks ago
MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat |
"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!  "
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever  |
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"Horses for courses. All these and even mate or lad etc can be uncomfortable to someone. I mentioned a few times before I don't like it when the young assistant at local coop calls me mate. Overreaction, perhaps. But I don't think I am your mate, I am your custoner. On the other hand I vave been called darling myself before and did feel comfortable. It is the context that is important imo. "
I agree with you on shop assistants. "Mate" is definitely over familiar (unless you're in the shop enough to have some banter with them) I do prefer it to "Sir" though.
In my local tesco there's a lady who calls everyone "my love/lover" but, we simple Devon folk be like that! |
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By *r_reusMan 49 weeks ago
Coventry |
The correct way to address a woman is to call her 'my pretty...' (the implied ellipse is important for setting her mind at ease) and pawing around her chest/hair/shoulder region whilst standing right next to her, it also helps if you haven't washed in a few weeks or brushed your teeth. |
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever "
I'm curious... do you really find "dear" the MOST insulting thing ever? |
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I wouldn’t be offended at all. It’s been a normal part of my upbringing/surroundings to get called dear, darling, duck, love etc.
If you’d have said bro or mate. That would most likely grind my gears..
Mrs |
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"Horses for courses. All these and even mate or lad etc can be uncomfortable to someone. I mentioned a few times before I don't like it when the young assistant at local coop calls me mate. Overreaction, perhaps. But I don't think I am your mate, I am your custoner. On the other hand I vave been called darling myself before and did feel comfortable. It is the context that is important imo.
I agree with you on shop assistants. "Mate" is definitely over familiar (unless you're in the shop enough to have some banter with them) I do prefer it to "Sir" though.
In my local tesco there's a lady who calls everyone "my love/lover" but, we simple Devon folk be like that!"
The lady calls me 'pet'  |
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"I wouldn’t be offended at all. It’s been a normal part of my upbringing/surroundings to get called dear, darling, duck, love etc.
If you’d have said bro or mate. That would most likely grind my gears..
Mrs"
See, I'm with you on this. I see "my dear/darling/love/lovely" as normal terms used in casual interactions (again probably partly being a theatre luvvie and a Devon lad) but, "mate/bro" I would reserve for people I'm actually friends with.
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Lots don't like it. I really can't be bothered getting upset about something like this. It's not intended as creepy so I wouldn't see it as such.
(I'll caveat this with in my day job I get sworn at quite frequently so my bar on things like this is pretty low) |
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"If it's completely neutral and has no agenda other than friendliness I'd expect to hear someone calling men darling and dear too. So context is all as it so often is. "
I get that. In theater world, I call everyone 'darling/dear' which is why I've been so shocked by people (in that world) behaving as if I'd just said "yeah! Got on sexy pot, get your tits out!" |
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By *ornycougaWoman 49 weeks ago
MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat |
"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever
I'm curious... do you really find "dear" the MOST insulting thing ever? "
On here for me personally? Yes. I got called a fat, ugly slag once which was water off a ducks back but 'dear'.... Absolutely loathe the word |
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I'm not keen on 'terms of endearment' from strangers. It's too familiar for my liking, but I don't pull people up on it as I recognise that there are cultural and regional differences.
The other one I really hate is being called 'young lady' - especially by someone younger than me. I am by no means young!!  |
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever "
*noted* |
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever
I'm curious... do you really find "dear" the MOST insulting thing ever?
On here for me personally? Yes. I got called a fat, ugly slag once which was water off a ducks back but 'dear'.... Absolutely loathe the word"
Fair enough. That's so odd to me but, I reject your point of view. I just assumed being called actual pejoratives would be worse but, I kind of see your point. |
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"If it's completely neutral and has no agenda other than friendliness I'd expect to hear someone calling men darling and dear too. So context is all as it so often is.
I get that. In theater world, I call everyone 'darling/dear' which is why I've been so shocked by people (in that world) behaving as if I'd just said "yeah! Got on sexy pot, get your tits out!""
Maybe things are changing in the world of theatre.
Once you get to my age being called dear or darling is always patronising, always. |
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By *ornycougaWoman 49 weeks ago
MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat |
"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever
*noted*"
Ffs.... I know how this one is playing out!  |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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Narrator - Woody walks into the room, notices many friends. He approaches them one by one air kissing their cheeks.”mwha,mwah’
‘It’s good to see you darling,’ he says as he mutters under his breath how he thinks they look hot as fuck in what they’re wearing….
No I don’t use darling or dear, even with my thespian mates we use in a cliche type of way.
Are you dude a lot, or each girl friend will get their own nickname with me, a bit like the name in a Pokémon |
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever
I'm curious... do you really find "dear" the MOST insulting thing ever?
On here for me personally? Yes. I got called a fat, ugly slag once which was water off a ducks back but 'dear'.... Absolutely loathe the word
Fair enough. That's so odd to me but, I reject your point of view. I just assumed being called actual pejoratives would be worse but, I kind of see your point."
*respect!!! I RESPECT your point of view!
Fucking stupid autocorrect! So sorry! |
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By *aizyWoman 49 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
You are "
See its not that bad coming from GK, you're not a 20 something, you're a dear yourself! |
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
So true. If a guy calls me dear on here he gets an instant block. Most unsexy and insulting thing ever
*noted*
Ffs.... I know how this one is playing out! "
|
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
You are
See its not that bad coming from GK, you're not a 20 something, you're a dear yourself! "
*reclines in shock* |
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By *aizyWoman 49 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
You are
See its not that bad coming from GK, you're not a 20 something, you're a dear yourself! "
* you GK*
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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It depends - it’s creepy and a little condescending to a lot of women, but I’ve noticed that some older ladies see it as polite and respectful, when said in a hospitality setting. |
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
You are
See its not that bad coming from GK, you're not a 20 something, you're a dear yourself!
* you GK*
"
I knew what you meant and I wasn’t happy the first time  |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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Those name can be colloquialisms can’t they?
I’m in Barnsley and we call each other,”love.”
This can also apply to man to man
Although in Barnsley men may call each other lad if they are acquainted ir mate if not
I don’t use the terms you describe as they aren’t a local colloquialism. |
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By *aizyWoman 49 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
You are
See its not that bad coming from GK, you're not a 20 something, you're a dear yourself!
* you GK*
I knew what you meant and I wasn’t happy the first time "
Sorry dear! |
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"I have been called 'dear' by a couple of 20 something men on here, it makes me feel so old!
You are
See its not that bad coming from GK, you're not a 20 something, you're a dear yourself!
* you GK*
I knew what you meant and I wasn’t happy the first time
Sorry dear! "
You’re fucking in for it |
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"Those name can be colloquialisms can’t they?
I’m in Barnsley and we call each other,”love.”
This can also apply to man to man
Although in Barnsley men may call each other lad if they are acquainted ir mate if not
I don’t use the terms you describe as they aren’t a local colloquialism."
It's "cock" or "cocker" up here.
"Ye reet cock?" Is a generic greeting you hear pretty much daily. |
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They aren't terms I've ever used but I have been called dear by a few elderly women and darling by English women working in retail.
It's not a word I've ever heard being used to strangers by anyone from NI but many will call others mate or love.
None of them bother me though. |
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I have a couple of further questions as a result of a string of messages I just got...
Is it unreasonable to ask someone to clarify their position?
Also, do my responses seem angry, disrespectful, or does it seem like I'm just a curious person trying to find out peoples point of view? (Allowing obviously for the fact I accidentally said I "reject" someone's point of view when I meant "respect"!) |
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By *ornycougaWoman 49 weeks ago
MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat |
"I have a couple of further questions as a result of a string of messages I just got...
Is it unreasonable to ask someone to clarify their position?
Also, do my responses seem angry, disrespectful, or does it seem like I'm just a curious person trying to find out peoples point of view? (Allowing obviously for the fact I accidentally said I "reject" someone's point of view when I meant "respect"!) "
It's your thread fella (dear?!) so you do you. Personally I like it when an OP both replies and respectfully challenges/expresses another opinion to replies. |
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" It's your thread fella (dear?!) so you do you. Personally I like it when an OP both replies and respectfully challenges/expresses another opinion to replies. "
That's the attitude I'm looking for!
If I appear disrespectful, it's likely a result of a typo or auto-correct fail, and I think its always wise to clarify before you start sending people snide private messages! (You know who you are!)
I thought it was a nice, respectful discussion about a topic I find a bit tricky because of my lifestyle I call almost everyone "Darling"! |
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"I don't think its creepy at all but i guess if you get called something enough you eventually get tired of it like ' handsome hunk' or ' beefcake' or 'sex god' or 'mate' "
If someone called me "handsome hunk" I'd probably laugh myself into an early grave! (Once I had established they didn't have any serious visual impairment!) |
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By *TG3Man 49 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I don't think its creepy at all but i guess if you get called something enough you eventually get tired of it like ' handsome hunk' or ' beefcake' or 'sex god' or 'mate'
If someone called me "handsome hunk" I'd probably laugh myself into an early grave! (Once I had established they didn't have any serious visual impairment!) "
you can't always see disability  |
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"I don't think its creepy at all but i guess if you get called something enough you eventually get tired of it like ' handsome hunk' or ' beefcake' or 'sex god' or 'mate'
If someone called me "handsome hunk" I'd probably laugh myself into an early grave! (Once I had established they didn't have any serious visual impairment!) you can't always see disability "
I don't recall saying or implying you could. |
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By *TG3Man 49 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I don't think its creepy at all but i guess if you get called something enough you eventually get tired of it like ' handsome hunk' or ' beefcake' or 'sex god' or 'mate'
If someone called me "handsome hunk" I'd probably laugh myself into an early grave! (Once I had established they didn't have any serious visual impairment!) you can't always see disability
I don't recall saying or implying you could."
lol its ok it wasn't a criticism it was irony |
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"They aren't terms I've ever used but I have been called dear by a few elderly women and darling by English women working in retail.
It's not a word I've ever heard being used to strangers by anyone from NI but many will call others mate or love.
None of them bother me though. "
Yeah mate and love are the two from here. |
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"I don't think its creepy at all but i guess if you get called something enough you eventually get tired of it like ' handsome hunk' or ' beefcake' or 'sex god' or 'mate'
If someone called me "handsome hunk" I'd probably laugh myself into an early grave! (Once I had established they didn't have any serious visual impairment!) you can't always see disability
I don't recall saying or implying you could.lol its ok it wasn't a criticism it was irony "
Oh ok. Sorry. After being taken to task for asking questions, I may be being a little defensive! Sorry |
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When I go out of London, I see lots of women in billing counters calling me "darling", "honey" etc. I personally find it sweet. But I understand not many people like it and a man using these words with woman might be different. |
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By *host63Man 49 weeks ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary? "
These days anything you say to a woman is creepy and can get you arrested.
|
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary?
These days anything you say to a woman is creepy and can get you arrested.
"
I dunno. I think a lot of men manage to not be creepy and to not get arrested just fine |
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"I have a couple of further questions as a result of a string of messages I just got...
Is it unreasonable to ask someone to clarify their position?
Also, do my responses seem angry, disrespectful, or does it seem like I'm just a curious person trying to find out peoples point of view? (Allowing obviously for the fact I accidentally said I "reject" someone's point of view when I meant "respect"!) "
Your replies come across absolutely fine. Just curious and questioning to me.
I have already commented saying how much I dislike being called these type of words but I will also say I really don't mind if they are used in a shop etc as a persons general term for all customers but specifically on here when directly aimed at me it comes across as creepy. |
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In thespian world I might call people "dahling" with my posh voice on and my tongue firmly in my cheek. Dear, nope, that's for old ladies. I call friends and children my lovely on occasion.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *irthandgirthMan 49 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"In thespian world I might call people "dahling" with my posh voice on and my tongue firmly in my cheek. Dear, nope, that's for old ladies. I call friends and children my lovely on occasion.
Mrs TMN x"
I have female friends who I call 'lovely', but for me, that is a description of their character, not their looks. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"I regularly say darling/love.
I can't help myself, it just blurts out.
At least you don’t say bro. That’s just as bad
My kids call me bruh. Wtaf"
Your kids are cool. Fair play |
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By *ornycougaWoman 49 weeks ago
MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat |
"I regularly say darling/love.
I can't help myself, it just blurts out.
At least you don’t say bro. That’s just as bad"
A FB of mine did once call me 'buddy' in a social context so you aren't alone! |
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"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary? "
unless you want to be serious with her, don't do it |
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By *aizyWoman 49 weeks ago
west midlands |
"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary?
These days anything you say to a woman is creepy and can get you arrested.
"
Too right! First thing I do when a man calls me dear is have him arrested, call me darling and I make sure the cuffs are extra tight! |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary?
These days anything you say to a woman is creepy and can get you arrested.
Too right! First thing I do when a man calls me dear is have him arrested, call me darling and I make sure the cuffs are extra tight!"
She put me in cuffs, it trigger my trauma, I tell her to stop it |
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"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary? "
I couldn't call someone I don't know darling/dear or similar, it just feels creepy for me to do it... some people can carry it off though.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"I regularly say darling/love.
I can't help myself, it just blurts out.
At least you don’t say bro. That’s just as bad
A FB of mine did once call me 'buddy' in a social context so you aren't alone! "
I do it all the time I don’t apologise for it. |
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"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary?
These days anything you say to a woman is creepy and can get you arrested.
Too right! First thing I do when a man calls me dear is have him arrested, call me darling and I make sure the cuffs are extra tight!"
Oh, is that right Darling?
*holds out wrists* |
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By *aizyWoman 49 weeks ago
west midlands |
"...to call a woman "my darling/dear"?
It's an odd one for me as I'm a theatre luvvie and I call most people dear/darling.
I'm asking because, I have noticed (even in the theatre) that when a man, particularly a straight man, calls a young woman (20 -35ish) "darling/dear" it's often met with hostility.
Are these terms rude, patronising and creepy, or are people being too reactionary?
These days anything you say to a woman is creepy and can get you arrested.
Too right! First thing I do when a man calls me dear is have him arrested, call me darling and I make sure the cuffs are extra tight!
She put me in cuffs, it trigger my trauma, I tell her to stop it "
Alright Dave! |
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It's creepy.
I'd cut anyone dead who called me my dear or my darling.
Save it for the right relationships e.g. gays, other luvvies, mothers and children, committed couples....
Dear is hugely condescending in my opinion. Particularly from a man. |
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"In thespian world I might call people "dahling" with my posh voice on and my tongue firmly in my cheek. Dear, nope, that's for old ladies. I call friends and children my lovely on occasion.
Mrs TMN x"
Dear is NOT for old ladies ....... #notalloldladies |
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"This is interesting.
I'd be really interested to hear from any women who are involved in theatre in some way because, I think generally it's much more normal in that world, even if it has started to be seen in the way I described."
I'm involved in theatre. Not many people I've worked with are pretentious so maybe that's why it doesn't happen so much. |
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"In thespian world I might call people "dahling" with my posh voice on and my tongue firmly in my cheek. Dear, nope, that's for old ladies. I call friends and children my lovely on occasion.
Mrs TMN x
Dear is NOT for old ladies ....... #notalloldladies "
NoTallOldLadies? Granny, we mustn't be height-ist |
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By *TG3Man 49 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I don't think its creepy at all but i guess if you get called something enough you eventually get tired of it like ' handsome hunk' or ' beefcake' or 'sex god' or 'mate'
If someone called me "handsome hunk" I'd probably laugh myself into an early grave! (Once I had established they didn't have any serious visual impairment!) you can't always see disability
I don't recall saying or implying you could.lol its ok it wasn't a criticism it was irony
Oh ok. Sorry. After being taken to task for asking questions, I may be being a little defensive! Sorry"
its ok |
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"Over the age of 70 plus its probably fine. Someone younger you're taking the piss!
Over the age of 70 is NOT fine.go back 10 years then reverse the sands of time "
Too late for me to lie - i'm out - well out. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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Depends on the person, one friend calls me this and I accept it even though he's not an 70 year old man but anyone I don't know, can come across as a bit patronising. |
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By *lder.Woman 49 weeks ago
Not Local |
I think I would be mortified to be called Dear Darling, I could imagine being said in a theatrical way, so it would probably make me smile, or I would expect them to burst into song or lean in for the double cheek kiss. I dont know anyone extrovert enough to do that |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"I think I would be mortified to be called Dear Darling, I could imagine being said in a theatrical way, so it would probably make me smile, or I would expect them to burst into song or lean in for the double cheek kiss. I dont know anyone extrovert enough to do that "
Omg I do that  |
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By *lder.Woman 49 weeks ago
Not Local |
"I think I would be mortified to be called Dear Darling, I could imagine being said in a theatrical way, so it would probably make me smile, or I would expect them to burst into song or lean in for the double cheek kiss. I dont know anyone extrovert enough to do that
Omg I do that "
That's brilliant, I think it might make my day to be greeted like that |
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If very much depends who it is and how they say it.
Lots of people call everyone "luv", I think in the NW it's "duck". I don't find generic colloquialisms offensive, amusing maybe if they're a lot younger than me.
I hate babe though and darling is only acceptable in a Cockney accent
Nita |
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"If very much depends who it is and how they say it.
Lots of people call everyone "luv", I think in the NW it's "duck". I don't find generic colloquialisms offensive, amusing maybe if they're a lot younger than me.
I hate babe though and darling is only acceptable in a Cockney accent
Nita"
Duck is more Midlands. Luv is definitely NW England, or more local colloquialisms like "cock" or "cocker" up here. |
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By *aizyWoman 49 weeks ago
west midlands |
"If very much depends who it is and how they say it.
Lots of people call everyone "luv", I think in the NW it's "duck". I don't find generic colloquialisms offensive, amusing maybe if they're a lot younger than me.
I hate babe though and darling is only acceptable in a Cockney accent
Nita
Duck is more Midlands. Luv is definitely NW England, or more local colloquialisms like "cock" or "cocker" up here. "
Yes, duck is definietly Midlands. |
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By *aizyWoman 49 weeks ago
west midlands |
"If very much depends who it is and how they say it.
Lots of people call everyone "luv", I think in the NW it's "duck". I don't find generic colloquialisms offensive, amusing maybe if they're a lot younger than me.
I hate babe though and darling is only acceptable in a Cockney accent
Nita
Duck is more Midlands. Luv is definitely NW England, or more local colloquialisms like "cock" or "cocker" up here.
Yes, duck is definietly Midlands."
*definitely |
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