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Is sex a big deal to you?
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By *sWyld OP Woman 41 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Just had an interesting chat with someone who was surprised to learn that sex is still a big deal for me, despite being on here.
I genuinely see it as a bit of an occasion (it doesn't happen often) and when it does I don't do it mindlessly or without thought. I genuinely do need to be in to the other person and I really do want it to be great for us both. It might be no strings but it's stil a big deal to be able to do it for me I guess. To be that vulnerable with someone and to litterally allow them inside me. That's kinda what makes it's great too though.
They seemed to think I'm odd. Thankfully their opinion is irrelevant to me!
So my question is it still a big deal for you?
Or do you just not give it that much thought?
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It’s a big deal to me too.
In a similar way as you describe. I’ve learned a lot in the last year. I have more self belief & as a result self respect. So I don’t necessarily “give it up” easy. But it doesn’t need to be love/romance whatever. But mutual respect.
It’s also a big deal in so much as I love it. It’s like my top hobby.  . And as such I want to savour every moment. Every sensation & feeling. I want an event. A marathon. |
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It’s a huge deal for me!
I dread to think what life would be like if one of the greatest pleasures there is to have became mundane and tedious.
I would say that rather than it being a surprise that someone on here things sex is a big deal, it would pretty much be a requirement surely?
Why be on here if it’s NOT a big deal? |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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It’s more important to me now in my 40s than when I was 20. It matters whom I am with and that we fancy each other. We need to be comfortable with each other. That chat after, when you lay naked together is the cherry on the top. |
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It's a very big deal for me. I won't compromise however by 'shooting' indiscriminately in every inconceivable direction.
It's important to me with whom I engage in all matters relating to sensuality.
Sex is important (to me). The friendships, the camaraderie and the forå is just a happy bonus. |
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"Just had an interesting chat with someone who was surprised to learn that sex is still a big deal for me, despite being on here.
I genuinely see it as a bit of an occasion (it doesn't happen often) and when it does I don't do it mindlessly or without thought. I genuinely do need to be in to the other person and I really do want it to be great for us both. It might be no strings but it's stil a big deal to be able to do it for me I guess. To be that vulnerable with someone and to litterally allow them inside me. That's kinda what makes it's great too though.
They seemed to think I'm odd. Thankfully their opinion is irrelevant to me!
So my question is it still a big deal for you?
Or do you just not give it that much thought?
"
I enjoy it and am happy when It comes about
But due to sertraline depression medication sex drive isn't as high as it could be |
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If I say it's not a big deal to me, will that be read as "I'll fuck anyone "?
I'm able to have sex as nothing more than a fun activity- depending on the circumstances, I require nothing more than a superficial connection |
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Yes it's a big deal for me too op.
I'd rather not meet anyone, than just do it for the sake of it.
I already have a partner, so I've got to really be into someone for it to get to that stage.
People are different though, some can sleep with people they're not attracted to or when they've not seen a face. |
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Yes. A big deal. Need that physical connection and if you have the chemistry and chat/flirting beforehand the results are incredible.
I would sooner go without than go with someone because I can. If that makes any fcukin sense to anyone at all. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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It’s a big deal for me.
There has to be something there between us before I have that desire to have sex with them and it can take a while to get to that stage.
I don’t want to have sex with someone just for the sake of it. |
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For me it's not a big deal, I've had FWB's that I've spent loads of time with say over a long weekend/or longer and we've not had sex but enjoyed other forms of intimacy. Sex will never be the be all and end all for me x |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"It’s more important to me now in my 40s than when I was 20. It matters whom I am with and that we fancy each other. We need to be comfortable with each other. That chat after, when you lay naked together is the cherry on the top. "
Exactly.. What you thinking kind of question. |
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I think sex is a fairly big deal for nearly everyone. People who enjoy gang bangs, dark rooms, anonymous encounters etc take it just as seriously as people who need to connect on a friendship level.
The bad effect that not having sex has on people is often highlighted in the fora too. |
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It has never been a big deal for me at any stage of my life and being on here makes zero difference.
I've gone 10 years without any form of sexual contact or intimacy at all but that didn't influence my actions when signing up here.
I've never been like a kid in a sweet shop and continue to be extremely fussy about who I choose to get naked with.
I enjoy sex and when I'm having it I'm fully focused on the person I'm with but I've never needed it or relied on it to get through my day.
I've said no at least twice as often as I've said yes in my 8 years here. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Big deal for me op. Who I have intimacy counts more than a shower on my own. I cannot just fuck anything either. Big deal all over.
The messages of intimacy, wanting, yearning, describing well before my body says 'I fancy you' are a big deal
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Yes. A big deal. Need that physical connection and if you have the chemistry and chat/flirting beforehand the results are incredible.
I would sooner go without than go with someone because I can. If that makes any fcukin sense to anyone at all. "
It makes perfect sense. The foreplay of messages are important to me too.
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By *ornycougaWoman 41 weeks ago
NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat |
For it depends on the person. I can meet, flirt, fuck and go. Have a great time but not give it a second thought afterwards.
With others it's a big deal. I savour the building of sexual tension and excitement in the run up to seeing them, along with almost ritualisting preparation leading to the meet. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Of course it’s a big deal. I enjoy sex, and it becomes super special when it’s someone I like, I’m literally sharing myself with them, and they’re giving me the privilege of giving me my desire of them. It’s fucking hot, it’s damn exciting and it’s a moment I cherish. |
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It's not that big a deal for me. Nakedness is fantastic. Yes heels, lingerie, lipstick, good hair all add but when everything is stripped off and you're rolling around in each other, I'm not thinking 'I've found my second sun', I'm thinking 'ooh, that neck looks nice, it's going in the wank bank'.
Intimacy, connection, humour, chemistry aren't things that come with weeks or months of chats, you either get along from the off or it's a strained attempt to find things or similar interest. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 41 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
It is a big deal for me, otherwise I wouldn't still be "not meeting" after a year on here. I also recently was interrogated by someone on here who thought I was weird for this reason. "Why are you here then?", "What a waste!", etc. Followed by attempts to find the button that would convince me to open my legs.
Sigh.
When I'm ready, I'll know. Until then, although I may flirt and make promiscuous noises on the forum, it is a big deal, and I'm not a commodity.
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By *aizyWoman 41 weeks ago
west midlands |
"It is a big deal for me, otherwise I wouldn't still be "not meeting" after a year on here. I also recently was interrogated by someone on here who thought I was weird for this reason. "Why are you here then?", "What a waste!", etc. Followed by attempts to find the button that would convince me to open my legs.
Sigh.
When I'm ready, I'll know. Until then, although I may flirt and make promiscuous noises on the forum, it is a big deal, and I'm not a commodity.
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It's not a waste you being on here, I love seeing you in the forums and chatting to you, you use fab however you want, and have sex whenever you want! |
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Big deal as I’m not up to my waist in a river full of easily catchable women.
I’ll make an effort in advance and even if it doesn’t happen at least I’ve been presentable and decent.
If there’s a possibly to dabble with lady parts, then at least look nice and smell nice to give yourself a chance. |
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Yes. As I have got older, for reasons beyond my control, the availability of sex has diminished and to be honest I’m kinda cool with that, but when I connect with someone and it happens, it’s a huge deal. Not in a “oh god marry me” kinda way but in a “wow you enjoy my company enough that you want to be intimate, that’s awesome”
Finding out that someone enjoys your presence enough to want to indulge in mutual pleasure is pretty cool in my book. |
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By *ezandCCouple 41 weeks ago
Telford |
Yes, the build up and anticipation, getting ready, the scents we choose, the messages we send, everything really. We enjoy a quickly every now and then but it’s more about it being something for us to look forward to. |
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By *a LunaWoman 41 weeks ago
South Wales |
I barely think of it currently.
But that’s my hormones and the fact I’m single.
If I’m with someone I truly desire and lust after I can be a bit of a sex pest. I like regular sex. Doesn’t have to be hour long sessions, a quickie would suffice.
I enjoy kissing and cuddles too.
I think I’d be very unhappy in a relationship without any of that to look forward to. |
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Yes it’s a huge deal. I won’t have sex unless there is absolute fire. (And I’m fit and well enough to fully appreciate that.) I know it when I find it and am more than happy to wait years in between. |
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"It's not a big deal to me in that I'm happy even if I'm not being sexually active. Talking about men on here then, yes it's a big deal, it has to be right."
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In essence the gentleman has to be a Gin drinker.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Yes. A big deal. Need that physical connection and if you have the chemistry and chat/flirting beforehand the results are incredible.
I would sooner go without than go with someone because I can. If that makes any fcukin sense to anyone at all. "
Yes, makes sense and I agree 100%. I'd rather go without (and I have done for a long time) if there isn't a connection  |
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By *edeWoman 41 weeks ago
the abyss |
It's definitely a big deal for me. If my head isn't into it then there is no enjoyment for me. I have to feel comfortable with the person/people and be in the right frame of mind otherwise I may as well be doing the dishes |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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It doesn't happen often enough to not be a big deal to me! I love the flirting, the teasing, the build up, the preparation to look nice, the butterflies when you see them, and then the release when getting into the moment when you have them behind closed doors. It's a big fucking deal for me |
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Sex is a major deal for me too but not just the act itself but also in that it motivates me to eat better and at least think about being healthier. I use sex as a focus for wanting to look and feel good. It only works up to a point but I know I would be a virtual couch potato if not for wanting to play. |
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"Yes... it's just the baggage that normally goes with it I've no use for, and can do with out. Hence fab"
Thank you. I have been trying to type this for the last half hour.
I just wish I had the abilities to live that lifestyle, but too few share the outlook (and those who do don't need to bother with me).
Is sex a big deal? I can't remember.
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It's complicated. Mentally and emotionally sex is a massive thing for me. So much that my self-doubt, and my trans identity issues (for the major part of my life unfocused and undefined even to myself, but I now recognise as always being part of who I am) has made me stumble and fail in most of my attempts to build relationships with women. Seems crazy when I'm on this site, and I've been to clubs and fab socials and such, but in basically every personal interaction outside of the fab world I have no idea how to even start talking about physical intimacy with somebody that I like. Even in my marriage, sex was something that I didn't really talk about, there was an ever present fear that doing so would somehow lead to the collapse of our relationship.
So although sex is important to me, it's actually happened very infrequently in my life (including during 35 years of marriage, until her death 18 months ago), mostly because of my inability to communicate about it. And of course after so long, I've ended up worrying that I won't be any good at it any more, even not knowing if I ever did really know what I was doing. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.
Fab, and these forums, do allow me to sometimes bare my soul like this - secure in the knowledge that few of you know who I am, few of you care about the confusion of a random past her best trans woman, and that most of those who I do know and care about have crossed the threshold into being friends and I don't really see them as potential sex partners any more.
So there you are, sex is important to me, no it doesn't happen and has seldom happened, yes it would be really nice if it did happen, no I don't really expect it will happen. Complicated. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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I honestly don't care about sex these days, when I was 18 it was different because it was new then but sex is like food and video games, the more you play it/eat it, the more boring it becomes until eventually you just can't stand it. I'd rather have passionate kissing than sex anyday.
Don't get me wrong, I like sex, but to me sex is like having a job. The money at the end is fun in the same way that the cuddles/kissing at the end of sex is fun. Apart from that its just kinda boring and I can think of a thousand things I'd rather be doing. |
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"So my question is it still a big deal for you?"
I guess there are two ways to take that question. Is sex important to you? (Yes. Really fucking important.) Or is sex something you have to build up to? (Erm … maybe. Sometimes. It depends. That’s a trickier question.)
And I suspect you meant the latter. |
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I'd say yes and know. Sex isn't a big deal but the right people/person is. There has to be some connection and attraction other than a purely physical one otherwise it's just a bit mechanical if that makes sense? |
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By *neforutoMan 41 weeks ago
Fantasy land in the SW |
Yes and no for me. I love the close intimacy, the touching, feeling desired and laying in bed afterwards. That being said due to our circumstances, as now being a full time carer, those things went long ago through no fault of our own. I still want to feel those things but accept that they will be fleeting and far apart. |
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Before I met C sex was nice but it wasn’t a big deal.
Now it’s in my thoughts a lot more - we are very sexually active between us both and then I’m browsing on here, contributing to threads about sex, so sex plays a big part of my day.
We love having a connection with our play partners - we aren’t fuck and go types so sex isn’t just thrown about.
We strive for top drawer sex/fantasies so it’s about creating the right environment for that to happen, so sex is a big deal as we put effort into it.
K |
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