FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you prioritise
Do you prioritise
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"If the feeling isn't mutual, why would I fuck about with someone who's playing you along?  "
I’m trying to imagine they’re not playing you along they’re just not prioritising you |
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"If the feeling isn't mutual, why would I fuck about with someone who's playing you along?
I’m trying to imagine they’re not playing you along they’re just not prioritising you"
I'm not willing to be second choice   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"No. I don't tend to practice hierarchal polyamory. I love all my partners equally, but for different reasons."
I didn’t mean this intentionally to be a question around hierarchical poly but I see how it is. The question isn’t about how much love you have for them or about loving them equally, I meant it as in, do you prioritise surveying time with some more than others? And I wonder if that is unavoidable? Someone will always be the first person you ask on a specific day. Someone will always be newer to the dynamic and maybe therefore not a priority in terms of organising something. Etc. Or I imagine. But that could be because I am in a hierarchical set up so naturally think that way idk. |
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By *a LunaWoman 42 weeks ago
South Wales |
To me, if I had multiple partners but I was getting a hankering to spend time with one more than the others then I would see that as a sign that the others were just superfluous.
But then I’m not a swinger or Poly so……I dunno.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I don’t have 1…. Ffs. so I can’t relate.
But that’s where swinging is awkward for me, imagine someone putting someone as thier number 1, but they have them as their number 3….. how does that work? |
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With lovers It will depend on who I’m vibing with the most at that time.
Partners are different as I’ll only have one at a time and they will usually be prioritised over other lovers. That being said I’m not going to prioritise them all the time. I don’t want to be someone’s whole world, just the sweetest part of it. There would need to be the understand that I like to spend time with others as well. |
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"I don’t have 1…. Ffs. so I can’t relate.
But that’s where swinging is awkward for me, imagine someone putting someone as thier number 1, but they have them as their number 3….. how does that work? "
I've had a few men say they want to be my number 1. I tell them I don't have a hierarchy for my sexual partners.
I meet them based on what they're offering; if our free time allows.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I don’t have 1…. Ffs. so I can’t relate.
But that’s where swinging is awkward for me, imagine someone putting someone as thier number 1, but they have them as their number 3….. how does that work? "
I think a factor is also time and capacity. You could be someone’s number 1 but they don’t have time to meet often, they live far etc. so you’re an ideal number one for their life. But that isn’t an ideal number one for you.
This is just a quickly imagined scenario but I don’t think it has to be heartbreaking is my point |
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"I think in many ways I'm only ever an option for the people in my life. I try not to focus on that though or I'd spend my life assuming they always had a better offer!
"
This resonates. With the exception of Ailsa, I don’t think anyone would prioritise time with me - be that friends or lovers. It’s okay though, I’m at peace with this Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I don’t have 1…. Ffs. so I can’t relate.
But that’s where swinging is awkward for me, imagine someone putting someone as thier number 1, but they have them as their number 3….. how does that work?
I've had a few men say they want to be my number 1. I tell them I don't have a hierarchy for my sexual partners.
I meet them based on what they're offering; if our free time allows.
"
Free time allowing is why I think most people prioritise. Or why I imagine they do |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"With lovers It will depend on who I’m vibing with the most at that time.
Partners are different as I’ll only have one at a time and they will usually be prioritised over other lovers. That being said I’m not going to prioritise them all the time. I don’t want to be someone’s whole world, just the sweetest part of it. There would need to be the understand that I like to spend time with others as well. "
Who you vibe with most is fair.
I get that |
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If I was ever lucky enough to have multiple partners I can’t imagine I’d say no to one just in case another was available. But as my all time high is 1, then that might be a perspective point of view! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"If I was ever lucky enough to have multiple partners I can’t imagine I’d say no to one just in case another was available. But as my all time high is 1, then that might be a perspective point of view!"
Interesting I get you.
I don’t imagine it as saying no to people but I guess I should’ve considered that scenario. I meant as in, when you have free time you prioritise seeing some people if they’re available. But you still have other people that you see or want to see. Idk |
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"I don’t have 1…. Ffs. so I can’t relate.
But that’s where swinging is awkward for me, imagine someone putting someone as thier number 1, but they have them as their number 3….. how does that work?
I think a factor is also time and capacity. You could be someone’s number 1 but they don’t have time to meet often, they live far etc. so you’re an ideal number one for their life. But that isn’t an ideal number one for you.
This is just a quickly imagined scenario but I don’t think it has to be heartbreaking is my point"
If I'm having sex with someone regularly, it's because I'm very attracted to them and enjoy the sex.
Sex with one man is different to another, but I enjoy them equally.
There's no, one is better than the other, so gets put ahead, but, if one was to go quiet and the other/s weren't I'd be less inclined to want to meet the one who didn’t seem that interested. |
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"If I was ever lucky enough to have multiple partners I can’t imagine I’d say no to one just in case another was available. But as my all time high is 1, then that might be a perspective point of view!
Interesting I get you.
I don’t imagine it as saying no to people but I guess I should’ve considered that scenario. I meant as in, when you have free time you prioritise seeing some people if they’re available. But you still have other people that you see or want to see. Idk "
Ok, I understand. When I have free time I’m often open to a meet, but as they are very rare, I’m often looking in the background as I do other things. |
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By *eliWoman 42 weeks ago
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I think I do prioritise people to a certain extent. Maybe not prioritise, more likely to give them energy.
In terms of partners/lovers? Well my fiancé will always take priority. I try and not make people feel like options, platonic or sexual. Instead I like to make an effort and ensure that I sort of... make time for everyone? Headspace depending on various factors. If I want to spend time with someone, I do. If I want to talk, I will.
I'm a bit of a people pleaser though and feel guilty if I'm not giving people that time and energy. Like I have to make up for it if I've been quiet or my energy is elsewhere.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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It can be tough for me to prioritise all of the young totty I have on the go. They're all assigned a colour jn my Google cal and it's important that I see the same amount of turquoise, peach and graphite across the month! |
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I don't prioritise between my special friends. We all have different relationships and we fit like a jigsaw regarding free time and availability. With them meeting others, no-one is waiting for someone else, to fill a slot as such
I do however prioritise them, above fuck buddies, as we are in ltr's and fuck buddies come and go |
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By *bi HaiveMan 42 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"If I was ever lucky enough to have multiple partners I can’t imagine I’d say no to one just in case another was available. But as my all time high is 1, then that might be a perspective point of view!
Interesting I get you.
I don’t imagine it as saying no to people but I guess I should’ve considered that scenario. I meant as in, when you have free time you prioritise seeing some people if they’re available. But you still have other people that you see or want to see. Idk "
Being new to having a relationship with someone that's poly and already had an existing partner, for me it's been an interesting experience and my situation is obviously different to many, given that I don't have multiple relationship partners - just the one.
I do prioritise them when I'm free and have sufficient time off to travel to see them, but I'd never get stressy if/when they have plans with their other partner if the dates coincided. Nor would I ever expect them to jump through hoops or rejig their diary to make a trip to see me. If we can spend time together that's great. If we can't for a few weeks that's also fine.
Distance will always be an issue as will work and balancing time with other people, be that partners, friends or family. But that also gives you the freedom to enjoy personal time and space, which is important.
As long as you're communicating clearly and making sure you don't make someone feel in any way less important or valued, then life will be good. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I prioritise my family.
If you mean FAB contacts as "lovers" then I don't mess them about but they are not in the same category as family.
Bit confused by your post."
I am too confused by the op |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I prioritise my family.
If you mean FAB contacts as "lovers" then I don't mess them about but they are not in the same category as family.
Bit confused by your post."
Do you prioritise some lovers and/or partners over others? That’s the first question. Think that clarity should help with the second one. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I prioritise my family.
If you mean FAB contacts as "lovers" then I don't mess them about but they are not in the same category as family.
Bit confused by your post.
I am too confused by the op"
So why did you answer ‘no’ then?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I don't prioritise between my special friends. We all have different relationships and we fit like a jigsaw regarding free time and availability. With them meeting others, no-one is waiting for someone else, to fill a slot as such
I do however prioritise them, above fuck buddies, as we are in ltr's and fuck buddies come and go "
I like this way of putting it. And do you know instantly if they’re to be a fb and not a special friend? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"is this becomes a frequent.issue then.probably it's an indicator that your life has,become too complicated and it's probably time to simplify it so you can be fair to everyone."
You can’t always be fair to everyone. We’re not fair to everyone with our time. We simply cannot split our time evenly between everyone that wants it. |
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By *lder.Woman 42 weeks ago
Not Local |
I havent had much experience but have had a little overlap between two very special people at one time, but I think I can only really focus on one person at a time (as I got/get quite intense) so I would prioritise the one that I was meeting the most. And then, I would need to know there was a clear end/break with one before moving on again. Im not poly I reckon  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I havent had much experience but have had a little overlap between two very special people at one time, but I think I can only really focus on one person at a time (as I got/get quite intense) so I would prioritise the one that I was meeting the most. And then, I would need to know there was a clear end/break with one before moving on again. Im not poly I reckon "
I skipped to the end where you said you’re not poly and got my tiny violin out |
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By *lder.Woman 42 weeks ago
Not Local |
"I havent had much experience but have had a little overlap between two very special people at one time, but I think I can only really focus on one person at a time (as I got/get quite intense) so I would prioritise the one that I was meeting the most. And then, I would need to know there was a clear end/break with one before moving on again. Im not poly I reckon
I skipped to the end where you said you’re not poly and got my tiny violin out"
Im not currently anything. Nunlike, I have been playing my tiny violin for eons |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I havent had much experience but have had a little overlap between two very special people at one time, but I think I can only really focus on one person at a time (as I got/get quite intense) so I would prioritise the one that I was meeting the most. And then, I would need to know there was a clear end/break with one before moving on again. Im not poly I reckon
I skipped to the end where you said you’re not poly and got my tiny violin out
Im not currently anything. Nunlike, I have been playing my tiny violin for eons "
Hahaha. Is that a joke about being old |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I havent had much experience but have had a little overlap between two very special people at one time, but I think I can only really focus on one person at a time (as I got/get quite intense) so I would prioritise the one that I was meeting the most. And then, I would need to know there was a clear end/break with one before moving on again. Im not poly I reckon
I skipped to the end where you said you’re not poly and got my tiny violin out
Im not currently anything. Nunlike, I have been playing my tiny violin for eons
Hahaha. Is that a joke about being old"
Unlucky for you, I like older women |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I like to think i prioritise the important people in my life... However, if i don't feel prioritised i may retreat, but you never know what is happening in someone's else's life, so i try not to overthink and just chill a little |
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"I prioritise my family.
If you mean FAB contacts as "lovers" then I don't mess them about but they are not in the same category as family.
Bit confused by your post.
Do you prioritise some lovers and/or partners over others? That’s the first question. Think that clarity should help with the second one. "
I don't have lovers and only have 1 husband.
Are you saying a man I have sex with at a party is classed as a lover, not in my world he isn't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I prioritise my family.
If you mean FAB contacts as "lovers" then I don't mess them about but they are not in the same category as family.
Bit confused by your post.
Do you prioritise some lovers and/or partners over others? That’s the first question. Think that clarity should help with the second one.
I don't have lovers and only have 1 husband.
Are you saying a man I have sex with at a party is classed as a lover, not in my world he isn't. "
No  I’m not saying that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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"I prioritise my family.
If you mean FAB contacts as "lovers" then I don't mess them about but they are not in the same category as family.
Bit confused by your post.
Do you prioritise some lovers and/or partners over others? That’s the first question. Think that clarity should help with the second one.
I don't have lovers and only have 1 husband.
Are you saying a man I have sex with at a party is classed as a lover, not in my world he isn't.
No I’m not saying that "
If it isn’t applicable to you then it isn’t applicable to you |
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By *stellaWoman 42 weeks ago
London |
"Partners/ lovers?
Do you prioritise based on who prioritises you?"
I don’t prioritise partners/lovers over platonic friends, or vice versa - relationship anarchy for the win.
I do think I prioritise based on who prioritises me, not as a punitive measure just a kinda matching energy vibe. Unless someone is struggling and simply needs me, then I’m there. |
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I refuse to go back to just one...
simply because men my age have baggage excuses etc and can't don't make me their priority... and therefore yes I give preference to the ones who can make the most effort to attend to my needs |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Not really. People have many reasons for priorities. It's no bother to me if people have more important shit to do, I'm not the main character on this Earth.
For example mine goes:
My partner
My best friend
My cat
My parents (long story as to why my cat is higher than my parents)
Anyone else.
If a fuck buddy or even an fwb is upset that I'd choose my own parents over them then I don't think I want to be around them anyway. |
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