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Genuine question
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Few weeks back me and the other half had a night out! Way too much alcohol in hindsight. I was accused of looking at another woman. I did the right thing and apologised as I didn’t even realise I had and explained it this way.
Anyhoo! The next part of the conversation came to be her sharing how she notices women rather than men when out. Being the red blooded male
I am and open as I am I probed a little but it didn’t go down too well. I only asked what kinds of women did she like and was this something she wanted explore.
She said she was trying assure me she wasn’t about to run off with another man and this should not come as shock to me because she’s been with women before ( she told me about 1-2 encounters many years ago in her teens) I explained it was a biggish thing as it’s never come up in our 15 years together but also emphasised it’s wasn’t a problem ( it really isn’t) the night ended with her quite angry and our kid free home being wasted.
My question is this? Is it likely it was juts drink talking or is there something more to it? I’ve always wondered about one of her friends who she really likes. The other night they were out together and for some reason ended up walking back to her house at 2am not getting a cab despite being equi distant to home I’d already told her I was waiting for her for some fun . Eventually she arrived home at 4 am stating she must have fallen asleep on friends sofa.
Slight concern is they’re going away together for a week on holiday soon. She does always tend to get hammered while out with this friend too!
Hive mind Is anything happening or am I being a complete nutter.
Ps I’ve no problem with it if I know it’s happening ( as she knows about me here ) just don’t like the idea of it actually being cheating. |
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I’m here with consent the problem she had was that I’d apparently been quite blatant. I was very d*unk and had no idea I’d actually done so! I’m still not convinced. She went on to say that it was fine because she was an attractive woman and that’s how the second part came about. Also part of the deal is that it’s not brought into our normal lives and she clearly felt maybe I’d crossed a boundary |
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By *a LunaWoman 43 weeks ago
South Wales |
1. Most women who are in monagamous relationships have a problem with their fella eyeing up other women IN THEIR PRESENCE. I say that because it probably be no issue if you did it alone.
2. Most women don’t want to hear their fella getting excited by the thought of her being with someone else (male or female) they tend to prefer it if you get a bit archaic and caveman like about it.
3. Just because someone says something when d*unk doesn’t mean they mean it.
4. There could be something in the female friend thing but the only way you’ll find out is if you ask her in a reasonable fashion.
|
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"1. Most women who are in monagamous relationships have a problem with their fella eyeing up other women IN THEIR PRESENCE. I say that because it probably be no issue if you did it alone.
2. Most women don’t want to hear their fella getting excited by the thought of her being with someone else (male or female) they tend to prefer it if you get a bit archaic and caveman like about it.
3. Just because someone says something when d*unk doesn’t mean they mean it.
4. There could be something in the female friend thing but the only way you’ll find out is if you ask her in a reasonable fashion.
"
Working up the courage to that one. Thanks for the insight |
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"Okay.
Ignoring that red flag.
Ask her. If she reacts oddly or you don't believe her answer, consider where the relationship is going wrong and consider therapy  "
Thank you it’s appreciated. Perhaps I chills have been clearer in stating the consent thing and that we’ve had some experiences together a long time ago. So she’s not alien to it all. |
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Your ego couldn't accept she prefers the friend over you but she's accepted you ...with permission of course...can flirt etc with any online Willy and Sally..
She's given you an ego pass she's enjoying her best life while you're in fantasy land. She wasn't angry you looked it was an excuse to avoid having to "use the child free night". When her mind was elsewhere. |
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"Your ego couldn't accept she prefers the friend over you but she's accepted you ...with permission of course...can flirt etc with any online Willy and Sally..
She's given you an ego pass she's enjoying her best life while you're in fantasy land. She wasn't angry you looked it was an excuse to avoid having to "use the child free night". When her mind was elsewhere."
Perhaps ! Hence the question. Thanks for the response |
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"Few weeks back me and the other half had a night out! Way too much alcohol in hindsight. I was accused of looking at another woman. I did the right thing and apologised as I didn’t even realise I had and explained it this way.
Anyhoo! The next part of the conversation came to be her sharing how she notices women rather than men when out. Being the red blooded male
I am and open as I am I probed a little but it didn’t go down too well. I only asked what kinds of women did she like and was this something she wanted explore.
She said she was trying assure me she wasn’t about to run off with another man and this should not come as shock to me because she’s been with women before ( she told me about 1-2 encounters many years ago in her teens) I explained it was a biggish thing as it’s never come up in our 15 years together but also emphasised it’s wasn’t a problem ( it really isn’t) the night ended with her quite angry and our kid free home being wasted.
My question is this? Is it likely it was juts drink talking or is there something more to it? I’ve always wondered about one of her friends who she really likes. The other night they were out together and for some reason ended up walking back to her house at 2am not getting a cab despite being equi distant to home I’d already told her I was waiting for her for some fun . Eventually she arrived home at 4 am stating she must have fallen asleep on friends sofa.
Slight concern is they’re going away together for a week on holiday soon. She does always tend to get hammered while out with this friend too!
Hive mind Is anything happening or am I being a complete nutter.
Ps I’ve no problem with it if I know it’s happening ( as she knows about me here ) just don’t like the idea of it actually being cheating. "
OP I think you’re reading waaaay too much into things.
You were out together for a nice evening and, regardless of her consenting to your activities online, she wanted you to pay her some attention. It sounds like you have a busy family life and she wanted a good old grown ups night out with her man. Instead, you perved over another chick and she’s pissed about that. When you apologised, she reinforced her point by saying she wouldn’t go out ogling other blokes.
Re the looking at women point, she probably meant looking at outfits, shoes, bags etc, not sexually.
She’s now even more pissed because you took her innocent point and sexualised it.
My advice - drop it and pay her some attention! |
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"Few weeks back me and the other half had a night out! Way too much alcohol in hindsight. I was accused of looking at another woman. I did the right thing and apologised as I didn’t even realise I had and explained it this way.
Anyhoo! The next part of the conversation came to be her sharing how she notices women rather than men when out. Being the red blooded male
I am and open as I am I probed a little but it didn’t go down too well. I only asked what kinds of women did she like and was this something she wanted explore.
She said she was trying assure me she wasn’t about to run off with another man and this should not come as shock to me because she’s been with women before ( she told me about 1-2 encounters many years ago in her teens) I explained it was a biggish thing as it’s never come up in our 15 years together but also emphasised it’s wasn’t a problem ( it really isn’t) the night ended with her quite angry and our kid free home being wasted.
My question is this? Is it likely it was juts drink talking or is there something more to it? I’ve always wondered about one of her friends who she really likes. The other night they were out together and for some reason ended up walking back to her house at 2am not getting a cab despite being equi distant to home I’d already told her I was waiting for her for some fun . Eventually she arrived home at 4 am stating she must have fallen asleep on friends sofa.
Slight concern is they’re going away together for a week on holiday soon. She does always tend to get hammered while out with this friend too!
Hive mind Is anything happening or am I being a complete nutter.
Ps I’ve no problem with it if I know it’s happening ( as she knows about me here ) just don’t like the idea of it actually being cheating.
OP I think you’re reading waaaay too much into things.
You were out together for a nice evening and, regardless of her consenting to your activities online, she wanted you to pay her some attention. It sounds like you have a busy family life and she wanted a good old grown ups night out with her man. Instead, you perved over another chick and she’s pissed about that. When you apologised, she reinforced her point by saying she wouldn’t go out ogling other blokes.
Re the looking at women point, she probably meant looking at outfits, shoes, bags etc, not sexually.
She’s now even more pissed because you took her innocent point and sexualised it.
My advice - drop it and pay her some attention!
"
She did say it was sexually not in regards to fashion etc. but fair point on some other stuff. Thanks for the guidance. |
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You can't ask anything here on a single mans profile, without some jumping to conclusions.
It could be nothing, but some people do get annoyed and defensive when there's truth behind your questions. Keep an eye on the situation and tread lightly with your questions. It's always best to talk when both of you are sober and not stressed |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
|
"I'm just wondering what 'anyhoo' means???
·
It’s a variant of “anyhow”
•
 I was thinking the same. I've learned a new word. I won't be using it though, but thank you anywaa.  "
Fify  |
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"You can't ask anything here on a single mans profile, without some jumping to conclusions.
It could be nothing, but some people do get annoyed and defensive when there's truth behind your questions. Keep an eye on the situation and tread lightly with your questions. It's always best to talk when both of you are sober and not stressed"
Yeah was kinda getting that Vibe lol! Was unsure what I’d done wrong. Posted looking for the hive mind to work its magic and give a view point other than my own. Think i must have got it wrong |
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"Few weeks back me and the other half had a night out! Way too much alcohol in hindsight. I was accused of looking at another woman. I did the right thing and apologised as I didn’t even realise I had and explained it this way.
Anyhoo! The next part of the conversation came to be her sharing how she notices women rather than men when out. Being the red blooded male
I am and open as I am I probed a little but it didn’t go down too well. I only asked what kinds of women did she like and was this something she wanted explore.
She said she was trying assure me she wasn’t about to run off with another man and this should not come as shock to me because she’s been with women before ( she told me about 1-2 encounters many years ago in her teens) I explained it was a biggish thing as it’s never come up in our 15 years together but also emphasised it’s wasn’t a problem ( it really isn’t) the night ended with her quite angry and our kid free home being wasted.
My question is this? Is it likely it was juts drink talking or is there something more to it? I’ve always wondered about one of her friends who she really likes. The other night they were out together and for some reason ended up walking back to her house at 2am not getting a cab despite being equi distant to home I’d already told her I was waiting for her for some fun . Eventually she arrived home at 4 am stating she must have fallen asleep on friends sofa.
Slight concern is they’re going away together for a week on holiday soon. She does always tend to get hammered while out with this friend too!
Hive mind Is anything happening or am I being a complete nutter.
Ps I’ve no problem with it if I know it’s happening ( as she knows about me here ) just don’t like the idea of it actually being cheating.
OP I think you’re reading waaaay too much into things.
You were out together for a nice evening and, regardless of her consenting to your activities online, she wanted you to pay her some attention. It sounds like you have a busy family life and she wanted a good old grown ups night out with her man. Instead, you perved over another chick and she’s pissed about that. When you apologised, she reinforced her point by saying she wouldn’t go out ogling other blokes.
Re the looking at women point, she probably meant looking at outfits, shoes, bags etc, not sexually.
She’s now even more pissed because you took her innocent point and sexualised it.
My advice - drop it and pay her some attention!"
This man knows. |
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Thanks for all the responses. I had the conversation sober as suggested and well
So it turns
Out I was half right! Only I didn’t know the depths.
She is not only interested in women but has been having a steady supply of partners make and female on the side for the past 6 years. Ranging from one nighters to full blown affairs, with that one friend in question. The trip she’s going on is actually a planned sexy week i shit you not -!: the idea of me joining here came from said friend who is also apparently a member as a way to help her feel less guilty because then she could justify it slightly in her own head.
So with hindsight I feel that perhaps the drink had loosened the lips a little more than they should. She also said that.
15 years down the pan always a good way to spend a Sunday.
I asked why and there was no real response nor explanation.
Happy fabbing people.
Do me a favour please be kind to people here as sometimes just sometimes it’s not a filthy cheating husband or a liar it’s a bloke looking for a bit of help or advice |
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Oh and the 4 am get home after leaving a pub at 2 and walking In totally the opposite direction to home was because she and her mate had pulled and clearly they couldn’t come back here. Fucks sake |
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"Thanks for all the responses. I had the conversation sober as suggested and well
So it turns
Out I was half right! Only I didn’t know the depths.
She is not only interested in women but has been having a steady supply of partners make and female on the side for the past 6 years. Ranging from one nighters to full blown affairs, with that one friend in question. The trip she’s going on is actually a planned sexy week i shit you not -!: the idea of me joining here came from said friend who is also apparently a member as a way to help her feel less guilty because then she could justify it slightly in her own head.
So with hindsight I feel that perhaps the drink had loosened the lips a little more than they should. She also said that.
15 years down the pan always a good way to spend a Sunday.
I asked why and there was no real response nor explanation.
Happy fabbing people.
Do me a favour please be kind to people here as sometimes just sometimes it’s not a filthy cheating husband or a liar it’s a bloke looking for a bit of help or advice "
I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP... must feel like a kick in the teeth...sending hugs xx |
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"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?"
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess |
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"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess "
 well if you need a chat my inbox is always open x |
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"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess
well if you need a chat my inbox is always open x"
Much appreciated I’m not even sure what I’d say or where to start |
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"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess
well if you need a chat my inbox is always open x
Much appreciated I’m not even sure what I’d say or where to start "
Whatever is in your head ... x |
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"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess
well if you need a chat my inbox is always open x
Much appreciated I’m not even sure what I’d say or where to start
Whatever is in your head ... x"
Just attempted but
I can’t as I’m not a site supporter at present l. Thank you though |
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"Belongs in the fantasy forum"
Thanks helpful as ever.
You’re either rude or illiterate and and cannot read! I wish you the best and hope you bang your little toe on furniture every week for the next 8 years.
Horrible |
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"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess
well if you need a chat my inbox is always open x
Much appreciated I’m not even sure what I’d say or where to start
Whatever is in your head ... x
Just attempted but
I can’t as I’m not a site supporter at present l. Thank you though "
I've messaged you privately...don't know if that will work x |
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"Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess "
Exactly this, OP
Would have been a different story if you were female IMO  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
|
"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess "
You just said your partner has been seeing others for 6 years. You said she didn't come home because she pulled but you say it is a medical reason for a dry spell.. Which is it op? |
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"Sorry to here this, OP. Hope you're Okay?
I’m not great if I’m honest but what can I do. Fairly certain I will be leaving the site in the very near future. It wasn’t really my idea and came off the back of a very dry spell in the relationship after my partner had some medical issues for a while and couldn’t get physical or so I was led to believe. Since found out otherwise as mentioned. I also wasn’t particularly successful lol!
Just a wanted to leave a note to ask people to be less judgy and more helpful or silent if they felt the need to be horrible. I was here with good intentions and it’s backfired l. Such is life I guess
You just said your partner has been seeing others for 6 years. You said she didn't come home because she pulled but you say it is a medical reason for a dry spell.. Which is it op? "
I think they are separate events |
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The dry spell due to her medical needs l is historic and was the reason this place was touted to me at the time or so I thought the actual reason has proved to be slightly more sinister. The not coming home is recent as in 8 days ago Saturdays recent |
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By *na64Woman 42 weeks ago
Manchester |
"
OP I think you’re reading waaaay too much into things.
You were out together for a nice evening and, regardless of her consenting to your activities online, she wanted you to pay her some attention. It sounds like you have a busy family life and she wanted a good old grown ups night out with her man. Instead, you perved over another chick and she’s pissed about that. When you apologised, she reinforced her point by saying she wouldn’t go out ogling other blokes.
Re the looking at women point, she probably meant looking at outfits, shoes, bags etc, not sexually.
She’s now even more pissed because you took her innocent point and sexualised it.
My advice - drop it and pay her some attention!"
Wow think you’ve hit the nail on the head there |
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"
OP I think you’re reading waaaay too much into things.
You were out together for a nice evening and, regardless of her consenting to your activities online, she wanted you to pay her some attention. It sounds like you have a busy family life and she wanted a good old grown ups night out with her man. Instead, you perved over another chick and she’s pissed about that. When you apologised, she reinforced her point by saying she wouldn’t go out ogling other blokes.
Re the looking at women point, she probably meant looking at outfits, shoes, bags etc, not sexually.
She’s now even more pissed because you took her innocent point and sexualised it.
My advice - drop it and pay her some attention!
Wow think you’ve hit the nail on the head there"
Or not in the slightest |
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"
OP I think you’re reading waaaay too much into things.
You were out together for a nice evening and, regardless of her consenting to your activities online, she wanted you to pay her some attention. It sounds like you have a busy family life and she wanted a good old grown ups night out with her man. Instead, you perved over another chick and she’s pissed about that. When you apologised, she reinforced her point by saying she wouldn’t go out ogling other blokes.
Re the looking at women point, she probably meant looking at outfits, shoes, bags etc, not sexually.
She’s now even more pissed because you took her innocent point and sexualised it.
My advice - drop it and pay her some attention!
Wow think you’ve hit the nail on the head there"
I'm not sure they did |
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"Few weeks back me and the other half had a night out! Way too much alcohol in hindsight. I was accused of looking at another woman. I did the right thing and apologised as I didn’t even realise I had and explained it this way.
Anyhoo! The next part of the conversation came to be her sharing how she notices women rather than men when out. Being the red blooded male
I am and open as I am I probed a little but it didn’t go down too well. I only asked what kinds of women did she like and was this something she wanted explore.
She said she was trying assure me she wasn’t about to run off with another man and this should not come as shock to me because she’s been with women before ( she told me about 1-2 encounters many years ago in her teens) I explained it was a biggish thing as it’s never come up in our 15 years together but also emphasised it’s wasn’t a problem ( it really isn’t) the night ended with her quite angry and our kid free home being wasted.
My question is this? Is it likely it was juts drink talking or is there something more to it? I’ve always wondered about one of her friends who she really likes. The other night they were out together and for some reason ended up walking back to her house at 2am not getting a cab despite being equi distant to home I’d already told her I was waiting for her for some fun . Eventually she arrived home at 4 am stating she must have fallen asleep on friends sofa.
Slight concern is they’re going away together for a week on holiday soon. She does always tend to get hammered while out with this friend too!
Hive mind Is anything happening or am I being a complete nutter.
Ps I’ve no problem with it if I know it’s happening ( as she knows about me here ) just don’t like the idea of it actually being cheating. "
you've dug a hole and now they are on your back  |
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"Few weeks back me and the other half had a night out! Way too much alcohol in hindsight. I was accused of looking at another woman. I did the right thing and apologised as I didn’t even realise I had and explained it this way.
Anyhoo! The next part of the conversation came to be her sharing how she notices women rather than men when out. Being the red blooded male
I am and open as I am I probed a little but it didn’t go down too well. I only asked what kinds of women did she like and was this something she wanted explore.
She said she was trying assure me she wasn’t about to run off with another man and this should not come as shock to me because she’s been with women before ( she told me about 1-2 encounters many years ago in her teens) I explained it was a biggish thing as it’s never come up in our 15 years together but also emphasised it’s wasn’t a problem ( it really isn’t) the night ended with her quite angry and our kid free home being wasted.
My question is this? Is it likely it was juts drink talking or is there something more to it? I’ve always wondered about one of her friends who she really likes. The other night they were out together and for some reason ended up walking back to her house at 2am not getting a cab despite being equi distant to home I’d already told her I was waiting for her for some fun . Eventually she arrived home at 4 am stating she must have fallen asleep on friends sofa.
Slight concern is they’re going away together for a week on holiday soon. She does always tend to get hammered while out with this friend too!
Hive mind Is anything happening or am I being a complete nutter.
Ps I’ve no problem with it if I know it’s happening ( as she knows about me here ) just don’t like the idea of it actually being cheating. you've dug a hole and now they are on your back "
Perhaps they’d do well to read the thread ? The hole thread. Turns out I wasn’t far wrong but let’s not let facts get in the way of a great story eh |
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"Pot.
Kettle.
Black.
Trust your partner and have a little faith in them.
You're the one they come home to remember."
It’s not the act it’s the dishonesty.
It’s the fact I joined here despite being hesitant on her/her friends recommendation. I should have known something was off at that point to be honest.
And yes although she has for the most part been coming home there’s been no transparency about what she has been up to. In fact it’s all been done in secret without my knowledge. Is that not the very nature of cheating. To abuse the trust that is supposed to exist.
|
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"Thanks for all the responses. I had the conversation sober as suggested and well
So it turns
Out I was half right! Only I didn’t know the depths.
She is not only interested in women but has been having a steady supply of partners make and female on the side for the past 6 years. Ranging from one nighters to full blown affairs, with that one friend in question. The trip she’s going on is actually a planned sexy week i shit you not -!: the idea of me joining here came from said friend who is also apparently a member as a way to help her feel less guilty because then she could justify it slightly in her own head.
So with hindsight I feel that perhaps the drink had loosened the lips a little more than they should. She also said that.
15 years down the pan always a good way to spend a Sunday.
I asked why and there was no real response nor explanation.
Happy fabbing people.
Do me a favour please be kind to people here as sometimes just sometimes it’s not a filthy cheating husband or a liar it’s a bloke looking for a bit of help or advice "
Sorry to hear that op.
As for those who enjoy picking holes and criticising single men on here. Take a deep breath before posting all the unkindness, it's unhelpful and it's unkind and it's unnecessary. |
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