FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What would you do...???
What would you do...???
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Bit of a guys one, but happy to receive all onslaughts...
Last night, I had a social with a vanilla lady who I met through a dating site which implies you can find loads of haddock on there...
She was LOVELY.. So much so that, whilst she was chatting away, I was fantasising about how I was going to get her kit off, as one does...
Then.. she drops the bombshell:- She is looking for someone who is NOT seeing anyone else. She has been cheated on BIG time by two husbands and a partner. Qu'ell probleme, n'est pas..?
I really wanted to.... I mean, I REALLLLLLLY wanted to...., but being the gentlemen that I am, I kept my gob shut about ones ... 'activities'.
So, this morning I consulted the oracle (ones former swinging partner - shhh! you know who!) and asked her advice. She said I should either ask to see her and come clean (allowing for the fact I may end up wearing a medium latte), OR send her a message explaining I could not offer her the exclusivity she seeks, and back off.
Which way would you go....
Might tell you what I did do later...
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I guess it depends on how far you want it to go and if you could stop swinging and be with just one partner.
I wouldn't expect that someone stop seeing other people after just one date but if unwanted more from that person then the exclusivity part would come into play.
Then there is the problem of knowing too much. If you tell her it will always be in the back of her mind that you used to enjoy various partners and that little green eyed friend could ruin something good.
Not very helpful I know. I still think it's early days yet so keep schtum. |
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I'd have to be honest with her.
That said, I would be prepared to go exclusive with the right lady.
My money is on the fact you came clean with her, I just get a feeling from your other posts on here that would be your style. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There is something I forgot to add in my OP - it turned out, in the course of conversation, that she knows some of my old school friends (who I am still very much involved with).....  |
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By *adu12Woman
over a year ago
Newton Abbot |
Provide her with the facts and let her make her own mind up, I'm assuming she's old enough to do that if she's old enough to be out with you. 
Swinging shouldn't be about cheating so you're not playing in the same arena as the previous chaps.
xx |
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I am currently doing more dating than meets on here and i have not mentioned fab....I will once I know that its getting a bit serious then I will have the chat...however in the dating game i expect that the other person will still go on other dates while going on dates with me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I were the lady in question, I would prefer the gent to be upfront about it before proceeding to have sex.
If I were informed after we had sex, I would feel cheated.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This lady is obviously looking for a relationship, she's been upfront and honest with what she's looking for. I wouldn't just come out with "Im a swinger" .. If your not looking for anything serious then just explain this to her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This lady is obviously looking for a relationship, she's been upfront and honest with what she's looking for. I wouldn't just come out with "Im a swinger" .. If your not looking for anything serious then just explain this to her."
 She sounds lovely, but it's unlikely it would work. You both want different things. Best to break it off before you get attached...? That's my serious answer. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This lady is obviously looking for a relationship, she's been upfront and honest with what she's looking for. I wouldn't just come out with "Im a swinger" .. If your not looking for anything serious then just explain this to her.
She sounds lovely, but it's unlikely it would work. You both want different things. Best to break it off before you get attached...? That's my serious answer. "
That's exactly what I've done. Sent her a nicely worded text this morning (not a had a reply... ). Thought it best given all the circumstances. If she didn't know anyone connected with me, I might have taken a chance and come clean with her... but.... hey-ho... Things ya do for Swinging...
Still flippin gutted though... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely depends on if you see a future with her and not just sex. I'm happy to swing whilst I'm single but if I met someone I wanted to share the rest of my life with I'd stop right away.
Be honest. My motto is it's better to hurt someone with the truth than with a lie. Also, if she really likes you, she might give you a chance to 'get it out your system' and then keep you for herself! |
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It depends what you want doesn't it. You're the only one with all the facts.
After one date there's no need to go into past deeds if ever, we all have a history. If this lady is someone you feel you could go all Derby and Joan with and forego swinging, I'd delete my account here and go for it.
She doesn't need to know if you're prepared to be exclusive.
Whatever you decide I trust it works out for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't go to instant relationship on the first date.
I was reminiscing with a mate on Saturday about a girl we both knew as teenagers, I took her out once and she laid the law down as to do's and donts at the end of the night about how she expected me to act.
Kissed her goodnight
And ran........ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You don't go to instant relationship on the first date.
I was reminiscing with a mate on Saturday about a girl we both knew as teenagers, I took her out once and she laid the law down as to do's and donts at the end of the night about how she expected me to act.
Kissed her goodnight
And ran........"
Hmmm.... I had one of those too, many years back.... Never run so fast! |
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"This lady is obviously looking for a relationship, she's been upfront and honest with what she's looking for. I wouldn't just come out with "Im a swinger" .. If your not looking for anything serious then just explain this to her.
She sounds lovely, but it's unlikely it would work. You both want different things. Best to break it off before you get attached...? That's my serious answer.
That's exactly what I've done. Sent her a nicely worded text this morning (not a had a reply... ). Thought it best given all the circumstances. If she didn't know anyone connected with me, I might have taken a chance and come clean with her... but.... hey-ho... Things ya do for Swinging...
Still flippin gutted though... "
Sorry to hear that, but your honour is still intact.
I know I don't really know you and we've never spoken before beyond a bit of forum banter, but you have always come accross as an honest and honourable guy who often speaks wise words.
I take my hat off to you sir. |
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"Out of interest, what did you specify that you were looking for on the dating site?"
...and tell us which one so we can bombard you with inappropriate messages and perve your vanilla photos.
Pretty please? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This lady is obviously looking for a relationship, she's been upfront and honest with what she's looking for. I wouldn't just come out with "Im a swinger" .. If your not looking for anything serious then just explain this to her.
She sounds lovely, but it's unlikely it would work. You both want different things. Best to break it off before you get attached...? That's my serious answer.
That's exactly what I've done. Sent her a nicely worded text this morning (not a had a reply... ). Thought it best given all the circumstances. If she didn't know anyone connected with me, I might have taken a chance and come clean with her... but.... hey-ho... Things ya do for Swinging...
Still flippin gutted though...
Sorry to hear that, but your honour is still intact.
I know I don't really know you and we've never spoken before beyond a bit of forum banter, but you have always come accross as an honest and honourable guy who often speaks wise words.
I take my hat off to you sir. "
That's sad OP. Probably the best way though.
Question... If you want to keep swinging, why are you on a dating site? I know some women wouldn't mind... But most will be looking for monogamous relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bit of a guys one, but happy to receive all onslaughts...
Last night, I had a social with a vanilla lady who I met through a dating site which implies you can find loads of haddock on there...
She was LOVELY.. So much so that, whilst she was chatting away, I was fantasising about how I was going to get her kit off, as one does...
Then.. she drops the bombshell:- She is looking for someone who is NOT seeing anyone else. She has been cheated on BIG time by two husbands and a partner. Qu'ell probleme, n'est pas..?
I really wanted to.... I mean, I REALLLLLLLY wanted to...., but being the gentlemen that I am, I kept my gob shut about ones ... 'activities'.
So, this morning I consulted the oracle (ones former swinging partner - shhh! you know who!) and asked her advice. She said I should either ask to see her and come clean (allowing for the fact I may end up wearing a medium latte), OR send her a message explaining I could not offer her the exclusivity she seeks, and back off.
Which way would you go....
Might tell you what I did do later...
"
It all depends on how big a plate of retribution and lady acid sauce you can stomach. Does she have big tough brothers? is the velvet pocket too good to miss out on? and the big one do you respect her? After she has opened up to you it puts you in a difficult position. I will say shag and run tactics can catch up with you though so its a balancing act. |
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I dunno, don't you lot get out much?
What the *****FUCK***** makes you think she was telling the truth, in order to deserve the truth back.
Frankly watson, there was a huge red flag right there, the bitch is on a fucking date with YOU, and uses YOUR time to moan about ex's lying to her, allegedly.
In another breath she will be asking where have all the good men gone... pmsl
Pump and dump, or better still run the fuck away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've questioned though if I'm in the right place because I'm also looking for exclusivity
Not many places you can find a fuckbuddy except sites like this but doesn't mean we all want to swing
I sense however tho that few on here could go back to an exclusive arrangement  . that's not a criticism but merely my opinion x
So I'd be honest before you do anything and then at least your integrity remains intact! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dunno, don't you lot get out much?
What the *****FUCK***** makes you think she was telling the truth, in order to deserve the truth back.
Frankly watson, there was a huge red flag right there, the bitch is on a fucking date with YOU, and uses YOUR time to moan about ex's lying to her, allegedly.
In another breath she will be asking where have all the good men gone... pmsl
Pump and dump, or better still run the fuck away."
Your posts are always so cheerful, positive and uplifting!  |
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Surely if you met her on a dating site and she isnt a swinger then she would expect the person she is seeing not to sleep around. Maybe your profile on there is misleading if you havent pointed out that you are not looking for a dating relationship but just a shag |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people I know who use the fishy dating site are all on here anyway. You should have asked her for her profile name!
Really? I didn't know that."
I've persuaded a few guys over to the swinging side ....... usually after they tell me they really would like a relationship but don't have time for one due to the busy lifestyle they have. (work, gym, footy matches and on the razz with mates) |
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"Most people I know who use the fishy dating site are all on here anyway. You should have asked her for her profile name!
Really? I didn't know that.
I've persuaded a few guys over to the swinging side ....... usually after they tell me they really would like a relationship but don't have time for one due to the busy lifestyle they have. (work, gym, footy matches and on the razz with mates) "
Mind you, I don't get replies there either, but can't expect them here as I am a cheat and a liar!! |
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"Most people I know who use the fishy dating site are all on here anyway. You should have asked her for her profile name! "
I was on there for a couple of months with a War & Peace length profile. I made it perfectly clear in there that I had been involved in various nsa arrangements and was honest about what I was looking for sex wise in an actual full monogamous relationship. Nothing graphic or too detailed, but enough.
Most ladies I spoke to or who contacted me either never said a word about that paragraph of my profile, or they congratulated me on being so honest on it.
I left in the end as I realised I wasn't in the right place or time for dating.
If I did go on a dating site again I would be that open again about it, as I felt it was better all round. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people I know who use the fishy dating site are all on here anyway. You should have asked her for her profile name!
Really? I didn't know that.
I've persuaded a few guys over to the swinging side ....... usually after they tell me they really would like a relationship but don't have time for one due to the busy lifestyle they have. (work, gym, footy matches and on the razz with mates) "
All the important things in life then Laine? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people I know who use the fishy dating site are all on here anyway. You should have asked her for her profile name!
Really? I didn't know that.
I've persuaded a few guys over to the swinging side ....... usually after they tell me they really would like a relationship but don't have time for one due to the busy lifestyle they have. (work, gym, footy matches and on the razz with mates)
All the important things in life then Laine? "
Dating site speak
........ busy = self-absorbed.
ie. will not change my lifestyle one iota to accommodate anyone else into my life. |
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I get messages on here from people who have ignored or deleted messages I have sent on plenty of cod roe....I ignore the same as when 5 mins into a conversation they push their luck by starting sex talk... |
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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago
Nr Chester |
Be straight with her, if she's a player it's her who has to live with that. Conscience will always creep back and haunt you if you don,t have one. Maybe Karma too - Someone you fall for shagging your best mate
Maybe she just needs a lifelong lover, her everything. You're clearly not gonna be that so go on intimate encounters, find the kink and the promiscious ones |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Be straight with her, if she's a player it's her who has to live with that. Conscience will always creep back and haunt you if you don,t have one. Maybe Karma too - Someone you fall for shagging your best mate
Maybe she just needs a lifelong lover, her everything. You're clearly not gonna be that so go on intimate encounters, find the kink and the promiscious ones "
They've started charging for Intimate Encounters!! And there are more weirdos on there than there are on here! And that's saying summat!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Haha I find that hard to believe, sooooooo many oxygen thieves on here "
Intimate searches are only available to upgraded users - so... you gotta pay... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've read a lot of your posts and have even checked out your profile. I'm sure you already know that though. Lol
In this case I reckon honesty has to be the best policy. She clearly has trust issues, and it must've dented her confidence too. You clearly already know this and this is why I think you posted. Do unto others and all that?!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Option 2 for me. She might shag you anyway out of respect for your honesty and respect for her"
This is how I got into swinging. He was honest from the offset about what he did. I had the choice of trying it or running for the hills. I went into it fully informed. And legs wide apart  lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally its your decision alone, you need to decide whether you want to carry on swinging or not, or continue seeing her or not. If you want to take things further, you may need to come clean and tell her but risk losing her but its still up to you not anyone else. |
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