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I am asking for some online bravery please
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Tomorrow I have someone coming here to talk about ASB. It's the first visitor coming into my personal space in a couple of years and I've been having anxiety for the last 3 days. I've rubbed and scratched my hands and wrists in anxiety that I'm sore.
But I have to allow them in.
I'm asking for some advice and some positive thoughts willed through the power of fab lol so I don't freak out/hyperventilate/throw up on this person
Please  |
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The very best of luck to you. Hope things work out. The NHS website has advice, so all I will send is positive thoughts. You are a lovely person, there is nothing disastrous about which to worry, so it should all go well. I am sure everyone will be understanding. |
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Thinking of doing this for myself ...writing down good Happy thoughts of things that make me smile..writing just a sentence or two on some cards ...when a negative thought hits ..pull one out ..like having a pack of playing cards but with good stuff ..just an idea ..Good luck |
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We all believe in you OP. We know this because we've seen your interactions, humour, cute quirkiness and kindness on the forå. So wishing you all the luck and best wishes and oodles of p+sitivity! (poppy |
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I remember the last time you thought you “couldn’t “ and yet you did.
You are so much stronger than you know. We’re all here rooting for you.
I believe in you. We believe in you. Now it’s up to you to believe in you.
Big hugs xx
(Inbox open as always) |
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"I remember the last time you thought you “couldn’t “ and yet you did.
You are so much stronger than you know. We’re all here rooting for you.
I believe in you. We believe in you. Now it’s up to you to believe in you.
Big hugs xx
(Inbox open as always)"
Yeah, SS. You DIDN'T cross the street on your walk the other day, you kept right on.
You've got this, you've broken through all sorts of obstacles in recent weeks and months. This is just another stepping stone on the way.
We're rooting for you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'll answer all in one lol
I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.
I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.
I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.
It's at midday. Frustrated I don't have a specific time but I've wrote out what I need to say, and lack of actual time when I've specifically requested date and time because I'm anal for details will be addressed.
So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)
I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll answer all in one lol
I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.
I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.
I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.
It's at midday. Frustrated I don't have a specific time but I've wrote out what I need to say, and lack of actual time when I've specifically requested date and time because I'm anal for details will be addressed.
So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)
I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday
Thank you x"
Have you considered just handing over the note and asking for the answers to be written, just in case your mind goes? I used to do it when dealing with medical appointments for relatives as needed to relay the information elsewhere.
Hope you can find a way of talking to your GP about it, too. You don't deserve to exist like this, it's not fair. |
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By *eliusMan
over a year ago
Henlow |
"I'll answer all in one lol
I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.
I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.
I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.
It's at midday. Frustrated I don't have a specific time but I've wrote out what I need to say, and lack of actual time when I've specifically requested date and time because I'm anal for details will be addressed.
So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)
I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday
Thank you x"
The breathing is good you just need to tweak it a bit. When you breathe in make it slow and deep for a count of 6 then exhale for a a count of four. This will cause you to actively concentrate on a specific task and help your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) to calm down. It takes practice and requires perseverance. Think of it as a distraction technique for the part of your brain that’s designed to protect you but is being a little over zealous.
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I'm not quite understanding what it is you are up against. "ASB" = Antisocial behaviour, I assume. Someone coming to see you about this. OK....
This sounds like you may have become a victim..
I don't know as I stated and you may not wish to elaborate as it's already making you anxious! I hear you.
As already mentioned above, Google may well have answers as to strategies to calm a little and give you strength, even motivation to withstand inner pressures.
Even reaching out here and knowing there are folk who care about others and their fears has taken the edge off the matter a little.
My mother would say something to me as a kid, it has stuck with me;
...."things will look differently tomorrow morning....
It's true ... night the mind starts to go over things and process. This can be agonising. Yet, in the morning, as the day starts with all its routines, things often don't seem as bad, as daunting, etc. etc.
Believe in yourself, think of all the hurdles you have overcome.....also, it's normal to feel some anxiety, "some"....
My door, inbox is always open. It may be something you feel is more a matter you would rather face with female help...I believe you had another such inbox offer.
Good luck and well done in going "outwards" rather than suffering in silence x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tomorrow I have someone coming here to talk about ASB. It's the first visitor coming into my personal space in a couple of years and I've been having anxiety for the last 3 days. I've rubbed and scratched my hands and wrists in anxiety that I'm sore.
But I have to allow them in.
I'm asking for some advice and some positive thoughts willed through the power of fab lol so I don't freak out/hyperventilate/throw up on this person
Please "
Hello OP.might be too late but look up Marcus Aurelius on YouTube. Really helped me through a tough time.
I needed mental health issues sorting and this helped me
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I have a safe place where I take myself to in times of heightened anxiety, it’s something that took me a long time to figure out so won’t necessarily be helpful for you today, but worth exploring for future times of anxiety perhaps? My inbox is open if you want to know more.
In the meantime I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way (and not just midday because I know the build up is usually as bad if not worse than the actual thing), you got this!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll answer all in one lol
I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.
I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.
I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.
It's at midday. Frustrated I don't have a specific time but I've wrote out what I need to say, and lack of actual time when I've specifically requested date and time because I'm anal for details will be addressed.
So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)
I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday
Thank you x"
You‘ve got this, good vibes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you tried an elastic band ob your wrist and pinged it against your skin instead of wringing your hands raw.
You get some sensory feedback without the damage and it can ping enough to snap you out of the panic. My son uses it when he gets super anxious and helps him.
He is the same with the rubbing of his main and picking at himself.
I hope it goes well and good luck. |
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You have come so far, you can do this next important step. Keep all doors inside open, have a fidget toy to distract the brain from fleeing, playdough, blue tack, anything squishy. If you have none, use washing up liquid in a food bag. Tell the person you have anxiety as soon as you can and writing down your points was an awesome idea, I'd also write down the person's points, so you can remember what they said, incase your mind does do a brain fog after, writing is also a focusing/fidget tool. Positive thoughts are with you lovely xxx |
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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago
Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston |
OP- you’ve got this. I’m guessing you’re the victim of the ASB , so you’ve been brave to report it. You’ve said they can’t give a specific time, I wondered if you called them this morning if they may have a more definite timescale. When they arrive, you could just give them the piece of paper with your notes on and that could be the platform for your conversation.
If they need to visit again, if you felt comfortable, you could tell them you need a set time for this. Due to anxiety. They should note this and accommodate it where possible.
Sending lots of positive vibes.
Red x |
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From one supremely socially anxious mouse to another, I'm thinking hopeful thoughts for you. Our rational mind says things will be fine, the visit won't last that long, you can relax after, but the irrational mind has to panic first, it's so frustrating! The lack of support on that front is a nightmare too. I feel you, and what you're feeling is absolutely valid. You'll make it through today like you've made it through every other, you're a resilient badass even if it doesn't feel like it just now.
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Hope it goes well. You should explain how your nerves have been affected and how many times they have been reported. Try to keep cool throughout - even if they try to fob it off.
Tenants have a contract with their landlord for acceptable behaviour (think noise, dr*gs, arguments, fights, damage) for the state or repair and upkeep of their home (think vermin, cleanliness, breakages) and are responsible for the behaviour of people that visit. There is a social contract (not to intimidate or antagonise, enforced by the police), though if they or their visitors have been reported, the council are responsible for following up and enforcing behaviour, otherwise they could be seen to be legitimising it.
There are big pushes to curb asb at the mo. |
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If there is still time, write down all the incidents of ASB you can remember with as much detail as possible. This will enable you to give the visitor the information they need to help you. If there are specific reasons why you are particularly affected by this it's helpful to let them know that too. The person coming will be wanting to help you and should be sympathetic to you and your situation.
Oh and have a hug from me too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey all
Thanks for the kind posts
It didn't go great, my head was fucked from the person turning up an hour and a half early which i found disrespectful as I'd made very clear several times in emails I need to plan and dates and times and get out of whack if its changed. She laughed, brushing over my thoughts like I'm nothing.
But they are returning next week. I shall be more prepared having met them now, with a determination to not be laughed at.
I needed from yesterday til now to calm
But I wanted to thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey all
Thanks for the kind posts
It didn't go great, my head was fucked from the person turning up an hour and a half early which i found disrespectful as I'd made very clear several times in emails I need to plan and dates and times and get out of whack if its changed. She laughed, brushing over my thoughts like I'm nothing.
But they are returning next week. I shall be more prepared having met them now, with a determination to not be laughed at.
I needed from yesterday til now to calm
But I wanted to thank you x"
Sending hugs |
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"Hey all
Thanks for the kind posts
It didn't go great, my head was fucked from the person turning up an hour and a half early which i found disrespectful as I'd made very clear several times in emails I need to plan and dates and times and get out of whack if its changed. She laughed, brushing over my thoughts like I'm nothing.
But they are returning next week. I shall be more prepared having met them now, with a determination to not be laughed at.
I needed from yesterday til now to calm
But I wanted to thank you x"
That bit wasn't my tale to tell I think you were amazing even going ahead with the meeting after her early arrival!
Jx |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
When you see her next time, tell her you are recording the next meeting.
The housing ombudsman is a step on from this should it not get resolved, as is contacting your MP over the service you've received from the authority. Letting the ASB rep know these are steps you are prepared to take may have them do more than buff it off. |
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