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Actually, this is how...
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I had an epic one of these the other day Meli and it felt beautiful for the soul!
But no to many others. Jesus I would be the worst prick in the world. You're not actually funny, that's a work laugh. Or - you're hot sure but your personality is the metaphor of the final human centipede shit that comes out of the very last person in a chain of 400 |
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"I really feel.
When it comes down to being open about how you feel, are you good at it? Expressing emotions when you want to. Would you say you're quite a direct person?"
It depends who I'm talking to really - my best friend? I can literally tell her anything I am feeling and I know she will still love me. Usefully she usually knows somethings wrong just from a text, so I have no choice but to tell her anyway
Mr - again I can and do tell him anything but it sometimes takes me a couple trys to explain my feelings/thoughts/emotions.
Others, just depends on the mood, how close me are etc
MrsAbz |
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Yes and no.
It takes me a while to process why I feel the way I feel. So I may know I'm upset but I won't know how to express it. Once I've figured it out I'm quite good at explaining why I'm feeling upset even if I know it's a silly reason to be upset.
I've not always been like that, used to be really secretive about my feelings. But I'm shit at hiding them so it just causes friction. |
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By *ddie1966Man
over a year ago
Paper Town Central, Essex. |
I never volunteer them but if I'm asked, I'll always be open and honest.
Honesty is always the best policy I've found.
I've always found people who are economical with the truth are very boring and can't be relied upon.
Just my honest thoughts. |
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It depends. What a wonderful, informative answer, sorry Meli.
Today I am overwhelmed, I can't pinpoint quite what I'm feeling to be able to even think about being open. My brain is doing the equivalent of Billy Crystal lying awake droning in When Harry Met Sally.
J
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'when you want to' ....... that is the key phrase from your O.P. O.P.
I am very direct but this is very rare.
I believe the only way to end shite or to make sure I don't get involved in shite is to say directly I don't do shite.
The trick is to say it politely and in a manner that preserves the feelings and dignity of others.
I'm not fan of those who say , 'I say it like it is.'
So .. if needs be, yes I speak up. If it won't make a difference - I don't.
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As a couple with an open attitude to sexual partners, being able to accurately express our emotions is an essential component of our marriage. We have learned how to communicate quite effectively.
In the past, with other people, I have talked about how I feel occasionally, but only if I felt safe to do so. I haven’t always made smart choices with this, so I’m currently as buttoned up as I’ve ever been. I can’t see this changing any time soon Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can be really good at talking about my feelings. I've also learned to say 'I'm processing' when I feel a knee jerk reaction and slow down my brain and pick apart why I'm upset or reacting. I'll then go back to the person and 'brain dump' my thoughts in no particular order and verbalise my random thoughts and piece them together as I go with their help or input. Or I go to a friend.
I used to sit on someone's lap when I needed 'a conversation' and somehow keep it neutral by being on their lap and they'd not take it as me being aggressive or having a go. We had some intense subjects that we dealt with.
I can also 'pass the conch' as that sometimes works well.
I can tell someone I'm angry and need space to calm down too and walk away and come back when I'm calm and articulate it.
But I need the right level of conversation back, if I know I can't have that conversation I'll be silent and not waste my time trying to communicate with someone who can't see past their own level of perception, or is likely to turn it on me, gaslight, belittle or invalidate my feelings. I'll be closed off instead.
One of the biggest reasons why I won't entertain a relationship is because most people can't communicate about feelings and issues as deeply or openly as I can. And the incompatibility is massive even if they ticked every other box in existence. I'm truly sick of people that don't hear me.
It works both ways though. I need someone to be able to get it from me too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can be at times. It's all very situational based and relies on me quickly processing whether it's in my best interests to be completely open or not, or even just partially. I've also become quite adept at letting people make incorrect assumptions that benefit me, without correcting them. That and being vague or using very select language to answer questions. But mostly I'm open and honest yeah, 9 times out of 10 it's for the best.
More often I am OK to talk about them and I'm quite an open person. more often one of those too honest people that is too honest for their own good. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I had an epic one of these the other day Meli and it felt beautiful for the soul!
But no to many others. Jesus I would be the worst prick in the world. You're not actually funny, that's a work laugh. Or - you're hot sure but your personality is the metaphor of the final human centipede shit that comes out of the very last person in a chain of 400"
Yay to nourishing your soul! It's a beautiful thing and you feel so radiant after.
Not yay to the final sentence, that's one I could have done without. Now you're going to forever be linked to the human centipede. |
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Never, am very flippant about sad things that happen (to me rather than others), which I know can be uncomfortable and they think I'm being glib. But no, I don't say how I really feel ever, and it's destroyed relationships. |
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"I had an epic one of these the other day Meli and it felt beautiful for the soul!
But no to many others. Jesus I would be the worst prick in the world. You're not actually funny, that's a work laugh. Or - you're hot sure but your personality is the metaphor of the final human centipede shit that comes out of the very last person in a chain of 400
Yay to nourishing your soul! It's a beautiful thing and you feel so radiant after.
Not yay to the final sentence, that's one I could have done without. Now you're going to forever be linked to the human centipede."
My personality is only the shit of 5 human centipedes to be fair |
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Yes...and if my mouth doesn't say it my face will 
Seriously though, I've always been very open, and generally find it easy to express my emotions. The good probably more than the bad, if I like someone they're usually well aware of it, and if I consider you a friend I'll be your loudest cheerleader. I have learnt to be less, ermmm, accusatory when it comes to negative emotions...more 'it makes me feel like this when that happens' than 'you're being a prick, stop it before I throat punch you' (although the latter still slips out occasionally  ). |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I really feel.
When it comes down to being open about how you feel, are you good at it? Expressing emotions when you want to. Would you say you're quite a direct person?
It depends who I'm talking to really - my best friend? I can literally tell her anything I am feeling and I know she will still love me. Usefully she usually knows somethings wrong just from a text, so I have no choice but to tell her anyway
Mr - again I can and do tell him anything but it sometimes takes me a couple trys to explain my feelings/thoughts/emotions.
Others, just depends on the mood, how close me are etc
MrsAbz "
It's lovely you have that closeness with another, it's brilliant when you don't have to say and they almost... instinctively know isn't it?
Mood dependent and depth of relationship makes sense - certain topics I wouldn't dream of broaching or keep shtum about how I really feel. Not because I'm ashamed or whatever but more, sometimes it's sensible to not say anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s something I’m working on. I’ve spent a long time bottling up feelings and closing a percentage of myself off. It was for self and family preservation at the time but it recently all came bursting out. I’m working on myself with a therapist and unpacking lots of stuff. It’s been really helpful so far.
I’ve recently met a lovely lady who has had uncommunicative relationships before so we have created a real safe space for open communication and are both working hard on it. It’s been a very liberating process.
What’s everyone’s experiences been with communication in a new relationship? |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
Probably not as I'm very used to just having to deal with everything myself. I've never really had someone to talk to, even with friends I am usually to one that listens.
I think I'm getting better though. Slowly but surely expressing myself a bit - usually after I've have a mini breakdown in my head...
So actually maybe I'm not getting better actually  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m emotionally closed off to everyone. I don’t really show them to people, or talk about how I’m feeling. That’s just my way, and can’t see that changing in the remaining years I have.
I very very rarely get beyond “I’m doing ok” or “ I’m having a shit time”. |
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Unless it’s to someone who’ve invested in you and you’ve invested in them then no,
I believe most people only think about themselves. They may listen but only so they can talk about a similar situation/ experience/ whatever they had and what they did .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm absolutely terrible at it. I always avoid confrontation and just let it build and build and when it comes to finally letting out, I don't have an ounce of nuance and can come across a right prick which leaves me thinking I can't say anything to anyone when I can, I just need to know how to do it sooner so I'm les less likely to sound like a knob  |
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"I’m emotionally closed off to everyone. I don’t really show them to people, or talk about how I’m feeling. That’s just my way, and can’t see that changing in the remaining years I have.
I very very rarely get beyond “I’m doing ok” or “ I’m having a shit time”. "
This ..... |
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