FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can't accept no

Can't accept no

By *parkle1974 OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry you have been hassled this way.

Have had it a couple of times myself, not sure if it's a case they have forgotten they messaged before or not.

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By *ife NinjaMan over a year ago

Dunfermline

Grace and manners dictate that rejection should be handled like a gentleman not an uncouth youth

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By *YoukiikMan over a year ago

Chiswick, West London

Yeah it is a comment I hear a lot from various play partners on here. I am sorry you are experiencing it as well. I guess this is a reflection of today’s society. Emotions run high and temper can get in the way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It has suddenly got worse I agree

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple over a year ago

Neath valley.

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

This is one of the reasons we blocked single guys up until recently. One got very abusive to the words no thank you. Others just would not let up after we said not for us sorry. I hate blocking anyone but the amount if guys we blocked who just would not accept no was verging on the rediculous. As you said sparkle if they cannot accept no in a message it could end up getting very risky for a single lady in a meet with them. Joanne.

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS over a year ago

Bristol

Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

In my experience everyone I've ever politely declined has been very accepting and understanding... though the occasional one might try asking "why"... but if I'm not responding it really doesn't matter what they say.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The elusive fear of being rejected

Take it on the chin

Move on.. No means exactly this

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By *ife NinjaMan over a year ago

Dunfermline

"The elusive fear of being rejected

Take it on the chin

Move on.. No means exactly this "

Rejection is a daily event here. Man up boys and just accept it

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By *handlerMonicaCouple over a year ago

Leicester

Never experienced the issue ourselves, but I believe the problem would not be as bad irl, as (some) people are emboldened by the anonymity of the online world, and hence talk/act in a way they would never do in a face to face scenario.

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

It coincides with the amount of threads making guys feel like shot when we shouldn’t feel like shit.

It’s not my fault assholes exist. And you know what, some still are assholes, and let’s all agree, there will be some as lot of assholes in the future.

But just ignore the fuckers. And they’ll go away, and hopefully find each other.

Op, you’ve been around for a while, you should know this by now.

*Woody is not in the mood for another man bashing thread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some guys can’t do grammar.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Following

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some guys can’t do grammar.

You're a shit shot

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

It coincides with the amount of threads making guys feel like shot when we shouldn’t feel like shit.

It’s not my fault assholes exist. And you know what, some still are assholes, and let’s all agree, there will be some as lot of assholes in the future.

But just ignore the fuckers. And they’ll go away, and hopefully find each other.

Op, you’ve been around for a while, you should know this by now.

*Woody is not in the mood for another man bashing thread. "

Hence why I apologised to the ones who don't x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How can you not accept it via the internet?

It's not like you have an option...

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS over a year ago

Bristol

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x"

Probably quite happy they finally got a meet

Then probably a total wanker (or worse) when it doesn't go their way.

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By *ellinever70Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Say no and block them

They'll have to accept it then

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By *agerMorganMan over a year ago

Canvey Island

Like my therapist says, mentally they’re children.

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By *heitaliandreamerMan over a year ago

Northampton

It is proven that people misbehave only when behind a keyboard. Women alike!! The amount of haters on social platforms doesn't necessarily means they will hate/misbehave in real life face to face, actually it is true the contrary.

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By *ansoffateMan over a year ago

Sagittarius A

An effort to provide something a little more than the standard. I agree response. I do agree and rant understood.

No is fine it's not my favourite answer, obviously. I don't get no very often, in fact I can't recall the last no. I am not asking the question much either though.

Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no... Everyone has the right to do that if they so choose. I also have the right to say it is making me uncomfortable and ultimately withdraw. Most women I have had that conversation with have been very reasonable and understanding.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Saying no (to something, however small) is always a great test. Like you, OP, I'd rather find out at the messaging stage.

I've just turned off "looking for" as I can't be arsed really.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

It coincides with the amount of threads making guys feel like shot when we shouldn’t feel like shit.

It’s not my fault assholes exist. And you know what, some still are assholes, and let’s all agree, there will be some as lot of assholes in the future.

But just ignore the fuckers. And they’ll go away, and hopefully find each other.

Op, you’ve been around for a while, you should know this by now.

*Woody is not in the mood for another man bashing thread. "

Which other men bashing threads are there?

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By *t0600Man over a year ago

elvedon

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

Another thing I don’t understand here that I read often . It’s not attractive not taking no for an answer . I’m always polite if I’m not a fit for someone and that’s that

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By *avexxMan over a year ago

cheshire

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x"
,,, i would imagine they would be pushy maybe a little aggressive who knows pretty dam scary for a lady,,

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By *oofy321Man over a year ago

moon base zero

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

But if someone says yes then you get a different person?

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By *oggoneMan over a year ago

Derry

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x"

Ok so if that's how they act online then surely that's where it starts and ends. There's no purpose in hypothesising about a potentially dangerous situation that you have already seen would have been unwise in going ahead with.

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By *Cups32Woman over a year ago

Colne

Yes, I've noticed many still haven't accepted no after the umpteenth message.

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By *randMrsLPCouple over a year ago

london

OP, this is why you have to be very careful and ask probing questions and some with what appears to be nice reviews turn,when told a no.

So do your research, ask questions and if anyone gets ticked off with questions and or cant accept a no, just block them

It may be of little comfort to you but judging by what I've read, many women and quiet a few a few couples get this kind of stuff

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

They get one chance to come back then I block them.

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By *oxy jWoman over a year ago

somerset

theres been a big increase of late in people not accepting no .. i no longer answer anyone who dont interest me its a str8 block ..job done no hassles and makes my swinging 100 zillion % better ..

if they cant accept a no over the internet then what are they going to be like face to face

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By *ellinever70Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Yes, I've noticed many still haven't accepted no after the umpteenth message.

Why do you allow them to keep pestering?

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By *unchalMan over a year ago

Dartford

"Grace and manners dictate that rejection should be handled like a gentleman not an uncouth youth

I think the term is 'with grace' I used that term with family the other day. Didn't think about it until the Rush album. But it applies to

So much.

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

The block button is great for pushy feckers like this .

If I say no ta once ,the 2nd time they ask/message I block now .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"They get one chance to come back then I block them. "

Agree - and I report if they swear at me, abuse me or post nasty status updates after a polite no. Moderates do seem to kick them off tbh!

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By *oco_marsWoman over a year ago

Stockport

I've blocked people for this and one man decided it was wise to message me on Facebook and call me a c*nt

that was last time I was on here, so a few years ago, but still

Luckily we have a block button but it does wind me up too

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By *nkforthekinkMan over a year ago

london/fareham/brighton

Depends if your playing yes means no and no means yes game

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By *imisugarWoman over a year ago

Rugby

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

My block list is rapidly growing.

I feel exactly the same. Not accepting a polite no thank you or acknowledging your reasons or not have a social. I'm not putting myself into j that situation in real life. Concerns me.

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By *tanley FunseekerMan over a year ago

stanley

I suspect there are a few who be just as ignorant and rude in person. But I think the internet also emboldens a lot of people to behave in a way they would not have the bottle to in person. It’s so easy to be a keyboard warrior.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Depends if your playing yes means no and no means yes game

What's that now?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thank your lucky stars that you said no on line and not on a meet where it could have turned nasty if he threw his dummy out the pram. Good luck and stay safe xx

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By *eelGoodIncMan over a year ago

Mids

I'm always happy to accept a polite no. You have to have people that to actually read your message though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

I just reply there's no way I would risk someone who can't take "no" for an answer as they are likely to be dangerous on a meet.

Some don't really think about what they're doing and so apologise when it's spelled out to them.

Some just prove how risky a meet with them would be.

Saves me wasting any time on them.

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x"

I dread to think... I had this recently with a guy I went on a social with.

All fine, then tried inviting himself round, I said no, he didn't understand why I didn't want him to pop round at 8am when I had plans for lunch... just didn't have any respect for my other commitments/schedule, told me he wasn't trying to be pushy, then persisted offering lunch, a spa day etc etc.

So I asked him what he was going to teach his daughter about setting boundaries and men who can't take no for an answer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get absolutely sick of it.

I tell them repeatedly that I'm not willing to share my sandwich. Boom. They're stealing my fries.

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By *ittlebirdWoman over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I tend to offer a meet on the 12th… of never.

Works. Every. Single. Time

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By *ad guy 77Man over a year ago

ashford

I'd be quite happy to be told no,most just block you with out even talking to you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have the opposite problem : I can’t get any women to say “yes”

But seriously, it must be a pain in the arse (metaphorically) OP, as others have said, that’s what the Block button is for

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x

I dread to think... I had this recently with a guy I went on a social with.

So I asked him what he was going to teach his daughter about setting boundaries and men who can't take no for an answer."

Did he reply after that?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Perhaps some crazily think it could be perceived as a compliment, rather than desperate and potentially scary.

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By *heekyDemandCouple over a year ago

Leicester

So far we have been very lucky to avoid any abuse, but can't help but think we are about due

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By *ou only live onceMan over a year ago

London

It's interesting a couple of you have said it's got worse...you'd assume it's kind of constant (and I'd hope still a pretty small minority of men), but I wonder why. Not doubting it has, just interesting that it's changing.

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By *hamrocker23Man over a year ago

Town

It honestly baffles me how I hear what seems to be a majority of guys here behave regarding messaging women.

Fair enough you might bumo a message after a few days if you think she missed it we've all been there and sometimes that's the case but this craic of repeat messaging and then getting abusive and threatening at times. I've seen more decent women looking for a good time come and go over this than stay it's an awful pity.

Guys, do better

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

I completely agree with you OP.

For me it starts when they message me without reading my profile/ignoring what it says. It couldn’t be clearer what I’m looking for, yet invariably those who don’t meet what I’m after will message then get snippy when I say no.

I’ve stopped replying. I block anyone who messages who clearly hasn’t paid attention to what I want. For me that’s an indication of what kind of person they are that they aren’t interested in what I’d like.

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By *ldgeezermeMan over a year ago

Newcastle

What would they be like in person?

Like Russell Brand most likely

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By *ames-77Man over a year ago

milton keynes

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

Solution is very simple .. block

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

Only on here can one read about how many times a women has to say no, when there is a block button?

Beggars belief.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me"

Fab should think about adding these things then women wouldn't have to go to the forums.

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By *enelope2UWoman over a year ago

Doesn't matter cant block distances

So did you forget to block or do you just keep them unblocked for attention..

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By *enelope2UWoman over a year ago

Doesn't matter cant block distances

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me

Fab should think about adding these things then women wouldn't have to go to the forums."

Lol haaa i should have read the forum before my reply... spot on

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"So did you forget to block or do you just keep them unblocked for attention.. "

something us men dare not say.

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By *armandwet50Couple over a year ago

Far far away

It doesn't matter how many you block, they just keep coming

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me"

Agree. It's time for ALL women and couples to use the block ALL men message filter.

No men will ever be able to message first again. Problem solved!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

I think people are braver behind a keyboard, in real life they'd probably just walk away, but because they can online with zero consequences they do.

Unfortunately we've had more women not take the no thank you well than men, maybe because we don't meet men so they are generally ok with it idk but one lady we had to seek legal advice due to ongoing threats & harassment.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would definitely make everyone’s job a lot easier! Although I can’t see that happening

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah that’s not cool guys, just move on.

As for a solution, just hit block. They’re probably the type that get upset when blocks!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So did you forget to block or do you just keep them unblocked for attention..

something us men dare not say."

Someone messages, she says no, they give her grief. How does the block button help AFTER the bad behaviour? It stops that person from messaging further. It doesn't stop the next.

But some have to find a way to avoid putting any blame on the person who was unpleasant.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

Mummy’s boys, not used to being told no, I’m surprised half of them don’t get their mum to message and ask “ what’s wrong with my son ? “

The mr

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me"

If only some men didn't behave like cockwombles. Don't blame women for mens' behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me

Agree. It's time for ALL women and couples to use the block ALL men message filter.

No men will ever be able to message first again. Problem solved!

#allmen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me

Agree. It's time for ALL women and couples to use the block ALL men message filter.

No men will ever be able to message first again. Problem solved!

#allmen

No tall men

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By *he MinionMan over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/09/23 07:25:57]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me

Agree. It's time for ALL women and couples to use the block ALL men message filter.

No men will ever be able to message first again. Problem solved!

#allmen

No. …. But also yes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?"

They shouldn’t have to, but since you can’t change all men’s behaviour you either have to accept that it’ll happen or take steps to protect yourself

The same way that lions at the zoo shouldn’t attack people, but because we can’t stop them doing it we put a fence up

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Only on here can one read about how many times a women has to say no, when there is a block button?

Beggars belief."

This ^^. Not interested - block. Never had any issues. Makes for a simple life

. I like a simple life.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?"

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?"

The same way I decided to send the odd message out there.

Some accounts will ignore you. Some won’t.

We’ve got to realise some people will do things the way we do and we have the same mindset, and some just won’t hold a door open for you even though you right behind them walking into a shop. Ie - they only think about themselves.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Only on here can one read about how many times a women has to say no, when there is a block button?

Beggars belief.

This ^^. Not interested - block. Never had any issues. Makes for a simple life

. I like a simple life. "

Oi. No common sense on ‘ere

Take your fancy pancy logic somewhere else! It’s not welcome in these ‘ere parts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?"

You shouldn’t.

But, it’s the only tool available to silence those types. One could shout that some men should change their behaviour instead. But that’s a pipe dream, as even the most idealistic person in the world knows that there’s always gonna be that unsavoury element. There’s no re-educating some.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy. "

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Only on here can one read about how many times a women has to say no, when there is a block button?

Beggars belief.

This ^^. Not interested - block. Never had any issues. Makes for a simple life

. I like a simple life.

Oi. No common sense on ‘ere

Take your fancy pancy logic somewhere else! It’s not welcome in these ‘ere parts "

Yeah I realised that a long time ago!

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour "

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t.

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By *oggoneMan over a year ago

Derry

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?"

I don't think anyone said women have to block all men. It's an option that is available that would drastically reduce the volume of abusive messages.

It's an option and not the only option that's available but it's one that changes the dynamic in fab.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t. "

It's a hassle for you to acknowledge that some guys behave like arseholes? But just not to you so it's ok?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hard choice.

Take the available action and have much less message related hassle and drama on here

Or do nothing so you can maintain your victim status and ability to moan about guys

Far too early to be making such difficult life altering decisions

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t.

It's a hassle for you to acknowledge that some guys behave like arseholes? But just not to you so it's ok?"

What on earth are you on about? You don’t half twist things. I’m just here for a laugh yes. No hassle. I’m very happy with the way I do things.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour "

#allmen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t.

It's a hassle for you to acknowledge that some guys behave like arseholes? But just not to you so it's ok?

What on earth are you on about? You don’t half twist things. I’m just here for a laugh yes. No hassle. I’m very happy with the way I do things. "

Did I twist things? Or just state the truth? Ok Nora.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

I don't think anyone said women have to block all men. It's an option that is available that would drastically reduce the volume of abusive messages.

It's an option and not the only option that's available but it's one that changes the dynamic in fab. "

Yes, someone did.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t.

It's a hassle for you to acknowledge that some guys behave like arseholes? But just not to you so it's ok?

What on earth are you on about? You don’t half twist things. I’m just here for a laugh yes. No hassle. I’m very happy with the way I do things.

Did I twist things? Or just state the truth? Ok Nora. "

Yep you most certainly did. It’s a hassle to deal with the arseholes so I block them hence you’re right it doesn’t happen to me. Understand now? Maybe my wording wasn’t the best. Apologies.

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

Some people seem to have missed the point of the thread (typical fab)

I have been on the site long enough to know how to use the filters provided.

I was just voicing my opinion (which I believe everyone is entitled to do) about how they would behave on a meet if they can't take a simple no online.....really shouldn't have bothered!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

I don't think anyone said women have to block all men. It's an option that is available that would drastically reduce the volume of abusive messages.

It's an option and not the only option that's available but it's one that changes the dynamic in fab. "

Yeah it’s been said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people seem to have missed the point of the thread (typical fab)

I have been on the site long enough to know how to use the filters provided.

I was just voicing my opinion (which I believe everyone is entitled to do) about how they would behave on a meet if they can't take a simple no online.....really shouldn't have bothered!"

Sorry, typical bloke, can’t read. Words hard, pictures needed

Let’s be thankful these types of guys tend to out themselves way before they get on to a meet. Imagine

yikes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour "

Which men need to take responsibility?

I accept the op is just venting some steam, but where is this going to help by posting in the forum where most of us men will read it and be in complete agreement.

Not once have I ever read a guy com in here and confess they have done this and honestly apologised and told they will never do it again.

….

*waits

Nobody said they are sorry yet?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t.

It's a hassle for you to acknowledge that some guys behave like arseholes? But just not to you so it's ok?

What on earth are you on about? You don’t half twist things. I’m just here for a laugh yes. No hassle. I’m very happy with the way I do things.

Did I twist things? Or just state the truth? Ok Nora.

Yep you most certainly did. It’s a hassle to deal with the arseholes so I block them hence you’re right it doesn’t happen to me. Understand now? Maybe my wording wasn’t the best. Apologies. "

Why did you come on the thread, Nora? Perhaps it's time to do another "how wonderful men are" thread? Because a few pesky women dared to say that some guys don't behave well here.

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By *oggoneMan over a year ago

Derry

"Some people seem to have missed the point of the thread (typical fab)

I have been on the site long enough to know how to use the filters provided.

I was just voicing my opinion (which I believe everyone is entitled to do) about how they would behave on a meet if they can't take a simple no online.....really shouldn't have bothered!"

You can express your opinion by all means. You also have to allow others to express theirs in reply and allow others to express opinions that may disagree with yours.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yikes

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t.

It's a hassle for you to acknowledge that some guys behave like arseholes? But just not to you so it's ok?

What on earth are you on about? You don’t half twist things. I’m just here for a laugh yes. No hassle. I’m very happy with the way I do things.

Did I twist things? Or just state the truth? Ok Nora.

Yep you most certainly did. It’s a hassle to deal with the arseholes so I block them hence you’re right it doesn’t happen to me. Understand now? Maybe my wording wasn’t the best. Apologies.

Why did you come on the thread, Nora? Perhaps it's time to do another "how wonderful men are" thread? Because a few pesky women dared to say that some guys don't behave well here.

. I’ll leave you to it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"…

I was just voicing my opinion (which I believe everyone is entitled to do) about how they would behave on a meet if they can't take a simple no online.....really shouldn't have bothered!"

I avoided answering that, simply because of the answers are a subject often encouraged to avoid in here.

I like logging in here daily.

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By *ongueandgroove555Couple over a year ago

Waterford

The Andrew Tate effect is what we call it. So many men listen to anD believe his attitude to women is right. He's a vile creature but his views have taken hold and it's dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

I don’t bother worrying what they would be like in person, as I wouldn’t be meeting them. But for those that do meet them they could behave any number of ways, just the same as the polite ones who take no for an answer online could. I avoid unwanted online interaction by using the block button freely and regularly, making my Fab experience much more enjoyable.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Which men need to take responsibility?

I accept the op is just venting some steam, but where is this going to help by posting in the forum where most of us men will read it and be in complete agreement.

Not once have I ever read a guy com in here and confess they have done this and honestly apologised and told they will never do it again.

….

*waits

Nobody said they are sorry yet?

Hang on, Woody. How many threads a day where men "vent steam" about their dick size or women not politely saying thank you or woe is me Im not getting any meets? Do you ask each one of them "where is this going to help?". Because I haven't seen you do that. Why can't a woman vent about frustrating behaviour from some guys who are unlikely to even be on the forum?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people seem to have missed the point of the thread (typical fab)

I have been on the site long enough to know how to use the filters provided.

I was just voicing my opinion (which I believe everyone is entitled to do) about how they would behave on a meet if they can't take a simple no online.....really shouldn't have bothered!"

I often think that, hence why I rarely start threads these days. The forums never change eh

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By *eitun1Man over a year ago

Selby

So true, NO is easy to understand for any adult...I get this sometimes from men too!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One thing about men on fab, they’re gonna cry about women talking about their experiences with men being shitty. That or they’re going to jump through hoops to say that they’re not one of those guys.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing about men on fab, they’re gonna cry about women talking about their experiences with men being shitty. That or they’re going to jump through hoops to say that they’re not one of those guys.

#allmen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

#allmen "

Are you one of those guys, Rex? I wonder

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

#allmen

Are you one of those guys, Rex? I wonder

I don’t send messages asking for meets. Nice try

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

By the way, to the point of the OP, I think in person it’s completely realistic to believe that these are the men that SA women and even worse because they think ‘no’ means ‘convince me’ instead of ‘no’.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

#allmen

Are you one of those guys, Rex? I wonder

I don’t send messages asking for meets. Nice try

Tbf, I wasn’t suggesting you can’t take no for an answer. I’m not that horrid. Only that you might be in the #NotAllMen brigade

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The number of guys (not all guys and I'm sorry to the ones who don't) for yet another guy thread but.....

I've notice there seems to be an increase in guys who just can't/won't accept no for an answer. If they can't in a message, I dread to think what they would be like in person.

Rant over

It coincides with the amount of threads making guys feel like shot when we shouldn’t feel like shit.

It’s not my fault assholes exist. And you know what, some still are assholes, and let’s all agree, there will be some as lot of assholes in the future.

But just ignore the fuckers. And they’ll go away, and hopefully find each other.

Op, you’ve been around for a while, you should know this by now.

*Woody is not in the mood for another man bashing thread.

Hence why I apologised to the ones who don't x"

No need to apologise it is what it is unfortunately

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"……

….

*waits

Nobody said they are sorry yet?

Keep an eye out.

I try not to white night men or women, but I post my opinions.

This just got at me at the wrong time, and I’m sticking to my feelings last night. It just hit when a guy was already feeling shit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

#allmen

Are you one of those guys, Rex? I wonder

I don’t send messages asking for meets. Nice try

Tbf, I wasn’t suggesting you can’t take no for an answer. I’m not that horrid. Only that you might be in the #NotAllMen brigade

Schoderings right there ^^

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By *cunnylassCouple over a year ago

Exeter

We never reply to a message if we're not interested in the sender.We don't receive abuse and we don't have to use the block button that often.Single men are our bread and butter but it doesn't mean that we owe them a response.

M and M

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS over a year ago

Chichester

I get this alot on here with couples that send repeated messages

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple over a year ago

Cumbria

Most men are perfectly fine about rejection but there is a sizeable minority who genuinely seem to think that they are entitled to fuck someone just because they are on a swingers site.

“We’re all here for the same thing” they say but if it’s just about sticking a cock in someone then frankly dildos are less hassle and you don’t have to worry about telling them “it doesn’t matter” when they cum after 20 seconds.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a bi guy my biggest issue is guys that act nice then can’t take no for an answer during the meet

I’ve lost how many times I’ve met a guy with the understanding we are doing X, then right away without asking they start trying to do Y Z and everything else

Frankly, I’m very thankful when they let me know via message they are that type. The problem is when they can hide it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"……

….

*waits

Nobody said they are sorry yet?

Keep an eye out.

I try not to white night men or women, but I post my opinions.

This just got at me at the wrong time, and I’m sticking to my feelings last night. It just hit when a guy was already feeling shit.

Lol, I will. Although I avoid those threads usually. I'm sorry you are/were feeling shit - it didn't seem your usual vibe.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

#allmen

Are you one of those guys, Rex? I wonder

I don’t send messages asking for meets. Nice try

Tbf, I wasn’t suggesting you can’t take no for an answer. I’m not that horrid. Only that you might be in the #NotAllMen brigade

Schoderings right there ^^ "

I liked you more in person.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x"

Exactly. this is quite a scary thought

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By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

Dickhead men

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

Thanks to all who got the point x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think say no in person and they would run away with their tails between their legs then slag you off to their mates.

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By *amesBeelzebubMan over a year ago

norwich

"Thanks to all who got the point x"

Sparkle you are beautiful and you and everyone here deserves respect. Its not like you are asking for anything special!

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"I think say no in person and they would run away with their tails between their legs then slag you off to their mates."

Personally I think they would try and coerce the other person. All I can say is I'm glad they out themselves on here first

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By *imisugarWoman over a year ago

Rugby

Agreed.

A thread to let off some steam and get some answers. I wouldn't block all men as I have rarely contact first on here.

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By *ansoffateMan over a year ago

Sagittarius A

The sky is blue

The grass is green

Men are dickheads

All falsifiable statements; the exceptions prove the rule.

Would anyone like a cup of tea?

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By *ittlebirdWoman over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"The sky is blue

The grass is green

Men are dickheads

All falsifiable statements; the exceptions prove the rule.

Would anyone like a cup of tea?"

Are you making one? Yes please

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think say no in person and they would run away with their tails between their legs then slag you off to their mates.

Personally I think they would try and coerce the other person. All I can say is I'm glad they out themselves on here first

Many people think coercing someone into agreement is the same as consent

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"I think say no in person and they would run away with their tails between their legs then slag you off to their mates.

Personally I think they would try and coerce the other person. All I can say is I'm glad they out themselves on here first

Many people think coercing someone into agreement is the same as consent "

Yup. We are taught to try to persuade people round to our way of thinking or to take certain action in many areas of life, e.g. professional. But it doesn't apply in matters of sexual consent. No is no. End of.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Mummy’s boys, not used to being told no, I’m surprised half of them don’t get their mum to message and ask “ what’s wrong with my son ? “

The mr "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a bi guy my biggest issue is guys that act nice then can’t take no for an answer during the meet

I’ve lost how many times I’ve met a guy with the understanding we are doing X, then right away without asking they start trying to do Y Z and everything else

Frankly, I’m very thankful when they let me know via message they are that type. The problem is when they can hide it "

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me

Agree. It's time for ALL women and couples to use the block ALL men message filter.

No men will ever be able to message first again. Problem solved!

that wouldn't affect me, as I do not write to any women on this site, the real world offers realistic chances, less entitlement and politeness to each other.

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By *ansoffateMan over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"The sky is blue

The grass is green

Men are dickheads

All falsifiable statements; the exceptions prove the rule.

Would anyone like a cup of tea?

Are you making one? Yes please

Hey heartbreaker, how do you like yours?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think say no in person and they would run away with their tails between their legs then slag you off to their mates.

Personally I think they would try and coerce the other person. All I can say is I'm glad they out themselves on here first

Many people think coercing someone into agreement is the same as consent

Especially professionally. And I wonder if that attitude spills beyond the professional. Idk. But I do know that yeah, lots of people (mostly women) I know and even myself have encountered people that try and coerce a yes out of you.

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By *ittlebirdWoman over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"The sky is blue

The grass is green

Men are dickheads

All falsifiable statements; the exceptions prove the rule.

Would anyone like a cup of tea?

Are you making one? Yes please

Hey heartbreaker, how do you like yours?

Wet and hot darling… like my men

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"So did you forget to block or do you just keep them unblocked for attention..

something us men dare not say.

Someone messages, she says no, they give her grief. How does the block button help AFTER the bad behaviour? It stops that person from messaging further. It doesn't stop the next.

But some have to find a way to avoid putting any blame on the person who was unpleasant.

The way I hear it from others and I would do is if I thought no not for me, I would just block, why reply as there are so many threads concerning this issue, as much as why can't I get a meet threads.

Why come to the forum to complain when you can just block, or filter, no excuse for this thread that I can see.

Except as another female poster thought is it just about ego?

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"So did you forget to block or do you just keep them unblocked for attention..

something us men dare not say.

Someone messages, she says no, they give her grief. How does the block button help AFTER the bad behaviour? It stops that person from messaging further. It doesn't stop the next.

But some have to find a way to avoid putting any blame on the person who was unpleasant.

No not at all, the angry guy or lady who has been refused, would reply to find their message has been blocked simples.

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By *adMerWoman over a year ago

Sandwich

Site FAQ’s state that no reply should be taken as a polite no thank you. I therefore never actually bother replying no. The block button is your friend.

IRL, they might be some of the more pushy people if they can’t accept a no online. They could also most likely be too cowardly.

It’s the ones that appear empathetic and are secretly abusive that are the worst to deal with.

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"If only there was a block button or some kind of message filter system

Woe is me

If only some men didn't behave like cockwombles. Don't blame women for mens' behaviour."

Blame, no I just block.

it wouldn't even get to a second message with me, so how come it is for you?

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?"

Their choice, and I can see why, I can't see why some do not block first time abuse that can be avoided the second time.

there are plenty of profiles that state x or y is blocked.

so this seems like something else to me.

by the way how many views has everyone had today?

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By *enSiskoMan over a year ago

Cestus 3

"Probably gonna get battered for this but why should women have to block all men just because some men are dicks?

They don’t. Just block the ones who message that you have no interest in. I really don’t get how many threads there are about this. It really is quite easy.

Anything but expecting men to take some responsibility for their behaviour

Yeah because lots of threads will do that. You want the hassle of it all then crack on. I don’t.

It's a hassle for you to acknowledge that some guys behave like arseholes? But just not to you so it's ok?"

She knows that, that is why she blocks and has no hassle and no need to come here and moan about it,

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Thanks to all who got the point x"

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why should we change our behaviour because men won't change theirs?

I don't want to assume the worst of every man I say no to and block him when he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

I don't want to block all men - because I don't want to "hunt" them.

I want to politely reply "no thank you" and for men not to be dicks about it.

Note: A small minority of men. Who are most likely not in the forum because generally speaking forum men are not dicks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do hate this. I find it so hard to tell someone that I'm not interested, it makes me feel so guilty. Instead, I mark as unread and hope they just think they got lost in the messages, as that does tend to happen a lot. But if they keep messaging, I do reply with a kind message or just simply block. Which again, still makes me feel bad. But it bothers me so much, when I've messaged someone to let them know that I'm not interested, if they then keep messaging. I already feel bad enough, don't make it worse! So then it's a simple block.

It's the worst thing about fab, the guilt I feel for maybe making someone feel rejected, as I suffer big time with rejection sensitivity, so I'm very aware how I could make others feel.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this."

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort "

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *od ThrusterMan over a year ago

Newport Pagnell

"Whether or not they can't accept it makes no difference to the outcome.

Say no thanks to them and then never message them again.

That's it, conversation over.

They might continue to send you messages at which point you can block them.

My main point of the post was how they would be during a meet if that's how they behave online x"

Not defending them in any way shape or form is it's indefensible, but there may be an element of "keyboard warrior" here and they might be timid in real life.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is. "

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own "

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

People are animals and we can’t control anyone’s behaviour, just our own. As upsetting as that might be

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ellinever70Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Why should we change our behaviour because men won't change theirs?

I don't want to assume the worst of every man I say no to and block him when he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

I don't want to block all men - because I don't want to "hunt" them.

I want to politely reply "no thank you" and for men not to be dicks about it.

Note: A small minority of men. Who are most likely not in the forum because generally speaking forum men are not dicks.

I'm only gonna address your first point...because it's actually the only thing we can control. And it's empowering

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *punk n gushCouple over a year ago

Lyndhurst

Sadly it's not just single men who can't accept no we find alot a couples can't either we always reply with a sorry but your not for us and yet they persist to ask x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

People are animals and we can’t control anyone’s behaviour, just our own. As upsetting as that might be "

What's upsetting is getting grief for being polite. When the number of weekly threads by men complaining that women are rude far outnumbers this kind of thread.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why should we change our behaviour because men won't change theirs?

I don't want to assume the worst of every man I say no to and block him when he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

I don't want to block all men - because I don't want to "hunt" them.

I want to politely reply "no thank you" and for men not to be dicks about it.

Note: A small minority of men. Who are most likely not in the forum because generally speaking forum men are not dicks.

I'm only gonna address your first point...because it's actually the only thing we can control. And it's empowering "

Might be for you. I don't find it empowering.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

People are animals and we can’t control anyone’s behaviour, just our own. As upsetting as that might be

What's upsetting is getting grief for being polite. When the number of weekly threads by men complaining that women are rude far outnumbers this kind of thread. "

Maybe because men make up the majority of the users on the site and the forum, and men are doing the majority of the messaging, so they take the majority of the rejection

As for grief for being police, I can only say that’s awful and I’m sorry it happens to anyone. And as other have said, it’s not just men, I’ve had nasty replies from women, couples and men. It’s not right, but sadly it’s something that happens

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Polite**

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ellinever70Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Why should we change our behaviour because men won't change theirs?

I don't want to assume the worst of every man I say no to and block him when he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

I don't want to block all men - because I don't want to "hunt" them.

I want to politely reply "no thank you" and for men not to be dicks about it.

Note: A small minority of men. Who are most likely not in the forum because generally speaking forum men are not dicks.

I'm only gonna address your first point...because it's actually the only thing we can control. And it's empowering

Might be for you. I don't find it empowering. "

I'd say it's the very definition of empowerment. But I don't think you'll agree

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Why should we change our behaviour because men won't change theirs?

I don't want to assume the worst of every man I say no to and block him when he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

I don't want to block all men - because I don't want to "hunt" them.

I want to politely reply "no thank you" and for men not to be dicks about it.

Note: A small minority of men. Who are most likely not in the forum because generally speaking forum men are not dicks.

I'm only gonna address your first point...because it's actually the only thing we can control. And it's empowering

Might be for you. I don't find it empowering.

I'd say it's the very definition of empowerment. But I don't think you'll agree "

It is empowering, as you get to see that others behaviour is just that others behaviour. What we have Control over is how we respond or react to others behaviour.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

The whole men are animals thing is so tiring. They choose to behave in this way, it is not something that is innate in all men, there is not some primal drive that forces men to not accept being told no.

Anyone putting forward the idea that this is the case is an apologist for bad behaviour.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

Anyone putting forward the idea that this is the case is an apologist for bad behaviour."

That’s just a fundamental misunderstanding of the point though

Bad behaviour isn’t acceptable, obviously

But you can’t control other peoples behaviour, only your own. That means either accepting your gonna get shitty messages sometimes or taking measures the reduce them by either blocking people or using messaging filters

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

Anyone putting forward the idea that this is the case is an apologist for bad behaviour.

That’s just a fundamental misunderstanding of the point though

Bad behaviour isn’t acceptable, obviously

You don't see how putting the onus on the people who are victims of bad behaviour to be the people who mitigate against it is problematic?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort "

I'd agree with this. I've spoken to a few forum friends before who stated they don't like rejection with one mentioning being terrified of it.

It's much easier taking a passive approach and filtering through all the garbage they're inundated with rather than being proactive and risking disappointment.

I'll add that despite a lot of the attention being negative the constant solicitation / adulation (even if fake) makes for an ego boost. All that disappears with very tight filters.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We employ a very simple methodology. If we get a message we like, we send a fairly comprehensive reply. If we get a return message asking or suggesting anything that we are likely to say "no" to, we don't bother replying, we just block and delete. We don't owe anyone an explanation or reason and we have other stuff to do, plus many other messages to respond to.

Bess x

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"So did you forget to block or do you just keep them unblocked for attention..

something us men dare not say.

Someone messages, she says no, they give her grief. How does the block button help AFTER the bad behaviour? It stops that person from messaging further. It doesn't stop the next.

But some have to find a way to avoid putting any blame on the person who was unpleasant.

Why come to the forum to complain when you can just block, or filter, no excuse for this thread that I can see.

Except as another female poster thought is it just about ego?"

Not complaining at all and certainly not done for an ego boost....I was making an observation

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

Anyone putting forward the idea that this is the case is an apologist for bad behaviour.

That’s just a fundamental misunderstanding of the point though

Bad behaviour isn’t acceptable, obviously

You don't see how putting the onus on the people who are victims of bad behaviour to be the people who mitigate against it is problematic?"

No, it’s realistic.

We can’t control other peoples behaviour.

It sucks I gotta lock my door at night too. But I can’t control other people behaviours

I know the ultimate answer is to live in s society where we don’t get nasty messages and I can leave my front door unlocked, but since we don’t then we have to take steps to protect ourselves, or accept the risk of not doing so

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

I'd agree with this. I've spoken to a few forum friends before who stated they don't like rejection with one mentioning being terrified of it.

It's much easier taking a passive approach and filtering through all the garbage they're inundated with rather than being proactive and risking disappointment.

I'll add that despite a lot of the attention being negative the constant solicitation / adulation (even if fake) makes for an ego boost. All that disappears with very tight filters."

A very uncomfortable truth many don’t want to admitt

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By *amesBeelzebubMan over a year ago

norwich

"I do hate this. I find it so hard to tell someone that I'm not interested, it makes me feel so guilty. Instead, I mark as unread and hope they just think they got lost in the messages, as that does tend to happen a lot. But if they keep messaging, I do reply with a kind message or just simply block. Which again, still makes me feel bad. But it bothers me so much, when I've messaged someone to let them know that I'm not interested, if they then keep messaging. I already feel bad enough, don't make it worse! So then it's a simple block.

It's the worst thing about fab, the guilt I feel for maybe making someone feel rejected, as I suffer big time with rejection sensitivity, so I'm very aware how I could make others feel. "

You are stunning. If I ever messaged you and you rejected me I wouldn't become abusive or persistent I'd accept it and be grateful you at least replied.

Don't feel bad for saying no. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

Anyone putting forward the idea that this is the case is an apologist for bad behaviour.

That’s just a fundamental misunderstanding of the point though

Bad behaviour isn’t acceptable, obviously

You don't see how putting the onus on the people who are victims of bad behaviour to be the people who mitigate against it is problematic?

No, it’s realistic.

We can’t control other peoples behaviour.

It sucks I gotta lock my door at night too. But I can’t control other people behaviours

…I would have thought it was common sense …I got called a frigid cunt for turning someone down so we blocked and problem solved no hassle and no dramas ..

I very much doubt these idiots speak to women in real life their more likely to be sat behind a keyboard wanking over pictures..

We attend a lot of group socials and clubs and we have never had any issues with men …

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

Anyone putting forward the idea that this is the case is an apologist for bad behaviour.

That’s just a fundamental misunderstanding of the point though

Bad behaviour isn’t acceptable, obviously

You don't see how putting the onus on the people who are victims of bad behaviour to be the people who mitigate against it is problematic?

No, it’s realistic.

We can’t control other peoples behaviour.

It sucks I gotta lock my door at night too. But I can’t control other people behaviours

The longer bad behaviour is accepted then the longer it will continue. For men it is largely annoying, for women it is potentially a whole lot more serious.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The longer bad behaviour is accepted then the longer it will continue. For men it is largely annoying, for women it is potentially a whole lot more serious."
facts

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks to all who got the point x

I got the point. Repetitive behaviour like this becomes exhausting to deal with.

I also know this can be virtually dealt with using sufficiently tight messaging filters.

Women who block all men from messaging and "hunt" for what they like rarely experience this.

That would put them at risk of facing rejection. Not something many women want to face

If the choice is between receiving nasty messages or having to do the messaging themselves, very few are gonna pick the one that takes actual effort

There's a third option. See if you can guess what it is.

There’s only a 3rd option if you can control what other people do

Most people learn at quite a young age that you can’t control others actions, only your own

It would just so nice if you acknowledged it just once. Instead of the "men are animals" analogy.

Anyone putting forward the idea that this is the case is an apologist for bad behaviour.

That’s just a fundamental misunderstanding of the point though

Bad behaviour isn’t acceptable, obviously

You don't see how putting the onus on the people who are victims of bad behaviour to be the people who mitigate against it is problematic?

No, it’s realistic.

We can’t control other peoples behaviour.

It sucks I gotta lock my door at night too. But I can’t control other people behaviours

…I would have thought it was common sense …I got called a frigid cunt for turning someone down so we blocked and problem solved no hassle and no dramas ..

I very much doubt these idiots speak to women in real life their more likely to be sat behind a keyboard wanking over pictures..

We attend a lot of group socials and clubs and we have never had any issues with men …"

Keyboard warriors. Loud behind their phone, quiet as a mouse in person

I’ve taken so many rejections I can’t count, but I never saw the point in wasting energy being nasty after, even if I was annoyed/upset, it’s my issue to deal with