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Counting to ten..,
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My ex and I split in June last year. He'd never really shown any interest in our son, no night feeds, no nappy changes, never took him anywhere on his own. Things were ok for a while and he'd come and see his son when he had time off work. Then in August he started seeing someone, all of a sudden he wanted to be Superdad. Even though I was pissed off it was obvious he was doing it to act up in front of her I kept quiet coz I was just glad he would finally build a relationship with his son.
Gradually he started getting funny with me, being really nasty and having a go when I asked what I should dress him in so he'd be appropriate I.e joggers for park, jeans for shopping etc. then one day he went nuts at me in front of our son, calling me a cunt and throwing things around, my boy was sat on my knee shaking, then he put our boy in her car and chased me down the street and threatened me, (he has always had anger problems and I made it clear when he started taking him out that the slightest hint of his temper and he wouldn't be taking him anywhere without me) so I told him that was it, no more access without me present till he deals with his anger problems.
After a few weeks of him begging to take him and me sticking to my guns he went to the doctor and got some help with his anger. We came to an agreement that he would have him for one afternoon every 6 days (that's his shift pattern) in November, then 2 afternoons in December, then move on to a full day in January, well it's now February and he still hasn't had him for 2 afternoons let alone a whole day.
As well as this back at Easter last year he fell out with his parents, for the 6 months they didn't speak they didn't ring or ask after their grand son once. They've never come to my house to visit. I've always walked the 45 mins to them even though they drive. Now in September they made up. Simon takes out boy to their house on his access days. He comes back stinking of dog and chip fat and fag smoke. But I've said nothing coz it'll just cause a row, he also doesn't eat his dinner when he's been there coz he eats sweets and chocolate all afternoon.
In the 4 years we were together my ex has told me about what goes on in there house, fights, police being called, swearing and arguments. He's also told me that they've started while he's been visiting with our boy and he's had to tell them to stop.
Well now today he's informed me that they want to collect him when my ex is working and spend time with him on their own. I am now freaking out! There's no way he's going there without Simon or I present and seeing as they've made their feeling to me perfectly clear I'm not going anywhere with them!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand you wanting to keep the peace, but grandparents have no access rights do they? And you owe them no favours do you?
Just say only when he's with Simon.
It hardly sounds like a great environment for your boy, keep him well away if you can.
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"I understand you wanting to keep the peace, but grandparents have no access rights do they? And you owe them no favours do you?
Just say only when he's with Simon.
It hardly sounds like a great environment for your boy, keep him well away if you can.
"
Thank you Jodie! They really are the most hideous people. Spend money on phone credit then no baby wipes in the house. Selfish awful people. He didn't even get a drink last time he was there coz they ran out of juice! Bet they still had fags and alcohol tho x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Omg that sounds awful hun, big hugs and yes stand your ground, you are doing what is best for your child and protecting him.
xxx
I'm literally in tears here at the thought if it x "
Big hugs oh and a tissue, don't want your soggy tears messing up my shirt  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Omg that sounds awful hun, big hugs and yes stand your ground, you are doing what is best for your child and protecting him.
xxx
I'm literally in tears here at the thought if it x "
I have pm'ed you hun, try and have a nice cuppa and relax, you are his mother and what you say goes! xx |
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"Omg that sounds awful hun, big hugs and yes stand your ground, you are doing what is best for your child and protecting him.
xxx
I'm literally in tears here at the thought if it x "
He's your son, not theirs. What you say goes, you have parental responsibility. Be assertive and confident and strong and don't allow your son to be at his grandparents without his father. From what you have described, I would have concerns over his well-being although this is based purely on what you jaw said on here. You must have concerns otherwise you would not have said anything on here. Go with your gut feeling and don't allow it. |
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As a parent, and the parent with custody, you have an *absolute* duty to the welfare of your child.
If jack and jill and the grandparents, and tony and jane are two people in the next street who are identical in lifestyle, behaviour, environment, temperament etc..
Then two questions;
1/ Would you allow the child to stay with tony and jane?
2/ why does some biological link that jack and jill have with the child negate the answer to Q1 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had all this with my ex. I have a daughter who is severely disabled and he thought that one weekend a month was enough. With his family i was treated like i was the bad person and it was him that was having the affair with his step-sister. The mother welcomed them into her house as couple (sick) and when i questioned the fact that he should have the children more, i was told by the mother that her precious son has to work. So i took him to court and got 2 weekends a month, a week in the Easter hols and 2 weeks in the summer hols. GO ME !! My 15yr old daughter still calls her auntie. And they also come back hyper and smelly of smoke.
I really do feel for you so take a big deep breath and say what you want and how you feel the children will benefit in the end !!   |
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"As a parent, and the parent with custody, you have an *absolute* duty to the welfare of your child.
If jack and jill and the grandparents, and tony and jane are two people in the next street who are identical in lifestyle, behaviour, environment, temperament etc..
Then two questions;
1/ Would you allow the child to stay with tony and jane?
2/ why does some biological link that jack and jill have with the child negate the answer to Q1"
Well put!! Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh dear. Really feeling for you.
All we can suggest is that you do the very best that you can for your boy. You are the only one who knows what's best for him.
Do not send him to the grandparents if you don't want to. It's your choice.
Sending big hugs & love xx |
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