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what would others do
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My ex has just cancelled his access visit to his kids for weekend 16/17 of feb ....so tempted to book train tickets for 15 and turn up with kids on the 16th saying since u cant afford to come n see your kids ...ive brought them to you !!!!! |
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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago
oldbury |
Its tempting but you then run the risk of him not being there or if he is genuinely broke they may go hungry and not get proper care. I would keep note of the fact he cancelled and if it becomes a regular thing revoke his access and provide evidence why. Its his loss missing out on his kids. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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i know hes given enough notice but the next access visit is easter ...n i see it if you can afford to smoke and run a car ...you can afford to pay and visit yr kids !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The issue is between you and your children's father - not your children, you AND their father.
Make a note of what has happened, pass it to your solicitor or who ever is supervising access visits so they are fully aware, but don't use the children to force the issue.
It'll only backfire on you... |
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"i know hes given enough notice but the next access visit is easter ...n i see it if you can afford to smoke and run a car ...you can afford to pay and visit yr kids !!!"
Well therefore its his loss and your gain to spend more time with your lovely children. I understand we are all entitled to a bit of time alone but what is more important to you? You could have a ex that hasn't bothered with his Child for numerous years like me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The children are more important to me .....just gets fed up of them been let down by his excuse of cant afford it ...he sees them once every 6/8weeks whereas at one stage it was once a fortnight ... |
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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago
oldbury |
"The children are more important to me .....just gets fed up of them been let down by his excuse of cant afford it ...he sees them once every 6/8weeks whereas at one stage it was once a fortnight ..."
if he's constantly doing this then speak to someone in authority and cancel his access. Your kids don't need to be let down by him
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd you can afford to take the kids to him and he can't afford to pick them up then what the problem with you taking them to him? It's about the kids not what ever's going on between the two of you. They deserve to see both parents surely x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I work with children in care and contact with parents is a huge huge cause of upset with them. I don't think that a lot of adults realise the impact it causes to children when they cancel contact. Sometimes I wish they would just say they don't want to see their child, children are so resiliant they get use to not seeing but can't get use to the constant upset of yes I'm seeing them no I'm not.
Hope that makes sense. |
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"The children are more important to me .....just gets fed up of them been let down by his excuse of cant afford it ...he sees them once every 6/8weeks whereas at one stage it was once a fortnight ...if he's constantly doing this then speak to someone in authority and cancel his access. Your kids don't need to be let down by him"
I really do feel your pain. My daughter is almost 16. Her father has never been refused access but prefared drag me through the solicitors 4 times(and court once) for contact and each time it has been him who has stopped the contact and let her down. He also only lives literally a 5 minute walk away from our house.
Is there a possibility you'se could discuss this and maybe meet half way at all? I totally agree with visiting your solicitor to speak to them about resolving this matter. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When hes on his own ...he cant do enough and visit his kids ....but minute he with a new g/f he changes ....askred for family medatition but he point blanks refuses saying he wont sit in a room with me ........makes me laugh as he was one who cheated and walked away .....n im not bitter i only want him to be consistent with access |
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"When hes on his own ...he cant do enough and visit his kids ....but minute he with a new g/f he changes ....askred for family medatition but he point blanks refuses saying he wont sit in a room with me ........makes me laugh as he was one who cheated and walked away .....n im not bitter i only want him to be consistent with access"
He doesn't need to sit in the same room. I'm sure this is what I had to go through. We went to a place, daddy turned up too. They sat with me and my daughter then sat with him and our daughter. Or am I thinking of something else? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When hes on his own ...he cant do enough and visit his kids ....but minute he with a new g/f he changes ....askred for family medatition but he point blanks refuses saying he wont sit in a room with me ........makes me laugh as he was one who cheated and walked away .....n im not bitter i only want him to be consistent with access
He doesn't need to sit in the same room. I'm sure this is what I had to go through. We went to a place, daddy turned up too. They sat with me and my daughter then sat with him and our daughter. Or am I thinking of something else?"
No that is what CAFCASS do.
OP I'd recommend contacting them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just phoned him offering to take kids to him and was told not to bothered has he made plans for that weekend already ......so soliticors nappointment now booked !!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The children are more important to me .....just gets fed up of them been let down by his excuse of cant afford it ...he sees them once every 6/8weeks whereas at one stage it was once a fortnight ..."
When tey get older they will remember all of this, and also how good you were to them as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex has just cancelled his access visit to his kids for weekend 16/17 of feb ....so tempted to book train tickets for 15 and turn up with kids on the 16th saying since u cant afford to come n see your kids ...ive brought them to you !!!!!"
Why waste the money on him. Spend it on a day out with your kids. Enjoy yourselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex has just cancelled his access visit to his kids for weekend 16/17 of feb ....so tempted to book train tickets for 15 and turn up with kids on the 16th saying since u cant afford to come n see your kids ...ive brought them to you !!!!!
Why waste the money on him. Spend it on a day out with your kids. Enjoy yourselves."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Starting to plans something special now for everytime he due to have them just in case he changes his mind ...know im going to sound biased but they are great kids so it going to be his loss ....i just thought they deserve more than 11 days contact with their dad in a 6 month period ..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i know hes given enough notice but the next access visit is easter ...n i see it if you can afford to smoke and run a car ...you can afford to pay and visit yr kids !!!
Well therefore its his loss and your gain to spend more time with your lovely children. I understand we are all entitled to a bit of time alone but what is more important to you? You could have a ex that hasn't bothered with his Child for numerous years like me."
Exactly my first thought and what I've felt with my child in similar situation. His loss for sure. Enjoy your extra time with the kids. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As much as it hurts you, you can't force a father to be a daddy to his children!
Keep your calm and do nothing, it reaps it's own rewards in the end when the children grow up and realise for themselves.
Big hugs ((((())))) x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Starting to plans something special now for everytime he due to have them just in case he changes his mind ...know im going to sound biased but they are great kids so it going to be his loss ....i just thought they deserve more than 11 days contact with their dad in a 6 month period ....."
Of course they do sweetheart but if he can't be bothered it's up to you to fill his place. |
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No that is what CAFCASS do.
OP I'd recommend contacting them."
CAFCASS are as much use as chocolate teapots. As a father my experience of them is that they lie, fall down at the feet of the judges and are spine donors. Family law in the UK is a farce. It boils my piss. The victims of this are not mum and dad ( big enough to know better) but the kids. Some parents need slapping.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just had one of the most weirdest and unexpected calls ....his best mate of years has phoned and told me he disgusted with him cus he went there bragging last night that he only cancelled the weekend cus he knew i had plans for my birthday .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd ask him if he would like you to bring them to him. "
Unfortunately after separation many fathers start to lose contact after 2-3 years. I think it is worth making the effort to try and keep a relationship between them and him and until they are old enough to decide what they want for themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would speak to your children and see what they want,if they really want to go and see him and would be very let down and upset at not seeing him,then i would speak to him and see about you taking them.
If they arnt that fussed then don't do anything and keep a log of all his let downs and have a proper contact order put in place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He's not on here to give his version of events and I am yet to see a case like this that the 'blame' for disharmony is totally down to one person.
You seem to suggest he's a great father when he's single and only a bad father when he has a new girl friend. If you've decided he doesn't want to have the kids around the same weekend when the new girlfriend is over, why would you want to splash £100 to drop them off and put them into that situation?
I can't help but think that a fair amount of this is about you and him instead of the kids and him. |
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I don't see the issue here. If I was you I'd make light of it and definitely don't make a fuss about it in front of the kids. Ok its a pain he has cancelled and the kids may well be very disappointed but its his loss. You have to be there to offer support for the kids, try to make the weekend he should have had them easy for them. Seems to me he does not care that much so you need to expect him to do this. Next time its his weekend don't build it up for the kids so if he cries off again it wont be a huge disappointment. Just don't play his game, good luck. |
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"He's not on here to give his version of events and I am yet to see a case like this that the 'blame' for disharmony is totally down to one person.
You seem to suggest he's a great father when he's single and only a bad father when he has a new girl friend. If you've decided he doesn't want to have the kids around the same weekend when the new girlfriend is over, why would you want to splash £100 to drop them off and put them into that situation?
I can't help but think that a fair amount of this is about you and him instead of the kids and him. "
I have never, ever, ever seen a case where it wasn't about "her and him"
I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of separated parents I know where it is NOT about her and him, these cases are remarkably different because;
1/ you never ever ever hear one parent talking negatively in any way about the other parent when the kids are present.
2/ the kids know that mummy and daddy no longer love each other, but they love the kids unconditionally
3/ the parents both work at being friends and supporting the other one in their role as a parent
Sadly, just like a marriage / relationshit, it takes two to make these things work, and 10+ years of sustained effort on both parts, and that is some *hard* shit to do.
When parents can't face that challenge it is a lot easier for them to shift the blame off themselves and onto the other, and you get what the OP is talking about, the kids being used as weapons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Starting to plans something special now for everytime he due to have them just in case he changes his mind ...know im going to sound biased but they are great kids so it going to be his loss ....i just thought they deserve more than 11 days contact with their dad in a 6 month period .....
Of course they do sweetheart but if he can't be bothered it's up to you to fill his place. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It cost the best part of £100 for me to get kids down to him .....5 /6 hrs on a train xx "
Why not transfer £50 to his account so he has got the money to fill up the car, and you'll have saved yourself £50, plus the travel time, and the potential he'll just tell you to fuck off when you get there, and he'll have his kids and you can stop bloody moaning.
Simple solutions are always there if you look for them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The kids are 10 and 11 yr ...he told the 11 yr old he was cancelling not me ..got a problem with him ...not at all ..actually happier now we apart ....n i did offer to pay his petrol up here to be told they got plans ....hes.living with new partner n i dont have a problem them staying at hers ..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The kids are 10 and 11 yr ...he told the 11 yr old he was cancelling not me ..got a problem with him ...not at all ..actually happier now we apart ....n i did offer to pay his petrol up here to be told they got plans ....hes.living with new partner n i dont have a problem them staying at hers ....."
If you'd said that in your opening post it would have saved a lot of confusion, and typing.
So it isn't a case that he can't afford it, it's more that he wants to go out with his new bird. You are the parent with care and you will always be subject to his whim if you want your kids to see their daddy. Eventually, he'll let them down once too often and they won't want to see him anymore but in the meantime you have to deal with the fall out every time he lets them down. There isn't a lot you can do unfortunately as you can't force him to have them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughters dad is the same and when he does have her its his mom paying to feed her and take her out it really annoys me I don't let others pay for her when she's in my care it pisses me off that he doesn't seem to care I tell him its bang out of order he doesn't change but now my daughter is realising herself he doesn't even have a house he's thirty keeps moving around its so unfair he should be settled somewhere but my daughter sees it now and your kids will see it too its his loss  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It cost the best part of £100 for me to get kids down to him .....5 /6 hrs on a train xx
Why not transfer £50 to his account so he has got the money to fill up the car, and you'll have saved yourself £50, plus the travel time, and the potential he'll just tell you to fuck off when you get there, and he'll have his kids and you
can stop bloody moaning.
Simple solutions are always there if you look for them."
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How old are these kids in question and how does he contact you and cancel etc?