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The Alien Invasion Has Begun!
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…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!
According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.
The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.
One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’
If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities!   |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!
According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.
The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.
One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’
If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "
of course if they live through it  |
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"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!
According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.
The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.
One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’
If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "
Are you prince phillip? |
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"If I hear "we are the Borg" I know we are all fucked 
I will take one for the team and sacrifice myself to Seven of Nine. It’s the least I can do for you all.
#selfless "
off you go I'll wait for her to be liberated from the collective |
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"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!
According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.
The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.
One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’
If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "
I thought this was Essex tom thread |
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More on this exclusive story!
Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.
Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.
Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.
I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’
I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!  |
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"More on this exclusive story!
Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.
Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.
Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.
I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’
I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies! "
Gentlemen? Seems the patriarchy exists on all planets 
*Scarpers* |
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"More on this exclusive story!
Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.
Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.
Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.
I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’
I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!
Gentlemen? Seems the patriarchy exists on all planets
*Scarpers*"
 |
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"I must be the only one with my fingers crossed."
I’m wondering if this might all be a case of Ergotism (Ergot poisoning) or perhaps some other form of communal, hysteria inducing pollutant.
…..or possibly, it might be true and this is but an alien test invasion, with the full scale attack upon us all to imminently follow… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I must be the only one with my fingers crossed.
I’m wondering if this might all be a case of Ergotism (Ergot poisoning) or perhaps some other form of communal, hysteria inducing pollutant.
…..or possibly, it might be true and this is but an alien test invasion, with the full scale attack upon us all to imminently follow… "
Chances are the former, but there's always hope. |
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"I must be the only one with my fingers crossed.
I’m wondering if this might all be a case of Ergotism (Ergot poisoning) or perhaps some other form of communal, hysteria inducing pollutant.
…..or possibly, it might be true and this is but an alien test invasion, with the full scale attack upon us all to imminently follow… "
We should phone the experts. Anyone got Will Smith's number? I think we should also phone Jeff Goldblum |
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"More on this exclusive story!
Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.
Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.
Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.
I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’
I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies! "
Is the Sunday Sport still going ?? |
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"More on this exclusive story!
Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.
Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.
Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.
I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’
I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!
Is the Sunday Sport still going ?? "
If it was, I’d wager that the headline would doubtless read: ‘Aliens Attack Peruvian Village And Devour Hamsters.’ |
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"Have we been told what gender to address them by to avoid causing them any distress"
Reports seem to indicate that they are all male in appearance (although hidden beneath masks).
One local reported the following: ‘I have found him face to face, he hides his face. I've seen the whole body floating. He moves his arms, everything is normal.’
Eh?! Everything is normal’?!!  |
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Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings 
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities 
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right? |
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"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right? "
*Surprised face*
Not |
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"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?
*Surprised face*
Not"
I was so sure this was the big one to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right? "
Such a let down.
An alien invasion was just what the doctor ordered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?
Such a let down.
An alien invasion was just what the doctor ordered."
To come rescue us x |
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Of course, there remains the very valid question of how exactly the miscreants managed to pull off the ‘hovering’ illusion.
Officially, there has been mention of ‘Jet packs’ (in what aisle in Asda does one procure one of these though?)
I myself am now actually convinced however, that the evil hand of famous stage magician and ostensibly now, criminal mastermind, David Copperfield is at work behind all this….
|
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"More on this exclusive story!
Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.
Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.
Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.
I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’
I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!
Is the Sunday Sport still going ??
If it was, I’d wager that the headline would doubtless read: ‘Aliens Attack Peruvian Village And Devour Hamsters.’ "
Freddie Starrman ate my hamster!! |
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"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right? "
It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!
Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too…… |
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"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?
It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!
Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too…… "
‘….Shocked onlookers subsequently reported a small puppy having to be restrained by police officers using stun guns after he apparently became highly belligerent and was heard shouting, ‘Let me at ‘em!!!’ |
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"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?
It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!
Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too……
‘….Shocked onlookers subsequently reported a small puppy having to be restrained by police officers using stun guns after he apparently became highly belligerent and was heard shouting, ‘Let me at ‘em!!!’ "
…. In other news local sandwich shop reports record profits… |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings
It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities
…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?
It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!
Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too……
‘….Shocked onlookers subsequently reported a small puppy having to be restrained by police officers using stun guns after he apparently became highly belligerent and was heard shouting, ‘Let me at ‘em!!!’ "
Have you been taking example from Orson Welles and his "War of the Worlds" broadcast? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!
According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.
The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.
One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’
If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "
Ikitu not, this sounds serious…. |
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"Of course, there remains the very valid question of how exactly the miscreants managed to pull off the ‘hovering’ illusion.
"
Projections / reflections onto glass or smoke have been in use since Victorian times.
I won’t believe it until I’ve had a friendly chat with them. |
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