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Your worst Lonely Hearts ad
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Once upon a time, there was a single lady who wasn't looking to date. She was content to enjoy the simple things in life, like spending time with friends and family, travelling, reading, doing puzzles, and exploring the world around her. She was happy with her life as it was and never felt the need to settle down with someone. She was content to live life on her own terms and was never afraid to take risks or try something new. Her independence and self-confidence gave her the courage to explore the world and make her own destiny. In the end, she was proud of her choices and knew that she was living the life she wanted.
She didn’t arf miss a good cocking though!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im Selina, 38, GSOH love bums. I hold the world record for fisting the most asses in one family. I enjoy long walks, reading and trifle. Send a photo of your chocolate starfish if you want a reply. |
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Grumpy old fat Welsh dragon, with an obsession for craft beer and strap-ons.
Seeks someone to be there when she wants them, and to fuck off when she doesn't. Must be able to work around her odd shift pattern.
Must be able to accommodate and accept that I will turn up d*unk and bearing gifts of kebab at random times.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unlucky Male six times married and six times widowed looking for that special lucky number seven lady , someone who is hopefully solvent and owns a large house to keep me in the style I deserve x |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"Grumpy old fat Welsh dragon, with an obsession for craft beer and strap-ons.
Seeks someone to be there when she wants them, and to fuck off when she doesn't. Must be able to work around her odd shift pattern.
Must be able to accommodate and accept that I will turn up d*unk and bearing gifts of kebab at random times.
"
You had me at kebab! 
C |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
Rural-living loner seeks outdoor-loving woman to visit him once in a while. Must enjoy cooking, cleaning and chopping firewood. Due to remote location, 4x4 car is essential.
Please send photo of car. |
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Shy Virgo male - likes country walks, quiet nights in and occasional nights out to the theatre, ballet & fine dining… seeks homely soulmate to spend quality time together - must be interested in world affairs and happy to exchange ideas and views on them. Happy to accept cum gargling cock whore with big tits that likes anal however!!   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wanted: well endowed man age 40-45. Must have own teeth and good feet. Cock pictures required. To be sent via my mother who vets them for me."
I think I've had too much wine as I read "good teeth and own feet" and nodded sagely. |
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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago
Here or There abouts |
Knocking on 40, own hair bucktoothed disney fan seeks prince charming, a gentleman in the streets a beast beneath the streets for long walks on the beach and using my fuckholes all good an proper like. I will forget your name, for turn upto your workplace baring pork pies and confessing my undying love for you, oh and I expect to give your anus a damn good bumming
any takers? lol  |
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"Knocking on 40, own hair bucktoothed disney fan seeks prince charming, a gentleman in the streets a beast beneath the streets for long walks on the beach and using my fuckholes all good an proper like. I will forget your name, for turn upto your workplace baring pork pies and confessing my undying love for you, oh and I expect to give your anus a damn good bumming
any takers? lol "
Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!!  |
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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago
Here or There abouts |
"Knocking on 40, own hair bucktoothed disney fan seeks prince charming, a gentleman in the streets a beast beneath the streets for long walks on the beach and using my fuckholes all good an proper like. I will forget your name, for turn upto your workplace baring pork pies and confessing my undying love for you, oh and I expect to give your anus a damn good bumming
any takers? lol
Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!! "
 tinder or grinder?  are you the tinder swindler? |
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"Knocking on 40, own hair bucktoothed disney fan seeks prince charming, a gentleman in the streets a beast beneath the streets for long walks on the beach and using my fuckholes all good an proper like. I will forget your name, for turn upto your workplace baring pork pies and confessing my undying love for you, oh and I expect to give your anus a damn good bumming
any takers? lol
Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!!
tinder or grinder? are you the tinder swindler? "
you’ve swapped all the genders too…. |
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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago
Here or There abouts |
"Knocking on 40, own hair bucktoothed disney fan seeks prince charming, a gentleman in the streets a beast beneath the streets for long walks on the beach and using my fuckholes all good an proper like. I will forget your name, for turn upto your workplace baring pork pies and confessing my undying love for you, oh and I expect to give your anus a damn good bumming
any takers? lol
Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!!
tinder or grinder? are you the tinder swindler? you’ve swapped all the genders too…. "
Have I? thanks for telling me I wasn't aware |
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"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me "
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
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"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
"
In in!! Quite adamant(ium) about that |
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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago
Here or There abouts |
"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
"
lol Hmm is your name Freddy? |
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"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
lol Hmm is your name Freddy? "
No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine
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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago
Here or There abouts |
"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
lol Hmm is your name Freddy?
No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine
"
Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol |
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"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
lol Hmm is your name Freddy?
No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine
Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol "
You've seen Hugh Jackman thought so have got a date |
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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago
Here or There abouts |
"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
lol Hmm is your name Freddy?
No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine
Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol
You've seen Hugh Jackman thought so have got a date"
Yup, Your in |
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"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
lol Hmm is your name Freddy?
No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine
Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol
You've seen Hugh Jackman thought so have got a date
Yup, Your in "
Thought I might be don't tell the wife or the press I'm on here |
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My mummy said it’s time to move out……I’m looking for big boobies (hehe) attached to a woman (hehe). I’m a good catch and would love to lose my virginity with the right woman (hehe) and my mummy has showed me how it works buy using some toys (hehe). I’m 50 this year and I’m looking for women between 18-20… |
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Sassy ass unicorn looking for a dom and sensual man with a big todger that fucks like Dirk Diggler! Please don't be boring and have good bants. You must have humour and be able to handle sass and jokes! It's not a dick don't take it so hard. A handyman too must be good with your tools! Please don't be a bellend. Thanks |
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I've been living with my girlfriend for the past 5 years, she died a year ago and it's starting to smell quite a bit in the house now.
Must be good with cleaning, keeping secrets and very discreet |
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"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers
Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.
Just call Norman at the bates motel .
I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me
Then try this .
Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female
In in!! Quite adamant(ium) about that "
How did I miss your reply . gooday shelia |
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Stallion 57 seeks skilled rider - to tongue punch my fartpipe - preferably a bit thick with big tits and likes cooking and cleaning, ironing, shopping…. Must have car, big house and savings…and nice looking mates and/or relations! |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Single 40 something guy, living in a van, seeks company to keep him warm on a cold winters night because there's no heating. Preferably someone who owns their own washing machine to clean his wank sock weekly and who won't mind him popping round for a shit when he's had a dodgy kebab three days in a row because the camping stove ran out of gas. Knowledge of engine mechanics an advantage otherwise you'll have a wreck parked on your driveway for months.
A |
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Its been 20 ago today st pepper taught his band to play its been going in out of style but I thought it might make you smile .so let me introduce to you the one and only
Billy spears ageing rocker seek
Chair and a Lady to look after him . |
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"Weird gothy hag seeks occasional fuckmeat to spend most of her time ignoring. No weirdos. No normies.
I was good till the no weirdos  "
Yes wonko that seamed to be a match made in heaven but never mind plenty more fish I'm the sea |
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Did I mentioned beards? 